Update

[mantellata]

Many, many prayers dear. It is no fun what you are going through. Can I just re-iterate what others have said, that you are not useless, or letting God and others down if you give yourself a little TLC? You wouldn't treat a worn down, panic-stricken friend like you are treating yourself. Wouldn't you heap loads of consolation on a friend? Wouldn't God want you to do the same for yourself?

Also - you mentioned "how can I control my interior life if I cannot control my exterior life"...... well there's your "problem" - God never asked us to control anything! He does that. Take a loving look at a picture of Divine Mercy - He wants to wrap you in his arms and hold you and tell you with His solemn promise as [u]God[/u] that everything will be alright, that He loves you and through it all, even the worst times when you feel most abandoned, He's got you tightly wrapped in His embrace. He wants to "cure" you in His own time, through your trust and the help of those around you - including therapists.

It's not your fault. We love you, God loves you. I'm praying.

[Lumiere]

[quote name='the171' timestamp='1335488504' post='2423766']
We're trying to contact a counseling service.
[/quote]

Please be sure that you get some consistant counseling support. Drugs can only go so far. Please also take the time you need for yourself. I understand that you have responsibilities that you are worried about, but other people can step in until you get your feet under you again. What if you had had an accident? You would have to take the time to recover and no one would question your need to do so. Well, you have had an "accident" of a sort (possibly a build up of stress) which has led to these symptoms and you need to take the time to recover.

[Lumiere]

Duplicate Post

Edited April 27, 2012 by Lumiere

[Lumiere]

Duplicate Post

Edited April 27, 2012 by Lumiere

[ACS67]

Speaking from experience, the biggest problem with anxiety disorders is that we identify with the thoughts that caused the anxiety in the first place. What I mean is that "anxiety" in and of itself does not exist outside of your own mind and thoughts. So the next time an attack comes on, stop and say to yourself, "This isn't real. These are just my thoughts. I can change my thoughts." The Desert Fathers use to remind people and monks in particular to "monitor your thoughts." Our thoughts are often times our "worst enemy" particularly when we think they are "real."

I hope this makes since. It all sounds so overly simplistic but a person has to understand that anxiety does not exist outside of ones own thoughts. It takes time to get use to "catching your thoughts" and therefore controlling them, but you can do it, and little by little your anxiety will "disappear" just as quickly as thoughts do.

A simple exercise is to count your breathing when an attack comes on. Focus only on breathing in then breathing out and counting, 1, 2, 3....breathing in, breathing out 1....breathing in, breathing out 2, etc.

Edited April 27, 2012 by ACS67

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='the171' timestamp='1335485742' post='2423746']
I went to the ER today. I had an attack in Chemistry. It lasted for over an hour. I had had another one Tuesday night. Symptoms started presenting themselves in mass then it really began when I was at bible study. At the ER today, the doc diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder. It's only getting worse. I don't know what to do. I am praying more. I am offering up my sufferings for priests and for souls. I am not asking for consolation, but only detachment. But I am becoming only more attached to Lafayette. I have to detatch myself so I can figure things out, but I can't. I am so scared. The Xanax isn't working. None of the medicine the doc has prescribed has helped. Now I can't even help out with middle school ministry because they are worried that I will have an attack at the events. I feel so useless. I have been brushed off to the side. I know that God is using this to remind me that I must become meek and humble. But I am complaining and failing so much. I am constantly living in this fear that I will have another attack. My school is in the middle of finals. This isnt helping! I already have so much on my plate, and now all of this?!?? I am not strong enough to persevere in religious life. This proves it. If I can't control this, how can I control my interior life? I can't do anything. I am useless. I am so scared. I just don't know what to do anymore.
[/quote]

Having gone through this before when I turned 16 years old (about the same age as you are now), it felt like my whole world was turned upside down. Nothing felt right. I felt as though I couldn't do anything because I was always worried about when another attack would occur, which usually made one happen. For me, the trigger was often driving or riding in the car with someone because my anxiety and depression, though it is lifelong, was brought up when I realized a friend passed away in a car accident at 16 about 19 days before my birthday. I had to be home-schooled during 11th grade because I was unable to stay in class. The first day of school was awful. I had Spanish first and I tried so hard to sit in the classroom even though I wasn't feeling well and I had thrown up on my way to school (in the car). I could feel the blood drain out of my face and I knew I was going to be sick any minute so I asked the teacher for permission to leave and go to the clinic. I called my mom and pleaded with her to pick me up. That's when we knew something was VERY wrong and she took me to see the psychiatrist who officially diagnosed me. I was put on medication that made it seem as though I had bipolar disorder because I was so moody. I would get VERY angry for no reason at all. Once I got off that medication and on to a different one, it took about a month for me to feel better, but I had to go to regular therapy sessions.

