Feeling 'stuck'

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1332970817' post='2409811']
EmilyAnn, how are you doing with this? I have been thinking about you recently and wondering whether you'd decided to tell your mother you're still looking at monastic life. And whether you'll be going for a live-in at the abbey! Hope things are feeling less stuck?
[/quote]

Sadly no I haven't told her at all. I had emotional troubles for many years when I was younger, largely due to being severely bullied for several years at the beginning of my teenage years. It's not something I've ever really been open about but it caused me a lot of pain and led me to self-harm. My mother has only recently found out about this and it has upset her deeply, something I truly never intended to do. I'm heading home next week for Easter so I expect that to be a very emotional few weeks. She has mentioned my discernment, albeit in her typical very veiled way, so I don't know if she'll mention it or what I'll say. It'll be one of those things where I'll just have to feel the moment (something I should have done the first time I told her) but I think that this may not be the right time to mention it.

I'm thinking of doing another short retreat at the abbey to give me another chance to speak to Sr Mary David and clear my thoughts a bit. I'm trying to take things a bit slower now, I think at the beginning of my discernment I had such fervour that I wanted to get it all done right away. I've left university temporarily so that's taken a lot of my focus for the moment. Now that I'm going to be in the city for longer I'm hoping to get involved in some kind of ministry at my parish. I'm not sure what yet, I'm not fussy - I just want to be involved.

[marigold]

[quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1332973347' post='2409824']
Sadly no I haven't told her at all. I had emotional troubles for many years when I was younger, largely due to being severely bullied for several years at the beginning of my teenage years. It's not something I've ever really been open about but it caused me a lot of pain and led me to self-harm. My mother has only recently found out about this and it has upset her deeply, something I truly never intended to do. I'm heading home next week for Easter so I expect that to be a very emotional few weeks. She has mentioned my discernment, albeit in her typical very veiled way, so I don't know if she'll mention it or what I'll say. It'll be one of those things where I'll just have to feel the moment (something I should have done the first time I told her) but I think that this may not be the right time to mention it.

I'm thinking of doing another short retreat at the abbey to give me another chance to speak to Sr Mary David and clear my thoughts a bit. I'm trying to take things a bit slower now, I think at the beginning of my discernment I had such fervour that I wanted to get it all done right away. I've left university temporarily so that's taken a lot of my focus for the moment. Now that I'm going to be in the city for longer I'm hoping to get involved in some kind of ministry at my parish. I'm not sure what yet, I'm not fussy - I just want to be involved.
[/quote]

Ok. Sounds good - the part about another retreat and taking it slower. I'm sorry to hear things are upset with your mother. I will pray for you especially over the coming weeks!