Do You Have What It Takes?

[marigold]

[quote name='brandelynmarie' timestamp='1320322816' post='2330738']
I have spent a number of years working in nursing homes & now I work in a hospital. So often I think about the many different personalities that I deal with, not just my patients & their loved ones, but also with my co-workers (housekeepers, doctors, nurses, lab people, ward clerks). So many different ways to see the same thing! So many different ways to do something! And how I have learned the art of negotiation...I have learned to pick & chose my battles (& trust me, there is alot that is simply not worth losing sleep over! ) And so often I think, monastery living must be awfully similar to all of this.
[/quote]

Yes, I think so

[marigold]

Deus, I sympathise - I have [i]exactly[/i] the same anxieties about entering my monastery. I am an incurable 'what if-er'

Everybody else's advice is really good! As for me I don't know if I have what it takes. I'd like to think so, but I also know what living with me is like and just how lazy, impatient and lukewarm I can be. Right now, whenever that little demon of 'what if' comes whispering in my ear, I try to remember that the two people I trust spiritually most in the world, my confessor and my future abbess, think it's worth letting me have a go. This gives me hope because my confessor knows precisely what's wrong with me, and my abbess is seasoned with 40+ years of seeing women come and go, and not given to sentimentality, but still thinks I should test the life. So, what I do is read all the wonderful encouragement on places like this and keep my fingers crossed. I'll be praying for you - please pray for me!

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1320324037' post='2330744']


Good point brandelynmarie - 'SIMILAR' is the key word though - not the same. I have worked as a nurse, teacher, foster parent, department chair, horse trainer etc etc etc.... and I agree with what you say about learning when to fight the battles and when to let them go .... BUT ..... and here is the key, in the world you can go home...

you don't LIVE with the ones who are hostile (haters gonna hate seems to be a favourite quote from Isaiah around here) or the ones who simply are hard to get along with.

I have two very hostile workers with me at the elderly hostel where I work now. It is hard, but I can always go home at the end of a shift. I can post on here about how tough it is. I can have a glass of wine or a cup of tea to soothe my ruffled feelings. I can talk to my boss or my priest or my friends and they can tell me I'm right and make me feel better. The point is that I can do something.

In the monastery, one does not go running to the superior or NM to complain about how they are being treated, and even if they do finally break down and ask for help, sometimes they are told that St Therese was able to cope with unpleasant people and it made her a saint, or that God is using the other person to 'smooth out the rough edges' or that we must 'put love where there is no love'... but there is no escape. No TV. No cell phones to call friends or family. No hot drink or cold drink or glass of wine whenever needed.... no comfort food, no sleeping to recover or long hot showers....

I am not complaining here - believe me I have lived through it all. I am merely stating fact. There IS a difference between coping in the world with difficult people and coping in a monastery with difficult people and or situations. And what if the difficult person is the superior? In the world you can quit your job but are you going to leave the monastery because of the superior? The thing is that one has to look at things supernaturally in the convent, not from the human perspective, one must see God's hand in all things and one must strive to be better than one probably is naturally. So it is harder. All the negotiation skills in the world don't substitute for trust in God's strength and not our own. In fact, being proud of one's skills and abilities is a SURE way to get tested because we are not in charge once we hand over the reins of our life to God. Write that blank cheque (check) and don't be surprised if God fills in an amount that you couldn't possibly imagine!!!!!!!!!

I'm just saying - you can't compare apples and oranges, skills at living in the world with the surrender needed to live in a monastery. Only living it can really make it clear.
[/quote]


Well said.

[bernadette d]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1320324037' post='2330744']


Good point brandelynmarie - 'SIMILAR' is the key word though - not the same. I have worked as a nurse, teacher, foster parent, department chair, horse trainer etc etc etc.... and I agree with what you say about learning when to fight the battles and when to let them go .... BUT ..... and here is the key, in the world you can go home...

you don't LIVE with the ones who are hostile (haters gonna hate seems to be a favourite quote from Isaiah around here) or the ones who simply are hard to get along with.

