sixpence Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Hi Pham, I feel like there is a 99% chance this thread already exists, but I couldn't find it! So, as some of you may know, I am currently dating; but lately, as I have continued to develop my faith (and probably from spending time on phatmass) I have realized that I had hardly even thought about what God wants me to do with my life... when I started dating I was definitely in the "marriage is the obvious option" mindset (as it seems so many are); but as soon as I realized that I should at least consider other options, I cannot get the idea of religious life out of my head. However, I am pretty lost. I have no idea how to even begin really learning about this option, never mind actually discerning if it is what God wants. Besides that, I'm honestly pretty freaked out about the whole idea, but I still feel totally interested in looking into it... So....help? advice? random comments? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joan Marie Wandel Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Well I would start by getting a spiritual director and anoher thing is too look at orders if you want to. Also here is webpage i found helpful to me http://www.vocationnetwork.org/main?m=0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tally Marx Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I just spoke with some Confirmation students on the subject of why we discern, and how to begin. It's short almost to the point of shallowness, but I suppose it covers the basics. http://www.thehiddenbattles.blogspot.com/2012/04/confirmation-is-like-graduation.html Discernment begins with being open; it begins by asking God what He wants and being willing to say "yes" when He answers the question. After that, it is a continual process of learning and prayer. What it concretely looks like is pretty simple, though. I began my discernment by tentatively requesting information about different Orders from Vocations Placement. I looked at different websites of different Orders, learned about religious life in general and what it was. After a year or two, I found myself more and more attracted to the religious life, and began to see it not only as *an* option, but as perhaps *the* option. So, I found a Spiritual Director to help me along. I began to visit convents and monasteries, and to talk directly with Orders I felt drawn to (what I and others call "actively discerning") Needless to say, prayer ran through the entire process, though my prayer life has grown steadier and more strong as I continue my discernment, because it was necessary and because learning about religious life helped me learn more about prayer, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Probably the most tedious advice. Pray, take sacraments as frequently as possible, and if possible, find a good spiritual director. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 If there are any Religious near you see if you can attend one of their Masses, Vespers or Morning Prayer. Some communities will have one or more of these open to the public so you can just "drop in" and get a feel. I know attending Vespers with the Dominican Brothers really helped me in my discernment. And pray! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Just become a Carmelite. Done. Haha just kidding. Anyway, everyone stole my answers. If want to know what NOT to do read the first two posts on my new blog. Let's Start Over and Let's Continue. I smell of elderberries at discerning, but I am improving.Wow, just realized that sounded like a really bad plug. Apologies.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I agree with what everyone else said. Discernment takes a while. If possible I suggest you make a retreat, either a private one, a lot of monasteries have rooms for this purpose or a more structured one. The DSMME retreats are meant to be really good for just general discernment, even though obv the focus is on their order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Don't look at a lot of communities at once. Be very picky. But be open. It's a hard balance but one that must be kept. Not picky as in what you want, but picky as in don't just look at EVERY single community. That's what drove me insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PadrePioOfPietrelcino Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 One thing I have learned in my discernment towards the Diocesan Priesthood is that at some point, if you seriously feel like their even MIGHT be a call to the religious life, you will need to go on a dating fast...i.e. stop dating. IMHO the sooner the better. we can not hear God's voice for our lives if we are busy doing what we want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantellata Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I would personally suggest, prior to any dating fast, that you throw in a daily adoration time and let the idea marinate in prayer. I have no idea how serious your present relationship is, but there is another person's heart to be considered here. Not that you let it affect what God may be calling you to do in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Thanks for all the advice guys!! [quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1333972169' post='2414765'] I would personally suggest, prior to any dating fast, that you throw in a daily adoration time and let the idea marinate in prayer. I have no idea how serious your present relationship is, but there is another person's heart to be considered here. Not that you let it affect what God may be calling you to do in the long run. [/quote] Yes, this is something I need to take into consideration; through my own failure I had not even given any thought to becoming a religious until just this past month or two, and I am currently in a rather long term relationship. I told him recently that I was curious about discernment, but I don't think he realized how serious I was (I will rectify this soon). At this point, before I have even really talked to anyone about this or spent time much time looking into it, or praying about it, I think it would be rather hasty to throw away this good relationship when I still think I could be called to married life. If feel that as long as he is well informed about all this, it is ok for now. Has anyone else been through anything similar? PS~I am usually good at teknologees and the internetz, so this is embarrassing, but can someone finally please tell me how to use the multiquote?