Crushes

[Annie12]

I'm just wondering what a healthy catholic view should be of having a crush on someone [i]whilst discerning[/i]. Should they be non-existent? Or is it okay? I know "oogle-ing" someone to the point of lust is straight up wrong ( for everyone) but is it alright to have a crush if it's just that? What if you have a crush but you don't really want to have one? What if it's just a fact of life? I hope this question isn't too supper awkward!

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I wish I could help you, but I struggle in that area myself. I will tell you, though, that you're not alone and crushes are totally human, but I don't know how to define it for you.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

It's completely normal to have crushes on people! One sister I know told me that it would be a problem if we didn't! In my opinion, crushes are just a fact of life. If it gets to the point of lust, then I would take it to confession, but remember--attraction is completely normal, natural, and created by God.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1345602391' post='2471683']
I'm just wondering what a healthy catholic view should be of having a crush on someone [i]whilst discerning[/i]. Should they be non-existent? Or is it okay? I know "oogle-ing" someone to the point of lust is straight up wrong ( for everyone) but is it alright to have a crush if it's just that? What if you have a crush but you don't really want to have one? What if it's just a fact of life? I hope this question isn't too supper awkward!
[/quote]

It is 100% natural and even good to have crushes. I have had about five of them in this year alone. The thing about crushes is they go away. They aren't that big of a deal. It is okay to specifically like a person of the opposite sex, just make sure to remember a crush is just a crush and it isn't a definite sign you are called to the married life. Sometimes crushes develop into something more, in which case you should start looking into the married life as well (As you should be anyway), but other than that crushes are not to be treated too seriously.

Edited because being on chat and posting at the same time is a bad idea.

Edited August 22, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[mantellata]

That you find a young man attractive simply means you are a woman.

Guess what? You will still find certain men attractive [u][i]even if you become a Sister or Nun!![/i][/u] The question is what you do with that knowledge. Sitting around and fantasizing about a certain individual is one thing, simply acknowledging the attraction is another.

Generally I would recommend to a young woman actively pursuing entrance into religious life (application stage) not to date etc... simply because it will make your life unnecessarily difficult. Since however, you have mentioned that you had misconceptions about religious life, then thought you might not be called, and now have reignited your desire for religious life - I wouldn't get too worried about taking a young man up on the offer to enjoy a cup of coffee together or the like should something like that present itself. You are still discerning how God wants to use your life. He loves you so much, and desires your happiness with all His heart, and leads us gently through the circumstances in our lives. So visit those wonderful Sisters of Life and write them and email their vocation directress and get to know them. If a young man seems interested and so are you, go out for a walk in the park on a sunny afternoon and enjoy yourself. Pray without restlessness and know that God will guide you. Allow yourself to make a generous gift of yourself without anxiety in either direction, but with the peace of heart knowing that you are a beloved daughter of God.

Many prayers for you on this end.

Edited August 22, 2012 by mantellata

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1345604756' post='2471717']
That you find a young man attractive simply means you are a woman.

Guess what? You will still find certain men attractive [u][i]even if you become a Sister or Nun!![/i][/u] The question is what you do with that knowledge. Sitting around and fantasizing about a certain individual is one thing, simply acknowledging the attraction is another.

Generally I would recommend to a young woman actively pursuing entrance into religious life (application stage) not to date etc... simply because it will make your life unnecessarily difficult. Since however, you have mentioned that you had misconceptions about religious life, then thought you might not be called, and now have reignited your desire for religious life - I wouldn't get too worried about taking a young man up on the offer to enjoy a cup of coffee together or the like should something like that present itself. You are still discerning how God wants to use your life. He loves you so much, and desires your happiness with all His heart, and leads us gently through the circumstances in our lives. So visit those wonderful Sisters of Life and write them and email their vocation directress and get to know them. If a young man seems interested and so are you, go out for a walk in the park on a sunny afternoon and enjoy yourself. Pray without restlessness and know that God will guide you. Allow yourself to make a generous gift of yourself without anxiety in either direction, but with the peace of heart knowing that you are a beloved daughter of God.

Many prayers for you on this end.
[/quote]
You have no idea how much I needed to read that right now. Oh my gosh. Haha!