I have two very hostile workers with me at the elderly hostel where I work now. It is hard, but I can always go home at the end of a shift. I can post on here about how tough it is. I can have a glass of wine or a cup of tea to soothe my ruffled feelings. I can talk to my boss or my priest or my friends and they can tell me I'm right and make me feel better. The point is that I can do something.

In the monastery, one does not go running to the superior or NM to complain about how they are being treated, and even if they do finally break down and ask for help, sometimes they are told that St Therese was able to cope with unpleasant people and it made her a saint, or that God is using the other person to 'smooth out the rough edges' or that we must 'put love where there is no love'... but there is no escape. No TV. No cell phones to call friends or family. No hot drink or cold drink or glass of wine whenever needed.... no comfort food, no sleeping to recover or long hot showers....

I am not complaining here - believe me I have lived through it all. I am merely stating fact. There IS a difference between coping in the world with difficult people and coping in a monastery with difficult people and or situations. And what if the difficult person is the superior? In the world you can quit your job but are you going to leave the monastery because of the superior? The thing is that one has to look at things supernaturally in the convent, not from the human perspective, one must see God's hand in all things and one must strive to be better than one probably is naturally. So it is harder. All the negotiation skills in the world don't substitute for trust in God's strength and not our own. In fact, being proud of one's skills and abilities is a SURE way to get tested because we are not in charge once we hand over the reins of our life to God. Write that blank cheque (check) and don't be surprised if God fills in an amount that you couldn't possibly imagine!!!!!!!!!

I'm just saying - you can't compare apples and oranges, skills at living in the world with the surrender needed to live in a monastery. Only living it can really make it clear.
[/quote]
Wow! I just think that is so amazingly put!

[TeresaBenedicta]

This question has been on my heart for quite a while now...

Do I have what it takes?

No. I don't. That is simple enough of an answer... and I feel it deep down inside. I [i]don't[/i] have what it takes- not on my own. Not with my own will. These past few weeks I've had to rely on God's grace merely to wake up in the mornings... sometimes it even felt as though I needed His grace just to breath properly!

The difficulty is the temptation to think that I [i]do[/i] have what it takes. I'm a strong-willed person. I know how to fight for success. That was drilled into me from my childhood...

But now is the time to remember that I am nothing and without God I can hope to do nothing.

It's not about succeeding. In some ways, it's not even about perseverance. It's about abandoning yourself into His loving arms, begging and trusting in His grace and love, and then doing all things in that grace and love. Love and then do what you will, as St. Augustine says. You go, you try, you abandon yourself to God...and then you accept all things that happen as His will for you... whether it is that you stay or you leave.

For my own part, I beg each day for grace. I beg each night for grace. Seems like all I do anymore is beg for His grace.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I would like to think that I have what it takes, but I doubt I do... yet, that is. I have been reading Imitation of Christ and it talks about not putting your whole self or all your trust into other humans. By slowly detaching yourself from the things of this world, I think it will help you prepare. On several occasions I have completely melted down and sobbed to think of leaving my family and my dearest friends. After two times of having that happen to me, I realized the truth, and my Confirmation sponsor helped me realize the truth as well. I am not leaving tomorrow and not for at least 5 years (I am 13). My sponsor told me that I HAVE to do this gradually because I cannot and will not leave everything all at once, I have to leave some things before I enter. Right now I am working out the basics, discerning different communities (I found one that I am head over heels in love with ), I am getting an SD, I am making frequent Confessions, doing more prayers, and trying to get myself up earlier. Just little things that could help in the long run, and throughout the next 5 years I will be slowly detaching myself from the world.

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1320329189' post='2330775']
This question has been on my heart for quite a while now...

Do I have what it takes?

No. I don't. That is simple enough of an answer... and I feel it deep down inside. I [i]don't[/i] have what it takes- not on my own. Not with my own will. These past few weeks I've had to rely on God's grace merely to wake up in the mornings... sometimes it even felt as though I needed His grace just to breath properly!

