CrossCuT Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 The "just wait, you'll find someone" part. Sure, there are women bold enough to ask a man, but that's incredibly uncommon. Are you waiting for a girl to ask you? If not you should just throw yourself into the dating pool! Thats what I did. I have a ton of amazing terrible date stories! I dont say that to discourage, but it was quite fun, even the bad dates bahahaha!! So I suppose my "just wait for it" advice contradicts this...but I dont really mean WAIT around doing nothing. What I mean by "wait for it" is that you should always be proactive, but be patient!!!! :bananarap:
MissyP89 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Are you waiting for a girl to ask you? If not you should just throw yourself into the dating pool! Thats what I did. I have a ton of amazing terrible date stories! I dont say that to discourage, but it was quite fun, even the bad dates bahahaha!! So I suppose my "just wait for it" advice contradicts this...but I dont really mean WAIT around doing nothing. What I mean by "wait for it" is that you should always be proactive, but be patient!!!! :bananarap: With all respect, telling a single person to be patient is really unhelpful. They hear it constantly, and if they're struggling with being alone, it makes them feel even more lonely and bitter. Yes, being single is a good and holy time. But sometimes, getting the same lines from taken people over and over just gets really old.
CatholicsAreKewl Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Wow - I didn't think I would find anyone else here who shares my sentiments. The idea of finding "the one" is a bunch of gibberish - at least in the sense of modern thinking. It would follow then that the feeling of "knowing he/she is meant for me" is probably nothing more than infatuation. I think this is actually something that's hard-wired into us. Example: Two of my classes (one a communications class, the other related to the psychology of human sexuality) noted that stalking is a good method of flirting. Let me explain myself before I sound insane/off topic. Let's say I meet a girl, let's call her steve, at a coffee shop. I get Steve's number at the end of our exchange. If I want to pursue a relationship with Steve, it's better to "accidentally" run into her at a grocery store I never shop at than to call her 3 days later to hang out. It gives the illusion that the relationship is meant to be.
CrossCuT Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Wow - I didn't think I would find anyone else here who shares my sentiments. The idea of finding "the one" is a bunch of gibberish - at least in the sense of modern thinking. It would follow then that the feeling of "knowing he/she is meant for me" is probably nothing more than infatuation. It all boils down to the beliefs of each person regarding the indissolubility of marriage, and to the virtues of forgiveness, patience, humility, modesty, charity, prudence, etc... I concur. I dont think we are meant for ONE person...but maybe one TYPE of person. You could easily fall in love with anyone who might be under whatever category of attractiveness is best suited for you. With all respect, telling a single person to be patient is really unhelpful. They hear it constantly, and if they're struggling with being alone, it makes them feel even more lonely and bitter. Yes, being single is a good and holy time. But sometimes, getting the same lines from taken people over and over just gets really old. Maybe its a cliche because a zillion and a half people have gone through it and all prescribe the same thing. But thats not ALL I said btw. I suggested patient with a healthy dose of go do thingz...be proactive. Go to singles events Make an online account on a singles site (Catholic Match?) Try a new activity in a social group! There are tons of things you can do to accommodate multiple variants of busy to "does nothing all day" schedules. I feel like the more desperate a person gets, the harder it will be for them to find someone...Ive been there People can smell desperation on you, so be careful! When I found my boyfriend it was at a point in my life where I had become ok with the fact that I am single. I was proud of who I was, where I was in life, and yadda yadda yadda. When you finally let go of that stress and stop identifying yourself as a flawed single person, then things get better! So I disagree, being patient is great advice.
Guest Raz Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Give up. Forget about it. Do your own thing. And before you know it, you'll find someone. Easier said than done, of course. It's good if you like it.
MissyP89 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I concur. I dont think we are meant for ONE person...but maybe one TYPE of person. You could easily fall in love with anyone who might be under whatever category of attractiveness is best suited for you. Maybe its a cliche because a zillion and a half people have gone through it and all prescribe the same thing. But thats not ALL I said btw. I suggested patient with a healthy dose of go do thingz...be proactive. Go to singles events Make an online account on a singles site (Catholic Match?) Try a new activity in a social group! There are tons of things you can do to accommodate multiple variants of busy to "does nothing all day" schedules. I feel like the more desperate a person gets, the harder it will be for them to find someone...Ive been there People can smell desperation on you, so be careful! When I found my boyfriend it was at a point in my life where I had become ok with the fact that I am single. I was proud of who I was, where I was in life, and yadda yadda yadda. When you finally let go of that stress and stop identifying yourself as a flawed single person, then things get better! So I disagree, being patient is great advice. This is all super true. :like: I'm not faulting what you said at all. I just wanted to give you a head's up that some folks might take it the wrong way, that's all. Peace.
