Desolation And Discerning

[Ale.SOLT]

So I am entering on February 2nd the day of the Presentation of the Lord.
But lately I have been gong through a time of very bad desolation. I've been praying alot to just stay faithful and not stray away. I have falling into temptation alot. ( But we are humans, so who doesn't) But lately I just dont feel anything any more. Is anybody else going through this? How do you deal with it? What do you do?

[Strictlyinkblot]

[quote name='Ale.SOLT' timestamp='1321283340' post='2336131']
So I am entering on February 2nd the day of the Presentation of the Lord.
But lately I have been gong through a time of very bad desolation. I've been praying alot to just stay faithful and not stray away. I have falling into temptation alot. ( But we are humans, so who doesn't) But lately I just dont feel anything any more. Is anybody else going through this? How do you deal with it? What do you do?

[/quote]

Prayers. I think that having doubts and feeling torn is natural. I think there's something in most of us that would say, I won't be able to do that when I enter, I might as well do it now. Go to confession if necessary and keep praying. Contact the NM or VD if you think it'll help. Just talking to your future family should help and remind you of what you really want.

And be gentle to yourself. You're about to do something completely life changing. No matter how wonderful and how excited you feel you're going to feel apprehensive too. What order are you entering? Please pray for me and the rest of us that we won't be far behind you.

[LadyOfSorrows]

I once expressed a similar concern to a friend of mine (a former seminarian), and he slapped me on the back. He then asked me how my back felt and I said, "It hurts!" Our backbone is necessary for living out our daily life. It allows us to walk and do other things! But we really don't take notice of it until it hurts, like when we are slapped on the back, or when we feel good, like after a massage! We're not always going to hurt, or feel incredibly good. We just need to rest in His peace. Our relationship with God is still there, even if we don't always feel His consolations or pain. Prayers!

[maximillion]

Prayers....much prayer for you.
Being without consolation in this way is very very hard.
Some are tested outside the community, some on their way in, and some once there.
What to do?
Talk about it, to us, to your SD, to Him......
Make acts of Surrender and of Faith, and rely on us to pray for you........

[Ale.SOLT]

I do talk to my VD but he's two hours away so it's been kind difficult for us to contact each other. My friends say I am stalking my future family since I already have two different cells in two different missions that they have. (One where I live Phoenix, AZ and another in Rome)
I go to confession and I pray to stay faithful like Mother Teresa in the darkness she had.

I am entering with the Society Of Our Lady Of the Most Holy Trinity.
Prayers for all of you your way!

[Mary's Margaret]

My human nature also rebels, but I try not to feed it with guilt and condemnation as these seem to make it stronger and louder than the small voice in my heart. Rather, as I kneel at the Cross, I lay it all down and fix my eyes on Jesus. I may not feel any consolation, but I can feel the yearning in my heart, my desire to love Him and be loved by Him, and this desire strengthens my soul. It's this desire that will quiet my human nature and make me a vessel for God's mercy. Please be gentle with yourself and do not be afraid as Jesus is right there with you. He will lift up what you lay at His Cross, and He will answer your yearning.

[Ale.SOLT]

[quote name='maximillion' timestamp='1321286765' post='2336152']
Prayers....much prayer for you.
Being without consolation in this way is very very hard.
Some are tested outside the community, some on their way in, and some once there.
What to do?
Talk about it, to us, to your SD, to Him......
Make acts of Surrender and of Faith, and rely on us to pray for you........
[/quote]
Thank you so much! Prayers have Power!

[Ale.SOLT]

[quote name='Mary's Margaret' timestamp='1321286932' post='2336155']
My human nature also rebels, but I try not to feed it with guilt and condemnation as these seem to make it stronger and louder than the small voice in my heart. Rather, as I kneel at the Cross, I lay it all down and fix my eyes on Jesus. I may not feel any consolation, but I can feel the yearning in my heart, my desire to love Him and be loved by Him, and this desire strengthens my soul. It's this desire that will quiet my human nature and make me a vessel for God's mercy. Please be gentle with yourself and do not be afraid as Jesus is right there with you. He will lift up what you lay at His Cross, and He will answer your yearning.
[/quote]
Sooo Beautiful!

[Lumiere]

Sounds like [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acedia"]ACEDIA...[/url]

An interesting note by Abbot Christopher Jamison [url="http://www.thinkingfaith.org/articles/20081009_1.htm"]here[/url] (page down). He was the Abbot during the BBC TV show "The Monastery".

