Dicernment Update

[Annie12]

So, as you all may know from my previous threads I have been confused lately about my vocation. I realized that my discernment was very one sided/not really discernment at all. I was so set on religious life that I wasn't even discerning any other vocation. Then out of no where (it seemed) I was hit by something I did not exspect. Reality. My vision of religious life has been pretty unrealistic and I often thought of it like a fairy tail happy ending kind of thing. So, that said I am starting anew. I'm not going to rule anything out and going to dicern according to where God wants me and not according to my desires. I think I might just have a short break before I start up again though! I'm pretty tired of discerning for the moment. I'm gonna have to resist the urge to watch religious life videos on you tube whilst I'm on this break! Ha ha!
Preayers would be great! This is a big thing for me and I'm scared that I am turning from God's will. It's also kinda annoying that my family isn't supper understanding of the discernment process. They made bets that I won't be a nun. Looks like they might be right. Who knows? Maybe I will or maybe I won't. The good news is that I have gotten past the saddness I felt upon realizing this all. God bless pham! You're in my prayers!

[Jennifer]

[i]Lots of prayers for you Annie.................I know that you'll put your trust in Him.!! [/i]

[Annie12]

Found this on my Facebook Newsfeed. Ha ha! maybe it's a sign!
[img]http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/283604_10150966664894811_1244305808_n.jpg[/img]

[mantellata]

Many prayers Annie!

[maximillion]

Yes, prayers for you Annie, this seems like a mature and thoughtful response on your part.

[emmaberry]

Praying for you.

[Annie12]

Thanks everyone! I was wondering though if I should pay attention to the guilt I feel in doing this. On one hand I feel like by starting discernment anew I have taken a very heavy load off my shoulders but on the other hand I feel bad/guilty for it. What do you think?

[BarbTherese]

Prayers, Annie
Could you have some concepts about what discernment SHOULD be about, how it should go? And becuase you are not living up to your own concepts, you feel guilty?
Discerning one's vocation for life can be a confusing process and important not to make a decision in confusion.
You might need to adjust your concepts about discernment itself (and prior to decisions). There are some really good sites on the internet outlining a discernment process (simply Google "Catholic - vocation - disernment process" or similar until you come across one that has appeal). Always best to start with prayer(and continue daily) asking God what He is inviting you to as your life vocation and just now, it seems to be a discerning [u]journey[/u] to discern His invitation to you for the rest of your life. Not to decide, to discern.
And if you are able, spiritual direction is important. You have already begun your discernment journey actually and are feeling confused and a 'little stuck'.

[BarbTherese]

Prayers, Annie
Could you have some concepts about what discernment SHOULD be about, how it should go? And becuase you are not living up to your own concepts, you feel guilty?
Discerning one's vocation for life can be a confusing process and important not to make a decision in confusion.
You might need to adjust your concepts about discernment itself (and prior to decisions). There are some really good sites on the internet outlining a discernment process (simply Google "Catholic - vocation - disernment process" or similar until you come across one that has appeal). Always best to start with prayer(and continue daily) asking God what He is inviting you to as your life vocation and just now, it seems to be a discerning [u]journey[/u] to discern His invitation to you for the rest of your life. Not to decide, to discern.
And if you are able, spiritual direction is important. You have already begun your discernment journey actually and are feeling confused and a 'little stuck'.

[BarbTherese]

Found this discernment process on Aust Vocation site, Annie [url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/A-Discernment-Process"]http://www.catholico...ernment-Process[/url] You may be able to find others - the Australian site I gave may not appeal to you.

Links on the Aust site:
[list]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Discernment"]Discernment[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/A-Discernment-Process"]A Discernment Process[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Discerning-My-Vocation"]Discerning My Vocation[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Apostolic-Religious-Life"]Apostolic Religious Life[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Diocesan-Priesthood"]Diocesan Priesthood[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Marriage"]Marriage[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Single-Life"]Single Life[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/The-Permanent-Diaconate"]The Permanent Diaconate[/url]
[*][url="http://www.catholicozvocations.org.au/Home/My-Vocation/Personal-Reflection"]Personal Reflection[/url]
[/list]

Edited July 20, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[Annie12]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1342753347' post='2457190']
Prayers, Annie
Could you have some concepts about what discernment SHOULD be about, how it should go? And becuase you are not living up to your own concepts, you feel guilty?
[/quote]
I'm not sure. It might be because I have been discerning religious life so long and to start discernment all over feels like a waste of time. I'm really not sure. I feel like God is definetely leading me somewhere. I am just so confused! Recently I have been feeling called to marriage which really threw me off!!! This all happened at a time when I least exspected it!

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1342760216' post='2457216']
I'm not sure. It might be because I have been discerning religious life so long and to start discernment all over feels like a waste of time. I'm really not sure. I feel like God is definetely leading me somewhere. I am just so confused! Recently I have been feeling called to marriage which really threw me off!!! This all happened at a time when I least exspected it!
[/quote]

Hi Annie - This, for one, is why spiritual direction can be so helpful.
Beginning a journey of discernment all over again, may feel like a waste of time. But I dont think that it is. The really positive thing is that you feel confident The Lord is leading you somewhere. Pray and strive to find Peace in The Lord that He is leading you and will not mislead you. I would concentrate on that were it me, and not be concerned about where He may be leading you at this point anyway. Just refind your absolute trust and confidence in Him - no matter where He may lead. Pray daily as you like to pray and just go about your normal duties of your state in life. The Lord is quite capable of 'knocking us right off our horse' if we need it, be confident of that.

