Discontentment

[Pax_et bonum]

I was on a retreat at a convent this weekend, and transitioning back to life at college has been difficult. I know my sense of discontentment is more acute because I was just at the convent, but to a lesser degree, that's how I feel about being in school constantly. I mean, it's enjoyable enough, and I don't mean to complain. I know God meant for me to have this year at this school, and I've grown and learned a lot. I just don't know what to do with this feeling of discontentment. Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts?

Edited February 26, 2013 by Pax_et bonum

[FutureSister2009]

I do. Ever since I left the Salesians, I've just not been happy. I want to go back and just stay there forever.

[ToJesusMyHeart]

I was on a retreat at a convent this weekend, and transitioning back to life at college has been difficult. I know my sense of discontentment is more acute because I was just at the convent, but to a lesser degree, that's how I feel about being in school constantly. I mean, it's enjoyable enough, and I don't mean to complain. I know God meant for me to have this year at this school, and I've grown and learned a lot. I just don't know what to do with this feeling of discontentment. Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts?

Yes. I feel this way almost constantly; it's like the #1 topic with my spiritual director and me.

 

And yes, it's always especially bad right after you return from the heaven of a convent. Life is so much more beatiful in the convent. Quieter, more peaceful, more joyful, more prayerful. Life "in the world" is hectic, noisy, loud, frenzied, and stressful. If your heart is made for convent life, I think, to some degree, it's natural to feel discomfort "in the world."

 

Always remember, we're not made for this environment. We're not made for Earth. Everyone is created for Heaven. It's just like in the Hail, Holy Queen: "To Thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve, to Thee do we lift up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley (vale) of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus..."

 

Right now we're in exile. We're cut off from God. We're not created for this. We're created for beholding the Beatific Vision and to be in full communion with our Creator. So discontentment is to be expected.

 

The thing that helps the most that my SD tells me:

She asks me: "Katie, do you think it is by chance that God allowed you to begin considering religious life so early? While you still have 2 years left in college? Do you think that was just a mistake? Or did he purposefully give you these inspirations this early? Do you think he wanted to give you time to mature in your prayer life and grow in your devotion, or just to drive you crazy while you wait to enter formation?"

 

Clearly, God didn't just accidentally give us these thoughts of religious life to torment us while we're still in school. He intentionally and purposefully planted these seeds of our vocation NOW, while we have the time we NEED to prepare for religious life. I know it's hard to be in school. I hate school. So anyway, I'm right there with you! Just remember that Jesus planned this. He wants us in school, even if we can't understand why right now.

 

One analogy: A mother is sewing something. Her little child is sitting beneath her, looking up at the back side of the sewing canvas. The child asks the mother, "why are you sewing something so ugly?" (because he only sees the backside), and when the mother turns the sewing canvas around, the little child sees the beautiful patterns and stitches that are not visible from the backside.

 

We're the little child. God is the mother. Our lives are the stitching. We only see a distorted view of God's beautiful designs for our lives. :)

Edited February 26, 2013 by ToJesusMyHeart

[Guest brandy_jo]

Convent life is not necessarily the heaven you think it is.  People can feel discontentment anywhere they are. The important thing is the do the Will of God today.

[nikita92]

I agree Brandy! While the convent was in itself really amazing..my experience was different..(of course) that of Pax's or Futuresister's. Fr.Timothy Gallagher said.."God doesn't want you to be stuck" in your discernment...I also don't believe that one HAS to stay in school if it is making one miserable either. (Of course it is Smart to have some academic to fall back on)

[Guest Allie]

I was on a retreat at a convent this weekend, and transitioning back to life at college has been difficult. I know my sense of discontentment is more acute because I was just at the convent, but to a lesser degree, that's how I feel about being in school constantly. I mean, it's enjoyable enough, and I don't mean to complain. I know God meant for me to have this year at this school, and I've grown and learned a lot. I just don't know what to do with this feeling of discontentment. Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts?

 

I'm longing for June. Lent is helping.   Trying to accept His will for me now.  It's not easy but I bet it's good practice  for the novitiate. :hehe2: 
 

[Pax_et bonum]

Convent life is not necessarily the heaven you think it is.  People can feel discontentment anywhere they are. The important thing is the do the Will of God today.

If one is longing solely after some romanticized ideal of religious life, there obviously needs to be some maturing, but we're all at different stages in our discernment. It's not necessarily a bad place to be, and in God's time, those who are at that stage will realize that it's not heaven and be able to move on in their discernment. Telling them that it's not heaven probably isn't very helpful because they have to come to know that through their own experience. When I was given my application papers, sister was telling me that their life is a "martyrdom of pinpricks" and "All we can promise you is the cross." And on the retreat this weekend, the retreat master said something similar, "In religious life I can promise you the cross but also the joy of the resurrection."

