Vocation Rant

[MonjaFutura]

Hi friends!
So it's been 5 months since I last went to Mass because my parents are doing everything in their power to convince me not to become a nun. I'm only 15, and they thought I was taking the whole "nun thing" too far. I feel so lost! I had the greatest Love of my life, and I was truly in love with the Lord and they took that away and what came of that? Not the loss of my desire to become a nun when I grow up, but practically the loss of my soul.
I need to go to confession desperately but I can't because no one will take me. I feel entirely helpless because I can do nothing but sit around and wait. I pray somewhat, but it is so difficult. I remember the relationship I once had with the Lord, He was my Everything. It's so painful to know exactly what I had lost. All my life, I've been up and down with religion, fervent one minute, cold the next, but I would never have grown so cold again if only I didn't have that long period of time without church or anything. I miss the Eucharist most of all, I've cried almost everyday about not receiving it for 5 months. I just don't know what to do. I don't think I can take another weekend without Mass or Confession. I miss it so much, it physically hurts. I know this is an unorganized rant but thanks for prayers and advice if there is any to give! Also, thanks for just listening.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='MonjaFutura' timestamp='1338928362' post='2441368']
Hi friends!
So it's been 5 months since I last went to Mass because my parents are doing everything in their power to convince me not to become a nun. I'm only 15, and they thought I was taking the whole "nun thing" too far. I feel so lost! I had the greatest Love of my life, and I was truly in love with the Lord and they took that away and what came of that? Not the loss of my desire to become a nun when I grow up, but practically the loss of my soul.
I need to go to confession desperately but I can't because no one will take me. I feel entirely helpless because I can do nothing but sit around and wait. I pray somewhat, but it is so difficult. I remember the relationship I once had with the Lord, He was my Everything. It's so painful to know exactly what I had lost. All my life, I've been up and down with religion, fervent one minute, cold the next, but I would never have grown so cold again if only I didn't have that long period of time without church or anything. I miss the Eucharist most of all, I've cried almost everyday about not receiving it for 5 months. I just don't know what to do. I don't think I can take another weekend without Mass or Confession. I miss it so much, it physically hurts. I know this is an unorganized rant but thanks for prayers and advice if there is any to give! Also, thanks for just listening.
[/quote]

I am sorry to hear of the great struggle you are having with your parents. Your parents simply love you and want you to be happy. They have the common misconception that being a Nun makes you miserable. I remember once talking to a Sister and she said when she entered her parents said things like "You'll never smile again in your life!". I will pray for your family and that everything works out.

It must be noted, though, that since you want to go to Mass but have no option, you are not sinning. This is completely out of your hands. Unless you have committed some other Mortal sin in this time, you are in the state of Grace.

Most of all, remember to love and pray for your parents. Did you perhaps say something like "I'm going to be a Nun"? Saying that you [i]will [/i]be sets people into a panic, plus, unless informed by divine revelation, you really do not know, despite what you feel at the time. Tell them that you are simply thinking about it and you think this is the way you want to go, but there is no guarantee.

Also, can you perhaps call the community you want to join? The vocations director has heard about these situations before and she can help you quite a bit.

Edited June 5, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[organwerke]

Dear Monja Futura, I think it was not exactly an excellent idea to tell your parents you want to become a nun. Since you're only 15 no order would accept you now, especially since you haven't your parents permission. I advice you to tell your parents thay haven't to worry since you're too young to join an order and you could change your mind while you grow older (even if it won't be true, it is not a lie to say this nor a sin). then, when you have reassured your parents, you may begin to share your spiritual adventure with a sd rather than with them. I suggest you to use much discretion with your parents, they're not th best persons with whom you may share your discernment.

[MonjaFutura]

By the time I realized how utterly stupid it is to tell my parents and be so adamant about it, the damage was already done. No matter what I do, they'll still not let me go to church for fear that I would become as fervent. I don't even talk about religious life anymore, but to be on the safe side we still don't go to church and it stinks. I'm almost certain that religious life is my vocation because the Lord had told me "Mary, I love you and want you to be My Bride." I know these were His Words because I opened my Bible in hopes of finding something to tell me whether or not this was God's Voice and my eyes fell upon the words "Flesh and Blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father in Heaven."

[AnneLine]

This is a very hard cross... and it hurts SO MUCH to not be able to get to Mass or receive our Lord for months. But He is allowing it to happen, so God knows what is best. But it will only make you love our Lord more. You can give him the pain you feel for not being able to receive Him as a gift for those who receive Him in a thoughtless way, and for those who are too elderly or sick to attend church.

