Something We All Should Think About Before Dating

[carmelite15]

I know many of us think of dating when we are discerning religious life but I have to tell you I had have this happen and I have given in I'm not gonna lie but to only back out a day later. But I remember this one giy wanting to ask me out and I said Yes at first but to only have my heart saying Nooo!!! But later that next day I wrote him a poem. Its called "He is talking me with Him" Unknown, my beloved is coming for me very soon. He has really takin ahold to my hand he asked me to come with him. I was walking along with Our Lord I seen you (unknown ) and I set right by you talking to you, you made me laugh, cry, and think of all the things a man and women should have together. I was thinking like any human woman would but in a instant I seen Our Lord on his knees with tears runing down his face He said "don't leave me for wasn't It I who had his eyes on you first didn't you tell me
when you came of age you would leave everything behind and we would make Our lifes in the desert? I have never givin up on you my sweet bride please don't give up on me. For many have told me Lord, Lord I am willing to give you everything but to only leave me with no hand to hold and no one to go in to the desert with. Never leave me". This is how I feel (unknown) .

[savvy]

I had to turn three guys down. I pursued the relationships because I was trying to convince myself that I did not have a vocation. I told them we could still be friends, but never heard from them after that.

[FutureSister2009]

I am starting to open myself up to the possibility of dating. It may or may not ever happen but no guy has ever asked me out so if it does happen, I would like to take advantage of it because you never know where it may lead. It may be God showing you your true Vocation.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I am too young to date, but right now I am just really wishing I were at the convent NOW, and I know it will be hard, but it is everything I want, sacrifices and all, I want it. NOW. But I can't have it. *sigh* I used to think that I would date before entering the convent in a relationship where we would both be discerning our vocations, but right now, I want the religious life more and more each day. I need that silence with my Jesus. I'm not sure if there will be time for me to date, because I feel that Jesus is calling me as soon as I can come to Him.

[MithLuin]

I know this won't help at all (as in, won't make it one wit easier), but consider the time that you have to wait as one of the sacrifices you have to make. Offer that to Jesus - he called you NOW, and you are responding...by saying YES but waiting as patiently as you possibly can until it is time.

I realize that many orders are not even open to communication about a possible vocation until you are 18, but that does not mean that you can't visit convents (simply as a visitor) and seek out a spiritual director to help you on your way. And who knows? You might find that doors open to you earlier than you thought possible!



As for the dating question...it's very important to keep in mind that using another person is never the Christian or loving thing to do. Do not date someone just to date, or because you feel like you should check it off before 'seriously' pursuing religious life. Obviously, there are people who never dated in the convent, and there are people who have ex-boyfriends in the convent. I'm sure you could find people who have a variety of stories, so there's likely not just one right way to go about approaching this question. It might be worth considering dating a particular person rather than simply being open to dating in general, but as with anything in life.....pray about it.

Though I'll admit, that's a question that it's *very* difficult to remove the 'but I want....' from while praying!

There is never any reason to invite temptations against chastity, so there are definitely cases where I would recommend against dating - whether a person be called to marriage or religious life!

[EmilyAnn]

Y'know as a discerner the idea of dating never crossed my mind. If I already am sure I want to dedicate my life to Christ in religious life, it just seems pointless. Dating is a discernment for marriage so if you aren't called to marriage then why date? If you're thinking of entering religious life it would also be cruel to that person to date them, allow them to form those emotional attachments and bonds and then just ditch them the second the convent wants you. I realistically can't enter for at least another year or more, with studies and then my loans to consider. But until then I have to live patiently in the world, but live as close a life to my true calling as I can.

[Sarah147]

I don't believe in any courting/dating while discerning religious life. Not until I get a NO from the two orders will I know to discern SINGLE LIFE, and maybe marriage. I just think that dating while discerning is disaster and can pull you away.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Very true on the last three comments. Dating is for marriage. Period.

[savvy]

Yes, dating while discerning, is not advisable. I did it because I was in the denial stage about having a religious vocation. God has also protected me from entering into the wrong relationships or meeting the wrong people.

I think it's fabulous that so many of you know what you want.

Edited December 11, 2011 by savvy

[FutureSister2009]

I thought I did. I don't know for sure right now. I really did want the convent but now I am opening my mind up more. I know a girl who many of us thought for sure was convent bound. Then she went to school in California and met her boyfriend. They've been together for a few years now. Her mom said it looks like it might be a go. She talked to our Pastor and said how confused she was by it all and he told her to go for it because God sent him to her. So you really don't know. I'm trying to keep that in mind.