What you are experiencing in your confusion could be called 'desolation'(in spiritual direction terms onl)y in that rather than feeling happy about things, one feels confused and lacking Peace, unhappy - one's spiritual equalibrium is right 'off centre' (it is not at all that desolation that is a sense or feeling of abandonment). This sort of 'desolate type state' could be The Lord inviting you elsewhere, it could come from negative spirits at work to confuse you and I am nothing whatsoever of a spiritual director but tend to think it could be this latter. Ol' Nik and its pals are always alert for ways to dismay and confuse, tempt, us. Dont be concerned about this type of nonsense, rather focus on refinding your absolute trust and confidence in The Lord and wherever He may lead. When The Lord is at work most often one is at Peace and one's spiritual equalibrium is at centre or near. I sure am no expert, but suggest you go through the various steps on my previous post [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/122499-dicernment-update/#entry2457197"]http://www.phatmass....e/#entry2457197[/url]

It is 3.05pm here in Australia. I am hoping that the more experienced than I will pick up on your posts in their own time zones.

This book may help you: "God's Voice Within" [url="http://www.amazon.com/Gods-Voice-Within-Ignatian-Discover/dp/0829428615"]http://www.amazon.co...r/dp/0829428615[/url]
But dont force things, over and above, way over and above, any book or post, article etc., is that in Grace Jesus is with us and working for our salvation and holiness - to complete The Will of His Father and to hear His Invitation whatever it may be. Refind your confident trust in that and refinding this, the next step will unfold for you. God bless and keeping you in daily prayer ................ Barb

Edited July 20, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[LinaSt.Cecilia2772]

I don't know if this will help much, but it has helped me when I am confused.

For quite a few occasions now, I find that confusion is a signal from God to slow down. I have a mindset all the time of what I want and plan to do, and for some reason every time that happens something goes wrong and I get all upset, confused, and angry. But I think that God uses those times for us to find Him again, to cling to His love, and for us to surrender to Him and His will. Whenever I get discouraged and confused I go to Him in adoration. I recently started a journal where I write letters to Jesus about anything and everything in a way where thoughts are placed before Him in an organized manner. I constantly have to remind myself to slow down and not plan my future so much. I know it makes God laugh when we plan our own futures because what i've thought I had wanted has changed so many times. We have to constantly remind ourselves to be still, and wait for Him to make the move in our hearts of what comes next.

Here is a prayer that helps me. Prayer to St. Gregory III

Saint Gregory III, it's hard to stand still and wait for God to do his work. Sometimes I doubt God's providence. I'm afraid God's plan won't work unless I push it along. Help me, when i'm confused, to stop, pray, and wait for God. Amen.

Edited July 20, 2012 by LinaSt.Cecilia2772

[Annie12]

So I have been praying and thinking about this all and wanted to ask y'alls opinion about recent events in my discernment (and my hope is that this will also help others who are having difficulties in discernment.) So here it is :

I became fearful of marraige about the time when my parents had "the talk" with me around the age of13. But strangely enough I became boy crazy even tbough I never had a boy friend. So, I didn't even think about what God wanted me to do until I was in my confirmation class in10th grade. Before this class, I hadn't had a personal relationship with God before in my life. I was a Catholic that just went through the motions. But then I became very interested in my faith when I was in that confirmation class. And so one day my pastor said he thinks I will be a nun. I thought this was amesome. So I was set on religious life since then (I was 16) and I was so convinced of this that I didn't even find guys attractive. I continued to avoid even the thought of marriage so much so, that I didn't even have any guy friends let alone boy friends. Now don't get me wrong. I truly beleived I was called for legit reasons. However, when asked why I didn't want to get married I said I would make a bad mother. But really I'm scared of the thought of childbirth. So, I continued to feel called until 6 months ago when I was turned away from an order of Dominicans. Having this happen to me chrushed me. I went into a deep state of saddness for about a month until I became convinced again that I was called to religious life. During that moth I had spent in saddness I started to dicern marriage but I was so frightful of it all that I turned away and set on religious life for my vocation. This was going great until a few weeks ago when I wanted to pledge my virginity to God in private vows/oath but I felt strongly that God didn't want me to do that. So, I didnt. I continued in prayer and being set on religious life until recently when I had a complete change of heart. I want marraige and I'm not scared of it any more! WHAT?!?! I don't understand. Does this mean God is calling me to marraige? I don't feel a desire for religious life anymore. I feel bad for this but I have been convinced I was gonna be a nun until last week! So, what do you think? I'm starting to think I closed my heart off to marriage and just recently God opened my heart to it because that is my calling. Just a thought though I'm still pretty confused! I feel like religious life may still be my calling but I have lost my desire for it. So... what's goin' on?!?!?

[somethingfishy]

Sounds like God is helping you develop a healthier view of marriage, which is a true gift. Listen to Our Lady and ask her for the grace and humility to accept whatever vocation God has for you. Where you are right now is normal and fine -- you are living your vocation right now as a Christian young woman and accepting what the Lord offers.

You don't have to make a decision until God asks it of you. All vocations, properly lived, are paths to holiness and union with Christ. Whichever you choose, marriage or consecrated life, he will give you grace, he will support you, he will love you. You don't have to worry.