The difficulty is the temptation to think that I [i]do[/i] have what it takes. I'm a strong-willed person. I know how to fight for success. That was drilled into me from my childhood...

But now is the time to remember that I am nothing and without God I can hope to do nothing.

It's not about succeeding. In some ways, it's not even about perseverance. It's about abandoning yourself into His loving arms, begging and trusting in His grace and love, and then doing all things in that grace and love. Love and then do what you will, as St. Augustine says. You go, you try, you abandon yourself to God...and then you accept all things that happen as His will for you... whether it is that you stay or you leave.

For my own part, I beg each day for grace. I beg each night for grace. Seems like all I do anymore is beg for His grace.
[/quote]

Yes, this is where I am at...only at the very beginning.Wherever He leads me, however He leads me, I will do my best to follow. With His grace, I will be willing to take the next step.


[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1320332606' post='2330789']
I would like to think that I have what it takes, but I doubt I do... yet, that is. I have been reading Imitation of Christ and it talks about not putting your whole self or all your trust into other humans. By slowly detaching yourself from the things of this world, I think it will help you prepare. On several occasions I have completely melted down and sobbed to think of leaving my family and my dearest friends. After two times of having that happen to me, I realized the truth, and my Confirmation sponsor helped me realize the truth as well. I am not leaving tomorrow and not for at least 5 years (I am 13). My sponsor told me that I HAVE to do this gradually because I cannot and will not leave everything all at once, I have to leave some things before I enter. Right now I am working out the basics, discerning different communities (I found one that I am head over heels in love with ), I am getting an SD, I am making frequent Confessions, doing more prayers, and trying to get myself up earlier. Just little things that could help in the long run, and throughout the next 5 years I will be slowly detaching myself from the world.
[/quote]

'Atta girl!

[MarysLittleFlower]

This is a great thread... I think that one of the ways to prepare is maybe being really open to God's will so that you prefer what He prefers, - what He wants, not what you want. Especially if there are uncertainties (am I called to religious life? Is it this order? will I stay there? etc), that's a great opportunity to blindly surrender more to God's will, though it is yet unknown. If we put His will first in everything, then maybe it would be easier to do this if you're in a convent and feel lonely, or have to deal with difficult situations, sisters whose personality clashes with yours, etc.

[MarysLittleFlower]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1320284331' post='2330576']
One of the nuns at my last Carmel was a choir nun for 20 years when her elderly Jewish mother took sick. She left the convent to care for her until her death - and during those years her mother converted to Catholicism. Then this lovely woman asked to return to the convent and they said yes, but only as an extern. She accepted this and is still there today. She never knew her vocation would take this path.... but she did what she felt called to do in all cases. And she helped me a lot while I was there.[/quote]

That is great that her mother converted wow! I was wondering though.. if it's okay to ask this question.. if a sister who has taken final vows leaves the convent in this way, (ie: if she has to), - are her vows still in place? Is she still a sister just not in the community? Or is it like she becomes a lay person in the world again?

Edited November 3, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[Nunsense]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1320359871' post='2330952']

That is great that her mother converted wow! I was wondering though.. if it's okay to ask this question.. if a sister who has taken final vows leaves the convent in this way, (ie: if she has to), - are her vows still in place? Is she still a sister just not in the community? Or is it like she becomes a lay person in the world again?
[/quote]

If she leaves for a short time and with permission of her superior and Bishop, then she can be 'exclaustrated' for up to three years. If she has to leave permanently (as the sister in my story thought she did) then her vows are annuled. She is not 'laicised' since she is already laity - only priests are not laity. Depending on the community, if she returns after her vows have been suspended, then she may have to repeat some formation time, but she will have to make new vows. At least this is what happened to this nun.

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1320329189' post='2330775']
This question has been on my heart for quite a while now...

Do I have what it takes?

No. I don't. That is simple enough of an answer... and I feel it deep down inside. I [i]don't[/i] have what it takes- not on my own. Not with my own will. These past few weeks I've had to rely on God's grace merely to wake up in the mornings... sometimes it even felt as though I needed His grace just to breath properly!

