The Oldest Dominican Joke On Record?

[Little Flower]

[quote name='Strictlyinkblot' timestamp='1321816521' post='2338576']
A Franciscan and a Jesuit had been debating theology for nearly a week. They barely stopped to eat or sleep. It was Sunday and they were both exhausted. But then the Jesuit found one more point to argue. The Franciscan had just taken a breath to launch into a counter argument when a bolt of lightening hit the ground between them.
They both jumped back. On the ground there was a scrap of paper with singed edges. The Jesuit picked it up.

My Sons

Stop this pointless arguing. I love you both. It is the day of rest. Embrace each other as brothers and go home.

Love

God OP
[/quote]

Best. Joke. EVER.

[quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1321826864' post='2338627']
Now that is very interesting... and here is a different version:

Representatives of all the major orders and congregations had come together for a meeting.

At some point the sisters and brethren got a little heated about which order God and His Mother loved best.

The Dominicans said that surely it was them, because they had received the Rosary and had so many wonderful Dominican saints. No! said the Franciscans --we can assure you that WE are loved more because we had St. Francis and received the Portiuncula indulgence! The Carmelites insisted that it must be them, because so many of our Saints are named Teresa of Jesus, and because Mary had given them the Scapular... the Visitandines were sure they were most beloved because Jesus had appeared to St. Margaret Mary.... and so it went.... and there didn't seem to be any answer to it.

Finally someone -- no one knows from which order -- said, "Sisters, brothers -- we are people of prayer! Let us kneel down and ask! So all knelt... and there was silence....

....and then a little slip of paper floated down, gentle as a dove, and appeared in their midst. The person closest to it picked it up and read,


"I love all my children equally."


It was signed....



God, S.J.


[/quote]

totally stolen from the God OP joke. totally not original. OPs are way better than SJs anyway

[vee]

I think the oldest Dominican joke on record is DS' face

Edited November 23, 2011 by vee8

[PhuturePriest]

This is my own version, but here it goes:

A Dominican Friar, Franciscan Friar, and Jesuit Priest were all in a boat fishing one day as they drank wine. Eventually they had run out, and the Jesuit said he would paddle the boat back to get some more off the shore, but the Franciscan said, "No need.", and behold, he walked on the water and then back again once he had retrieved the wine! The Jesuit couldn't believe his eyes, but said nothing.

Later on in the day, they had once again run out, and the Franciscan was about to set off to get more, but the Dominican said he would cover it, and the Jesuit was amazed once again as the Dominican walked on the water as well. When he came back, the Jesuit couldn't believe what he was seeing, but once again stayed silent.

After a while, they had again run out, and the Jesuit decided he would get it this time. So he did the Sign of the Cross, looked upwards at Heaven in prayer, and then he departed from the boat, and he was shocked when he fell right into the water. The Dominican, looking at him curiously, said to the Franciscan: "He most not know about the sandbar." And the Franciscan replied, "What sandbar?"

This is originally a Dominican joke, and the Dominican says "What sandbar?" but I'm a Franciscan man, and therefore felt it needed to be changed.

[brandelynmarie]

[i<3franciscans]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1322029919' post='2339706']
This is my own version, but here it goes:

A Dominican Friar, Franciscan Friar, and Jesuit Priest were all in a boat fishing one day as they drank wine. Eventually they had run out, and the Jesuit said he would paddle the boat back to get some more off the shore, but the Franciscan said, "No need.", and behold, he walked on the water and then back again once he had retrieved the wine! The Jesuit couldn't believe his eyes, but said nothing.

Later on in the day, they had once again run out, and the Franciscan was about to set off to get more, but the Dominican said he would cover it, and the Jesuit was amazed once again as the Dominican walked on the water as well. When he came back, the Jesuit couldn't believe what he was seeing, but once again stayed silent.

After a while, they had again run out, and the Jesuit decided he would get it this time. So he did the Sign of the Cross, looked upwards at Heaven in prayer, and then he departed from the boat, and he was shocked when he fell right into the water. The Dominican, looking at him curiously, said to the Franciscan: "He most not know about the sandbar." And the Franciscan replied, "What sandbar?"

This is originally a Dominican joke, and the Dominican says "What sandbar?" but I'm a Franciscan man, and therefore felt it needed to be changed.
[/quote]
Best joke ever! oh my gosh I am in tears!

