The Sin Of Being Single?

[BarbTherese]

The call and vocation to the single celibate state is experienced as a call and vocation and is chosen. If one is lonely and single and not by choice, then probably some counselling would assist with the loneliness and lack of marriage, if that is the way the lonely single person would prefer to travel in life. Any vocation and call from God is always a sense of fulfillment to some degree or other and even in the midst of difficulties and suffering - doubts and temptations, in that one goes on choosing that vocation and renewing one's "Yes" to God's call and invitation.

As to one vocation compared to another and the 'equality question'. Nothing can be higher nor more perfect and preferred than the Will of God for any individual.
The word "vocation" is drawn from the Latin "vocare" and means simply "to call" and as we commonly use "vocation" it is that call from God to some particular path or state in life. Priesthood and Marriage are Sacraments and the religious state is the state of perfection bound by the evangelical counsels and also a life in community. The Church does understand however that the evangelical counsels can be privately vowed and "community" need not necessarily be defined as in previous days and understandings. Some can prefer the past and prefer not to move beyond it often as a means of clinging to a sense of security and remaining attached to it.

Edited November 20, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

I am having problems with editing and just would like to add to the following comments of mine:

[quote]
Some can prefer the past and prefer not to move beyond it often as a means of clinging to a sense of security and remaining attached to it.
[/quote]

Moving on from the past is not of necessity always a good and positive matter - it can take discerning to know if it is simply a clinging to a sense of security and refusing to detach from it and remaining attached to a need to always feel secure and safe. Just as change for the sake of change is not a positive at all, so remaining in a safe and sound position outside of any learning curve and one's safety and comfort zone is not a negative of necessity. These are more reasons why a sound and holy spiritual director is pure gold in the spiritual life. A true treasure from The Lord to be thankful for daily and to daily pray that The Holy Spirit will be the bond and guide, strength, in the relationship.

[BarbTherese]

Our Baptism is our first and primary vocation from which all other vocations and calls flow i.e. all vocations are rooted in our Baptism and flow out of and are centred in our Baptism. Our Baptism is a call to Catholicism and The Gospel. It is a call to love and Unity with God in all its fulness. In previous times the word "vocation" was confined to religious life or the priesthood, but theologically as a theological strict definition confined solely to those two vocations, it was and is inaccurate.
The single lay state as vocation is most often referred to as a call to celibacy within the lay state.

[quote]
[b][i][color=#663300]POST-SYNODAL[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] [b][i]CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI[/i][/b][/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] OF[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] HIS HOLINESS[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] JOHN PAUL II[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] ON THE VOCATION AND THE MISSION[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] OF THE LAY FAITHFUL[/color][/i][/b]
[b][i][color=#663300] IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD[/color][/i][/b]

[b][i][url="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_30121988_christifideles-laici_en.html"]http://www.vatican.v...s-laici_en.html[/url][/i][/b]
[color=#0000ff][b][i]The Various Vocations in the Lay State[/i][/b][/color]
[b]56. The Church's rich variety is manifested still further from within each state of life. [quote]Thus [i]within the lay state diverse "vocations" are given, [/i]that is, there are different paths in the spiritual life and the apostolate which are taken by individual members of the lay faithful. In the field of a "commonly shared" lay vocation "special" lay vocations flourish. [/quote]In this area we can also recall the spiritual experience of the flourishing of diverse forms of secular institutes that have developed recently in the Church. These offer the lay faithful, and even priests, the possibility of professing the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity and obedience through vows or promises, while fully maintaining one's lay or clerical state(204). In this regard the Synod Fathers have commented, "The Holy Spirit stirs up other forms of self-giving to which people who remain fully in the lay state devote themselves"(205).[/b]
We can conclude by reading a beautiful passage taken from Saint Francis de Sales, who promoted lay spirituality so well(206). In speaking of "devotion", that is, Christian perfection or "life according to the Spirit", he presents in a simple yet insightful way the vocation of all Christians to holiness while emphasizing the specific form with which individual Christians fulfill it: "In creation God commanded the plants to bring forth their fruits, each one after its kind. So does he command all Christians, who are the living plants of his Church, to bring forth the fruits of devotion, each according to his character and vocation. [color=#0000ff][b]Devotion must be exercised in different ways by the gentleman, the workman, the servant, the prince, the widow, the maid and the married woman.[/b][/color] Not only this, but the practice of devotion must also be adapted to the strength, the employment, and the duties of each one in particular ... It is an error, or rather a heresy, to try to banish the devout life from the regiment of soldiers, the shop of the mechanic, the court of princes, or the home of married folk. It is true, Philothea, that a purely contemplative, monastic and religious devotion cannot be exercised in such ways of life. But besides these three kinds of devotion, there are several others adapted to bring to perfection those who live in the secular state"(207).
Along the same line the Second Vatican Council states: [quote]"This lay spirituality should take its particular character from the circumstances of one's state in life (married and familylife, [color=#0000ff][b]celibacy[/b][/color], widowhood), from one's state of health and from one's professional and social activity. All should not cease to develop earnestly the qualities and talents bestowed on them in accord with these conditions of life and should make use of the gifts which they have received from the Holy Spirit"(208).[/quote]
What has been said about the spiritual vocation can also be said-and to a certain degree with greater reason-of the infinite number of ways through which all members of the Church are employed as labourers in the vineyard of the Lord, building up the Mystical Body of Christ. Indeed as a person with a truly unique lifestory, each is called by name, to make a special contribution to the coming of the Kingdom of God. No talent, no matter how small, is to be hidden or left unused (cf.[i] Mt[/i] 25:24-27).
In this regard the apostle Peter gives us a stern warning: "As each has received a gift, employ it for one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace" ([i]1 Pt[/i] 4:10). [/quote]

