Guest Orantes bis Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Hi everyone... I've been lurking for quite a while, but knowing that I should "come out of the closet" soon. I am the user CarmenChristi come back to life. Yes.... I disappeared for a while, and here's why: If you remember me, you will also remember that I was a religious. I was a temporary professed member of the community which I had been with for 8 years. Anyway after spending many years in indecision about what God was asking of me.... especially since there were so many things, both small and large, that I absolutely couldn't stand about the community, I have finally come to a conclusion... at least about the community I was with. Anyway, it was a big decision for me because I still loved the Lord just as much as the day I entered, if not more. Yes, it felt like betrayal, like stepping into nothingness. But I had a super duper spiritual director who helped me discern. I was torn, because part of me wanted to stay, the other part wanted to go.... and I was convinced for no good reason that God could only want me to stay. So this past December I took the big step and informed my superiors that I would not be proceeding to perpetual vows. I am spending this time with my family, but plan on returning to Rome to continue school and to conclude the next phase of my discernment. I don't know yet if I am ruling out religious life entirely... I never thought that I would even consider it. Even upon leaving the community, I thought I would look for another. But we'll see. I'm really happy now, truly in peace and feel that I can better serve the Lord in my new state in life. So I guess I'm still "discerning", but don't know which direction that discernment is taking me. Maybe another form of consecrated life??? Another communuty??? Marriage??? Anyway, I guess the main point I wanted to share with you (besides not wanting to hide out anymore on PM) is that we can sometimes be hard headed in any direction... not wanting to enter, not wanting to leave... but God really does desire our ultimate happiness with him in Heaven, and also to have some share of that here on earth. Maybe if I weren't so stubborn I would have come to this conclusion a little sooner. 8 years is not a small portion of one's life, especially when you are in your 20's. I would encourage you all to be brave and take that step in faith when you know in your heart that it is right. I don't regret any part of my journey except the period of indecisiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regina_coeli Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Praying for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Prayers! I'm glad and thankful that you are at peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 God Bless you, many prayers!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Prayers!! You're very brave. I hope it hasn't been to hard to adjust to life outside the community Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Prayers for you! I know a lot of what you are feeling; I was with my former community for five years, having entered when I was 18. It isn't easy - the hardest part for me was making the decision to leave, because I had wanted to be a religious for so long and had been convinced that's what I was called to, yet I knew God was directing me in this new step that required true TOTAL abandonment to Him. But I am so happy to see how God has been working in your life, and that you are at peace. I left a few years ago, but God has worked marvelous miracles since that time and directed me to the [i]true[/i] vocation He has called me to, which ended up being that of a wife and mother. The biggest temptation was to think I had "wasted" all that time in the convent ... but I know God wanted me there for the exact time that I was. It shaped me into who I am today, and if I [i]hadn't[/i] been there for the time I had, the timing wouldn't have been right and I never would have met my husband. God's timing isn't always [i]our[/i] timing, but it always ends up working out for the best! Know that your time there wasn't wasted, and God will use it for His honor and glory in whatever amazing plans He has for you. Continued prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Orantes bis Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Thanks everyone, especially CherieMadame for the encouragement! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3franciscans Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 God Bless you in your new discernment. Be assured of my prayers for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 My prayers too as you adjust and discern. I left the convent after 14 years - the hardest decision I ever made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savvy Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) You are in my prayers. I know if it's like to feel stuck and unsure of a decision. Edited May 30, 2012 by savvy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 wow! You had very much courage to take this decision but surely you have taken it beofre God so you can certainly live in peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Special prayers for you. This is also a radical following of God... and God will guide your steps. Lots of us (me too!) have been where you have been.... it's a scary but exciting time. Let us know how we can support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaberry Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 [quote name='Orantes bis' timestamp='1338385355' post='2437755'] I don't regret any part of my journey except the period of indecisiveness. [/quote] Welcome back to PM! I came to this thread to (hopefully) encourage you, but your OP ended up really encouraging me-especially the bit quoted above. Thank you for that! It is wonderful to see someone so totally abandoned to God's will! I hope your transition is smooth, and I can't wait for you to find your true Vocation..whether that's consecrated life, marriage, or religious life. Praying for you, and God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carmenchristi Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 [quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1341690328' post='2453174'] Welcome back to PM! I came to this thread to (hopefully) encourage you, but your OP ended up really encouraging me-especially the bit quoted above. Thank you for that! It is wonderful to see someone so totally abandoned to God's will! I hope your transition is smooth, and I can't wait for you to find your true Vocation..whether that's consecrated life, marriage, or religious life. Praying for you, and God bless! [/quote] Well... it really does encourage me, knowing that my experience can, in almost an ironic way, inspire others. It's the scandal of the Cross really; something that seems like a total failure (it could be viewed as a waste of time, after all... I didn't even stay!) is really a triumph leading to greater trust and surrender. It was when I started realizing this that I decided to come back to PM and share. I noticed that there are several people here that have had similar experiences. It's good not to have to put yourself in the "ex-nun" stereotype and instead say "I'm willing to follow Christ just as radically as the 18 year old girl I once was who wanted to give everything" After all, following Him is all that matters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Thank you for sharing and posting!! Your post is so encouraging! I will be praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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