You are in the same place that many Christians have had to live in over the years....askthe martyrs and early Christians to help you bear this time of having to live without the sacraments. Hopefully if your parents see you being more 'normal' (in thier view) they will relent a little bit. God can move hearts & touch souls.

You have our love & prayers. Feel free to vent if you need to....

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='MonjaFutura' timestamp='1338930865' post='2441397']
By the time I realized how utterly stupid it is to tell my parents and be so adamant about it, the damage was already done. No matter what I do, they'll still not let me go to church for fear that I would become as fervent. I don't even talk about religious life anymore, but to be on the safe side we still don't go to church and it stinks. I'm almost certain that religious life is my vocation because the Lord had told me "Mary, I love you and want you to be My Bride." I know these were His Words because I opened my Bible in hopes of finding something to tell me whether or not this was God's Voice and my eyes fell upon the words "Flesh and Blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father in Heaven."
[/quote]

There are three sources where what we hear in prayer may come from: God, self, the enemy. Time will tell whether or not you truly called to be a religious, and the ultimate confirmation of that will be if you say final vows.

Having said that -- pray. Pray that your parents will change their minds about taking you to Church. Even more so -- pray that the Lord touches the heart of each of your parents, and maybe they will become as fervent as you had.

Hang in there, and don't stop praying.

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='MonjaFutura' timestamp='1338930865' post='2441397']
By the time I realized how utterly stupid it is to tell my parents and be so adamant about it, the damage was already done. No matter what I do, they'll still not let me go to church for fear that I would become as fervent. I don't even talk about religious life anymore, but to be on the safe side we still don't go to church and it stinks. I'm almost certain that religious life is my vocation because the Lord had told me "Mary, I love you and want you to be My Bride." I know these were His Words because I opened my Bible in hopes of finding something to tell me whether or not this was God's Voice and my eyes fell upon the words "Flesh and Blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father in Heaven."
[/quote]

Have you sat down and talked about this with them? Perhaps there is some kind of a compromise you could reach: someone else could take you, attending the Saturday Vigil rather than on Sunday itself, getting there on your own. Try to open dialogue with them and stress that it is important to you.

I entirely understand this is heavy cross to bear and I bear it too. We must pray for our parents and trust that God's graces will shower down on them. We are not the first nor will we be the last to have this problem. Saint Clare ran away from home to fulfil her vocation. Saint Teresa of Avila also ran away to join the convent. I'm of course not suggesting you run away but sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and trust that our parents will come round when they see our joy in being fulfilled in our vocations.

You and your parents are in my prayers.

[MonjaFutura]

I've talked about it somewhat with my parents but they think I had the "rosy glasses" on and wouldn't really listen. They just wanted to impose their views on me and didn't care to hear what I had to say. Thanks for all the prayers! They are inexplicably appreciated! My parents are Catholic but we haven't gone a whole year of going to Mass regularly for a while. I knew we'd stop and it would be painful, it just hurts more that it's because of me this time.

Edited June 5, 2012 by MonjaFutura

[PhuturePriest]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you do go to Mass and receive the Eucharist again it will be unforgettable. Try to be patient and go on the Lord's time, not yours. If it is truly your vocation to be a Religious God will let you know. In the meantime pray a lot, read the Bible, buy some books, and love. Love your parents as you love yourself.

And again, it may be a good idea to talk to the vocations director about this. Is this possible?

[MonjaFutura]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1338934168' post='2441454']
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you do go to Mass and receive the Eucharist again it will be unforgettable. Try to be patient and go on the Lord's time, not yours. If it is truly your vocation to be a Religious God will let you know. In the meantime pray a lot, read the Bible, buy some books, and love. Love your parents as you love yourself.

And again, it may be a good idea to talk to the vocations director about this. Is this possible?
[/quote]
I wish I could but any contact with nuns, etc. would make my parents go bezerk!

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='MonjaFutura' timestamp='1338935118' post='2441465']
I wish I could but any contact with nuns, etc. would make my parents go bezerk!
[/quote]

Do you have your own laptop or internet access at school or something? Even just emailing someone could be helpful to you.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='MonjaFutura' timestamp='1338935118' post='2441465']
I wish I could but any contact with nuns, etc. would make my parents go bezerk!
[/quote]

Couldn't you call or email them? I'm not saying this is something you [i]must [/i]do, but it may help.

