Temptions While Dicerning

[Annie12]

Hi all,

 

If one knows deep down that their true vocation is to religious life but also desires to have a family, how can that person combat these feelings. For, if it was God's will that they be called to marriage that would be evident. But, if these feeling are merely just that, how does a discerner combat (or order) that which appeals to the senses? (I am mostly referring to the attraction to the opposite sex.)

Edited January 30, 2013 by Annie12

[FutureSister2009]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. As I posted in my Vocation update, I was blinded by this guy for over a year who kind of took me away from my Vocation even though he could care less about me. When I finally got over him, God pulled me back into Discernment. But I still look at so many cute guys and I still get confused sometimes. The problem with me is, all the cute guys I look at are taken. :cry: However, I am just going to continue discerning with an open heart and mind. If God wants me to get married, He'll show me that in time. If He wants me in Religious Life, He'll show me that too. I don't know if this was helpful at all but I do know how you feel. It's hard being a girl!

[NonNovi]

By trying to increase your love for God and to have little prayers ready for tempting moments. It's good that you make a difference between "knowing deep down" and "desiring". Feelings are just feelings, they are hard to deal with but they can pass. God's call won't pass if it's there. So keep in mind that what you feel or desire is something you can get over, even if it takes a little time. Pray a lot, try to see the opposite sex as creatures of God, wish them all the happiness and divine protection they can get. And ask Our Lady to help you.

[carmenchristi]

It's not so much about "combating" anything. These are normal, healthy desires. God gave them to you and they will always be a part of you. They are in fact an essential part of your vocation. The issue at hand is really: how do I integrate this desire into what I believe to be my vocation to consecrated life? The answer is found, above all through prayer, by going before the Lord and presenting all of your desires and longings, even when these may seem to conflict with one another and asking Him to show you how this fits into his plan for you and help you live that. 

 

 

[carmenchristi]

To add: Exploring the positive side of the vow of chastity will be really helpful. Often we think of it as a prohibition... it means one does not marry or have children etc. I don't have any literature on this in mind at the moment, but I'll post a link when I think of something.

Stay in peace, because only there can you discern. Follow what gives you profound peace, and remember that finding your vocation is finding the true expression of who God made you to be. Seek after this, and little by little those things that are external to that will fade away. 

[OnlySunshine]

Mother Angelica once said something to the effect of, "If you don't want to be a wife and mother, you'll never make it as a nun." (I can't find the exact quote)

 

What this means is that the attraction to be a wife and mother is a natural attraction.  The attraction to be a Sister/nun is a supernatural attraction.  Every woman, from the time they were born, was given the graces to be both a wife and mother.  Only the ones God chooses receive the grace to live out a vocation as a Sister/nun.  Even in the convent, that desire to be a wife and mother never disappears but it is transformed into being Jesus' bride and mother to all.  This is what being a Sister is and what Mother Angelica means in the quote.  If you don't want to be a wife or mother, you'll have a hard time living the evangelical counsels and being a spiritual mother to the whole world.  ;)

 

Everyone, at some point in his/her discernment, has struggled with the idea of marriage vs vocation.  The question is not whether or not God wants you to marry -- it's whether or not He wants you to marry a human man or be set apart for Christ.  I've struggled during my own discernment a couple years ago when I became very attracted to a nice Catholic young man and I started thinking about marriage.  When he got married to another young woman, I had to reassess my own discernment and realize that, although marriage is a beautiful Sacrament, it wouldn't fulfill me like consecrated life would.  I wouldn't be as happy as I would living a single life consecrated to Christ.

 

Pray about this and find a spiritual director if you don't already have one.  If you feel the call to be consecrated (as you said when you came back to PM), then this attraction to marriage is most likely just the natural attraction to the vocation of married life.  You need to find out if you truly have the supernatural vocation to consecrated life.  :)

 

From a website:

 

All Are Created For Marriage.

It can be said that everyone is called to marriage; the
priest, the celibate, and the married...everyone. Every vocation is just
another preparation for heaven, which is the marriage between Christ
and the church. In heaven, all of mankind will be united in a mystical
marriage to Our Lord, and through this nuptial union we will be united
to one another. Therefore, the more we live "spousally" on earth, the
better prepared we will be for heaven.

John Paul II, Theology of the Body: "...the
nature of the one (religious life) as well as the other (priesthood)
love is “spousal,” that is, expressed through the complete gift of self.
The one as well as the other love tends to express that spousal meaning
of the body, which has been inscribed 'from the beginning' in the
personal structure of man and woman."

"...the consciousness of the 'spousal' meaning
of the body—constitutes the fundamental component of human existence in
the world."