The difficulty is the temptation to think that I [i]do[/i] have what it takes. I'm a strong-willed person. I know how to fight for success. That was drilled into me from my childhood...

But now is the time to remember that I am nothing and without God I can hope to do nothing.

It's not about succeeding. In some ways, it's not even about perseverance. It's about abandoning yourself into His loving arms, begging and trusting in His grace and love, and then doing all things in that grace and love. Love and then do what you will, as St. Augustine says. You go, you try, you abandon yourself to God...and then you accept all things that happen as His will for you... whether it is that you stay or you leave.

For my own part, I beg each day for grace. I beg each night for grace. Seems like all I do anymore is beg for His grace.
[/quote]

Absolutely beautiful TB. thanks.

[Queen'sDaughter]

I had to think about this thread before I replied, because it raises the question that all discerners must at some point face. I am completely with TeresaBenedicta on this one.

No one "has what it takes". Only God can give a person sufficient grace to be able to live a life so unnatural to our human condition as the religious life. The only thing that I can do is continuously ask God to guide me to His Will, and then resign myself to what He decrees. To become passive, if you will. I will walk my path to convent until either that door is shut to me, or I am laid to rest as a religious of the Church. But while walking that path, I will pray only to do God's Will, no matter were that may lead me.

I will resign myself to His Will, and He may do what He pleases. The responsibility for my future is His. If I am to be a religious, He will give me the grace to live that life. If He does not want me there, I will leave and not look back.

This is all easier said than done of course. But truly, there is such freedom in dependence! All is His, and over the course of my discernment, I can truthfully say that I pray only for one thing: May Your Will be done!

I don't mean to sound "holy" or to just be romantic. I truly want only to do His Will.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='Queen'sDaughter' timestamp='1320364378' post='2330995']
I had to think about this thread before I replied, because it raises the question that all discerners must at some point face. I am completely with TeresaBenedicta on this one.

No one "has what it takes". Only God can give a person sufficient grace to be able to live a life so unnatural to our human condition as the religious life. The only thing that I can do is continuously ask God to guide me to His Will, and then resign myself to what He decrees. To become passive, if you will. I will walk my path to convent until either that door is shut to me, or I am laid to rest as a religious of the Church. But while walking that path, I will pray only to do God's Will, no matter were that may lead me.

I will resign myself to His Will, and He may do what He pleases. The responsibility for my future is His. If I am to be a religious, He will give me the grace to live that life. If He does not want me there, I will leave and not look back.

This is all easier said than done of course. But truly, there is such freedom in dependence! All is His, and over the course of my discernment, I can truthfully say that I pray only for one thing: May Your Will be done!

I don't mean to sound "holy" or to just be romantic. I truly want only to do His Will.
[/quote]
Well said!

[IamMyBeloveds]

This is a question I [u]often[/u] ask myself, having entered and then left (not by my own accord).
To those who have posted, thank you to all for their honesty in this thread. How incredibly helpful it has been to read and understand that many of us who have left religious life (whether we wanted to or not), are learning how to cope prayerfully with the hurt. Healing is challenging and a long and difficult road, and I can totally relate to this journey. It's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and doubts! Thank God for Phatmass!

[b]Is religious life challenging?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I cannot even put into words how challenging it is, especially because people in religious life are human, including yourself!! This is something people tend to overlook when romanticizing the idea of religious life. I did before I entered the first time. [b]Is religious life beautiful in the midst of those challenges?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I sincerely loved my time in the convent and gained an immense amount from my experience. To be totally Christ's is unfathomable. To dedicate every moment of your life consecrated to Him is a true gift! I cannot wait to do this again! By God's grace I am re-entering my same community next summer.