Edit: I almost died laughing because I said you didn't have to do this, and after I posted I saw my signature which says "Do what I say."

Edited June 5, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[Gemma]

Pardon my boldness, but what they're doing is called spiritual and psychological abuse, and is against man's law. They are also commiting mortal sin by keeping you from Mass.

I am praying to St Michael for this, and my own mom who had a small nervous breakdown when I told her I was becoming Catholic.

Please feel free to PM me, and discuss this with your school counselor or student resource officer. This is truly abuse that is going on.

Blessings,
Gemma

[Spem in alium]

I am sorry that you do not have the support of your parents. Know that you will be in my prayers.

[Nunsense]

Parents sometimes over-react because they love their children and want to protect them. I doubt that your parents are consciously 'abusing' you in any way, but instead are trying to prevent you from becoming too obsessive at such a young age. They must love you very much to be so concerned. It is wonderful that you love our Lord and His Church, but obedience to your parents right now is one way of becoming holy. Pray for God's grace to get through this time. When you are feeling less emotional, try to discuss with your parents the possibility of at least attending Mass once a week either at the vigil or on Sunday. Ask one of them if they could accompany you and try to be responsive to their fears for you.

I lived in the Australian bush where we only had Mass available to us twice a month, and I know it is hard, but God is still present with you and taking care of you. Think of all of those who are in countries where they cannot express their faith openly or receive the sacraments and offer your suffering up for them.

If God wants you to be a religious, then no power on earth will be able to prevent it, so trust in Him now and relax a little. The more you tense up and act over-dramatically, then the more your parents are going to think that you are being obsessive. Yes, the saints were all a little 'obsessive', but they also obeyed those in authority over them. So cultivate the virtues of patience and humility and obedience to your parents right now and show them by your actions that you can be trusted to go to Mass without causing them to fear for you becoming fanatical. Perhaps you could even ask one of them to contact your parish priest to come to the home and have a discussion about this. If they know that they are causing you distress by not allowing you to attend Mass, then perhaps they will consent to meet with him to at least discuss it.

I know, it's hard when you're 15. My prayers are with you.

[Annie12]

One day you will be able to go to mass! Don't worry!! I would suggest that you make a spiritual communion. I believe there is a prayer for that. Your parents can keep you away from church as much as they want but they can not touch your soul. Be assured that Jesus possesses your soul and he will never let you go! Watch the EWTN Mass either on the TV or internet and say the prayer for when you can't be at mass (the spiritual communion prayer). Here it is:
[quote][color=#000000][size=1]Spiritual Communion Prayer[/size][/color][color=#000000]
My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. [/color]
[color=#000000]Never permit me to be separated from You.[/color][/quote]
I Know what you mean when you say you have a very hard time praying. It's sooo hard. I just came out of a dry period in my prayer life. Start by saying a short prayer like the consecrating yourself to the sacred heart or the divine mercy chaplet. If you feel like you need to go to confession but can't I strongly suggest saying the Divine Mercy chaplet Regularly and the act of contrition. [color=#ff0000]NEVER[/color] lose hope!!!! It's the greatest temptation during trials but think of Catholics who were persecuted and put in jails. They didn't have access to mass or confession and they ended up being martyrs.

Remember that there is always hope. Jesus always loves you. You will be able to go to mass at some point in the future. Prayer can solve [i][color=#ff0000]all[/color][/i] problems. Never doubt the power of prayer! If you can't say a rosary just talk to God! Imagine your spiritual life as a candle, when you pray the flame grows brighter, thus giving you more energy to pray and when you don't pray the flame grows weaker and when you sin mortally the flame is extinguished. This was an analogy a CFR sister gave in one of her talks. As you build up your prayer life your spiritual flame with grow brighter and brighter. It may take more time given that you can't go to mass but you never know what wonderful things God has in store for those who chose his will!
Pray for your parents God will make them understand on his own time. You obviously Love Christs SOOO much! Just never lose hope!
I hope I have helped!

[font=georgia,serif][color=#800080][size=7]Trust in Jesus in ALL things![/size][/color][/font]

[Annie12]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1338943430' post='2441535']
It is wonderful that you love our Lord and His Church, but obedience to your parents right now is one way of becoming holy.
[/quote]

Yes, but I was taught by my parish priest in confirmation class that if our parents would cause us to sin we are under no obligation to obey them. If they do not follow our wishes to not sin after making them aware of of our your wishes, then it is not counted as a sin.

This is what I have always been taught...