To live "spousally", then, is considered our purpose for entire
existence. It is, in fact, a kind of summation of the Scriptures, i.e.,
God created man out of spousal love, to be united with Him forever. But
man committed "adultery", severing his relationship to God. Despite
mankind's infidelity, God remained faithful to His bride. Israel
continued to "play the Harlot", but God remained faithful to His
covenant, his marriage. God then sent His Son, the Bridegroom, to make
his reunion back to God possible. (Scripture is replete with this
spousal imagery.)

John Paul II, Theology of the Body:
"...the love of Yahweh for the Chosen People can and must be compared
to the love that unites bride and bridegroom, the love that should unite
spouses... the prophets dramatically highlighted precisely that
betrayal and unfaithfulness, which were called Israel’s “adultery.”...In
this way, the analogy of bridegroom and bride, which allowed the author
of Ephesians to define the relationship of Christ with the Church, has a
rich tradition in the books of the Old Covenant.

 

More can be read about this here:

 

http://www.religious-vocation.com/

Edited January 30, 2013 by MaterMisericordiae

[savvy]

 

Yes, the church's view is that they are complementary, even paradoxical rather than in opposition. Mother Mary, is the best example of virgin, mother, and bride.

 

 

 

Edited January 31, 2013 by savvy

[Chiquitunga]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKu7dYa1DoU

[kg94]

It might be useful to know that wanting to be a mother can also be compatible with wanting to be a sister/nun. In a way, you are like a mother as a Religious as you could see yourself as a spiritual mother to people. For example, if you ever speak to the Tyburn Nuns in Marble Arch in London  (I happen to be a close friend) then they will tell you that they are spiritual mothers and that if you think that wanting to be a mother and a religious can't work, as some other people said, quite the contrary. To not want to be a mother and try and be in religious life is going to prove a hard time. Dw about it, and it is useful to have a spiritual director who can help you to see things in a more objective light, and also to discern whether it is your will or God's will. It would be useful to spend some time in a convent and speak to some sisters, maybe even in a formation house to see what it's like - and if you want to chat, feel free to email me: vocationoperation@live.co.uk, scholar-kg@hotmail.com

Email me and I will give you my number if you like.

I'll keep you in prayer, GB.

 

Kim Lee

Foundress

The Vocation Operation

www.vocationoperation.blogspot.com

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

Certainly what everyone else said about becoming a sister or a nun is also a state of motherhood. :)

 

I remember the documentary "The Nun" about a girl named Marta who was preparing to enter Carmel. At the beginning of the film she starts talking about how the most difficult part for her in this way of life is the spiritual aspect of chastity and how having a solitary heart, they (the nuns) leave that for God to fill.

 

I think she answered a question that many discerning the religious life have. When you have the grace of a vocation, you will find that there will be nothing lacking and that you will be fulfilled because God fills the heart completely with Himself when it is given to Him alone. So really how could we find that anything would be missing? We know He is the source of all life, grace, and blessing for every state of life so if He has our hearts completely I don't think we will ever find that anything is lacking or that we would be missing out on anything; because we have Him alone Who is the giver of all good things. Let Him be your only source of happiness and joy. :)   

Edited January 31, 2013 by VeniJesuAmorMi

[loveletslive]

I heard a nun once say when she comes across a handsome/attractive man she does, and it's okay, to thank God for his beauty.

 

someone correct me if i'm wrong or missing the mark here, but when random emotions or feeling just pop into your head - they are morally neutral, but it depends on how you ACT on or further ENTERTAIN these emotions/feelings that can be appropriate or inappropriate/sinful. (mentioned in this podcast on emotional chastity http://catholicstuffpodcast.com/audio/Emotional-Chastity.mp3

 

sweet - it automatically embedded the podcast! Catholic Stuff You Should Know podcast - awesome stuff!

Edited February 2, 2013 by loveletslive

[FutureSister2009]

I heard a nun once say when she comes across a handsome/attractive man she does, and it's okay, to thank God for his beauty.

 

I like this thought. It makes me feel better.

[NonNovi]

 I heard a nun once say when she comes across a handsome/attractive man she does, and it's okay, to thank God for his beauty.

 

I think Saint Augustine says this in his Confessiones, so it's good :) And it helps too! Instead of acting upon sudden feelings, we must thank God first, because the opposite sex is His creation and He gave it its beauty. If you have God in mind, the attractive person isn't (temporarily).

[Chiquitunga]

meant to post this before, but ran out of time .. 

