Aya Sophia Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Here I am. Although the monastery is just up the drive and I exited the enclosure just this morning the life already seems a world away. This may be because I had known for a while that I would go and had a couple of weeks still inside during which I grieved plenty at the rupture about the take place. So much love and suffering! I thank God for the ultimate clarity I had about leaving - I'm completely at peace about it and full of joy - joyful about all that has come to pass over the last year. Praise the Lord! Truly.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Now...a few opinions to offer and then I'll sign off and into silence. [/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - If you are sitting on the fence with regard to vocation, get off it! Either do it or drop it. As long as you continue sitting on the fence, you continue to avoid discernment of the will of God for you (perhaps because you are afraid of being called to religious life or afraid of [u]not[/u] being called to it!) and you live a life in which you are obstructed from becoming what God, in His love for you, wills you to be.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - Take a look at your "discernment history" - do you seem to see a pattern in which you are actually creating or encouraging the creation of obstacles to your entrance into religious life? This may mean that you do not truly want it. You may want to want it or you may have an attraction to some image of the life rather than to the life itself.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - Carmel is not to be known (meaning, it is impossible to know it) via the internet.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - GOD'S WILL is the only thing that matters! [/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Over and out, dear bros. and sisters . . . .[/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopefulBride Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 [quote name='Aya Sophia' timestamp='1351959323' post='2503478'] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3]- If you are sitting on the fence with regard to vocation, get off it! Either do it or drop it. [b]As long as you continue sitting on the fence, you continue to avoid discernment of the will of God for you (perhaps because you are afraid of being called to religious life or afraid of [u]not[/u] being called to it![/b]) and you live a life in which you are obstructed from becoming what God, in His love for you, wills you to be.[/size][/font] [/quote] The bolded part, I had to pray through that a year into my discernment. I had fear holding me back and I wasn't quite sure where it was stemming from until one day in adoration I realized I was afraid of not being called as much as I was afraid of being called. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Good to hear from you. Know of my prayers. And the advice you gave was excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Praying for you. Very tough day... but staying focused on God's beautiful Will is the best way to get through it. Let us know if we can help in any other way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiquitunga Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Praised be Jesus Christ! Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Aya! I honestly really appreciate your words of wisdom there... and totally agree with the statement "Carmel is not to be known (meaning, it is impossible to know it) via the internet." Personally, I have a very specific reason I cannot enter now, nor have not been able to for a long time, that I prefer to not share on the internet. I am definitely totally in favor of just doing it or dropping it/getting off the fence/not perpetually discerning, etc. I do sometimes worry that I may come off as that here, and as the type of person you describe in the 3rd to last paragraph. Forgive me if I've caused anyone scandal about this .. as being one who seems to have been so interested in Carmel and all the details of it (& often not very important ones) for several years, but who is not actually entering right now. Anyway, just wanted to clarify that and I'm glad this gave me the opportunity to do so. All your statements are soo true and good!! Thank you so much for sharing! The Internet can be so problematic in discernment too! I totally agree! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 [quote name='Aya Sophia' timestamp='1351959323' post='2503478'] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3]...I thank God for the ultimate clarity I had about leaving - I'm completely at peace about it and full of joy - joyful about all that has come to pass over the last year. Praise the Lord! Truly.[/size][/font] [/quote] I wanted to highlight what AyaSophia wrote about the peace and joy she has in her choice.... This was my own experience, and I have heard ithis comment echoed over and over from people who did a good discernment and realized God wanted something else for them. Not everyone has this experience, but it is a gift of God when it happens.... it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that you don't wish things had turned out differently.. .but ultimately our vocation is to serving God wherever and however He choses... and my joy is in living out the life I live for him well... Prayers for you Aya.... not sure if your ending phrase indicates you won't be coming back, but Godspeed if that is the case.... and at least consider hanging on the other threads with us.... many have been where you are, and we are community for each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiquitunga Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 p.s. although it still must be so painful, it is so wonderful to hear of your peace & joy, Aya! I have also entered and left a Carmel, and remember the day I left very well... I believed I was called to a different way of life though, and was happy to keep discerning where He wanted me.. You have succeeded in discerning His will! and as you say, that is all that matters!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 [quote name='Aya Sophia' timestamp='1351959323' post='2503478'] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Here I am. Although the monastery is just up the drive and I exited the enclosure just this morning the life already seems a world away. This may be because I had known for a while that I would go and had a couple of weeks still inside during which I grieved plenty at the rupture about the take place. So much love and suffering! I thank God for the ultimate clarity I had about leaving - I'm completely at peace about it and full of joy - joyful about all that has come to pass over the last year. Praise the Lord! Truly.