Where Wholesome, Godly Spouses Are To Be Found?

[Sarah147]

Hello,

So I wonder, I don't see it in my area, but I saw some really wholesome, innocent in every way, homeschooled, godly, spiritual, loving, kind men in their twenties near a shrine in the past. But I don't live there. Where are such people to be found? Yes, I'm just thinking ahead and curious as to the answers.

[StClare_OraProNobis]

You wouldn't be open to someone who has converted from a less than perfect past?

[FutureSister2009]

That's a good question. I'd like to know where they are too

[krissylou]

Des Moines. They're all in Des Moines.
















Okay that was a lie. I made that up. There's nothing special about Des Moines.

"Innocent in every way" people (or anywhere close) are found in heaven. Only in heaven. And in heaven there is no marrying nor giving in marriage.

Between now and then there are a bunch of sorry characters. Including me. Including you. And including everyone else around.

That having been said, lots of churches have strong young adults' ministries and those people marry each other on a frequent basis!

Edited December 13, 2011 by krissylou

[she_who_is_not]

I don't think it works that way.

[MissyP89]

Appearances can be deceiving.

And half the fun of discerning marriage is growing together. You're going to be hard-pressed to find a man who's already perfect.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1323736755' post='2350032']
Appearances can be deceiving.

And half the fun of discerning marriage is growing together. You're going to be hard-pressed to find a man who's already perfect.
[/quote]
The only man who is perfect is Jesus. My mom once told my sister she'd never find a man who was perfect, because my sister was having boy issues. So, what does my sister do? She joins the convent to marry Jesus.
But yes, we all have our imperfections and part of the point of marriage is to help each other improve. And I'd be awfully wary of anyone who seems too perfect to begin with.

[Totus Tuus]

I found mine while wandering around Florida and Georgia as a field agent for Students for Life of America. He was hiding in a Newman Club lounge at a big school in Florida... but I found him! haha!

[got2luvjc]

I believe they're on a pirate ship in the South Pacific. If you hurry, you can catch up with them before then pass thru the Bermuta Triangle.

[Cherie]

No man you're looking for is going to be perfect. Or fit the "ideal" of what you're dreaming of in a prospective spouse. He may come close in many ways, but in many ways he will be a fallen human being just like the rest of us, who will fall short and require forgiveness like we all do. Marriage, though amazing and so beautiful, is also very hard, and part of that is simply dealing with the day-to-day faults, quirks, annoyances, etc. that you find in the other person. It drives us to become more holy and virtuous, to make sacrifices for this person we have chosen to and vowed to love and honor for the rest of our lives, to forgive faults and let petty annoyances slide, but for many people all that difficulty drives them up a wall, and if they don't have a foundation in the meaning of Christian marriage and what TRUE LOVE really consists of (and that those "warm fuzzies" are nice but not the foundation of a marriage!), they get divorced...hence the crazy number of divorces in today's world.

That being said, I don't think there is any problem in setting high standards for a man you will marry. Not unrealistic standards, but standards. I will be honest; a prerequisite for me was that the man I married had to have saved himself for marriage. That's not to say I don't think there are amazing, wonderful men out there who made mistakes but converted and would make a wonderful husband, and that God couldn't use a man like that to become my spouse if He desired. But due to my emotional and psychological makeup, I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle my future husband having slept with someone in the past. And while I was always open to whatever God wanted from me, if the man I was courting revealed that information to me, it would be a very possible "deal breaker." That was an important issue to me, something I felt strongly about and something I felt (through true prayer, discernment, and self-knowledge) that God desired for me as well. If He wanted to give me a man who had made mistakes, converted, and became a faithful Catholic, I trusted He would make it known. Until then, it was a strong standard of mine.

But definitely be wary of unrealistic expectations in regard to your potential future spouse, because that's a recipe for disappointment and resentment. Especially at our age, I don't think anyone is "innocent in every way"; we have to make room for faults in our potential spouse, because we have countless faults, as well.

