PhuturePriest Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Sorry this is so long. I only meant to make a few paragraphs, but I'm sure you guys out of everyone know that when I start talking, there's never really an off-switch. ;) So, as most of you may recall, something very big and scary happened to me around March of last year, which happened because of something even scarier that happened previously. I'm not going to state here what happened to me; some of you who are really close to me and mean a lot to me know, and others who are close to me and mean a lot don't. People in both categories were overwhelmingly supportive, and I don't think I could have gotten through it without all of you. I've only ever met three Phatmassers in my life, but you were all here for me round the clock to talk to me and support me. It was truly the scariest time of my life, but it was also undoubtedly the time in my life where I felt the most love, and it came from people I hadn't even met, no less. My real life friends don't understand why an internet forum with strangers on it means so much to me, and why I consider you all to be real friends, but I think unless you go on here and regularly participate to see what the people here are truly like, it's impossible to understand. I can't explain why to them, but I know that a lot of you are real friends and do mean a lot to me, and that's all that matters even if they don't understand it, I think. The reason I'm making this thread is because, I'm happy to say, I have finally gotten over what happened to me. My therapist was awful (Let's just refer to her as Professor Umbridge), and she did nothing but harm, and absolutely no good. She was really old, and had outdated psychology (So my psychology friends tell me). It was through your guys' help and the help of my other friends that I got through it, not her. Professor Umbridge had absolutely no clue about the psychology of people that were in my situation, and she actually blamed me for what happened because I never reported it, believe it or not (See why the name is so fitting?)! She made me go a hundred steps backwards, feel awful about myself, and destroyed all the progress I had made through your help. This was all between the months of June and August, and it was during that time that I got really sad and detached from the world. I couldn't sleep, I wrote horrifying things in my journal, and it got to where one night I was in my room, and I thought "Why me?", and I very briefly thought about suicide. I didn't consider actually doing it, mind you, but I thought about it, and it takes no genius to realize that thinking about it is the first step to considering it. I realized the gravity of that thought immediately, and understandably became very upset. I did the right thing, and I started praying about it. I didn't really tell anybody about it out of fear of them -- quite understandably -- freaking out, but I think that was good: This was the darkest hour of this whole awful period in my life, and people had been there to be all the support for some of it, and now it was time for me to show how strong I was and finally get over it through my own strength, not the strength of others. This line of thinking doesn't exactly work with everyone, and it probably isn't recommended, but I'm happy to say that it worked: I'm over not being able to sleep, I can think about what happened without becoming really sad and emotional, and I'm just really happy again. My life is back to normal, I'm living a normal life again, I'm able to dedicate myself to music and the other things I love once again without having thoughts of what happened invading my mind and distracting me, and I'm able to worry about normal teenager things again. This is all because of you guys supporting me and helping me. None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for you, and I want to sincerely thank you all. It's impossible for me to possibly thank you enough, especially when I sometimes read back through that thread and see just how much support and love you all gave me. Thank you all so much. The dark clouds are gone now, and for the first time since I was eleven, I can live a normal life in the sunshine again. There are so many things to be joyful and happy about in this world, and there are so many things we think are big deals that actually aren't. This whole experience has given me a lot of perspective and strength, and I can easily see the good things that have come out of it.
Clare Brigid Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Now, having been wounded and having healed, you can better understand and help others. Pax.
arfink Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Just wanna say I'm proud of you Miles. You're like the lovable little brother of Phatmass. ^_^
PhuturePriest Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Just wanna say I'm proud of you Miles. You're like the lovable little brother of Phatmass. ^_^ Being the little brother would explain why I'm so often a pain in everyone's arse. I say this being the youngest in my family. Edited January 4, 2014 by FuturePriest387
arfink Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yeah well, I'm sure you know how much a pain big siblings can be too. Just sayin'. ;)
ChristinaTherese Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I wasn't around then, so I've only run into allusions, but I'm glad you've healed from that! I've had trouble healing from stuff that happened when I was a kid, too, but that's taken to until recently (I don't know how many years, around a decade, depending on how you count) for me to really heal. Send me a PM if you're curious, I'm quite willing to talk, just not out in the open here.
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) Well done bro, onward christian soul. Every storm that has a beginning must have an end. Hope has returned. Alleluia. Here's a celebration song for you, welcome home brother. http://youtu.be/MpgaWm2pnNs Now sing it to the world how you survived a dark night with Grace. :) ALLELUIA ALLELUIA ALLELUIA. Edited January 5, 2014 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye
PhuturePriest Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Who are you again? Always the humble one, but I shall always remember when you were posting on the thread, trying to organize everyone to get me resources and help that I never ended up using. :love: Let us also not forget when you kept making fun of my glorious hair because you felt like you were being too nice and needed to get back into character.
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I'm incredibly proud of you. And I remember that back in March, despite the horrific time you were going through, you always offered me (and others) support and love, and that really speaks volumes. Thank YOU, Miles, you taught us all some really important stuff.
PhuturePriest Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I'm incredibly proud of you. And I remember that back in March, despite the horrific time you were going through, you always offered me (and others) support and love, and that really speaks volumes. Thank YOU, Miles, you taught us all some really important stuff. I'm a loving and supportive guy. Don't blame me if it makes you feel inferior. ;)
ClemensBruno Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I am a week-old newbie on this phorum, so your thoughts above comfort me about participating in here. I am glad to know that you endured through a dark time in your life. I hesitate to tell you this, especially since I have no idea what troubled you, but your dark period just passed is only the first of many trials and tribulations that will inevitably block your path through life. Expect and prepare yourself for dark times in the future. Always remember to trust in our Lord that the darkness will pass as time marches on. Life knocks all of us down. What matters is, with God's Grace, that you must find a way to get back up. --Your brother in Christ
CatherineM Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I live with two male survivors. Just remember that recovery isn't a destination you arrive at, it's a journey. The minute you think you are finally over it, it can jump up and bite you in the arse. It's common especially when you have a child, to have a relapse when that child reaches the age you were.
PhuturePriest Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Jeez, people. I wasn't expecting this many props! :P I live with two male survivors. Just remember that recovery isn't a destination you arrive at, it's a journey. The minute you think you are finally over it, it can jump up and bite you in the arse. It's common especially when you have a child, to have a relapse when that child reaches the age you were. I know. But I've learned how not to let it take over and to deal with it healthily, rather than basking in it.
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