Religious life, for me, was a challenging road filled with joys but also a lot of hurt. Months after leaving, I was able to reconnect with the community and understand the truth of what had happened at the time and why it was so hard for me at the time. In short, the experience and environment I had of religious life [u]at that specific time in community[/u] were not considered an authentic experience of formation. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to re-enter.
I was told that the things that had transpired and my response to these experiences wasn't my fault. (I got sick a LOT from the stress at the time). I was given a huge apology for all the hurts I had experienced while with them and invited, in God's time and mine, to re-enter should I so desire. How incredibly healing it was to hear this! I felt totally validated for the struggles I had dealt with and questions I had pondered in the back of my mind while there. How healing it was to hear many of them them say, "We never understood why you 'wanted' to leave! Apart from being sick, you were always so happy!"

In God's precious and healing time, I am thrilled to be going back, but every now and then I still have my doubts.
Sometimes I still question, "Can I really do this all over again?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I just kidding myself?"

But then I remember that God took my life beautifully and led me thus far. I trusted Him once and so I trust Him again. It is pride to focus on myself so much. If I'm meant to be a religious, God will give me the grace to do it. And I will have the ability and perseverance to daily accept that grace and take up my cross and follow Him.
Upon leaving the convent, I said after my last community Vespers, "Lord, I have no idea what to pray. What do You want me to even pray right now?" I looked up at Him in the tabernacle and said, "Fiat, Be it done unto me according to Your word;" And so I say this again upon re-entering. As cliche as the next quote may sound, it rings true within my own life: "I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I know who holds my future." And Christ crucified is whom I follow. He suffered and died for me. Can I ask for anything less than my Master and my future Spouse?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='IamMyBeloveds' timestamp='1320370716' post='2331076']
This is a question I [u]often[/u] ask myself, having entered and then left (not by my own accord).
To those who have posted, thank you to all for their honesty in this thread. How incredibly helpful it has been to read and understand that many of us who have left religious life (whether we wanted to or not), are learning how to cope prayerfully with the hurt. Healing is challenging and a long and difficult road, and I can totally relate to this journey. It's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and doubts! Thank God for Phatmass!

[b]Is religious life challenging?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I cannot even put into words how challenging it is, especially because people in religious life are human, including yourself!! This is something people tend to overlook when romanticizing the idea of religious life. I did before I entered the first time. [b]Is religious life beautiful in the midst of those challenges?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I sincerely loved my time in the convent and gained an immense amount from my experience. To be totally Christ's is unfathomable. To dedicate every moment of your life consecrated to Him is a true gift! I cannot wait to do this again! By God's grace I am re-entering my same community next summer.

Religious life, for me, was a challenging road filled with joys but also a lot of hurt. Months after leaving, I was able to reconnect with the community and understand the truth of what had happened at the time and why it was so hard for me at the time. In short, the experience and environment I had of religious life [u]at that specific time in community[/u] were not considered an authentic experience of formation. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to re-enter.
I was told that the things that had transpired and my response to these experiences wasn't my fault. (I got sick a LOT from the stress at the time). I was given a huge apology for all the hurts I had experienced while with them and invited, in God's time and mine, to re-enter should I so desire. How incredibly healing it was to hear this! I felt totally validated for the struggles I had dealt with and questions I had pondered in the back of my mind while there. How healing it was to hear many of them them say, "We never understood why you 'wanted' to leave! Apart from being sick, you were always so happy!"

In God's precious and healing time, I am thrilled to be going back, but every now and then I still have my doubts.
Sometimes I still question, "Can I really do this all over again?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I just kidding myself?"

But then I remember that God took my life beautifully and led me thus far. I trusted Him once and so I trust Him again. It is pride to focus on myself so much. If I'm meant to be a religious, God will give me the grace to do it. And I will have the ability and perseverance to daily accept that grace and take up my cross and follow Him.
Upon leaving the convent, I said after my last community Vespers, "Lord, I have no idea what to pray. What do You want me to even pray right now?" I looked up at Him in the tabernacle and said, "Fiat, Be it done unto me according to Your word;" And so I say this again upon re-entering. As cliche as the next quote may sound, it rings true within my own life: "I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I know who holds my future." And Christ crucified is whom I follow. He suffered and died for me. Can I ask for anything less than my Master and my future Spouse?
[/quote]

Beautiful. There are no words.

