Lil Red Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Public affection is fine but when they did it was not good timing. I guess that I expect at church or church sponsored events to refrain to a point. Holding hands in church is acceptable. I guess I have this presumption when everyone know your engaged, you are really in deeply in love but you really do not need to show it obsessively like they were. I understand a peck once or twice during the event as well but it got to the point where they were pecking every couple minutes and it got really distracting and awkward for several people including the married ones. I guess I am really conservative side on PDA showing. how do you know it was distracting and awkward for other people? maybe they were envious of that couple's closeness.
MissScripture Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 how do you know it was distracting and awkward for other people? maybe they were envious of that couple's closeness. Or maybe they were happy and excited for the couple.
zabbazooey Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Personally, I get irked if I'm hanging out with a couple and they are all over each other -- sitting in each others lap, massaging, rubbing, kissing...it weirds me out. But this kind of PDA seems socially acceptable to me. My fiancé and I show our affection in similar ways in public...holding hands, a peck, maybe an arm around each other. In this day and age I'm happy to see couples committed to each other showing their love. As long as they aren't being obnoxious about it.
Lilllabettt Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I personally know a little how you feel Tufsoles. When I was about 12 I decided PDAs were "beneath my station in life." No, seriously. And I still think they are undignified -- for me, anyway. Even hand holding in public -- unless we are climbing down a ladder or crossing a street -- its not for me. It just feels silly. I realize though that I am the strange one on this, and the world out there does not share that particular sense of decorum. Don't get mad at people's PDAs. Roll your eyes if you must (on the inside, if you can)
Tufsoles Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 I am not bragging that i sent a nasty gram but I am proud that I walked away from a situation calmly and did something else about it besides stuff my face, scream at them or not talk to them again. It is a step in the right direction for me which makes me very proud because I don't even think I could of done that even a year ago. I would of done one of the three options instead about this time last year. At least I stayed to hear the speaker and tried my best to ignore the situation at hand and let this person know at a later time that this was not acceptable. It wasn't even that nasty it was just a reminder to them that people sometimes interpret their actions differently and I wanted them to see that not everyone sees eye to eye on PDA even if their is PG. Call me a prude and Puritan all day long because I am stand up for my self and it doesn't not make a difference to me. Yeah, I am ornery but I am not going to change who I am for someone else. Yeah, I had a friend that was at the event text me afterword saying it made several people uncomfortable( as they noticed) and he wanted to talk to them about it and my friend wanted my opinion about it. I told them that I was emailing this person but I gave no opinion. There are several people in the young adult group that were there that are pretty prudish like I am. Often times that sort of thing is looked down upon in our group. Even if it was in a bar setting. What they do on their own time is NYOB but when you have a group of extremely conservative in morals young adults together and you see even pg rated PDA is looked down by a group of people even then something has to be done. At this time, I felt that a email was a best fit because it was private and they have the choice of reading it or not. They are given the option to say yeah, they were some things that this YA group see as not so eye to eye and we can change that some way for the betterment of everyone, no matter the outcome. I was giving them an option to do better and be better. Yeah, It sounds like herd mentality but when it comes to a group situation sometimes and on occasion you have to conform to the group standards on what is acceptable behavior even though they may not agree with them. They can go back to their standards when they are out of the group situation. I know that I am not perfect but who isn't.
IcePrincessKRS Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 The issue is you're expecting them to live to your standard of "do better, be better." But they weren't doing anything wrong. I am sorry that they made you feel uncomfortable, but their behavior wasn't inappropriate or bad. Maybe they will curb the PDA out of respect for you, but you are wrong to shame them into doing what you want.
Tufsoles Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 I did not feel that I shamed them, I just told them it made me extremely uncomfortable and uncomfortable for others.
franciscanheart Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Personally, I get irked if I'm hanging out with a couple and they are all over each other -- sitting in each others lap, massaging, rubbing, kissing...it weirds me out. But this kind of PDA seems socially acceptable to me. My fiancé and I show our affection in similar ways in public...holding hands, a peck, maybe an arm around each other. In this day and age I'm happy to see couples committed to each other showing their love. As long as they aren't being obnoxious about it. I'm not a fan of couples sitting in each other's laps in front of people either; I think it's tacky. Personal opinion. I wouldn't freak out if someone did it, I just don't happen to like it. I am not bragging that i sent a nasty gram but I am proud that I walked away from a situation calmly and did something else about it besides stuff my face, scream at them or not talk to them again. It is a step in the right direction for me which makes me very proud because I don't even think I could of done that even a year ago. I would of done one of the three options instead about this time last year. At least I stayed to hear the speaker and tried my best to ignore the situation at hand and let this person know at a later time that this was not acceptable. It wasn't even that nasty it was just a reminder to them that people sometimes interpret their actions differently and I wanted them to see that not everyone sees eye to eye on PDA even if their is PG. Call me a prude and Puritan all day long because I am stand up for my self and it doesn't not make a difference to me. Yeah, I am ornery but I am not going to change who I am for someone else. Yeah, I had a friend that was at the event text me afterword saying it made several people uncomfortable( as they noticed) and he wanted to talk to them about it and my friend wanted my opinion about it. I told them that I was emailing this person but I gave no opinion. There are several people in the young adult group that were there that are pretty prudish like I am. Often times that sort of thing is looked down upon in our group. Even if it was in a bar setting. What they do on their own time is NYOB but when you have a group of extremely conservative in morals young adults together and you see even pg rated PDA is looked down by a group of people even then something has to be done. At this time, I felt that a email was a best fit because it was private and they have the choice of reading it or not. They are given the option to say yeah, they were some things that this YA group see as not so eye to eye and we can change that some way for the betterment of everyone, no matter the outcome. I was giving them an option to do better and be better. Yeah, It sounds like herd mentality but when it comes to a group situation sometimes and on occasion you have to conform to the group standards on what is acceptable behavior even though they may not agree with them. They can go back to their standards when they are out of the group situation. I know that I am not perfect but who isn't. Again, good for you that you didn't throw a tantrum or stuff your face. But that doesn't mean you were right. It sounds like you want us to praise you for sending what YOU termed a nasty gram because they were supposedly being inappropriate. If you'd come and said, "HEY! I'm growing up! I didn't throw a tantrum about something! AND I DIDN'T STUFF MY FACE," we probably would have thought, "That's strange," but replied, "Awesome! Good for you!" It seems like the focus, though, was more on WHY you sent a nasty gram than the fact that you refrained from unnecessary eating or immature tantrum-throwing. Make sense?