After all the ups and downs I experienced, I know now that it is not me that brought this on. There is nothing I could have done to prevent this because it is a chemical imbalance in my brain. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OVER THIS! You have no control. Take your medication, report to the doctor regularly, get therapy -- but most importantly -- PRAY! That was the ultimate factor in my recovery -- staying close to God in the Sacraments. It took me 8 years to figure that out and I was so lost.

You must trust that you will get better. Don't dwell on your illness, otherwise, it will make it seem much worse than it really is. You can be your worse enemy or your best friend -- it's your choice. You are in my prayers. If you ever need to PM me, please do so. I know how awful anxiety attacks can be.

[Mary's Margaret]

As a stress therapist, I've worked with countless people suffering panic/anxiety disorders. Something that is helpful to know is that the panic attack happens at two levels: first, the actual panic attack which, physiologically, can only last so long; and the second level which is anxiety about the anxiety/panic attack. The second level you can learn to control, and the first level (the actual attack) you can learn to "ride" like surfing a wave.

The suggestion of seeking out a practitioner specializing in Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an excellent one as CBT is the clinically proven best approach for anxiety disorders.

In the meantime, if you have an attack, breathe slowly with the exhale slightly longer than the inhale (this tells your nervous system to stop sending out 'fight or flight' signals), focus on relaxing your body (especially shoulders and jaw) and remind yourself that it's not life-threatening and it will naturally run its course in a few minutes.

PLEASE work with your doctor to regulate your medication and find a CBT practitioner. You don't need to be suffering as much as you are from this condition when some relatively simple tools can help.

My prayers are with you.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

On a medical note, you should get yourself tested for strep throat. Sometimes un-detected strep throat can cause abnormal anxious behaviors. Yes, you have an anxiety disorder, but maybe you have something else that is making it worse right now.

Also, I am going to repeat what the others have said. Take some time to focus on yourself. Have some chocolate, rest, and see that therapist. Just the same way that you can't know God until you know yourself, you can't help others until you help yourself.

Edited April 27, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire

[beatitude]

[quote name='ACS67' timestamp='1335535803' post='2423916']
Speaking from experience, the biggest problem with anxiety disorders is that we identify with the thoughts that caused the anxiety in the first place. What I mean is that "anxiety" in and of itself does not exist outside of your own mind and thoughts. So the next time an attack comes on, stop and say to yourself, "This isn't real. These are just my thoughts. I can change my thoughts." The Desert Fathers use to remind people and monks in particular to "monitor your thoughts." Our thoughts are often times our "worst enemy" particularly when we think they are "real."

I hope this makes since. It all sounds so overly simplistic but a person has to understand that anxiety does not exist outside of ones own thoughts. It takes time to get use to "catching your thoughts" and therefore controlling them, but you can do it, and little by little your anxiety will "disappear" just as quickly as thoughts do.[/quote]

ACS, a lot of well-meaning people gave me this advice when I was suffering from acute anxiety. I would often end up injuring myself involuntarily because my distress got so bad; I would bite my arms and tear at my face with my nails until I was bleeding, all without really realising what I was doing. I already felt weak and out of control, and 171 seems to share that feeling: "If I can't control this, how can I control my interior life? I can't do anything." Anxiety makes you feel terribly out of control, and the sense of powerlessness is a heavy weight on your back. Sufferers spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to wrestle with and control their thoughts, reasoning that if they could do this they would feel better. Sometimes it leads to people trying obsessively to control everything and panicking if their daily routine has to be altered even slightly. I was like this.

This is harmful. Our minds aren't pliant lumps of dough. We can't always control them. An anxiety sufferer can't just make the anxiety attacks disappear by telling himself that they aren't real any more than a person with schizophrenia can make her hallucinations go away by telling herself that they aren't real. The 'it's all in your head' approach to mental distress makes little sense, as the implication is that the illness isn't genuine. After all, we wouldn't say to a diabetic, "It's all in your pancreas!" or to someone with a fractured tibia, "It's all in your leg!" even though technically speaking those things are true.

I can identify a turning point when I started to recover from the anxiety. I was in a bookshop and I could feel the panic closing in on me - sick feeling, palpitating heart, desire to run, desire to curl up under a table and hide, etc. I did neither of those things. I sat down on the floor by the bookshelf where I had been standing, and said to myself very gently, "You're anxious. You're on the brink of a panic attack. Nothing you can do about that. It will come, and it will go, and you'll still be here. Now let's ride it out."

It is like surfing huge waves. At first, 171, you will feel as though you are going to get knocked off the surfboard and drowned. You won't be. Learning to live with an anxiety disorder is not so much about learning to trust God (after all, everything in life can be used for that purpose if we let it) but learning how to trust yourself.