[Nunsense]

[quote name='IamMyBeloveds' timestamp='1320370716' post='2331076']
This is a question I [u]often[/u] ask myself, having entered and then left (not by my own accord).
To those who have posted, thank you to all for their honesty in this thread. How incredibly helpful it has been to read and understand that many of us who have left religious life (whether we wanted to or not), are learning how to cope prayerfully with the hurt. Healing is challenging and a long and difficult road, and I can totally relate to this journey. It's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and doubts! Thank God for Phatmass!

[b]Is religious life challenging?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I cannot even put into words how challenging it is, especially because people in religious life are human, including yourself!! This is something people tend to overlook when romanticizing the idea of religious life. I did before I entered the first time. [b]Is religious life beautiful in the midst of those challenges?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I sincerely loved my time in the convent and gained an immense amount from my experience. To be totally Christ's is unfathomable. To dedicate every moment of your life consecrated to Him is a true gift! I cannot wait to do this again! By God's grace I am re-entering my same community next summer.

Religious life, for me, was a challenging road filled with joys but also a lot of hurt. Months after leaving, I was able to reconnect with the community and understand the truth of what had happened at the time and why it was so hard for me at the time. In short, the experience and environment I had of religious life [u]at that specific time in community[/u] were not considered an authentic experience of formation. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to re-enter.
I was told that the things that had transpired and my response to these experiences wasn't my fault. (I got sick a LOT from the stress at the time). I was given a huge apology for all the hurts I had experienced while with them and invited, in God's time and mine, to re-enter should I so desire. How incredibly healing it was to hear this! I felt totally validated for the struggles I had dealt with and questions I had pondered in the back of my mind while there. How healing it was to hear many of them them say, "We never understood why you 'wanted' to leave! Apart from being sick, you were always so happy!"

In God's precious and healing time, I am thrilled to be going back, but every now and then I still have my doubts.
Sometimes I still question, "Can I really do this all over again?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I just kidding myself?"

But then I remember that God took my life beautifully and led me thus far. I trusted Him once and so I trust Him again. It is pride to focus on myself so much. If I'm meant to be a religious, God will give me the grace to do it. And I will have the ability and perseverance to daily accept that grace and take up my cross and follow Him.
Upon leaving the convent, I said after my last community Vespers, "Lord, I have no idea what to pray. What do You want me to even pray right now?" I looked up at Him in the tabernacle and said, "Fiat, Be it done unto me according to Your word;" And so I say this again upon re-entering. As cliche as the next quote may sound, it rings true within my own life: "I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I know who holds my future." And Christ crucified is whom I follow. He suffered and died for me. Can I ask for anything less than my Master and my future Spouse?
[/quote]

IAMB - I can't begin to tell you how happy your post made me for so many reasons. First, you have been healing and trusting in God's love. Second, your community acknowledged your hurt and apologised (I can't tell you how rare that is!!) and third, you have been invited to re-enter and try again and well, maybe fourth, you have agreed to try! What grace, what incredible grace.

Not to make this about myself, but what I wouldn't give to have been told by even one of the communities where I experienced either abuse or just plain old rejection through no fault of my own that they had not only corrected the situation but also acknowledged the hurt it caused me and invited me to try again! Wow. My heart leaps for joy for you. I have heard from two of the communities where I was before (because despite all the pain I still stay in touch with them) that elections have changed the leadership and the environment but no one has had the courage to tell me the things you have been told or to invite me back. I guess they can't face this.