Tufsoles Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 It was I refrained from throwing a tantrum or stuffing my face and tried a different alternative even though You all may not agree with was necessarily right. I should of said that straight out but that is here nor there at this point.
HisChildForever Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I did wait and have a cooling off period before I wrote so I could write as tactfully as possible without being a too much of a beach whale. I often use the term nasty gram because I am not happy with something even though I am nice about it. I did pray about it but I felt like if I wrote and told them that this is bothering me and I felt that it was disruptive to the group it would make me at least feel better. I know that it might not get anything done but I felt like if I said something it may let the other person see my point of view of it and show them how they came off to others without even realizing it. I think the heart of the issue is that How this couple came off to others and how disruptive it was to the group. I had even a friend say something though text just after I left the event mentioning it without me saying anything to this friend about what we had witnessed. I was going to email the person anyway about it but I guess that aggravated the issue abit. I find it odd (to put it kindly) that your seeing a little PDA set off such a reaction. Requiring a cool off period, writing a forceful E-mail, and making a Phatmass thread to complain is just ridiculous, I'm sorry...and were you to throw a tantrum and binge on junk food would be terribly abnormal...unless it triggered something incredibly personal. I honestly, truly don't mean to sound rude here - but you might want to dig a little deeper into your psyche to discover the real reason for your emotional reaction. I'm actually curious to read your E-mail, and to see their response. Would you be interested in posting it?
Maggyie Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Tufsoles, the fact that you struggle not to have a public meltdown is concerning. It's great you didn't do it this time but are you getting help from a doctor for this problem?
Tufsoles Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 I think email is a private thing. That is they I grew up and always told that email was personal interaction with other people and not a public one. I think part of it is that this couple is cohabiting and alot people around them know it. They think that no one knows it but when someone asks they deny it even though that is the exact opposite of what is the truth. Alot of the people around here on the site and in the YA group look down on such a thing. I think that is why several of the group(including myself.) are frowning upon I guess the whole situation that they are in and I think this is why I am reacting the way I did.
Basilisa Marie Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Maybe they aren't actually engaging in immoral activity, but cohabitating out of financial reasons? Maybe they deny it because they're afraid if they told anyone, everyone would automatically assume the worst? Sure, they could be doing all sorts of immoral things. But it sounds like a really gossipy situation.
HisChildForever Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) I think email is a private thing. That is they I grew up and always told that email was personal interaction with other people and not a public one. I think part of it is that this couple is cohabiting and alot people around them know it. They think that no one knows it but when someone asks they deny it even though that is the exact opposite of what is the truth. Alot of the people around here on the site and in the YA group look down on such a thing. I think that is why several of the group(including myself.) are frowning upon I guess the whole situation that they are in and I think this is why I am reacting the way I did. So E-mail is a private thing, but coming to a public forum to talk about their behavior and the "private" E-mail you sent is okay? And posting about their very private living situation on a public forum is okay? Sorry, I don't see the logic. It's not like I asked for the names or E-mail addresses. I just wanted to get the gist of your tone and their reaction to it. Edited April 5, 2013 by HisChildForever
Nihil Obstat Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 So E-mail is a private thing, but coming to a public forum to talk about their behavior and the "private" E-mail you sent is okay? And posting about their very private living situation on a public forum is okay? Sorry, I don't see the logic. It's not like I asked for the names or E-mail addresses. I just wanted to get the gist of your tone and their reaction to it. I do agree with this. This thread is starting to sound all gossipy.
Lil Red Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 darnit, i'm out of props. but props to Basilisa and HCF.
Roamin Catholic Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 darnit, i'm out of props. but props to Basilisa and HCF. Taking a page out of Icey's book and giving to every half decent post you see eh?
Lil Red Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Taking a page out of Icey's book and giving to every half decent post you see eh? :| what's it to ya?
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