[carmelite15]

for anyone who didnt understand my full pont i meant it to come out as not dating when fully discerning religious life.

[InPersonaChriste]

Dating and discerning religious life never crossed my mind until I saw it on an FAQ on the Nashville Dominican site.

I think its because I have always considered Dating as a form of discernment. And that I could never enter a discernment period with a man, and enter a discernment period with a community because I would end up really really confused.

Prayers

[LinaSt.Cecilia2772]

See for me I have been asked out by several guys (not that i'm proud of it), but it's weird because as much as I try to say to myself I dont have a religious vocation, the thought always comes back to my head everytime I see something that relates to being a sister or nun. As much as it scares me to read the vocation station threads, I can't stop reading them. I feel so torn between the two because in a long time from now I do want to be married and have a family, but I do feel a aching in my heart to enter the convent. I do have someone in my life who I have known since the 7th grade (we are now juniors in high school), and there is something different about him that I honestly can't figure out. We met at a diocesan catholic youth retreat and the relationship has always been very complicated yet so different than I have ever felt before about anyone. God has many plans for people and since we've known eachother for so long, maybe God wants us to move on to hear what He wants for us, or maybe I have a vocation and it's not meant to be. I'm not committing to anything with him anytime soon, but I keep asking God to show me what all these feelings mean between the two situations, but I haven't seen or figured it out yet. Only time and prayer can help you realize what's best for both situations whether its dating or discerning your religious vocation.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='LinaSt.Cecilia2772' timestamp='1323654503' post='2349488']
See for me I have been asked out by several guys (not that i'm proud of it), but it's weird because as much as I try to say to myself I dont have a religious vocation, the thought always comes back to my head everytime I see something that relates to being a sister or nun. As much as it scares me to read the vocation station threads, I can't stop reading them. I feel so torn between the two because in a long time from now I do want to be married and have a family, but I do feel a aching in my heart to enter the convent. I do have someone in my life who I have known since the 7th grade (we are now juniors in high school), and there is something different about him that I honestly can't figure out. We met at a diocesan catholic youth retreat and the relationship has always been very complicated yet so different than I have ever felt before about anyone. God has many plans for people and since we've known eachother for so long, maybe God wants us to move on to hear what He wants for us, or maybe I have a vocation and it's not meant to be. I'm not committing to anything with him anytime soon, but I keep asking God to show me what all these feelings mean between the two situations, but I haven't seen or figured it out yet. Only time and prayer can help you realize what's best for both situations whether its dating or discerning your religious vocation.
[/quote]
Praying for you, girl.

[LinaSt.Cecilia2772]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1323655139' post='2349496']
Praying for you, girl.
[/quote]

thank you. praying for you as well on your religious journey!

[MarysLittleFlower]

I was advised not to date while discerning religious life.. only if i discern marriage. It can get very confusing that way. It can also be a big distraction.

Edited December 12, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[TheresaThoma]

I have once heard discernment for religious life as "dating God" which I think is true. You wouldn't date two guys at once, so why date a guy and God? That said if you are in a relationship and start "poking around" the possibility of religious life that would be ok, just as long as you are honest with the guy that you are dating. In the early stages of discernment I wouldn't be in a big hurry to dump a guy just because you are thinking about the possibility of religious life. Eventually you will have to make a decision as to continue dating the guy (discerning marriage) or to go further with discerning religious life.
This is just my opinion though so take it with a grain of salt.

[faithcecelia]

I was hours away from getting engaged when I realised God was calling me to be a nun. The relationship had needed serious discernment already as my boyfriend was also discerning a call to the Anglican priesthood and I needed to be sure if I could handle being a vicars wife so its not as if God was kept out of our relationship! Discernment is about asking God to show His plan for our lives, if we ignore the prompting we are not truely discerning. It would be wrong to lead someone on but...

[faithcecelia]

I do not think its wrong to tell someone who asks you out that you are discerning and then slowly and tentatively see what happens - that person may be the answer to your question of what does God will.

[savvy]

[quote]I do not think its wrong to tell someone who asks you out that you are discerning and then slowly and tentatively see what happens - that person may be the answer to your question of what does God will. [/quote]

I did do this, and got positive responses, but never heard back from them.