Fellow Discerner Reports

[nikita92]

Which leads me to the question- how is the weight aspect handled with the sisters/nuns that experiance gaining of weight due to aging and hormones and menopausal within less active communities?? Example- have noticed that some of the Olam nuns have become heavier. That is not just my observation, it can be seen in photos by comparing their newsletters from the past to current. Our metabolism slows down, as our body ages. Religious are not exempt from that. I never heard of a community that has a exercise room..,

[Lilllabettt]

Well, from what I understand many communities do make use of exercise equipment that is donated to them, and most horariums allow time for physical exercise.

Edited January 19, 2014 by Lilllabettt

[emma8201986]

Update: Nothing I do can diminish the hurt my new friend felt when she was told she was too obese to enter either of the 2 orders she was seriously considering. As I wrote my original post and pondered the thoughtful and kind responses you all wrote I suddenly realized that maybe the issue was my new friend but also me - that God was giving me an opportunity to do one of the things I want to do in religious - help others. As I have said several times, I don't know this woman well - I'm going to call her Mary since I plan to post about her from time to time - and yes, it's ok with her. I told her that I would help her. I spent the day with her yesterday - we started the day with Mass - then we went through her kitchen then shopping for food. She didn't have enough money for a gym membership but we found a Living Social certificate for 30 days at a really nice gym - it even has a pool - for $34. I joined with her for the 30 days - she got extra off for bringing me. We worked on an exercise program and changing eating habits (no diets - I don't think people can stick to diets) and we walked - and walked and walked and walked. We had lunch at McDonalds - a salad - so Mary won't feel like she can't go out with friends and stick to her healthy eating plan. We also talked about looking at some different communities. Mary is having a hard time letting go of the 2 communities that wouldn't take her last year because of her weight (and, of course, when they gave her that news, it had the predictable effect of sending her to the fridge). So we are working on a new beginning - starting Mary's discernment anew and starting the new year with better eating and exercise. When I left her last night (with a fridge full of carrots sticks, Greek yog*urt, almonds, celery and other healthy snacks) she seemed motivated and happy. And I promised her I would be there for her. If she thinks she has to eat something unhealthy, I told her to say a rosary and it would pass. I'm not sure that's how Our Lady intended the rosary, but I don't think she'd mind!! Mary feels better and so do I. Lastly, I showed Mary also the nice things you had written and she was much comforted.

Edited January 19, 2014 by emma8201986

[AnneLine]

I had some thoughts I was going to post about this today... and then came to find your most recent update, Emma.   I will post those thoughts later, but wanted to respond to your most recent update first... and then I have to get to Mass, where I will pray for both of you... and all of us.

 

Sometimes God works through things like this... certainly have had my share of odd things happening in the name of the Church during my nearly 60 years!   I am saddened by the way 'Mary' was treated, but I've seen it before.  I was also refused for a pretty arbitrary reason, and at the time, it seemed just... impossible to overcome.  But... Nothing is impossible for God, and He uses all the things that look like broken dreams and heartaches to turn them into beautiful art and even more beautiful dreams fulfilled.  If we can trust and move forward in His providence, rather than trying to find a way around it.

 

I only have a few seconds right now, but this might be a useful resource for her and for you:  www.sparkpeople.com

 

I am finding it is a very helpful resource to help me lose weight (she is not alone... far from it....) and it has a lot of stuff including diet, exercise, motivational elements AND social networking aspects.  AND there is a pretty well-developed prayer network on there, btw.   IF there is interest for you, Mary, or any of the rest of us Phatmassers who are, uh, interested in being slightly smaller (or much smaller) Temples of the Holy Spirit... perhaps we could set up a 'group' over there.   If any of you are on Sparkpeople, you can find me at LEgretta333.   

 

And/Or... if there is interest, we could set up an 'accountability thread' on open mic (or in VS if you prefer) for those of us working on weight issues.... I have found the two that Josh started in Open Mic, one for attending Sunday Mass and one for going to AA meetings, to be a very impressive chronicle of God's graces to him... and perhaps it could be a space for all of us to also be respectfully helpful for each other.   Just a thought....   No one would have to post and/or say more than they wanted to... but it might be a good way to support each other... and all the silent lurkers who may depend on us more than we ever realize.  :welcome:  we pray for you, too!!!!