 

That's one of my struggles: I know God wants me at college this year, but I long for the opportunities being in the monastery would afford me that a person living her vocation as a student busy with classes and work doesn't have or have to the same extent.

[Pax_et bonum]

I'm longing for June. Lent is helping.   Trying to accept His will for me now.  It's not easy but I bet it's good practice  for the novitiate. :hehe2: 
 

Where are you visiting? I saw on another of your posts that you're interested in the Poor Clares. If it's God's will and I'm accepted, I will enter the Poor Sisters of St. Clare sometime hopefully this summer. And you're right, I'm sure the lessons we learn now will be useful in whatever vocation we are called.

[Kateri89]

I was on a retreat at a convent this weekend, and transitioning back to life at college has been difficult. I know my sense of discontentment is more acute because I was just at the convent, but to a lesser degree, that's how I feel about being in school constantly. I mean, it's enjoyable enough, and I don't mean to complain. I know God meant for me to have this year at this school, and I've grown and learned a lot. I just don't know what to do with this feeling of discontentment. Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts?

 

Yes every time I go to work  :hehe2:   I don't imagine that convent life is bliss but I know that they structure prayer into their daily routine and anytime I'm having a rough day at work, I wish I could look forward to some prayer throughout the day.  Of course I can pray once I leave but it's not the same.  I think that's one of the reasons why I have such fond memories of the retreat I went on with the Nashville Dominicans.  I loved how frequently they prayed and how it balanced out their lives.  The thing that keeps me going (and from quitting my job) is hoping beyond hope that this will be the year that I enter...God willing.   :saint2:

[maximillion]

Discontent can happen anywhere at any time, for any one!

Look how long St Teresa had to wait to have her reforms ratified, enacted and put in place, there must have been times when she despaired and was extremely discontented with church authorities.

 

Learning how to deal with feelings, recognising them for what they are ( transitory, not reliable as a guide to action,)  must and will be a good preparation for later entry.

 

As ToJesusMyHeart has pointed out so eloquently, we are not made for satisfaction in this world, and may not find it even in the convent...............

[savvy]

I have heard do not really on feelings, but based on personal experience, when discerning, my feelings or the ones I got through prayer always seem to be right. I try to ignore them, but they prove to be right.

The question is how does one distinguish from feelings and one's interior voice.

[maximillion]

^^^^^^^^^

 

Ah.....that is the question.

 

What I know I will pass on, but I don't pretend to be anything like an expert.

 

Feelings:

Often bring in their train turmoil, anxiety, more questions (often unanswerable), a prompt for instant action rather than considered, prayerful thought, and are transitory in nature.

Feelings tend to grab ones attention and there is a turning away from other sources of information, especially those that may be more measured.

 

One's interior voice:

Tends not to grab attention too brusquely, operates in quiet, thoughtful, prayerful situations, may prompt a desire for more information (rather than pointless questioning), and will almost without fail promote calm, joyful peace.

In listening to my inner voice (the promptings of the Holy Spirit) I may decide I need to seek further clarification, but there is no impulse to swift action. Quiet reflection is useful rather than instant decisions.

 

Others may find differently..........

[savvy]

Thanks Maxmillion, but when I really wanted things to work with a community, in prayer, I knew it wss not going too. How does one explain a negative confirmation, even when one tries to brush it away.?

[Guest brandy_jo]

If one is longing solely after some romanticized ideal of religious life, there obviously needs to be some maturing, but we're all at different stages in our discernment. It's not necessarily a bad place to be, and in God's time, those who are at that stage will realize that it's not heaven and be able to move on in their discernment. Telling them that it's not heaven probably isn't very helpful because they have to come to know that through their own experience. When I was given my application papers, sister was telling me that their life is a "martyrdom of pinpricks" and "All we can promise you is the cross." And on the retreat this weekend, the retreat master said something similar, "In religious life I can promise you the cross but also the joy of the resurrection."

 

That's one of my struggles: I know God wants me at college this year, but I long for the opportunities being in the monastery would afford me that a person living her vocation as a student busy with classes and work doesn't have or have to the same extent.

 

 

I think it might be helpful to some people to have their false or idealized view of religious life challenged.  I do agree that people have to learn from their own experience, but I think that someone who has been there and knows the reality can at least prompt others to think more deeply about it.  This is similar to telling someone who deeply longs for marriage and motherhood not to think too idealistically about these experiences.  Perhaps the person will not understand the voice of experience, but perhaps they will think a little  more about it.  These things require real commitment and sacrifice and one should have some inkling of that before embarking upon such adventures.   Our vocations challenge us as people to grow.  It takes maturity to look more realistically and still choose for the love of God to do His Will.   