[BarbTherese]

The person who may be single and lonely and not happy in the single state needs compassion and understanding, empathy - and I neglected to convey this in my posts. We can in imagination put ourselves in their shoes and find compassion, understanding and empathy for such a plight, while only they can know what it is really like with a seemingly (only) conviction that they must indeed walk in their own shoes on a lonely and unhappy path. Such a person not only would probably benefit from counselling, but also from spiritual direction. God's Will is for our happiness and if I find that I am in a consistent state of unrest and unhappiness, then both counselling and spiritual direction would help in a major way. One needs to take prayerful care in choosing a counsellor (or some form of therapist) and a spiritual director, and especially prayerful care that they speak to each other in a complementary manner, rather than against each other in contradiction. Passing states of unrest and even unhappiness can occur that are a trial and suffering in one's particular path and vocation, rather than a consistent state of existence in that state of life. Although, and it probably will take spiritual direction to discern, long passages of difficulty and struggles can occur that are spiritual 'nights' of some kind and these ask perseverence through suffering.

The other point I have felt I wanted to make is that statement that nothing can be higher or more perfect than God's Will for a person and their vocation. A vocation and call from God is only ever an invitation of His Will and not a Divine Command. The invitation of God's Will if followed does infer a guarantee that all the Graces necessary to take up that invitation are present and intrinsic to the invitation. There are three basic signs of any vocation:

Attraction to the life
Ability to lead the life
Acceptance into the life

With the single celibate lay state as vocation which is my own path, acceptance into the life for me was expressed through consulation with priests and a spiritual director. This was not an event, rather a journey undertaken over a period before I made my decision and commitment. Spiritual direction has been ongoing in my journey. I invested in, with that decision and commitment, that The Lord would see to it that I had the ability to lead the single celibate state of life in the lay state and in the interests of His Kingdom (celebrated yesterday). This trust was confirmed with time and a clear ability to live in the single celibate state. I suffer Bipolar and my psychiatrist has confirmed having been my doctor over many years that I have flourished and grown in this state and further confirmation that I indeed, Grace having prevailed over many dire weaknesses, the ability to lead the life. It has not been without struggles, failures and getting up and going on with a desire to continue to embrace God's Call to me and with trust in His Divine Loving Mercy of His most least. It has not been without trial and suffering. But as stated previously, all vocations in life ask the embracing of The Cross of Christ from which flows the Joy and Peace of The Resurrection and a return "one hundredfold". All vocations are a sort of agony and ecstasy. There is difficulty and trials, there are great joys and victories. It is the normal ebb and flow to some degree or other of the whole of life.
The attraction to one's particular vocation perseveres despite any difficulties, struggles, failures etc. If attraction seems to vanish, then spiritual direction is the path to follow.
In fact, spiritual direction is the very best of choices and decisions at any point in one's journey, especially for the entire journey and no matter one's particular vocation or point in the journey.

I do apologize for my long winded posts. Long windedness is an almost continual state - while "to the point" and conciseness with brevity is a virtue I lack - and admire.

I agree with previous posts that there is nothing at all sinful in the single celibate state. All vocations are an invitation only. The Divine Command is to holiness and to love of neighbour in any path that we choose. Our love of God is always revealed in the extent of love of neighbour. If I love God, then I will love my neighbour as my own self. "How can you say you love God whom you cannot see, if you do not love your neighbour whom you can see". There is a most profound theology in that statement that underpins the whole Universal Church!

[i][u][b]First Epistle of St John, Chapter 4[/b][/u]: [url="http://www.drbo.org/chapter/69004.htm"]http://www.drbo.org/chapter/69004.htm[/url] [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=69&ch=4&l=19#x"][19][/url] Let us therefore love God, because God first hath loved us. [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=69&ch=4&l=20#x"][20][/url] If any man say, I love God, and hateth his brother; he is a liar. For he that loveth not his brother, whom he seeth, how can he love God, whom he seeth not? [/i]

Edited November 21, 2011 by BarbaraTherese