i<3franciscans Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I don't know how to word this without having somebody not understand exactly what I am trying to get across but here it goes... Is it okay to have a boyfriend and knowing that you are going to enter religious life? I have the deepest conviction God is calling me to religious life and I know that one day I shall marry Jesus so is it wrong to "date"? We don't actually date though... I believe the closest we have come to a date is holding hands and watching "Bella". I consider us more friends than a couple but everyone else doesn't see it that way... Any advice would be wonderful. Please pray for me. Thank You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 There is another thread on a similar topic already started except in that case it does not appear to be a 'romantic' relationship. In your case, you say you 'know' you are going to enter religious life. How do you know? Do you have a spiritual director and are you discerning with a particular community already? Or is this just a 'possiblity' that you are considering? If you are still unsure of your vocation, perhaps you are not being called to religious life but one of marriage and motherhood. If you are sure of your vocation, and this young man is 'holding hands' with you, then I think you are heading for trouble. Get some advice from those who know you and your situation well, your priest, SD, parents, those who can judge with more information than you have given here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3franciscans Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Again thank you for your thoughts. My vocation story is a long one and quite confusing, but in the end I know I am called to religious life. It is not what I wanted but I gave my will wholeheartedly to God and that is what He asked of me. I accepted joyful and I am humbled to have such a vocation. I do not have a sd and do not know where to get one so all my questions come here. Thank you. So in the end.... should I tell him I have a vocation and if we could remain friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 [quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1321929440' post='2339243'] Again thank you for your thoughts. My vocation story is a long one and quite confusing, but in the end I know I am called to religious life. It is not what I wanted but I gave my will wholeheartedly to God and that is what He asked of me. I accepted joyful and I am humbled to have such a vocation. I do not have a sd and do not know where to get one so all my questions come here. Thank you. So in the end.... should I tell him I have a vocation and if we could remain friends? [/quote] Two things you wrote confused and worried me but this is only my opinion. First you say that this was not what you wanted. Well, if you don't want it, how do you know God does? I worry about that phrase. If you don't want it, how will you endure the hardships involved and the sacrifices? The second thing that worries me is you ask if you should tell your friend about your vocation - why doesn't he know already? If you are allowing him to hold hands with you and he doesn't know about your vocation, just what do you think is going through his mind about the future of this relationship?? You have not been fair to him and unless he is considering the priesthood, I doubt that mere friendship was his long term goal here. Sorry, but yes, of course, you should tell him about your vocation... and you shouldn't trust him to understand what that means or involves. Don't lead him on anymore. I do hope you have a spiritual director. You don't seem to understand what is involved with a vocation to religious life yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 [quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1321929440' post='2339243'] Again thank you for your thoughts. My vocation story is a long one and quite confusing, but in the end I know I am called to religious life. It is not what I wanted but I gave my will wholeheartedly to God and that is what He asked of me. I accepted joyful and I am humbled to have such a vocation. I do not have a sd and do not know where to get one so all my questions come here. Thank you. So in the end.... should I tell him I have a vocation and if we could remain friends? [/quote] From what I remember, you are still quite young. I would definitely talk to an SD. Just a thought: There was a young woman who was going to enter a cloistered community. A friend asked her out on a date a few weeks before entrance...fast forward a few years and they were married with a beautiful daughter. The woman always told her husband if something happened to him, she would enter the convent! Sadly, her husband died three years ago at a youngish age. She hasn't entered yet, but is still focused on her daughter (college-age) and youth ministry. Sometimes we may think we know God's plans, but I think He always finds ways to surprise us! I'd definitely get a SD. He could help you discern! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3franciscans Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 I am sorry What I said was wrong. I didn't want to enter religious life at first, but that was three years ago. Please forget what I said before. I am very tired tonight. And he knows, and respects it very much but I think he only thinks I am discerning. I hope that clears things up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 [quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1321930365' post='2339257'] I am sorry What I said was wrong. I didn't want to enter religious life at first, but that was three years ago. Please forget what I said before. I am very tired tonight. And he knows, and respects it very much but I think he only thinks I am discerning. I hope that clears things up. [/quote] Not really, but I'm not the one who needs your explanations - he is. And if you are confused as the title says, get advice from someone who knows you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) I am praying for you, firstly. Secondly, I used to think that I would date before I entered to convent so that I can discern the vocation of marriage and it would be a relationship where we were both discerning, but I came to realize that