Fellow Discerner Reports

[emma8201986]

In my diocese, we have formed a small group of women who are discerning - just a few but the meetings have been very helpful. One new member of our group is a lovely and prayerful young lady who happens to be quite a bit overweight (I'm not a great judge of weight but I would say she's about 5'5" and weighs @ 250lbs.) She was ready, willing and able to enter in 2013 and had visited several of the communities we often talk about on VS. She says that the 2 communities she was deciding between had both gently suggested to her that she should lose weight before applying. Her SD told her that (insensitively, if you ask me), that a seriously overweight sister doesn't look like she follows the vow of poverty very well. She also says that one of the communities put it in the context of a health issue - they require applicants to be in good health and being overweight causes many health problems. Frankly, I was a bit shocked by this and didn't believe it could be true but, though I don't know her well, this woman seems to be a very nice person - very involved in her parish and other community activities - I can't imagine she would make this up. I can also see the point of a community - overweight can be a health issue. What do you think?

[beatitude]

Emma, would your friend be comfortable with you sharing this information here? Many vocation directors and novice mistresses visit this site, and if these are communities that are well-known on VS, as you say, then there is a very real chance that one of them may stumble on this thread and recognise their candidate. I think these are personal matters that should be between the candidate and her community.

Edited January 17, 2014 by beatitude

[maximillion]

TBH I have seen lots of overweight Sisters and Nuns as well as aspirants and novices........maybe it is more of an issue for some communities than for others.

 

I was overweight when I entered and between the hard work and the constant fast I soon lost weight. No one ever suggested I needed to lose weight prior to entry.

[Lilllabettt]

I don't think its too much to discuss this issue in public. Many overweight people are interested in religious life; its a stretch to see "overweight" as an identifier.

 

I think it is telling that in the publicity photos of the more popular communities, I don't remember seeing a significantly overweight candidate -- unusual given the prevalence of this problem in our society, if there is no policy against it. There are many communities that accept significantly overweight individuals into formation. But my understanding is that the more popular communities are more selective in general about their candidates. Not to be cynical, but they can afford to be.

Edited January 17, 2014 by Lilllabettt

[Sponsa-Christi]

...Her SD told her that (insensitively, if you ask me), that a seriously overweight sister doesn't look like she follows the vow of poverty very well. 

 

Bear with me while I vent a little, but it really bothers me that a priest (presuming the SD is a priest) would say something like this. Not only because it must have been hurtful to the discerner in question, but also because it seems like this reflects a somewhat superficial understanding of the nature and value of religious/consecrated life.

 

IMHO, the important thing is that a religious actually live out the vow of poverty well, not that she look like she does to a casual outside observer. My thought is that anyone who knows a religious for any length of time will be able to recognize her faithfulness to her vows by her actions, instead of going by uncharitable assumptions that might be construed solely on the basis of her physical appearance.

 

I suppose for priests and consecrated persons, outward appearances can be important insofar as we need to convey respect for ourselves and the people we serve (i.e., in matters of basic hygiene and grooming), in insofar as we need to avoid giving scandal (such as making sure we don’t put ourselves in situations which could be easily misunderstood). And of course, there is a lot of value in being a visible public witness.

 

But, I think too often, in our contemporary Catholic culture (particularly in the United States, I think, and also particularly among younger people) there’s a tendency to equate “fervent, holy religious” with “looks good on a vocations poster.” This is problematic for a number of reasons, not the least of which is because it can distract us from coming to understand the true depth and complexity of God’s call.

Edited January 17, 2014 by Sponsa-Christi

[AveMariaPurissima]

When I entered the convent, I was overweight.  Shortly after entering, I was told that I needed to lose weight.  Between work, exercise (the situation of our monastery required lots of walking), and dieting (sort of -- I tried to avoid bread as much as possible, as well as limiting portion size,) I did lose a significant amount of weight.  (To be honest, I still need to lose more, but that's beside the point.)  Being told that I needed to lose weight, and the frequent emphasis on weight in general (I found out that there were a number of other Sisters who were "on a diet," as well as Sisters who were deemed too skinny and encouraged to eat more), made me embarrassed, self-conscious, and uncomfortable.  There were occasions when I felt like those of us who were overweight (which, btw, was considered to be "over 150 lbs.") were made fun of a bit.  I know that no one was trying to be mean or uncharitable, but it still hurt.