[Guest brandy_jo]

double post.  mea culpa

Edited February 26, 2013 by brandy_jo

[Guest brandy_jo]

That's one of my struggles: I know God wants me at college this year, but I long for the opportunities being in the monastery would afford me that a person living her vocation as a student busy with classes and work doesn't have or have to the same extent.

 

Also, on a personal note, I too would love to have the opportunities that being in religious life affords.  However, having been in religious life and finding that it is not my vocation I have to do the same thing you have to do- find the Will of God in daily life.  That is the primary point I am trying to make- religious life, the priesthood, marriage, lay single life, sickness, health, whatever....the point is the Will of God.  So, I guess, make the best of what you have now and try to be grateful.  Everything is Grace!

[OnlySunshine]

Being in a somewhat similar situation, I can sympathize.  I was thinking earlier today how much of my time has been spent discerning in the last 5 years and how dearly I want it to come to fruition.  However, only God knows when I'm ready and so I am sure that my vocation at present is being a college student and keeping up with my studies.  There are days where I would love to quit school and enter religious life but that is not the right thing for me right now, especially since I'm on financial aid and I would have to pay back the money if I were to withdraw from classes.  I'm sure God will let me know when it is my time and He will let you know when it is yours.  :)

[domenica_therese]

The thing that helps the most that my SD tells me:
She asks me: "Katie, do you think it is by chance that God allowed you to begin considering religious life so early? While you still have 2 years left in college? Do you think that was just a mistake? Or did he purposefully give you these inspirations this early? Do you think he wanted to give you time to mature in your prayer life and grow in your devotion, or just to drive you crazy while you wait to enter formation?"
 
Clearly, God didn't just accidentally give us these thoughts of religious life to torment us while we're still in school. He intentionally and purposefully planted these seeds of our vocation NOW, while we have the time we NEED to prepare for religious life. I know it's hard to be in school. I hate school. So anyway, I'm right there with you! Just remember that Jesus planned this. He wants us in school, even if we can't understand why right now.

I needed to hear this right now. :)

It comes in waves for me, but it was especially difficult for me at the end of last year when I was stressed and overworked. I've always had a pretty strong conviction I was supposed to finish college before entrance, but sometimes it is so hard. The discontentment wave has been creeping back a little recently because the nuns just left campus, and I just want to follow them; also, one of my friends might be entering a bit more abruptly than anticipated, so that's causing stirrings in my heart, because I want to too!

There's two main things for me:
1) I want to finish my degree because I want to have all of my certification for if I do leave the convent. Not because I don't trust in the Lord, or because I'm looking for an "out" (I just want an in!), but because I want to make sure I enter -- and stay -- with a totally free heart. If it turns out that isn't where God wants me to be, I think it would be harder for me to follow through on that knowing that I had to return to school.
2) My parents are extremely supportive of my vocation and discernment, but my dad has expressed at various times that he is glad I'm finishing my degree, and that he wouldn't really have been in favor of me dropping out. If I felt very strongly it was God's will I'm sure they would understand, but I know it will give my family so much more peace about all of this if I finish my degree first, and I feel it is a small sacrifice for me to make on my part.


I've realized that this desire for the beyond can be channeled productively though, because it gives a lot more purpose to my time here at college than I feel a lot of my peers have (which is sometimes a bit alienating). The question "Why am I still here and not in a convent?" is a good one to ask myself to focus myself on what's important. I'm not still here to scroll facebook for endless hours or mindless roam obscure corners of the internet. I'm here to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as much as I possibly can before entrance; and to serve my school and my friends. It helps me keep my priorities straight. How popular I was in college won't matter a whit soon; how good of a friend I was to those I encountered -- and how good I was at loving people I disliked -- will.

[Guest Allie]

Where are you visiting? I saw on another of your posts that you're interested in the Poor Clares. If it's God's will and I'm accepted, I will enter the Poor Sisters of St. Clare sometime hopefully this summer. And you're right, I'm sure the lessons we learn now will be useful in whatever vocation we are called.

 

I don't want to say which community yet, feel like I'd need Mother's ok but I will tell you it is a Poor Clare Collettine monastery and it's not Roswell--though I'm loving and laughing my way through "A Right to be Merry" these days.  It's like the "happily ever after" of my cinerellas story.

 

Prayers for you my Sister.

[TheresaThoma]

My other advice is if you are seriously discerning with a community discuss your schooling with them. At one point I was thinking about dropping out to enter so I discussed this with the community. They told me that I should finish my degree first (I'm not incurring any more debt and I am really close to finishing). There were some other reasons too (it would be helpful to the community, I'm freer to discern etc). This was helpful because when things get tough I can go back to that agreement and remind myself that finishing my degree is partly in obedience to the communities wishes.