Lay Orders

[let_go_let_God]

Let me give you the quick version of my life and spirituality. I am a young (25), newly married woman, working as a youth minster and director of religious education in a small parish. I am kept quite busy with this job let alone anything else that I am looking at. I attended a Benedictine operated college and have been exposed to Benedictine spirituality enough to know I value it but it isn't quite the "niche" I am looking for.

I am highly reluctant to speak to my pastor about all of this because he's my boss. There are also more personal/professional boundaries that get blurred because I want to find the right order for me. I also don't want my boss to look at me differently because of my personal life and choices. I am reluctant to go to our associate pastor because he is A) the pastor's best friend and B) he just left the Arch Abby at St. Meinrad to pursue parish ministry. I also don't want to ask any of the priests in the deanery because it would feel awkward for me.

I had a priest friend that I would talk with frequently that in hindsight was probably the closest thing to a spiritual director I had. Just with distance, I don't know if it would be wise to ask him formally to be a spiritual director.

With my job and how I like to pray, I would say I would lean more towards the Dominicans. With my job I have reasons to research different orders and I feel myself more closely related to their charisms. Unfortunately the nearest religious orders to me are a minimum 2 hour driving distance, so I wouldn't be within covert driving distance.

I have also thought about groups such as Opus Dei as well but I'm not sure what I think about them yet.

Me in a nut shell. Thank you all for your help, it just feels odd to be the married woman who firmly knew religious life was not for her now back again, looking for a vocation. I honestly find myself a bit backwards at the moment.

God bless-
LGLG

[AnneLine]

Hi, all,

I'm really not ignoring any you or teasing you by not posting the info on lay communities - just SUPER busy this week! I will try to get some links up tomorrow (Saturday). I am thinking of ONE thread but separate it from this one - 'Lay Vocation - Information on Different Options' or something like that. That way the info on the orders will be separate from the rest of this discussion, and hopefully easier to keep the info current and in one spot -- its own drawer so to speak.

My hope is that once the bare bones of that will be set up, we can all add to it under each 'order' as we find videos, etc. Does this make sense, and do you like this idea?

[AnneLine]

let_go_let_God,

easily 90 - 95% of the people who contact my community have a story that strongly resembles yours. Many have some idea of spiritiuality - or of NOT which spirituality - and a feeling of being called... but if feels odd discerning because they are married... or know they may be called to marriage... or for some other reason they just can't quite see how this would all fit together. (Think of Mary at the Annunciation, "... how, then, can this be?" Not doubt, just.... not quite sure how it will play out.

That's the right spirit to be discerning -- because it gives God a whole lot of space to play! And you will be with others who have been there, done this, both the formation team AND the rest of the community. So be at peace and take it one step at a time.

I understand the delicacy of your position with the priests and others you mention. I understand why you don't want to go through your boss and/or possibly the priests around you. Often they don't know enough about a lay vocation to know how to advise you....You may be able to get some good discernment help from the secular communities... many communities do have knowledge of what is in the area.... and there are even a few that allow 'distance' members of one form or another.

If God gives you the 'vocation', somehow the 'location' part will work itself out. At one point we had people commuting from 50 miles to the east, 40 miles to the north and south...and of course a lot of people who were closer geographically. Because of the physical distance (even a few miles can create problems for those without transport) so we tend to do a lot by phone and email for those who have it.... and prayer of course! But every community is different!

By the way -- the biggest 'penance' for most Seculars seems to be fitting in a normal human life (family, work, responsibliities to the bigger community parish and secular) AND trying to get the prayer life and to make time for informal 'community' life. Rather like, how do you make time for your prayer life, for whatever you do in your human life, with your family, with your friends.... and still find time to create our community on Phatmass? If you 'belong' here, the time to do this happens, right?. Maybe not as much as you would like, but it happens. Same thing with being in a lay order... you are able to make the time for the prayer life and the study. you want to connect with your community (and with individual members of it) because you have something special together, and those bonds are designed to help you grow closer to God and the spirituality of the order. The difference is that you just don't live in the same space on a day-to-day basis, and while it can be hard to be that 'alone' sometimes, it can be a benefit, by the way, for those who want SOME community but realize that they aren't called to live with people 24:7 - not that they hate people, but they just do better more on their own....

Gotta run now -- our Community has a Final profession tonight in my Lay Community! The man who is professing had MANY problems finding the right community and serious physical issues, too. He told me the other day that now he realizes that all of it has helped him find and mature his vocation.... and that he knows he would not have made it without this group of people sharing community with him. That was a wonderful thing to hear!

Keep him in your prayer today - he is SO excited!!!!!) Yes, men and women really do MAKE IT in secular orders and in religious orders! Really!

And it's a fantastic vocation for those who have been given it!

[let_go_let_God]

I have good news and I have meh news.

Good news, I am fairly certain that this is something that I am supposed to look into and try to find. Whether I find an order or not, that is up to God to help me as I draw closer to him.

Meh news, the SD hunt isn't going so well. I finally gained the courage to talk to our associate pastor, and while he couldn't do it (and that's ok) I've been referred to ask one of the diocesan employees who I don't have the greatest track record with. I would be fine if our relationship was one based on mutual work, but it's more along the lines of I'm too young and inexperienced, so therefore I have nothing of value.

Secondly, I'm getting slightly discouraged that I'm not finding any third orders anywhere close to me. I know many communities try to have a once a month meeting (minimum) but the distances I would have to drive for a day long event are starting to border the time I would need to try and find a hotel room. That is an extra expense I cannot afford. I would love to be able to afford it, but it's something that would be a deterrent to me joining. That on top of the price of gas.

So that's where I'm at.

God bless-
LGLG

[Feankie]

LGLG,
Have you tried any convents/monasteries near you for a SD? Also, there should be a diocesan directory of SD's available. Thirdly, there is a national organization here in the US for spiritual directors. Have you googled SD's on line? You might find a treasure trove of info. there for you. There are many SD's that aren't affilated with an Arch/Diocese - myself being one of them. I have some directees that have been seeing me for years, and they graciously refer others to me as well. Some SD's charge a fee per session, others do not. I'm one of the latter. I keep a little basket by the door that has a note on it that all contributions will be given to the Arch for their hunger program. Sometimes I get nothing, other times people are very generous. But I digress..... I wish you all the best in finding a SD as one is a wonderful thing to have (not tooting my own horn, but it is!)