Help! How To Talk With My Dad?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Safia' timestamp='1338838099' post='2440715']
[size=4][font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Thanks, guys. This has given me stuff to think about and consider, but St. Thomas Aquinas wrote -- I believe it was STA; I read a lot during my aspirancy -- that to wait to pursue a vocation like this can be detrimental to the individual, one, and that no one should make God wait if He is calling. Anyone who urges waiting is looking at it from a worldly POV. Christ Himself:[/font][/size]



[size=4][font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][color=#001320][background=rgb(249, 253, 255)]There is nothing about our time that makes this command less worthy or immediate. [/background][/color][/font][/size]

[size=4][font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][color=#001320][background=rgb(249, 253, 255)]([/background][/color][color=#001320][background=rgb(249, 253, 255)]I'm not not disagreeing with you all! Just my thoughts. And I get it. I really do. We'll see how this weekend's trip home goes.)[/background][/color][/font][/size]

[size=4][font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][color=#001320][background=rgb(249, 253, 255)]This song most perfectly describes how I feel right now:[/background][/color][/font][/size]


[/quote]

I'm sorry if it didn't come out right. If everything is falling into place and you are accepted by the community, then I would say to go. But if you are still having to look and search for the right one, then you should take some time. We on PM only know you from what you write. Having an in-person spiritual director is best because they know you and can give you advice pertaining to your situation. Best wishes to you!

Edited June 4, 2012 by MaterMisericordiae

[Lilllabettt]

At first you say that: "anyone who urges waiting is looking at it from a worldly POV" and then you say but "I'm not disagreeing with you" ...

LOL! Are you a peacemaker type?

The title of the thread you started is "how to talk to my dad?" You asked for advice about how you could talk to your Dad to help him understand - to get his blessing. You can be sure that making him feel like it is your way or the highway - that you are going to enter right HERE and right NOW and there is nothing he can do about it - will NOT get you your blessing. It will just harden his position and maybe even radicalize him against your call.

You know, you say he is a devout Catholic. If that's true, then odds are -- he will eventually come around. If you approach the situation with compassion, it will be sooner rather than later, with less pain for him and for yourself.

MM gives you good advice. You could benefit from a spiritual director.

[Maggyie]

You will have plenty of loans so it will be a while before you can enter, anyway, I'm guessing?

Seems to me there are 2 main ways you can get off track discerning: Either becoming a Perpetual Discerner, lacking the ability to make a decision, or becoming one of the rushrushhurrys who makes decisions on the fly. Too slow or too fast.

To me the one possible red flag in your story is that you have only been back to the Church an extremely short time. Many wise communities require you to be a practicing Catholic for at least 2 years, whether you come via adult baptism or reversion. That is because they know from experience that the vast majority of people who enter religious life earlier than that, do NOT persevere. They go out as quickly as they came in.

I know one discerner who was unwilling to accept this and "shopped around" until she found a community desperate enough for vocations that they didn't want her to wait. She was so sure! Her heart was on fire for God. It didn't work out and in fact she was so traumatized that she lost the faith she had just been baptized in. If only she had waited and grown deeper in her new identity as a Christian. She should have focused on building a stronger foundation, first.

My advice would be to quit your expensive college and tell your father you will finish at a state school or community college. Much better if you can commute to school and live at home. You can work part-time and go to school part-time, so that loans don't accumulate, and this will give your father time to get used to the idea of your vocation and you will have time to become an "adult" Catholic (as opposed to a very new one). Both parties will have time and space to mature.

Certainly don't stay at an expensive college - with the economy being the way it is, that's not a good idea anyway. Try to show your father that you are being very practical in this matter. A college education, cheaply acquired, is extremely valuable but it needs to be affordable to be worthwhile whether you persevere in religious life or not.

[srmariam]

Im another who would suggest slowing down a little. Have you heard the phrase 'zeal of a convert'? Its very easy - and natural - to feel extremely passionate and certain when you are in the first waves of love with God, just like it is with another person. Theses feelings are good, but not really what you need to found a longterm commitment. Allow your love to grow and mature a little, and you will be able to see more clearly how best to progress. Also, remember you will always be your fathers daughter, and [i]should[/i] religious life not work out for you, you will need his support.

I also have a lot to say about the 2 Carmelite constitutions, but thats maybe for another day. God bless.

[AnneLine]

Safia, I'm not sure any of us have given you much of a welcome before we started telling you what to do... that's Phamily for you! Please know that we you!!!!!

I know you and the Nuns will work together to discern this well, but a lot of us have had our own good & bad experiences on this one. Most of us who rushed into things have lived to wish we'd taken a bit more time. And first fervor can be hard to sustain.

I entered a community in my mid-20s, and I am grateful for every moment I spent discerning with them (before, during and afterI left). In retrospect, I wish I had waited a little longer and been a little more sensitive to the needs of my parents (as my abruptness caused them great spiritual and emotional pain).

After I waited a while (it is hard to enter and leave, even when at peace with the decision), I also discerned with a second community, and came close to entering with them. I had completed my interviews and my psych evaluation. I was VERY ready to go... NOW!!!!!!

However, my mother was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer at that point, and; the sisters informed me that, while I was welcome to continue discerning with them, and that they would be there for me every way they could spiritually and emotionally, they would not consider my entering until at least one year after my mother's death... for my own grieving and for that of my father. They also said that I needed to be very sensitive of his needs, and that perhaps he would need me to be out a little longer than a year. They helped me to remember that the main purpose of any religious vocation was to bring myself and others into loving relationship with God, and that God's timing was what I sought -- and that He would make clear to me what He wanted. During those months, God made it very clear that while He wanted me to have had the experience of discerning with the second community, He desired me to remain a lay person, and a member of a Secular Order. God knew what He was doing. I am grateful for His loving help.

God's timing is always beautiful and He will speak in it. Keep on discerning & paying down your debt; show your father every bit of God's love that you can.... when the time is right way will open so you can serve God most completely, either in the monastery or somewhere else. He has things for you to do right now... this is not wasted time.


Welcome, Sr. Mariam -- why not open a 'new to Phatmass / Vocation Station' thread for us to get to know you a bit and to greet you as well?

BTW -- You might want to use the search box at the top of the phorum pages to search the 1990-1991 Carmelites discussion threads -- it's been discussed a lot and you might want to at least look at those to see what has already been said; then we will be happy to hear what you have to share, too!

[mantellata]

Yikes! Thank you Anne Line for mentioning the obvious! WELCOME SAFIA!

I was just too excited to see another fan of the Dominican life, and too used to just putting my oar in! Mea culpa!

Well God bless you on your journey and know you are most welcome and prayed for here!