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Now...a few opinions to offer and then I'll sign off and into silence. [/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - If you are sitting on the fence with regard to vocation, get off it! Either do it or drop it. As long as you continue sitting on the fence, you continue to avoid discernment of the will of God for you (perhaps because you are afraid of being called to religious life or afraid of [u]not[/u] being called to it!) and you live a life in which you are obstructed from becoming what God, in His love for you, wills you to be.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - Take a look at your "discernment history" - do you seem to see a pattern in which you are actually creating or encouraging the creation of obstacles to your entrance into religious life? This may mean that you do not truly want it. You may want to want it or you may have an attraction to some image of the life rather than to the life itself.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - Carmel is not to be known (meaning, it is impossible to know it) via the internet.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - GOD'S WILL is the only thing that matters! [/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Over and out, dear bros. and sisters . . . .[/size][/font] [/quote] Yup. Yup, yup, yup. May St Joseph watch over you in whichever dovecot you will be nesting! Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaberry101 Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 (edited) I was not on PM when you entered, Aya, but it is wonderful to hear the peace in your post. May you continue discerning God's Will for you, and blessings on beginning your life again 'outside.' Seeing posts like yours are so helpful, because you remind people like me who are waiting to enter that our happiness really does lie in His Will, and that leaving or staying ultimately won't make you happy.. only His Will can do that. It will be good to have this as a reminder in case I do discern out of the Monastery. Many prayers for your transition, and thank you for sharing. Edited November 3, 2012 by emmaberry101 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 [quote name='Aya Sophia' timestamp='1351959323' post='2503478'] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Here I am. Although the monastery is just up the drive and I exited the enclosure just this morning the life already seems a world away. This may be because I had known for a while that I would go and had a couple of weeks still inside during which I grieved plenty at the rupture about the take place. So much love and suffering! I thank God for the ultimate clarity I had about leaving - I'm completely at peace about it and full of joy - joyful about all that has come to pass over the last year. Praise the Lord! Truly.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Now...a few opinions to offer and then I'll sign off and into silence. [/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - If you are sitting on the fence with regard to vocation, get off it! Either do it or drop it. As long as you continue sitting on the fence, you continue to avoid discernment of the will of God for you (perhaps because you are afraid of being called to religious life or afraid of [u]not[/u] being called to it!) and you live a life in which you are obstructed from becoming what God, in His love for you, wills you to be.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - Take a look at your "discernment history" - do you seem to see a pattern in which you are actually creating or encouraging the creation of obstacles to your entrance into religious life? This may mean that you do not truly want it. You may want to want it or you may have an attraction to some image of the life rather than to the life itself.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - Carmel is not to be known (meaning, it is impossible to know it) via the internet.[/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] - GOD'S WILL is the only thing that matters! [/size][/font] [font=arial, sans-serif][size=3] Over and out, dear bros. and sisters . . . .[/size][/font] [/quote] Apologies, Aya. I read the post wrong. I thought it looked like "I am excited the enclosure is just up the road"… Please pray for my eyes, and I mean that in all seriousness! Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Our thoughts and prayers are with you. No matter how at peace your heart may be, I know from personal experience that there will still be feelings of pain and loss. Give yourself time to grieve and to let God use your pain to bring you ever closer to Him. Your sister in Christ - Nunsense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inperpetuity Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I have to say that this morning I was thinking about you, Aya, and wondering how you were doing, strange and now here you are to tell us. Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. I know it's difficult and painful as I have also been through it. The part about putting up obstacles, I also know I've done that in the past. I'm glad to hear that you are at peace with God's will for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Prayers for you. I have been where you are. (HUGS!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniJesuAmorMi Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Will be praying for you Aya Sophia and may God reward you for sharing what you did. I pray that you will keep the peace and joy that you now have in your heart; as you know that when we follow Him the peace always remains with us even (or rather especially) through times of great trials and sufferings. A peace that the world can't give. Please say a prayer for me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) [quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1351959714' post='2503479'] The bolded part, I had to pray through that a year into my discernment. I had fear holding me back and I wasn't quite sure where it was stemming from until one day in adoration I realized I was afraid of not being called as much as I was afraid of being called. [/quote] I think I can relate... Aya Sophia, I am glad that you are feeling peace about the decision. It must be so hard making decisions like this. Prayers for you Edited November 8, 2012 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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