Edited January 19, 2014 by AnneLine

[Sister Marie]

When I entered the convent, I was overweight.  Shortly after entering, I was told that I needed to lose weight.  Between work, exercise (the situation of our monastery required lots of walking), and dieting (sort of -- I tried to avoid bread as much as possible, as well as limiting portion size,) I did lose a significant amount of weight.  (To be honest, I still need to lose more, but that's beside the point.)  Being told that I needed to lose weight, and the frequent emphasis on weight in general (I found out that there were a number of other Sisters who were "on a diet," as well as Sisters who were deemed too skinny and encouraged to eat more), made me embarrassed, self-conscious, and uncomfortable.  There were occasions when I felt like those of us who were overweight (which, btw, was considered to be "over 150 lbs.") were made fun of a bit.  I know that no one was trying to be mean or uncharitable, but it still hurt.

Sorry.  I guess this was just me venting.  I guess I can see both sides of the issue, though, and other posters have made good points.

 

I think it would be much more difficult to enter and then to be told that you need to lose weight rather than it be an upfront conversation before entering.  That being said a lot of sisters do lose weight in formation because it is a different lifestyle and there is a lot of adjustment that can be experienced as stress - not good or bad - just the normal process of adjustment.  I would be upset if sisters made comments to me about my weight or the way I looked in any way and I think there is a big difference between genuine concern for a sister's health and obsession with weight.  What you describe above is not genuine concern but a really psychologically unhealthy environment.  The only person who should be discussing a sister's weight with her should be her superior if she is concerned with her health and maybe another sister who is a friend for support.  

 

I don't usually post anymore for reasons which I would rather not go into. That said, I could no longer hang back in this instance. It is quite clear to me that there are prejudices within religious life that just go on and on. It seems to be all about not only how you look but your age, and heaven forbid you are not physically perfect. The state of your health, no matter how excellent it may be, absolutely doesn't matter. It is all about numbers....be they weight or age. My experience whilst discerning is that there is little to no kindness and compassion within female religious orders for the most part. For these reasons, unlike you friend, I decided that enough is enough and am done with it. Who and what I am apparently mean nothing at all. Capability and ability mean nothing. It is all looks and numbers, period. Unfortunately, she will always be up against that wall of prejudice and preconceived notions. Well, I hope you all forgive me but I simply had to put my two cents in!

 

I'm so sorry that this has been your experience.  It is true that we are sinners and we absolutely have faults that mirror society in caring more for appearance than substance.  We also lack compassion and kindness at times.  Again, we are sinners.  It makes me so sad to read that you felt like you didn't matter and that only how you looked or your age mattered.  God certainly doesn't desire that and it certainly isn't the right attitude in religious life.  I hope for you that someday that experience can be healed in some way.  While I know it probably isn't much consolation, it is not that way everywhere.  I don't mean that to negate your experience either... please know I will pray for you, especially that these wounds inflicted by religious are healed by God.

 

Sister Marie, thank you for this.  I have a lot of weight to lose myself.  Not to get ready to join a community, but to be healthy.  I would hope that it wouldn't interfere with my discerning, but I would want a community to know that it's something I'm working on. 

 

I think its great you want to be honest with them and I think they would appreciate knowing that you want to work on something about yourself that you see you could improve on.  Healthy is part of holy and its good to be working toward that.  None of us are perfect and we need one another on the journey so its great that you feel open to sharing with them.  I hope it goes well for you!

 

Just as a quick comment, whenever I say that a Sister is beautiful (and I do, relatively often, although it pretty much stays inside my head) I'm thinking more about internal things like you listed in the second bolded section. I might also be thinking about physical things, but I'm mostly thinking about internal ones. But then again, I've always been weird and thought that modern conceptions of beauty were stupid, and I'd pretty much never tell a Sister that I thought she was beautiful to her face.

 

Christina, please don't think that I judge anyone who compliments me or other sisters.  I know they mean it from a place of goodness even though it makes me personally uncomfortable.  I just wanted to share from my perspective how it feels to have so much attention placed on looks as a young sister.  I think it is especially difficult when you are in an active ministry and people make assumptions based on looks quite often that negate professional ability or capability of ministry.  Sometimes it is more difficult to minister when you are viewed primarily by the physical aspects.  Again, it depends on the situation and I just wanted to share how it sometimes makes me feel.