[emmaberry]

I agree with all the people above who noted the saints who ran away from home to fulfill their vocations as nuns, but I also can't help but think of all the Saints whose parents said, "no way you are becoming a nun!" and the Saints said, "out of obedience to you, I will obey" and they stayed in their parents' house and made it a 'convent.' However, we must remember St teresa and St Clare's vocation journey as well!

Long story short, I have no good advice because of the above paradoxes--I can't, in good conscience, tell you to go to Mass behind your parents' back, out of obedience to them, your present superiors. On the other hand, I have always been taught that in the Bible where it says, "submit to your authorities" and "honor your father and mother" it only means submit in so far as it lines up with God's law as dictated by the Church. So it would SEEM (aka fact check me on this! ) that you could rightfully go to Mass without doing wrong in God's eyes. Then again, you also would not be doing anything wrong by obeying your parents and offering up your sufferings of missed communions.

I am sorry if I confused you more, and I am so sorry you are in that situation--and I thought my parents were bad! Just think, if you really have a religious vocation, one day when you are a nun, you will have such an INSPIRING vocations journey to share with young girls who come in with their own horror stories about their parents oppressing your vocation. This will be a fantastic way of encouraging others who are discerning once you come out on the other side.

Praying!!!

[Nunsense]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1338946369' post='2441570']
Yes, but I was taught by my parish priest in confirmation class that if our parents would cause us to sin we are under no obligation to obey them. If they do not follow our wishes to not sin after making them aware of of our your wishes, then it is not counted as a sin.

This is what I have always been taught...
[/quote]

I understand what you are saying here Annie12, but unless she wants to enter into full scale war with her parents, it would be much better at this point to obey them or to try to reason with them rather than to defy them. After all, she is not the one committing the sin here, they are because they are constraining her. Under civil law, parents can make this decision for her. Under God's law, the sin is their's, not hers in this situation because she is unable to avoid the sin. Since she is unable to attend Mass and it is not through her own choice, she is not the one at fault. I think that the best thing would be to get the parish priest involved here and perhaps the parents can express their concerns to him, and she can express her desire to attend the sacraments. Maybe what they need is some reassurance that she is going to go slow with this discernment process and not get too excited too soon. I have to believe that they are making their mistakes through love, however misguided because as a parent myself, I know how easy it is to become very protective when one is concerned for the wellbeing of their child. After all, none of us know the situation apart from what we are being told, and there is always more than one way to view a situation. I recently heard a deacon give a homily in which he said that most disagreements could be resolved if all parties involved assumed that the other party was a person of 'good will'. Starting from the premise that the parents care about her, we need to find a solution that helps everyone feel better. Obedience to them is a good way to show that she wants to respect them, and it will give them room to step back and try to see her point of view as well. A mediator would be good here, if not a priest, then a respected family member or friend.

And if she disobeys them now, it will affect their relationship for a long time to come. Better to move slowly and keep the relationship intact.

Edited June 6, 2012 by nunsense

[Annie12]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1338947032' post='2441578']
I understand what you are saying here Annie12, but unless she wants to enter into full scale war with her parents, it would be much better at this point to obey them or to try to reason with them rather than to defy them. After all, she is not the one committing the sin here, they are because they are constraining her. Under civil law, parents can make this decision for her. Under God's law, the sin is their's, not hers in this situation because she is unable to avoid the sin. Since she is unable to attend Mass and it is not through her own choice, she is not the one at fault. I think that the best thing would be to get the parish priest involved here and perhaps the parents can express their concerns to him, and she can express her desire to attend the sacraments. Maybe what they need is some reassurance that she is going to go slow with this discernment process and not get too excited too soon. I have to believe that they are making their mistakes through love, however misguided because as a parent myself, I know how easy it is to become very protective when one is concerned for the wellbeing of their child. After all, none of us know the situation apart from what we are being told, and there is always more than one way to view a situation. I recently heard a deacon give a homily in which he said that most disagreements could be resolved if all parties involved assumed that the other party was a person of 'good will'. Starting from the premise that the parents care about her, we need to find a solution that helps everyone feel better. Obedience to them is a good way to show that she wants to respect them, and it will give them room to step back and try to see her point of view as well. A mediator would be good here, if not a priest, then a respected family member or friend.

And if she disobeys them now, it will affect their relationship for a long time to come. Better to move slowly and keep the relationship intact.
[/quote]

Yeah, this is what I meant to say Sorry if I sounded arrogant... I just wanted to make it clear that She is not the bad one in this situation here.