(hopefully) One Last "advise Byz" Thread

[Byzantine]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1340006620' post='2445719']
If you wanted to be a Priest all this time why did you want dating advice?
[/quote]

[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1340026822' post='2445773']
An Eastern priest..
[/quote]

[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1340026822' post='2445773']
Byzantine, it sounds like you might have my same problem of over-thinking things when it comes to women.
[/quote]
Lemme put it to you this way: partly because of my over-thinking, the closest I ever got to asking out a girl (same one this thread is about) was a complete failure. It's quite possible she doesn't even know or suspect that I attempted asking her out. That's how much fail there was. It has now been memorialized in a blog post which reads into it a lesson about not waiting to repent. That is officially right now my most popular post of all time.

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1340029620' post='2445786']
At most of the graduation parties I went to, we would be sitting around in a big group and someone would say "Hey guys, I want to be able to keep in touch with all of you, let's make sure we all have each other's numbers!"
[/quote]
Might work.


[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1340029620' post='2445786']
Forgive me if I'm making an assumption, but I believe you are fond of this girl on more than just a physical level. Regardless of whether or not you want to pursue a more intimate relationship, would it still be a good and beneficial to the both of you to pursue a friendship? Since she is somewhat close to you already and has known you for the past few years, she would be a good person to talk to about pursuing the priesthood. She might have some of the womanly advice you may need.
[/quote]
Believe me, unless Ive utterly pulled the wool over my own eyes it's way more than fondness on the physical level. I suppose it would be nice to pursue a friendship nevertheless... There's a reason my best friend called her "Mom." She's a wonderful person, good Catholic girl...

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1340029620' post='2445786']
More unsolicited advice
[/quote]
Consider the solicitation implied


[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1340029620' post='2445786']I am absolutely terrified of the telephone as well
[/quote]
Glad to know I'm not the only one!


[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1340029620' post='2445786'] I'm not saying you have to still ask her out, but I want you to think hard and really consider whether she really isn't the girl you want to be with or if this is just a fear of the telephone.
[/quote]
'Tis the thing. She's definitely the girl I want to be with (at least at the moment, and the moment has been a while). But would she accept the kind of life I feel I may be called to lead? That discussion would probably have to come up rather soon. I don't relish the idea of a conversation following the pattern of "Do you want to try to make this work while we go to two different colleges? You're razzle dazzle with that? Are you razzle dazzle with the fact that you might end up as the wife of a Byzantine Catholic priest?" I don't want to pull her along into something she's not prepared to do. I remember in one of our college conversations she said something like (emphasis on the "something like") she didn't want more Catholic school like Franciscan would be, but she'd chosen a Christian college (Grove City). As I said above, she's a good Catholic girl, but if she doesn't want Franciscan, can't it be inferred she wouldn't want to end up a priest's wife? But then again... Argh.

And it doesn't help that I'll be out of the state for most of July. That really puts a time constraint in.


[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1340029620' post='2445786']
God bless you, Byz. I'm praying for you.
[/quote]
Thanks. Much appreciated.

Thank you all!

Edited June 20, 2012 by Byzantine

[brianthephysicist]

She's a girl. How could you possibly hope to know what she wants and/or is prepared to be in the future without asking her? SHE probably doesn't even know that!

Look dude, just talk to her. Be straight with her. Tell her you're not sure what you want, you're not sure where you want to head in life, you're not sure if you're even going to be able to do what you want to do, but the one thing you are sure of is that you want her to be a part of it.

[MissyP89]

And hey ... couples [i]grow [/i]together! That's the beauty of being in a relationship. In so many ways I'm a different person completely from what I was when I got together with Fleabag up there ^^^. He's teaching me to be joyful and I'm teaching him how to show compassion. And we're both learning to grow in God by praying together. So just because she might not be ready to be the wife of a priest now, it doesn't mean she won't grow into that.