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tally Marx Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 [quote name='sixpence' timestamp='1333976594' post='2414783'] Thanks for all the advice guys!! Yes, this is something I need to take into consideration; through my own failure I had not even given any thought to becoming a religious until just this past month or two, and I am currently in a rather long term relationship. I told him recently that I was curious about discernment, but I don't think he realized how serious I was (I will rectify this soon). At this point, before I have even really talked to anyone about this or spent time much time looking into it, or praying about it, I think it would be rather hasty to throw away this good relationship when I still think I could be called to married life. If feel that as long as he is well informed about all this, it is ok for now. Has anyone else been through anything similar? PS~I am usually good at teknologees and the internetz, so this is embarrassing, but can someone finally please tell me how to use the multiquote?? [/quote] Sorry, the multiquote never worked for me. It looks just like regular old "quote" so I just copy and paste the time stamp and end quote where I need it and make my own multiple quotes. You are not alone in your ignorance! lol. Similar? I suppose so. I dated my boyfriend for two years before I began actively discerning, and he knew about it before then. I told him I was attracted to the RL, and let him know I was looking into it, and why. When I began actively discerning, my Spiritual Director advised me to break up with him in order to focus better on discerning the religious life and my community. I cannot say whether this was a good choice or a bad choice. It led to a lot of pain. Tobias (my xbf) decided to "wait for me". I wasn't really comfortable with that, because it was distracting for me and because it made me feel ten levels of guilty (he was wasting his life for me, after all) but he stubbornly refused to go away. He insisted on waiting, but he didn't like it either and got depressed, etc. His parents hate me, and my parents think I'm an idiot. If I had to break up with again, I think I would make sure he didn't wait. No talking, no being friends, move to another state, etc. I think that would have made it easier. Anyway, some good did come out of the decision. I was able to focus more on the religious life and prayer, and was very happy with "my sisters" for a while. Us not being together also made Toby begin to think about his vocation, and he discerned the priesthood for a while. Him having to compete with God, I think, also made him strive more for holiness. He's grown in his Faith a lot since then. The fact that he waited also proved his love and faithfulness (or maybe stubborness (I'm not talking waiting months here, I'm speaking of years (little over one year, actually))). And now (since I personally haven't made any spiritual progress in a while) we are thinking of getting back together again. (That may have been a fluke; he may have just happened to be more faithful/stubborn than I was dawdling. Or maybe God knew about everything all along, and it all happened for a reason...). The ordeal isn't over yet. All I can say about the whole thing is that it really helped me to trust in God. And if I ever give any advice (which, my discernment is really too messed up in this area to give any) I would say just trust. Pray before you find your SD, make sure he/she is a holy person, and that God wants them to be your SD. And then listen to them. Do what they tell you in holy obedience. Try not to listen to what other people say, especially if they are criticizing your decisions. And just trust in God. He'll never let you down. But if you aren't actively discerning and your SD hasn't said differently, then I would say don't worry about it. You don't need to break up with your bf, because you don't need the "quiet time" that necessitates it. Just be open and honest with your bf about the entire thing, and tell him the second anything changes.Wow. That was long and rather useless now that I read it. Sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Confession, the Eucharist, Confession, the Eucharist, Confession, the Eucharist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 [quote name='Tally Marx' timestamp='1333979946' post='2414803'] Wow. That was long and rather useless now that I read it. Sorry! [/quote] No, I don't think that was useless at all! Thanks for posting!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1333981134' post='2414810'] Confession, the Eucharist, Confession, the Eucharist, Confession, the Eucharist. [/quote] I think this is one this I will have no problems with! For about a year I have been trying to go to daily Mass at least once or twice a week, but I went everyday during Holy Week and it was so amesome, it might just stick! We also have Confessions and Adoration every Monday night on campus, which I intend to take advantage of! Unfortunately, that will probably end when the undergrads leave in May Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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