 

When you have the grace of a vocation, you will find that there will be nothing lacking and that you will be fulfilled because God fills the heart completely with Himself when it is given to Him alone. So really how could we find that anything would be missing? We know He is the source of all life, grace, and blessing for every state of life so if He has our hearts completely I don't think we will ever find that anything is lacking or that we would be missing out on anything; because we have Him alone Who is the giver of all good things. Let Him be your only source of happiness and joy. :)   

 

This. :heart:

 

It's like what this Roswell PCC says here (actually she's in Palos Park now :j) "He takes up your whole heart" and you really couldn't marry anyone after that. That's how I feel anyway. I feel like I'd have to steal my heart back somehow in order to do that, lol :topsy:

 

Not that I never find men attractive, but I just know when I see them that they are created by God in His image, and that Our Lord is the "fairest of the children of men." I think, wow if that man is rather handsome, what must Our Lord look like!!

 

I love this quote from JPII in relation to all of this ...

 

“It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted ..." - Blessed John Paul II

 

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8031-it-is-jesus-that-you-seek-when-you-dream-of

 

Also, I couldn't find the quote, but to paraphrase St. Teresa of Jesus (of Avila) .. once God touches the will, the soul is no longer satisfied in anything else but Him. :pray:

 

Edited February 5, 2013 by Chiquitunga

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

I think, wow if that man is rather handsome, what must Our Lord look like!!

 

I love that Chiqui! :hehe:  It's so true too. Being the source of all beauty, can we even imagine? It is no wonder that all the saints that have seen Him wanted more than anything to leave this earth to go and be with Him. If we, who haven't seen Him that way yet, and want more than anything to be with Him; can we imagine our joy when we see Him as He is? :) A beautiful thought for sure!

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

Okay, I don't have time to read everyone's (undoubtedly wise and well-stated) posts, but here's my two cents.
Everyone was made in the image of God, and marriage, as well as the marital act, is a symbol of the Trinity. The love of the Father for the Son, and vice versa, is the essence of the Holy Spirit. So too the love between the father and mother is made manifest in a new, sacred life, a new soul. That is what the sanctity of sex is about.
Because humans have sexual desires naturally, it is no sin or thing unnatural to have sexual desires while discerning. Of course, God may grant special grace to certain persons to not experience these/have less mild ones, especially if the person has trouble with temptation/lust.
There shouldn't be a need to have combat wig your own body/emotions, but there needs to be a method of channeling these desires to something holy and reverent. For example, you interact with someone of the opposite sex, and you feel drawn to them because of their personality, and you have strong emotions about them. You can use this as a way of be coming closer to God by thanking Him for creating someone so special and attractive to you, and then praying for the person and asking God to bless them and let His will be done in this person's life, praying for their future spouse/vocation, etc. If you truly believe you are drawn to religious life, then these efforts of purity and self-denial will be fruitful because it is God's will for you to be His in consecrated life.
And always remember this, even the most pure, chaste, and humble saints experienced temptation, some particularly sexual temptation. The difference between a sant and a sinner is that saints chose God's will instead if their own.
Hope this helps, but this couldn't have been written without the Hol Ghost's inspiration.

[Annie12]

If I am discerning and I start to like a guy, lets say, and we fall in love. Would this be me falling into temptation or does it indicate God has allowed this to happen because it aligns with his will? I'm just worried that if I fall in love, unintentionally, that I will have to force myself to fall out of love because I want to do Gods will.

[Pax_et bonum]

If you read All American Girl by Fr. Lord, you'll see that the young woman who wanted to enter Carmel met the perfect Catholic guy and fell in love, but she still wrote, "Father, I was meant for Carmel." This is just an example and is by no means a rule, but you might like to read her story--which is a true story, I believe. Don't worry so much; trust God that if you are sincerely trying to follow His will, He will not lead you astray.

[petitpèlerin]

To be very honest, the only men I find really attractive are religious men. I mean, sure, I can find a lay man attractive, but I don't have a desire to be his girlfriend, because that leads to marriage, and I'm just not sure marriage is for me. Far more often, I find myself attracted to religious men, and I think the reason why is that they have the same vocation I do: to be wholly devoted to God, and that just resonates with me. So, when it happens, it's just another sign that my desire is really for God, and I remember that, at the deepest level, I'd rather have men as brothers, serving God together, than have one as a husband.

 

I also like to remember the story of St Francis: when he experienced the temptation to desire a woman to love, he went out and made a woman out of snow, and then a bunch of children, which would naturally result, to remind himself that if he had a wife then he would have to provide for her and their children, and would not be able to be as wholly devoted to God as he was.

[carmenchristi]

Have you been on retreat recently? If not it sounds like it's time for you to make a good one!