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I went to the ER today. I had an attack in Chemistry. It lasted for over an hour. I had had another one Tuesday night. Symptoms started presenting themselves in mass then it really began when I was at bible study. At the ER today, the doc diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder. It's only getting worse. I don't know what to do. I am praying more. I am offering up my sufferings for priests and for souls. I am not asking for consolation, but only detachment. But I am becoming only more attached to Lafayette. I have to detatch myself so I can figure things out, but I can't. I am so scared. The Xanax isn't working. None of the medicine the doc has prescribed has helped. Now I can't even help out with middle school ministry because they are worried that I will have an attack at the events. I feel so useless. I have been brushed off to the side. I know that God is using this to remind me that I must become meek and humble. But I am complaining and failing so much. I am constantly living in this fear that I will have another attack. My school is in the middle of finals. This isnt helping! I already have so much on my plate, and now all of this?!?? I am not strong enough to persevere in religious life. This proves it. If I can't control this, how can I control my interior life? I can't do anything. I am useless. I am so scared. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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You have a very serious anxiety disorder. I also have an anxiety disorder. Medication can only do so much and after a while it doesn't work very well. If you are taking it often enough, sometimes it s

Why can't you still go on retreat and be on the core team? I suffered from a chronic anxiety disorder for years, and although I no longer meet diagnostic criteria I still have quite an anxious temp

"Pray hope, and don't worry." Everything is in God's hands. The other day, I saw a man walking his little puppy down the road. When he went to cross the street, he picked up the puppy into

Oh, honey, it will all be ok. You've got school (and high school is stressful), and retreat ministry, and so many other things on your plate. Take tomorrow off and just rest. Don't wake up early, just sleep until you wake up. Sickness doesn't mean that God is trying to show you to be meek and humble. Sickness is natural, and these types of attacks are telling you how to slow down. God wants you to relax.

I"ll be praying for you.

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[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1335486110' post='2423748']
Oh, honey, it will all be ok. You've got school (and high school is stressful), and retreat ministry, and so many other things on your plate. Take tomorrow off and just rest. Don't wake up early, just sleep until you wake up. Sickness doesn't mean that God is trying to show you to be meek and humble. Sickness is natural, and these types of attacks are telling you how to slow down. God wants you to relax.

I"ll be praying for you.
[/quote]

We have a retreat the weekend after next. Mrs. T might not let me do the middle school retreat. If I can't do that, how am I supposed to be on core team anymore? I am useless. I can't plan events, I can't staff. What can I do? Nothing.

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[quote name='the171' timestamp='1335486592' post='2423749']
We have a retreat the weekend after next. Mrs. T might not let me do the middle school retreat. If I can't do that, how am I supposed to be on core team anymore? I am useless. I can't plan events, I can't staff. What can I do? Nothing.
[/quote]

You. can. do. anything. Let time decide; you have two weeks until the retreat. Your doctors will be able to help you.

A few years ago, I had a similar situation. I started seeing spots in my vision; sometimes they got so bad I couldn't go to school. After one eye exam, the doctors wanted me to get MRIs and EEGs to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor. After that, I was sent to Philadelphia for more eye exams to determine if it was a problem with my eyes. I was so worried; I wanted to be a sister, but who would accept someone who could have a tumor?

It was all for naught. Everything turned out ok. I reduced my stress load and it was fine. I'm sure Mrs. T and the core team understand that you are on medical leave now. Medical issues happen to everyone, and it will get better.

Message me if you want to talk.

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FutureCarmeliteClaire

God has BIG plans for you my dear. We hardly ever understand them. Just when we think He wants us to go one direction, He shows us another way. Don't worry about Laffy. You have several years until you can even enter. You need to fix what is wrong, and not worry about what will be going on in a few years. For all we know, things could be totally different in year. Just be silent and listen, but don't get frustrated when you can't hear anything. God won't give you anything you can't handle, and trust me, I am ALWAYS reminding myself that, and I wish he did not think I was so strong.

You know I am there if you need me. Hang in there, and I am praying for you with my day, every day.

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I meant to say the weekend after this weekend. But i also wanted to say next weekend so they got mixed. I just can't be on medical leave. I MUST give these kids everything I have because someone did that for me once. This isnt just a possibility. It's a reality now... I hate it. I will accept this suffering and offer it up for souls, but I cannot say that I love it. I know. "you have to take time for yourself." but I just can't.

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Its not Laffy I am worrying about. It's core team! The reason she might not let me go is because she feels that if I have an attack around the kids, they will get scared. It's also because she is worried that there will be more of a likelihood of an attack.

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FutureCarmeliteClaire

[quote name='the171' timestamp='1335488418' post='2423765']
Its not Laffy I am worrying about. It's core team! The reason she might not let me go is because she feels that if I have an attack around the kids, they will get scared. It's also because she is worried that there will be more of a likelihood of an attack.
[/quote]
Okay, I see. Sorry, misunderstood.

[quote name='the171' timestamp='1335488504' post='2423766']
We're trying to contact a counseling service.
[/quote]
Good.

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[quote name='the171' timestamp='1335488047' post='2423760']
I meant to say the weekend after this weekend. But i also wanted to say next weekend so they got mixed. I just can't be on medical leave. I MUST give these kids everything I have because someone did that for me once. This isnt just a possibility. It's a reality now... I hate it. I will accept this suffering and offer it up for souls, but I cannot say that I love it. I know. "you have to take time for yourself." but I just can't.
[/quote]
First of all, prayers for you!
Secondly, don't forget that prayer is powerful. If you can't physically go on this retreat, you can still pray. Pray for the kids. Pray for the team and pray for God's will to be done.

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