So God is using a different way to call me, and expecting me to just trust Him, which is beautiful, but I still can't help but rejoice at your experience. I think most of us would like those who have hurt us to at least acknowledge that they have done so, even if they can't make reparation for the pain, but your community is doing both. I respect them for this immensely and will keep you in my prayers to make a clean, fresh start. I hope you can let the past go now and start anew. Blessings for you. And thank you for sharing that with us.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1320371491' post='2331086']

IAMB - I can't begin to tell you how happy your post made me for so many reasons. First, you have been healing and trusting in God's love. Second, your community acknowledged your hurt and apologised (I can't tell you how rare that is!!) and third, you have been invited to re-enter and try again and well, maybe fourth, you have agreed to try! What grace, what incredible grace.

Not to make this about myself, but what I wouldn't give to have been told by even one of the communities where I experienced either abuse or just plain old rejection through no fault of my own that they had not only corrected the situation but also acknowledged the hurt it caused me and invited me to try again! Wow. My heart leaps for joy for you. I have heard from two of the communities where I was before (because despite all the pain I still stay in touch with them) that elections have changed the leadership and the environment but no one has had the courage to tell me the things you have been told or to invite me back. I guess they can't face this.

So God is using a different way to call me, and expecting me to just trust Him, which is beautiful, but I still can't help but rejoice at your experience. I think most of us would like those who have hurt us to at least acknowledge that they have done so, even if they can't make reparation for the pain, but your community is doing both. I respect them for this immensely and will keep you in my prayers to make a clean, fresh start. I hope you can let the past go now and start anew. Blessings for you. And thank you for sharing that with us.
[/quote]

I know [b]IAmMyBeloveds[/b] personally and all I can say is that her Provincial Superior has a heart of gold. We must pray for her!

[Aya Sophia]

[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222]Wonderful thread...thanks DtA for starting it and all for sharing such valuable insights. Glad to have caught this before flying away.[/color][/size][/font]


[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4]St. Frances de Sales says: "Look well into your heart and see if you have resolution enough to die to yourself and live only for God."[/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222] [/color][/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222][color=#222222]Do I have such resolution? I have an understanding of such resolution but...do I actually have it? [/color] [/color][/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222] [/color][/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222][color=#222222]All I have experience of is my own weakness. I tremble when I remember that , if this is to be done, it must be the Lord who does it. All I can do is allow Him to operate in me and I must allow this otherwise it is impossible. [/color][/color][/size][/font]

[Lisa]

All of your responses have given me a lot to think about. The short answer, like many others have said, is a resounding "no." I am striving for greater holiness, abandonment, detachment, and love of Christ everyday, but fail miserably in some way everyday, too. We can all use this time of discernment, waiting to enter, etc. to pray that He will give us the grace.

While I know that religious are people who have faults, I'm sure it will be a challenge to accept that past the theoretical and love them each as Christ sees them. That is something I'm working on right now. I still get way too attached to people. These are all things I need to work on each day as I discern. But I'm trusting that He will do what I cannot.

At this point, however, I think that I need to follow what I believe is God's will, despite how naturally hard it will be.

[Deus te Amat]

Thank you all for your beautiful, wonderful replies. I hope to reply more later, but in the meantime, some scripture. (Ironically, this is my favorite Scripture passage. I really need to start running to God, first )

[quote] Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only if I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the gospel of God's grace. ~ Acts 20:24[/quote]

An active religious vocation is a life of testimony to the workings inspired by [i]God's grace[/i].

God is so good.


Brain explosion.

Night, all.

[Carmelshrimp]

I never felt I had what it takes and I still don't. If I'd waited to "know" I'd never have even got started. I think that's why the whole discernment process is so important. We don't rely solely on our own feelings, whether those feelings are of certainty or inadequacy, but we open ourselves to the wisdom of our confessors, SDs etc who we trust to help us hear what God is truly calling us to do and to be. In the end though, if they agree that this is something we may be called to, we have to be prepared to make that leap of faith that gives God the unconditional "yes" and to try because that's the only way we'll ever really find out. And as Nunsense, Faith and others have discovered, that doesn't mean it'll necessarily be plain sailing from there on. God doesn't operate a press gang though, so he only invites us. We don't have to accept the invitation but if we do and we've discerned his will correctly, I can't imagine any greater joy.