[dominicansoul]

[b]THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.[/b]


[b]THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.[/b]

[b]BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,[/b]
[b]THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THEY'D[/b]
[b]GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.[/b]

[b]IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, [/b]
[b]"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THE THIRD GUY SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO.[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]

[b]THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND,[/b]
[b]LOOKED AT THE MEN,[/b]
[b]AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, [/b]


[b]"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL? THERE AREN'T [u]ANY [/u]NUNS THERE."[/b]

[AnneLine]

Pre-reading information .... This is an OLD joke, and ......







A Jesuit and a Dominican were talking one day. The Dominican mentioned that he was really bummed because his Prior had told him he couldn't smoke while praying.

The Jesuit looked at his friend and said, "That's odd... my Rector had no problems when I asked him.... what did you ask him?"

The Dominican said looking puzzled, "What do you mean, what did I ask? I asked him if I could smoke while I prayed."

The Jesuit looked at him, and said with a knowing smile.....



"Well, there is your problem! I asked the Rector if I could pray while I smoked!!"

Edited November 29, 2011 by AnneLine

[brandelynmarie]

[size=3][size=3][img]http://youcantouchthestars.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Hands_of_God_and_Adam.jpg[/img][/size][/size]



[size=4]God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning!"

"Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.

"Well, " says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's interesting. Show Me."

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.

"Oh no, no, no..." interrupts GOD. "Get your own dirt."[/size]

Edited February 3, 2012 by brandelynmarie

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1322583993' post='2342145']
[b]THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.[/b]


[b]THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.[/b]

[b]BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,[/b]
[b]THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THEY'D[/b]
[b]GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.[/b]

[b]IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, [/b]
[b]"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THE THIRD GUY SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO.[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]

[b]THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND,[/b]
[b]LOOKED AT THE MEN,[/b]
[b]AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, [/b]


[b]"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL? THERE AREN'T [u]ANY [/u]NUNS THERE."[/b]
[/quote]


I love this one!!!!!!!!!! And they are at a Yankees game. Nuns rule!

[Katiebobatie94]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1322029919' post='2339706']
This is my own version, but here it goes:

A Dominican Friar, Franciscan Friar, and Jesuit Priest were all in a boat fishing one day as they drank wine. Eventually they had run out, and the Jesuit said he would paddle the boat back to get some more off the shore, but the Franciscan said, "No need.", and behold, he walked on the water and then back again once he had retrieved the wine! The Jesuit couldn't believe his eyes, but said nothing.

Later on in the day, they had once again run out, and the Franciscan was about to set off to get more, but the Dominican said he would cover it, and the Jesuit was amazed once again as the Dominican walked on the water as well. When he came back, the Jesuit couldn't believe what he was seeing, but once again stayed silent.

After a while, they had again run out, and the Jesuit decided he would get it this time. So he did the Sign of the Cross, looked upwards at Heaven in prayer, and then he departed from the boat, and he was shocked when he fell right into the water. The Dominican, looking at him curiously, said to the Franciscan: "He most not know about the sandbar." And the Franciscan replied, "What sandbar?"

This is originally a Dominican joke, and the Dominican says "What sandbar?" but I'm a Franciscan man, and therefore felt it needed to be changed.
[/quote]

lol hahahaha

[Selah]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1322583993' post='2342145']
[b]THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.[/b]


[b]THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.[/b]

[b]BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,[/b]
[b]THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THEY'D[/b]
[b]GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.[/b]

[b]IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, [/b]
[b]"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THE THIRD GUY SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO.[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]

[b]THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND,[/b]
[b]LOOKED AT THE MEN,[/b]
[b]AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, [/b]


[b]"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL? THERE AREN'T [u]ANY [/u]NUNS THERE."[/b]
[/quote]

lol

[Katiebobatie94]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1322583993' post='2342145']
[b]THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.[/b]


[b]THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.[/b]

[b]BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,[/b]
[b]THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THEY'D[/b]
[b]GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.[/b]

[b]IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, [/b]
[b]"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA .[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]


[b]THE THIRD GUY SAID,[/b]
[b]"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO.[/b]
[b]THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."[/b]

[b]THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND,[/b]
[b]LOOKED AT THE MEN,[/b]
[b]AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, [/b]


[b]"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL? THERE AREN'T [u]ANY [/u]NUNS THERE."[/b]
[/quote]

best joke ever right there!!