[faithcecelia]

Shortly before my last visit to Q before entering I suddenly had a brief period of complete disbelief. I couldn't understand what had happened or why, but I honestly could not believe that God existed or why I was doing what I was doing. I felt completely devastated, and trying to pray was the hardest thing in the world. It passed and I was soon okay again, but when I went for that last visit I told the then NM (a wonderful, experienced NM aged 83 at the time!) and she told me that she would have been more worried had I not had such an experience as it is a completely normal part of the process - you are about to hand your life over to God in a fairly drastic way, of course Satan isn't going to let you do so without trying to trick you into changing your mind!

So try not to worry about it too much and remind yourself that this is nothing but temptation and will pass so long as you ignore it and focus on God.

[Ale.SOLT]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1321289900' post='2336170']
Shortly before my last visit to Q before entering I suddenly had a brief period of complete disbelief. I couldn't understand what had happened or why, but I honestly could not believe that God existed or why I was doing what I was doing. I felt completely devastated, and trying to pray was the hardest thing in the world. It passed and I was soon okay again, but when I went for that last visit I told the then NM (a wonderful, experienced NM aged 83 at the time!) and she told me that she would have been more worried had I not had such an experience as it is a completely normal part of the process - you are about to hand your life over to God in a fairly drastic way, of course Satan isn't going to let you do so without trying to trick you into changing your mind!

So try not to worry about it too much and remind yourself that this is nothing but temptation and will pass so long as you ignore it and focus on God.
[/quote]

That's what the Vocation Directress who's care I am under told me> she asked if I was Okay and I just broke down and told her everything that was going on. She gave me a big hug and told me if you weren't going through i would think you were a robot or a tin man. She said exactly what you said.

[Strictlyinkblot]

[quote name='Ale.SOLT' timestamp='1321290819' post='2336182']

That's what the Vocation Directress who's care I am under told me> she asked if I was Okay and I just broke down and told her everything that was going on. She gave me a big hug and told me if you weren't going through i would think you were a robot or a tin man. She said exactly what you said.
[/quote]

See? You're normal. Horrible to be going through it though. Just take a deep breath and do something to distract yourself. Remember, God is even more eager for you to enter then you are.

[marigold]

Ale, I am going through the same thing. I am trying to keep doing the bare minimums and that'll have to be good enough for now. I will pray for you! Pray for me too please!

[EWIE]

[size=5][color=#800000][b]Feelings are not a reliable barometer of anything let alone "Love".[/b][/color][/size]
[size=5][color=#800000][b]They can change according to the weather or depend on whether someone winks at you or not.[/b][/color][/size]
[size=5][color=#800000][b]"Love" is in the will.[/b][/color][/size]

[Mary's Margaret]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1321291241' post='2336190']
Ale, I am going through the same thing. I am trying to keep doing the bare minimums and that'll have to be good enough for now. I will pray for you! Pray for me too please!
[/quote]

This is where "duty of the moment" comes in: do the dishes, dust the mantle, brush your teeth, be of service to someone, say the prayers that suddenly feel flat. A good many saints have said this is what kept them going through the dark times. My prayers are with you.

[marigold]

[quote name='Mary's Margaret' timestamp='1321294568' post='2336217']

This is where "duty of the moment" comes in: do the dishes, dust the mantle, brush your teeth, be of service to someone, say the prayers that suddenly feel flat. A good many saints have said this is what kept them going through the dark times. My prayers are with you.
[/quote]

Thank you.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Is this like a dark night of the soul kind of experience?
I find that when I have hit rock bottom spiritually that sometimes it can bring me closer to God because I am at His feet [i]begging[/i] for Him to restore me to the spirituality that I had before. Crawl to God, crawl to Him. Remember that before every rainbow there is rain. I am praying for you.

[AnneLine]

Prayers for you; moving forward resolutely in the middle of desolation is really tough.

It helps to remember that God is with you in that dark place, that you won't be there forever, and that God will give you the graces that you need. St. Ignatius of Loyola reminds people to continue on whatever path they had discerned BEFORE the desolation hit, because the evil one will try to get you off kilter when you are in the low place.

I concur with what the others have been saying, too -- if I were a little devil, I would be trying to get you off kilter to see if I could disuade you from your vocation... because I would be worried about how many souls you might bring to God if we let you just go in all happy and contented. So in a sense it is sometimes a good sign to be getting some 'negative' activity -- you must be doing something right!

Doing little things with love is the best way to work through those tough times. We'll pray and we are here to support you, too.

[Ale.SOLT]

Thanks everyone! Your words and your actions are very kind. I love you all and I will be praying for all of you

[savvy]

Prayers coming your way.