Sorry.  I guess this was just me venting.  I guess I can see both sides of the issue, though, and other posters have made good points.

[emma8201986]

I would never have posted this inquiry without asking permission. This woman visits VS from time to time as a lurker. I have encouraged her to join us but she has not yet done so. I agree with your comments, Ave, and I suggested that so insensitive a person should not be an SD but my friend declines to change. I am sure she will be very interested in responses.

[cartermia]

I am a bit over weight but most of mine is muscle (muscle weighs more then fat.) I am 5'10 1/2" and 190 lb but I don't think I am that overweight.

Edited January 17, 2014 by cartermia

[Spem in alium]

It is a shame that this has happened to your friend. Some of the Sisters I know are overweight, but it doesn't at all diminish for me their holiness. Actually, one of the Sisters I'm closest to is overweight, and I consider her a wonderful role model. 

 

But, I think too often, in our contemporary Catholic culture (particularly in the United States, I think, and also particularly among younger people) there’s a tendency to equate “fervent, holy religious” with “looks good on a vocations poster.” This is problematic for a number of reasons, not the least of which is because it can distract us from coming to understand the true depth and complexity of God’s call.

Totally agree. I have a rare physical condition that makes me look different to most other people, and so when I began discerning and speaking about it with people I trusted, I found that I was repeatedly asked whether I was sure that I wasn't trying to "run away from life" because of my condition. While some people who expressed this concern were being genuine, I found that more often than not I was hearing it from people who doubted my self-confidence (and basically just thought that I saw religious life as a kind of fallback). And I'm sure some congregations wouldn't take me because I don't look right (so you'll never see me on a vocations poster!), even though my condition isn't seriously limiting. It is sad that we often can't move past outward appearances especially in the context of vocations, which are so beautiful and deep. 

 

[Pia Jesu]

How true, Spem in Alium, that "it is sad that we often can't move past outward appearances especially in the context of vocations, which are so beautiful and deep."  We are all precious children of God--called to know and love Him in this world and the next.  To define who and what we (and others) are.in terms of physicality misses this whole point.  As He also calls us to love the people put in our paths,

you would hope that vocation directors would view weight as a single aspect of the candidate before them.  Worthy of discussion?

Sure.  There is no question that obesity can be harmful to one's health.  But rather than making it a matter of discrimination, it could

be used as an opportunity to help someone.  Handled sensitively, it could be a blessing for both the community and the candidate!

 

Note:  The Mother Superior of my former congregation was a member of Weight Watchers while I was there...!

 

[miserere55]

Emma, thanks for sharing about your friend.  I think it is really sad for nuns and priests, who should know to look past outward appearance, to say those things to your friend.  I do applaud this woman for continuing her discernment.

 

I entered a very strict cloistered monastery when I was a little overweight.  We had a physically demanding work schedule, perpetual fast, and plenty of bending, bowing and kneeling.  And, yet, I gained a whole lot of weight as a postulant and it kept climbing.  Our diet was mostly starch and sugar, which is bad for my body type.  We had dessert, third portion, after every dinner.  It was passed out by the Abbess, who gave heaping bowlfuls to the novitiate sisters.  We had to eat what we were given.  The people who lived around the monastery would bring tons of donuts and cakes to the nuns.  Much of it was stale, but our Rule said that we were to eat what was donated, and eat we did, (but only at mealtime).  I wont eat donuts to this day.  I gained so much weight, that I begged for permission to diet prior to my Clothing.  I was given permission.  How odd to be dieting in a monastery that has perpetual fast.

 

Maximillion is right though, most people lose weight after entering a convent, especially when entering the monastic life.

[OnlySunshine]

Emma, thanks for sharing about your friend.  I think it is really sad for nuns and priests, who should know to look past outward appearance, to say those things to your friend.  I do applaud this woman for continuing her discernment.

