Questions On Discernment And Telling My Parents About It

[Carson]

Hello! I'm new to discernment. Around 7 or 8 months ago, some sisters visited my parish. They got me thinking about being a sister and it keeps coming back to me. I'm super excited to learn about the life of a sister, but I'm also a little worried.

 

First of all, I don't really know how to discern. I know what it is, I just don't really know how. Can someone give me a step-by-step guide?  

 

I've told multiple friends, my sister, and my priest about my want to become a sister. I'm just worried about my parents. I know for a fact that they will be excited and support me. I just don't want to hurt them. I don't want them to be sad about me not having kids and them not being able to see me often. So,

 

1. How can I tell my parents? I want them to be involved in my discernment process. How can I show them that I'm very serious about this?

2. When should I tell them? If I do decide to become a sister, it will probably about 3 years before I begin postulancy. How soon should I tell them? Keep in mind that I want them to be a part of the discernment process, but I don't want to tell them too soon, just in case this is a phase. (I really don't think it is.) 

 

Please help me! Thank you in advance if you do! I appreciate any feedback you can give me. 

[TheresaThoma]

My best suggestion about telling your parents is do it early on and be very honest. The first two lines of your post would be a great place to start. It might be scary to tell them but trust me it will be much worse if you wait (I know this from painful experience). Don't bring up any "issues" (ie grandkids etc) they may or may not have felt those are issues. They will find enough other stuff to worry about! They will need time to process through this so don't rush them. I'm guessing that you are still living at home with your parents and you will definitely need them "on board" as you continue to discern.

 

Discernment varies greatly from person to person but I would say in general it begins with prayer and research. How much do you know about religious life in general? Read and re-read some good solid books on the subject. (One that I personally love is "And You are Christ's" By Fr Thomas Dubay which is about the charism of virginity). Pray about what you are reading.

Look at different communities' websites, this can give you an idea of where you might possibly be called. Pray about what you see on the websites. 

Pray(seeing a theme here yet?) and ask the Holy Spirit's guidance.

Remember though that discernment is not a check list to be completed. it is a conversation between you and God.

 

Another practice that I have heard is helpful is to say one Hail Mary each night with the intention of learning your vocation. Momma Mary is a very helpful friend on your journey of discernment.

 

I'll be praying for you!

(Feel free to PM me if you need a listening ear!)

 

[NotreDame]

Fr. Gallagher has good free podcasts on both discernment in general and as it relates to vocation:

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/132617-how-does-fr-mark-thibodeauxs-book-compare-to-fr-gallaghers/

 

 

[Mary's Child]

These sisters wouldn't happen to have been Salesians would they? (That is what jump started my discernment hearing a few Salesians who challenged me to really consider religious life) It has been over 3 years now and I am preparing to enter very soon :bounce:

I can remember being kind of scared to tell my parents and my mom responding with "oh I wondered about that" As Theresa said it is better to share this with your parents early on. This is especially true if you still live at home because if you were to be gone say over night and your parents didnt know where you were they might worry.

Just be casual about how you tell your parents something like this has been on my heart a lot recently, the idea still scares me a little but I think I need to look into religious life. I have a feeling your parents will not be upset if it doesn't work out for some reason, they will be proud you tried.

Do pray about it a lot especially the rosary and the Hail Mary, after all she is the ultimate example of embracing your vocation :hehe:

I would add that it is important to have a Spiritual director if possible.

Also receiving the sacraments frequently is very helpful.

[Luigi]

I recommend the subtle approach - don't say anything to them, but write to lots of different orders. When the orders respond via mail, your folks'll see the return addresses and they'll figure it out on their own. Then they'll come to you and ask, which will give you the perfect opportunity to tell them!

 

 

But in all seriousness, I wouldn't worry too much about your parents' reactions. You say they'll support you and be excited. They may very well go through a phase where they feel sad that you won't get married & have kids, but they'll get over it. Remember - even though they're your parents, they're adults, and they can take care of their own emotions.

[AnneLine]

I think sometimes you may need to pray a bit about how much and when.

 

My dad wasn't catholic, and my mom was TERRIFIED that this was what I was discerning.  I didn't have siblings.  I made it a whole lot worse than it had to be by bringing it up TOO early and getting everyone all upset.   I'd go a little slower... but be ready to answer honestly if asked.  Kind of what Luigi suggested.

 

Once things do start to get serious, however, you do need to let them in on it... because you don't want to dump it on them as a finished thing, either.  

So... we'll pray for you, and welcome among us!   :welcome:

[Carson]

Thanks, guys! I'll keep you updated on what I decide to do. 

 

 

These sisters wouldn't happen to have been Salesians would they?

No, they are Dominican :)

[Jennifer]

Welcome to the "phamily"....many prayers for you as you discern.     :pray: :pray: :pray:

[domenica_therese]

Thanks, guys! I'll keep you updated on what I decide to do. 

No, they are Dominican :)

 

Saint Cecilia or Mary Mother of the Eucharist?

 

I was closet discerning for a long time, but I told my parents when I felt like it was time for me to start visiting orders. I'm not sure if me not telling them earlier was advisable or just me being a chicken, but I hadn't really arrived at a place where I had accepted it, so I wasn't ready for it to be held up to the scrutiny of others. 

 

In my opinion though, I wouldn't tell your parents yet, because things are still pretty nebulous. If there is a specific community though, that might be different. I think the advantage of waiting until you're ready to visit places is that it's something very concrete "Hey Mom, Dad, I'm feeling called to religious life and I'd like to make a visit to xyz."

 

Are you discerning active, contemplative, or both? Is there a specific charism or community you're more drawn to than others? Are there any communities in your area you could visit? Making a visit to a community -- especially if it's one along the lines of what you're feeling called to -- can be very useful in concretizing the call. I spent many moons in the googling phase of discernment, and it's hard to know what you want until you have a lived experience to rank things against. I only knew for sure I was called to the order I'm joining when I visited a different place and my only objection to it was that it wasn't the other place.  :hehe2:

Edited January 8, 2014 by domenica_therese

[Ancilla Domini]

Discernment varies greatly from person to person but I would say in general it begins with prayer and research. How much do you know about religious life in general? Read and re-read some good solid books on the subject. (One that I personally love is "And You are Christ's" By Fr Thomas Dubay which is about the charism of virginity). Pray about what you are reading.

 

One book I would definitely recommend, on this subject, is "Come and Follow Me," by Fr. Stefano Manelli, founder of the Franciscans of the Immaculate. It's a fantastic book! (The Franciscan Sisters sent it to me, when I was discerning with them.)

[Carson]

Saint Cecilia or Mary Mother of the Eucharist?

 

 

Saint Cecilia. I'm drawn to it because it both active and contemplative. It's also close to where I live. I think I'm going to wait about a year to tell my parents, but it may come up sooner. 

[maximillion]

Another Nashie....Yeah!!!!

 

 

Seriously though, prayers for you and your family whenever you decide to tell them, Carson.