arfink Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 If not you should just throw yourself into the dating pool! I feel like the more desperate a person gets, the harder it will be for them to find someone...Ive been there People can smell desperation on you, so be careful! When I found my boyfriend it was at a point in my life where I had become ok with the fact that I am single. I was proud of who I was, where I was in life, and yadda yadda yadda. When you finally let go of that stress and stop identifying yourself as a flawed single person, then things get better! So I disagree, being patient is great advice. I'm not exactly sure how these two statements don't contradict each other.
xTrishaxLynnx Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Dating and being desperate are not synonymous...
arfink Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Throwing yourself into it sounds a little desperate to me...
CrossCuT Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm not exactly sure how these two statements don't contradict each other. I dunno, I guess you'd have to decide how you define desperate. If one makes the assumption all singles are desperate, then yes, what I said would contradict each other. However, I feel that you can be single and looking without making it a feverish goal. It doesnt have to be find someone ASAP or else succumb to the cold world of indifference. I think its entirely possible to be actively seeking a relationship while still being patient, enjoying yourself, and not elevating that status to a point that it starts degrading your self esteem.
BG45 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I felt the exact same way for 24 years. I never found anyone that liked me. I felt like there was something wrong with me!! But honestly, just always be open to it but content with who you are at the same time. You never know where youll meet someone. I met my boyfriend on an online video game and he wasnt Catholic and we clicked right away. Now, a year later, we both think the other is super rad and he was brought into the Catholic Church this Easter! You never know where you will meet the person or what circumstances you will meet them in, but in the end if you both commit and want whats best, it will all smooth out! Just be open to the possibilities! You might not always meet your match in a place youd expect! Oh I know it can be strange as to when/where you'll meet someone. My first serious relationship, I met her at a place no one was exactly trying to date any of the other members (though several of the older members were married to one another). So I totally agree, a dating site is one method, but not the only one to meeting someone. I have to ask, WoW? Because I do know couples who have met on there. Actually one friend tried to get me to get an account, "I met my husband on Warcraft, you should give it a shot!" And congrats on meeting up and him coming into the Church! :) I think its entirely possible to be actively seeking a relationship while still being patient, enjoying yourself, and not elevating that status to a point that it starts degrading your self esteem. I was at a table of mostly single Catholics who friendzoned each other long ago (well other than the Franciscan) at the wedding this weekend, and it was the prevailing philosophy most of us agreed on. Don't make it the top goal desperately, but definitely be open and looking. Don't worry oneself too much to do work, or enjoy a good book or hike. One guy had been through about eight relationships in the past year, trying to find "the one" desperately and was exhausted from it all.
Guest Raz Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I have to ask, WoW? Because I do know couples who have met on there. Actually one friend tried to get me to get an account, "I met my husband on Warcraft, you should give it a shot!" And congrats on meeting up and him coming into the Church! :) Thanks ^_^
CrossCuT Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I have to ask, WoW? Because I do know couples who have met on there. Actually one friend tried to get me to get an account, "I met my husband on Warcraft, you should give it a shot!" And congrats on meeting up and him coming into the Church! :) Yep! And we still play together! XD
BG45 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) Thanks ^_^ You're welcome!! It's really exciting :) Yep! And we still play together! XD amesome! Complimentary types/character classes? Edited April 23, 2013 by BG45
CrossCuT Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I was at a table of mostly single Catholics who friendzoned each other long ago (well other than the Franciscan) at the wedding this weekend, and it was the prevailing philosophy most of us agreed on. Don't make it the top goal desperately, but definitely be open and looking. Don't worry oneself too much to do work, or enjoy a good book or hike. One guy had been through about eight relationships in the past year, trying to find "the one" desperately and was exhausted from it all. It is exhausting. I went on a lot of casual dates for about a year. Im glad I did it even though none of them ended up working out and I can tell fun stories about them now! Haha! You're welcome!! It's really exciting :) amesome! Complimentary types/character classes? Same class and spec actually! ROFL
arfink Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 It is exhausting. I went on a lot of casual dates for about a year. Im glad I did it even though none of them ended up working out and I can tell fun stories about them now! Haha! I really don't have many fun stories. But I'm glad you do.
CrossCuT Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) By fun I mean somewhat terrible. They are only funny NOW when I look back. :paperbag: Edited April 23, 2013 by CrossCuT
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