[Lil'Monster]

Apparently I have two crushes.......but I love nuns.........it gets crazy......But I am glad that is normal or I would be freaking out right now.


I don't have any suggestions cuz it looks like everyone cleared it up....

[Annie12]

I find this topic so interesting!! Ha ha! I hope I'm not being a dork!

I really appreciate mantilla's response! It's so perfect! I do feel a strong pull towards religious life but at the same time I feel like my humanity is messin' with me! lol! I like how you point out I don't have to avoid guys just because I'm discerning but rather prayerfully go with the flow (I'm paraphrasing if you couldn't tell). amesome!

[mantellata]

Glad that I could help.

You don't seem like a dork at all to me! Just normal.... very normal.

I know it's always a little embarrassing or worry producing at first to just walk up to your parish priest and say "you know, I'm trying to figure out if God is calling me to religious life... can you recommend someone who would be a good spiritual director?"

He might even say that he would be happy to sit and chat with you... as well as give you a list of names. Worked for me anyway.

[Lil'Monster]

I totally need a Spiritual Director but I do have a "proxy" and her name is Annieline.............

[LittleWaySoul]

This was a good question, Annie

[emmaberry]

Annie: If you have the time, I'd recommend reading All American Girl, specifically photo 22 of the pamphlet Chiquitunga kindly posted on VS here: [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/109682-all-american-girl-story-of-a-vocation-to-carmel/"]http://www.phatmass....tion-to-carmel/[/url]

Here is the scanned pamphlet: [url="https://picasaweb.google.com/111883073319518457118/AllAmericanGirlByFrDanielALordSJ#"]https://picasaweb.go...rDanielALordSJ#[/url]

[spoiler]We find out Jackie, the woman long desiring to become a Carmelite nun, has fallen in love. Yet, in writing to her Spiritual Director, she still says, "Father, I am meant for Carmel."[/spoiler]

That particular page of this pamphlet was very helpful for me. It made me realize that a crush, at least in the midst of a mature and true vocation, does not have to be crushing-pun totally intended. A woman at my parish entered the Roswell Poor Clares 15 years or so ago, stayed for a month, then left to marry her high school sweetheart. Her now-husband, when hearing that she was planning to discern God's will for her in the convent, actually entered the seminary! They both left at the same time, and the rest is history. They have the most gorgeous family, and just had a new baby, whom they named Teresa Marie Clare.

My point there is not that you will eventually discern marriage, but don't be too hard on yourself! You are trying to discern, and that is more than the average young person is doing for God. Heck, a lot of teenagers don't even give God a passing thought!

If you are unsure, then date. If you have discerned a strong call to religious life, then focus on that. Meanwhile, a crush or two won't make or break your religious vocation, if you have one. A lot of people are under the impression that if someone meets their future spouse in the midst of discernment, somehow they were pulled away from their true vocation. God is so much bigger than that! He is in charge, and if one of these crushes leads to something more serious, then you can confidently begin to discern marriage more seriously. As of right now, these crushes are, as many have said, completely normal. I agree with mantellata though, beware of fantasizing, which seems to be women's particular downfall. Where men have to watch their eyes, women really have to guard their hearts.

Edited August 22, 2012 by emmaberry

[Pax_et bonum]

I just started college, and there are a lot of fine looking guys here. I think they're hot, and that's ok--praise God for the beauty of His creation! Does it mean I'm going to start dating? Personally, no, I already have my Man and wouldn't--couldn't--have anyone else. Isn't the reason one becomes a sister or nun because she desires to be wedded to the Christ? If it helps you to discern between having an earthly husband or the Bridegroom, then date. Each vocation story is different; some involve dating while others don't. God will provide you with the grace you need whether you decide to pursue a crush or not.

[emmaberry]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1345612676' post='2471824']
I already have my Man and wouldn't--couldn't--have anyone else. Isn't the reason one becomes a sister or nun because she desires to be wedded to the Christ?[/quote]

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1345612676' post='2471824']
I just started college, and there are a lot of fine looking guys here. I think they're hot, and that's ok--praise God for the beauty of His creation! Does it mean I'm going to start dating? Personally, no, I already have my Man and wouldn't--couldn't--have anyone else. Isn't the reason one becomes a sister or nun because she desires to be wedded to the Christ? If it helps you to discern between having an earthly husband or the Bridegroom, then date. Each vocation story is different; some involve dating while others don't. God will provide you with the grace you need whether you decide to pursue a crush or not.
[/quote]

Exactly!