Counselling is very important in this. It is very unlikely that you developed an anxiety disorder for no reason. Having the support of a counsellor will help you to understand what triggered it, and to develop coping strategies. Think of it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better.

[ACS67]

I respect your post Beatitude but I disagree. We often time give too much power to our thoughts. My point is where does the anxiety exist? If I asked you or anyone suffering from anxiety to go and get me a bucket full of it where you would find it? Outside? on your skin? in your eye? in your ear? No. In your mind. I cannot say it enough, our thoughts are very VERY powerful. They can cause all kinds of physiological disorders, rapid heart rate, seizures, syncope, etc. etc. This is very well documented. That is why cognitive therapy works over medication, because cognitive therapy works to "change your thought patterns." It is the THOUGHTS first, not the other way around. To play victim to these thoughts and therefore "anxiety" is equally dangerous, in my opinion. Again, it sounds overly simplistic but it is like Dorothy and red the shoes, "You have had the power all along."

[beatitude]

If I ask someone with schizophrenia to go and get a bucketful of their schizophrenia, where will they find it?

One thing that troubles me about the field of mental health (I work in a psychiatric hospital, by the way) is the way that many people without any medical qualifications or personal experience of mental illness feel capable of saying authoritatively what causes it and how it should be treated. They wouldn't do this with heart patients, or people needing stomach surgery. The result is that people with mental health problems often don't seek help until they've got into a very bad state. They could have been saved a lot of distress if only they had got help earlier, instead of listening to their next-door neighbour's cousin's wife's pet theories on how to deal with the problem.

It is much too simplistic to say that cognitive behavioural therapy works over medication. It is different for each person. Medication did nothing for me. But it has saved the life of one of my friends, whose anxiety was making her dangerously suicidal. Because of the stigma against medication, she tried to come off it - and ended up in the psychiatric unit. My friend needs that medication in the same way that a diabetic needs insulin. In the hospital where I work, I've seen many similar cases like hers.

Now, she and I are at opposite ends of the scale: it is rare to find someone with anxiety disorder who responds to no medication, and it's rare to find someone for whom therapy is almost useless. Most sufferers are treated with a combination of the two. This 'therapy good, medication bad' dichotomy has got to end. It's too dangerous. Medical professionals will work with 171 to find the treatment that she responds to. We can give her support and love over the Internet, but we aren't in a position to start telling her what is causing her anxiety (we don't know) or to tell her that one treatment is better than another. Finally, please understand that people with anxiety disorders often feel terrible about themselves as people, and struggle very much with self-loathing. Using phrases such as 'playing victim' is not going to help them with that.

I am also concerned that the deluge of advice and opinions will overwhelm 171 and make her feel worse. 171, I know this sort of overload can often be a problem for anxiety sufferers. If it's hard for you, please tell us in this thread how we can support you better. I'm praying for you.

[AnneLine]

Holding you in prayer, the171. I'm a trained counselor, but not an expert in anxiety disorders. You do need to work with an appropriate mental health specialist, and probably get the right meds going on.

This kind of thing is rather like having had the brakes fail on your car at the top of a steep hill. You make it to the bottom of the hill somehow... but next time you are at the top of the hill, your body recognizes the situation and starts to react as if your brakes were failing again. If untreated, you start to become afraid you MIGHT encounter a hill, so you don't even want to get in a car... and eventually all sorts of things start triggering it.... even the fear of it getting triggered. It is a vicious cycle.

But the171, working with a good therapist can help you learn to break the cycle. It takes time and it takes work, and courage and patience. This is what God wants from you right now, and working through it is your gift to Him. What you are learning is something you can use to help others down the road. God has His reasons.

A good therapist, and appropriate meds, are all part of the work you need to do for God right now. We can pray for you and support you, but we aren't going to be in the front lines with you. But we are here.

As far as the Lafayette Carmelites and participating in the retreat, God knows the best timing, and the best role for us to take in all of this. St. Therese is well-known for stressing that we can find God in all things, and it is little things done with love that constitute the best way to serve God. Right now, taking the stress off, taking meds and working with your therapist constitute what God wants for you today... and will be your way of saving and transforming souls.

One Carmelite prioress said to me at one point that the hardest thing about being a Carmelite nun is the lack of feedback....that you never know if your prayers or sacrifices are 'doing' anything, becuase you don't see the results. People ask for prayers, but often don't let the Sisters know what transpired. If you can't attend the retreat, or have to give up some of the active apostolate that you have been doing, you may feel the same way, but the reality is that it doesn't mean you won't 'be' there with them... you will be with them by obediently taking care of yourself and doing what you are asked to help you get better.

You have all of our prayers and loving support... help us to know what we can do best to help you.