Like, looking at it from the Roman Rite of the Church, let's say my future husband (whoever he is) feels called to be a deacon. He would need my blessing in order to pursue that because in some ways, both become involved in ministry.

Right now, I am nowhere near ready for something like that. But I'm confident that in time, the love I have for that man, strengthened by the grace of our marriage and the other Sacraments, will help me to support him.

As one half of a couple, sometimes you make big, scary leaps of faith because of the person you love. Not because [i]you [/i]want to, but because you want them to live out the will of God, whatever that means.

But all of that is still a long way off for you. Ordination, if you are called to it, is still a long way away.

Start with talking to the girl. Get her number. Be her friend. Pray for her. [b]Worry about the rest later! [/b]

[Groo the Wanderer]

[img]http://plunderpuss.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/memes-soon-llama.jpg[/img]

[Byzantine]

She just got a Facebook. Excuse me while I agonize over whether I should send a friend request or wait and see if she sends one.



And she requested my best friend but not me. Why don't we have an :agonize: ?

[TheresaThoma]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1340236847' post='2446879']
She just got a Facebook. Excuse me while I agonize over whether I should send a friend request or wait and see if she sends one.



And she requested my best friend but not me. Why don't we have an :agonize: ?
[/quote]
send a friend request.

[Byzantine]

[quote name='TheresaThoma' timestamp='1340241897' post='2446903']
send a friend request.
[/quote]

Done. Now agonizing while waiting to see what happens.

[MissyP89]

Byz.

Sweetheart.

Breathe.

[EmilyAnn]

^ What she said. It's only a Facebook friend request, it's not a marriage proposal. Stop thinking so much!

I'm suddenly glad the guy I liked in high school didn't even have a Facebook, saving me from such traumas.

[Hubertus]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1340151486' post='2446486']
Lemme put it to you this way: partly because of my over-thinking, the closest I ever got to asking out a girl (same one this thread is about) was a complete failure. It's quite possible she doesn't even know or suspect that I attempted asking her out. That's how much fail there was. It has now been memorialized in a blog post which reads into it a lesson about not waiting to repent. That is officially right now my most popular post of all time.
[/quote] I'm not sure if you're saying that your over-thinking is a good thing, or if you're just admitting to over-thinking. It's certainly good that you were able to make the most of the bad and grow in wisdom from it, but you shouldn't necessarily try to replicate the situation. For me in the past, the more I stressed out about something like a relationship, the less likely it's been for it to work. I over-thought a lot of stuff and depended on other people's (*cough* my brother's *cough*) advice instead of just feeling out my friendship with the girl and doing what felt right. So I ended up treating it the wrong way and sending her a bad impression of me as someone that I'm not.

These guys here are offering you some really good advice that you would do well not to ignore. But maybe you should try to be less dependent on others for what you should do about it. If it's meant to work out, she'll want you for [i]your[/i] personality and intuition, not somebody else's.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1340290195' post='2447082']
If it's meant to work out, she'll want you for [i]your[/i] personality and intuition, not somebody else's.
[/quote]

This should sound familiar to you, dude.

Granted, I'll be honest with you, it can be really hard to break the mindset of needing to be a million other things besides, well, you. I'm still working through this myself, and I'm almost 23. But it's the truth: if she doesn't want YOU, and the only way she'll accept you is if you change, then she isn't the one, plain and simple.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1339803165' post='2445226']
Dude, I've been telling you, just give her bacon.
[/quote]

I can attest to the effectiveness of this method.

[MissyP89]

'Scuse me.

CATHERINE I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3 : buddiy:

Edited June 21, 2012 by MissyP89

[Byzantine]

You're right, all of you. Plus she accepted it anyway. I need to chill out.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1340318507' post='2447236']
You're right, all of you. Plus she accepted it anyway. I need to chill out.
[/quote]

Good. The last pieces of untested advice I can give you is

1) Don't listen to Hubertus
2) Relax and let the relationship do its thing
3) Don't ask her out over Facebook.