[CatherineM]

I found mine on Ave Maria Singles.

[Little Flower]

ME!!!!!*

[size=1]*offer not valid at all times. Cannot be redeemed if currently in a convent. Only applicable to male applicants. This may not be combined with any other offers. Subject to restrictions, see ME! for more details.[/size]

Edited December 13, 2011 by Little Flower

[InPersonaChriste]

The man finds you,

[MissyP89]

Another thought I've been considering, thanks to Cherie's excellent post:

She's correct in saying to have standards, and even "dealbreaker" items on your list. But the key is to not be so rigid with them that your heart is closed to what God may be trying to accomplish by bringing certain people in your life.

When I first met my boyfriend, he didn't have many of the things I needed in a man. Then, as we started to spend time together, something happened: he started to change. God started to work on his heart. And it wasn't until months later that I realized he made a complete 180-degree transformation into someone I wanted to be with.

So I guess what I'm saying is to not be so quick to write a man off because he has certain flaws. Holiness, remember, is a process.

Edited December 13, 2011 by MissyP89

[Strictlyinkblot]

I used to love reading romances, trashy or otherwise. I wanted the perfect hero. Then I grew up and realised that there's no perfect men or perfect heros this side of heaven. There will be times when they let you down and you let them down, that they just plain annoy you. For me I gradually came to realise that I didn't want to settle for a man, I wanted the perfect man. Jesus is my soul mate, he will never let me down (even if it feels that way sometimes), he will love me perfectly always and forever.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Strictlyinkblot' timestamp='1323762968' post='2350267']
I used to love reading romances, trashy or otherwise. I wanted the perfect hero. Then I grew up and realised that there's no perfect men or perfect heros this side of heaven. There will be times when they let you down and you let them down, that they just plain annoy you. For me I gradually came to realise that I didn't want to settle for a man, I wanted the perfect man. Jesus is my soul mate, he will never let me down (even if it feels that way sometimes), he will love me perfectly always and forever.
[/quote]
My sister told me the only problem is that when there is a problem in the relationship, you know it's your fault and your fault alone. But she never has to worry about an over-bearing mother-in-law.

[Strictlyinkblot]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1323763499' post='2350269']
My sister told me the only problem is that when there is a problem in the relationship, you know it's your fault and your fault alone. But she never has to worry about an over-bearing mother-in-law.
[/quote]

Yup, that's the problem with dealing with the perfect man. You are always in the wrong.

[OnlySunshine]

I met a young woman when I went to visit the RSMs last month who told the Vocation Director that she truly believe she was not called to marriage. She just couldn't envision herself marrying a man. For some reason, the VD told her that she needed to sort out her issues with marriage, but I think she was confused about what the young woman was saying. My friend told me that she meant that she couldn't envision marrying just any man -- she wanted to be a bride of Christ. She is now discerning with the cloistered Carmelites and is very serious. She's already made a visit. I just find it kind of strange that the VD had an issue with my friend not wanting to discern marriage. She wasn't saying that she thought that all men were awful or that marriage was horrible or anything. I mean, if she had, I would totally agree with the VD. But she made it clear that marriage was just NOT for her.

As for me, I am staying open to the idea of marriage. I think religious life is officially ruled out because I have visited all the communities that have appealed to me and haven't found THE one. So, I am on to discerning the Sacrament of Marriage and Consecrated Single Life (including Consecrated Virginity and Secular Orders).

[Nunsense]

Where do you find these paragons of virtue?

why at phatmass of course! I thought everyone knew that!!

Edited December 13, 2011 by nunsense

[Antigonos]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323735299' post='2350019']
Hello,

So I wonder, I don't see it in my area, but I saw some really wholesome, innocent in every way, homeschooled, godly, spiritual, loving, kind men in their twenties near a shrine in the past. But I don't live there. Where are such people to be found? Yes, I'm just thinking ahead and curious as to the answers.
[/quote]

Don't look for them; let them find you. I know, much easier said than done!