I am called before I would have an opportunity to do any of that, and if I strongly believe this is my calling and if God has spoken to my heart, then why wait because of dating? I agree that you may want to talk to an SD. Edited November 22, 2011 by FutureCarmeliteClaire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) [quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1321929440' post='2339243'] My vocation story is a long one and quite confusing, but in the end I know I am called to religious life. It is not what I wanted but I gave my will wholeheartedly to God and that is what He asked of me. I accepted joyful and I am humbled to have such a vocation. I do not have a sd and do not know where to get one so all my questions come here. So in the end.... should I tell him I have a vocation and if we could remain friends? [/quote] First I agree with nunsense. I remember when I was shocked by the idea of possibly being a religious sister. I would dare say that it was not "what I wanted." That needs to settle down in your soul. It *should* be what you want. It *needs* to be what you want, because it is a difficult path to take. Pray for a s.d. -- you do need one. Also -- if you are truly convinced that you are called to be a religious sister (and I don't know if that is true -- again, in your soul it needs to really be what you want) then to have a boyfriend goes against that. It can (and will eventually) create a conflict within you. Realize that the Lord has given you free will, and that you are making a choice between two goods. It isn't as if you are choosing between sinning (ex: moving in with the guy and having premarital sex) and doing good (ex: deciding to stay chaste while waiting to get married with the guy). The choice there is clear -- you need to choose in that case what God desires which is chastity while waiting for the sacrament of Marriage. You have the choice to be a religious sister or get married (among other options that I am ignoring for now) ... and the question is "what do You want Lord for me." That doesn't mean that your heart will not be attracted to one option or another. In fact -- at the end of discernment you will know beyond a doubt that you want to go in one direction or another, and there is a peace and joy in it. Proper discernment is first being open to both options, and then allowing the Lord to gently lead you to the right decision. Praying that you are lead to the option that will bring you the greatest peace, joy and santification. Edited November 22, 2011 by cmariadiaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I think this is one of those questions (like many on this particular board, Vocation Station) that you really need to speak with a spiritual director about. Others' opinions may be helpful, but I tend to see that when we are leaning one way emotionally during discernment, we may take the advice of others with a bias, and that might not be the way God wants us to see something. I truly believe that questions this personal and close to the heart need to be directed to a spiritual director, whether that's a priest or religious or whoever it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 [quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1321929440' post='2339243'] Again thank you for your thoughts. My vocation story is a long one and quite confusing, but in the end I know I am called to religious life. It is not what I wanted but I gave my will wholeheartedly to God and that is what He asked of me. I accepted joyful and I am humbled to have such a vocation. I do not have a sd and do not know where to get one so all my questions come here. Thank you. So in the end.... should I tell him I have a vocation and if we could remain friends? [/quote] I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I felt exactly the same as you before I entered religious life, It is indeed what God wanted for me -- for a time. I never thought it would happen, but one day I was called to move on. And now, as you can see form my profile picture, I am called to a different, permanent vocation. I'm not giving you advice about having a boyfriend, but I do want you to know that if God intends to fulfill your heart completely in religious life, He will. And if He intends for you to be satisfied in married life, he will lead you to that in His time as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andibc Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 The Church does not encourage dating unless there is an intent of marriage. What is the proper end of dating except marriage? Traditionally, dating was strictly limited in Catholic families and only since the 60s has it become seen as something that a person has a right to do just for fun. Focus on Christ and him alone. It sounds like you are leading this fellow on, although I don't believe that is your intent. It is a very hard thing to give up the warm of an affectionate relationship, but you can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong with going out, or holding hands while you watch movies, as long as he knows your relationship isn't going anywhere in particular. It will probably even do you some good to have dated before you enter religious life - broader understanding of the opposite gender, better able to relate (when you're in the convent) to girls who are dating, practice at developiong relationshiops while setting limits, and all kinds of other things like that. But as I say, it's all pretty dependent on the assumption that you're not leading him on - or that he's not convincing himself that he can convince you not to enter when it's time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3franciscans Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Thank you all for your responses. Since getting a sd will not be happening in the near future I emailed a close friend discerning the priesthood and asked him for his advice. He knows me better than anyone else I know and I believe he will help. Please keep me in your prayers. God Bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brandelynmarie Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Prayers that you are lead to where God wants you...peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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