[Strictlyinkblot]

Beatitude, working in mental health myself I have to say I agree with you. I think part of the problem is that medication was overprescribed in the past and now there is a fear of prescribing it.

You use what works for you in conjunction with your doctor and other healthcare professionals. I am a big advocate of counselling but I personally found Cognitive-Behavioural therapy horrible and very unhelpful

the171 as I've already said you have my prayers. If I can do anything else please let me know.

[ACS67]

Again, beatitude I respect your opinion but I have had "experience" with mental illness. I was in a mental hospital for 14 days in 2004, in Chicago, Cook County no less, involuntarily committed. I no longer take medication or therapy. I did, and it helped. But at some point a person has to learn some tools to cope with life. I was told by a psychiatrist, "You can't keep falling apart everytime life deals you a bad situation or it is not turning out as you expected!"

I would also just like to state that there is a coalition of psychiatrist against pyschiatry. Many do not believe these mental illnesses even exists outside of the DSM-IV (don't even get me started on that!). You can find a plethora of information on that if you do some research.

In any case, I know this is a contentious issues so I will say no more about it. I hope the171 gets some help she needs and understands that this anxiety disorder does not have to limit her or label her.

Edited April 27, 2012 by ACS67

[MissScripture]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1335547836' post='2423961']
On a medical note, you should get yourself tested for strep throat. Sometimes un-detected strep throat can cause abnormal anxious behaviors. Yes, you have an anxiety disorder, but maybe you have something else that is making it worse right now.

Also, I am going to repeat what the others have said. Take some time to focus on yourself. Have some chocolate, rest, and see that therapist. Just the same way that you can't know God until you know yourself, you can't help others until you help yourself.
[/quote]
On this note, too, if you are taking meds for anything other than your anxiety, ask your doctors to check the side effects of those, 171. When I was in college, I started having panic attacks and discovered that it was mainly due to a side effect from a medication I was taking for something entirely different.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1335553525' post='2423994']
On this note, too, if you are taking meds for anything other than your anxiety, ask your doctors to check the side effects of those, 171. When I was in college, I started having panic attacks and discovered that it was mainly due to a side effect from a medication I was taking for something entirely different.
[/quote]

Actually I *know* one medication that for me specifically triggers anxiety/moodiness/etc. without reason. So yes check the side effects of what you do take. Even the over-the-counter ones (the one I can't take is an over-the-counter pain medication).

Kudos MS!

Edited April 27, 2012 by cmariadiaz

[AnneLine]

You might also ask your MD to check for hormonal things as well... grew a cyst at one point that, well, made me look like I was going CRAZY! Once they took it out... and I had a few months for the hormones to move out of my system... I was NORMAL. (well, as normal as I get.... )

[the171]

I can't control my anxiety. It isn't just in my head. It stems from an actual incident that ACTUALLY hurt me. It is an ACTUAL fear. I can't touch it, but I also can't control it. All my meds are in check, they checked for infections diseases and all that today as well as at the ER, I am switching one medicine to natural supplements just to be sure that nothing reacts badly, I have an appt with a counselor this Tuesday at 3:30 CST. Why did I put commas? God only knows. I haven't had an attack today. Though the symptoms have been lingering. Like the smell of old milk. I swear, if I ever go to the ER again or think about my time in the ER I might just stab a kitten with a fork. IT WAS SO SCARY AND STRESSFUL. They gave me a medicine to take 3 times a day, but my school and my mom won't let me take the medicine the second time because the school banned that medicine and my mom doesn't want me becoming a pill-popper. I hate this. I am afraid to go back to school Monday. Everyone thinks I had a seizure, or I am insane, and some person said I died. We're in finals and I am scared I will have one during finals. What a joy is my sophomore year!

And they checked the hormones when they did the urine test at the ER.

[beatitude]

171, that does sound stressful and also infuriating. School can be a very gossipy place. My advice would be for you to just quote Mark Twain ("Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated") if you are subjected to any inappropriate curiosity. It might be helpful for you to discuss your anxiety with your close friends, so that together you can work out ways for you to stay comfortable at school. Perhaps they could stick close to you at breaks and lunchtimes until you adjust to being back in that environment?

It infuriates me to hear that the school and your parents won't let you take the medication that has been prescribed to you. This is exactly the sort of thing I meant when I talked about unhelpful prejudices against psychiatric medication. I really doubt your school would feel qualified to mess with the prescription of a student with an obviously physical illness. Use of the phrase 'pill popper' reinforces the stereotype that people with mental health problems are druggies, which is also completely inappropriate. You are discovering what most people with MH problems find out sooner or later: other people's attitudes are often more annoying and difficult to deal with than the symptoms themselves. I will pray that you are able to get good treatment without interference.

[regina_coeli]

171, I don't have a medical background, so I can't be as helpful as some PMers, but I can pray, and I will!