I am attracted to men just like any girl and that's healthy! In fact, the psychologist who gave me my evaluation last month interviewed me regarding my relationships with men. I have been on a few dates and had a few crushes and I'm normal. However, I believe wholeheartedly that I am to give my full heart to Jesus and no one else. Even though I see the true beauty of marriage, no mortal man can satisfy me next to Him. I know exactly what I'm giving up because I have been able to witness some truly beautiful marriages blessed with children. I know that they found their true vocation.

Does this mean that I will stop having attractions to members of the opposite sex? Absolutely not! But, like I said in another topic, you have to find ways to channel that attraction into a positive sacrifice for God. You can't ignore the beauty of His creation, but there is a difference between attraction and lustful desires. Pure attraction is healthy. Lust is not.

[Annie12]

These are such great answers and clear up a lot of misconceptions that I had! Thank you all so much!

[be_thou_my_vision]

Someone probably said this already, but in that case I'd like to second it--
Even if you get a crush while in religious life or while your married to someone else, it doesn't mean what you are doing is the wrong vocation. I have talked to many priests and religious about this, and the answer I got from everyone is... everyone, no matter their vocation, will be attracted to a person of the opposite sex at some point in their life. Everyone has crushes from time to time. Do no fret! God will give the grace to fulfill the commitment He led you to make.
I suppose that's not any help to you, Annie, because you are asking about before the convent, but I just wanted to throw that out there!

[Annie12]

No! Your totally right! I agree with you!

My problem is that I saw guys as having cooties until like last month and now I'm trying to figure out what is normal and what may mean I need to broaden my horizons. It's kinda sad too, because i'm almost 20!

But since I'm not a future teller ( ) I'm just going to take like one moment at a time! I think this is a good plan! and The responses I got in this thread really help me to understand a proper view of the opposite sex! lol!

I could see myself as a really good mom or a Good sister! I'll just follow where Jesus leads me!

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1345647461' post='2471958']
No! Your totally right! I agree with you!

My problem is that I saw guys as having cooties until like last month and now I'm trying to figure out what is normal and what may mean I need to broaden my horizons. It's kinda sad too, because i'm almost 20!

But since I'm not a future teller ( ) I'm just going to take like one moment at a time! I think this is a good plan! and The responses I got in this thread really help me to understand a proper view of the opposite sex! lol!

I could see myself as a really good mom or a Good sister! I'll just follow where Jesus leads me!
[/quote]

You may not have been too far off on the cooties thing...

If you ever need help in understanding the opposite sex, you are free to ask me questions, but know my answers might not be 100% credible. I have been surrounded by women all my life and I have a feeling this has altered my understanding of things a little bit.

Edited August 22, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[Lil'Monster]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1345612676' post='2471824']
I just started college, and there are a lot of fine looking guys here. I think they're hot, and that's ok--praise God for the beauty of His creation! Does it mean I'm going to start dating? Personally, no, I already have my Man and wouldn't--couldn't--have anyone else. Isn't the reason one becomes a sister or nun because she desires to be wedded to the Christ? If it helps you to discern between having an earthly husband or the Bridegroom, then date. Each vocation story is different; some involve dating while others don't. God will provide you with the grace you need whether you decide to pursue a crush or not.
[/quote]


Can I come for a visit? I want to meet those hot guys!!!!




When I watched the Olympics....I saw lots of good looking guys.....Ryan Lochte, Nathan Adrian, ohh the list goes on....but I won't date them because they aren't really my type of guy who I would spend my life with. I won't pursue them.


Also I will have these crushes til my tomb but I won't pursue them....like I know a guy who I had a crush on but hes engaged to be married to some other girl..I won't get in the way of his happiness....I am happy for him but deep down inside part of me wants to smack him. Haha oh well he's protestant...I won't date a protestant....hahaha


I will date a good looking handsome Catholic dude though...if it is in God's plan for me that is!