 

I entered a very strict cloistered monastery when I was a little overweight.  We had a physically demanding work schedule, perpetual fast, and plenty of bending, bowing and kneeling.  And, yet, I gained a whole lot of weight as a postulant and it kept climbing.  Our diet was mostly starch and sugar, which is bad for my body type.  We had dessert, third portion, after every dinner.  It was passed out by the Abbess, who gave heaping bowlfuls to the novitiate sisters.  We had to eat what we were given.  The people who lived around the monastery would bring tons of donuts and cakes to the nuns.  Much of it was stale, but our Rule said that we were to eat what was donated, and eat we did, (but only at mealtime).  I wont eat donuts to this day.  I gained so much weight, that I begged for permission to diet prior to my Clothing.  I was given permission.  How odd to be dieting in a monastery that has perpetual fast.

 

Maximillion is right though, most people lose weight after entering a convent, especially when entering the monastic life.

 

That diet really doesn't sound healthy.  I wouldn't want to eat like that because I have diabetes in my family and I'm trying to prevent from getting it myself.  Not to mention the fact that I'm gluten-intolerant (maybe Celiac disease but I can't say for sure since I haven't been tested; all I know is I get really sick when I accidentally eat wheat/gluten).  There is a reason for the food pyramid - every meal is supposed to be well rounded. 

[NotreDame]

Emma, thanks for sharing about your friend.  I think it is really sad for nuns and priests, who should know to look past outward appearance, to say those things to your friend.  I do applaud this woman for continuing her discernment.

 

I entered a very strict cloistered monastery when I was a little overweight.  We had a physically demanding work schedule, perpetual fast, and plenty of bending, bowing and kneeling.  And, yet, I gained a whole lot of weight as a postulant and it kept climbing.  Our diet was mostly starch and sugar, which is bad for my body type.  We had dessert, third portion, after every dinner.  It was passed out by the Abbess, who gave heaping bowlfuls to the novitiate sisters.  We had to eat what we were given.  The people who lived around the monastery would bring tons of donuts and cakes to the nuns.  Much of it was stale, but our Rule said that we were to eat what was donated, and eat we did, (but only at mealtime).  I wont eat donuts to this day.  I gained so much weight, that I begged for permission to diet prior to my Clothing.  I was given permission.  How odd to be dieting in a monastery that has perpetual fast.

 

Maximillion is right though, most people lose weight after entering a convent, especially when entering the monastic life.

 

This would be bad for any body type.  What you are describing is a high-fat, high-carb, low-protein diet.  You all probably didn't sleep much either, which would increase weight gain as well.  I wouldn't be surprised if many of those eating like this end up with type II diabetes later in age.

 

I know a group that tends to eat much like you described.  All the men are overweight, prematurely bald, and - to a man - look at least 10 years older than they are. 

 

Dietary approaches that were developed in times of scarcity probably need to be changed to accommodate the current overabundance of fatty, starchy food. 

 

In fact, if they wanted some dietary penance, they could try giving up carbs for a few days.  It's a lot harder than giving up meat! (at least for most people.)
 

[By His Grace Alone]

I don't usually post anymore for reasons which I would rather not go into. That said, I could no longer hang back in this instance. It is quite clear to me that there are prejudices within religious life that just go on and on. It seems to be all about not only how you look but your age, and heaven forbid you are not physically perfect. The state of your health, no matter how excellent it may be, absolutely doesn't matter. It is all about numbers....be they weight or age. My experience whilst discerning is that there is little to no kindness and compassion within female religious orders for the most part. For these reasons, unlike you friend, I decided that enough is enough and am done with it. Who and what I am apparently mean nothing at all. Capability and ability mean nothing. It is all looks and numbers, period. Unfortunately, she will always be up against that wall of prejudice and preconceived notions. Well, I hope you all forgive me but I simply had to put my two cents in!

[Pia Jesu]

No forgiveness needed, By His Grace Alone...and welcome back!  Your comments are appreciated.  Thank God for communities like the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified--who look at candidates beyond their physical, mental health and age--to the state of their spiritual health first!

 

http://www.benedictinesjc.org/aboutUs.html

 

Let's pray for each other!