 

Which leads me to the question- how is the weight aspect handled with the sisters/nuns that experiance gaining of weight due to aging and hormones and menopausal within less active communities?? Example- have noticed that some of the Olam nuns have become heavier. That is not just my observation, it can be seen in photos by comparing their newsletters from the past to current. Our metabolism slows down, as our body ages. Religious are not exempt from that. I never heard of a community that has a exercise room..,

 

Usually when you are older in community sisters have less to say to you as far as criticism in all areas of life so I doubt that there would be much pressure to lose weight in the older years (this is true for active and contemplative communities).  You don't need an exercise room to stay in shape.  A long walk, some physical work, a run, all require little equipment.  Personally, I run in the neighborhood which I enjoy very much.  It is just as much, if not more, of a spiritual activity as a physical one.     

 

Update: Nothing I do can diminish the hurt my new friend felt when she was told she was too obese to enter either of the 2 orders she was seriously considering. As I wrote my original post and pondered the thoughtful and kind responses you all wrote I suddenly realized that maybe the issue was my new friend but also me - that God was giving me an opportunity to do one of the things I want to do in religious - help others. As I have said several times, I don't know this woman well - I'm going to call her Mary since I plan to post about her from time to time - and yes, it's ok with her. I told her that I would help her. I spent the day with her yesterday - we started the day with Mass - then we went through her kitchen then shopping for food. She didn't have enough money for a gym membership but we found a Living Social certificate for 30 days at a really nice gym - it even has a pool - for $34. I joined with her for the 30 days - she got extra off for bringing me. We worked on an exercise program and changing eating habits (no diets - I don't think people can stick to diets) and we walked - and walked and walked and walked. We had lunch at McDonalds - a salad - so Mary won't feel like she can't go out with friends and stick to her healthy eating plan. We also talked about looking at some different communities. Mary is having a hard time letting go of the 2 communities that wouldn't take her last year because of her weight (and, of course, when they gave her that news, it had the predictable effect of sending her to the fridge). So we are working on a new beginning - starting Mary's discernment anew and starting the new year with better eating and exercise. When I left her last night (with a fridge full of carrots sticks, Greek yog*urt, almonds, celery and other healthy snacks) she seemed motivated and happy. And I promised her I would be there for her. If she thinks she has to eat something unhealthy, I told her to say a rosary and it would pass. I'm not sure that's how Our Lady intended the rosary, but I don't think she'd mind!! Mary feels better and so do I. Lastly, I showed Mary also the nice things you had written and she was much comforted.

 

You are a very good friend and that will be like an ointment for your friend in these days ahead.  I would hope that the communities with whom she was in contact did not completely reject her.  I know I don't know the whole situation, but it would seem more appropriate for them to ask her to get to a healthy weight according to her doctor and then to continue discernment from there.  I'll be praying Mary continues to be comforted by her good friend and can move forward in God's love.

[NotreDame]

Maybe this should go on the new thread that Anne Linn mentioned, but....

 

How to lose weight:

 

First, you should cheat once or twice a week (within reason), but otherwise...

 

- Eliminate bread, rice, pasta, white potatoes, etc

- Obviously eliminate sweets or anything with sugar added

 

Now from here you can choose two ways to go:

 

#1 - go loooow fat and still eat "slow" carbs like lentils, black beans, sweet potatoes

 

#2 - eliminate all the carbs, but be more generous with fats

 

Obviously there are some details on how to implement this and I can recommend some reading, but these are the two main ways people take off weight and keep it off.  You follow these and you'll find you can eat a ton and still lose weight.  Eating out does complicate things, however.  You need to be in your kitchen a lot.  Most other gimmicky diets are just arriving at a caloric deficit using one of these methods.

 

Exercise really doesn't matter much.  If anything, it can be counterproductive.  Light weight training and walking/bike riding is the most you should do.  Cardio increases hunger, making you more likely to cheat and it messes with your hormones if you are actually dieting, making fat loss harder.  

[Sister Marie]

Maybe this should go on the new thread that Anne Linn mentioned, but....

 

How to lose weight:

 

First, you should cheat once or twice a week (within reason), but otherwise...

 

- Eliminate bread, rice, pasta, white potatoes, etc

- Obviously eliminate sweets or anything with sugar added

 

Now from here you can choose two ways to go:

 

#1 - go loooow fat and still eat "slow" carbs like lentils, black beans, sweet potatoes

 

#2 - eliminate all the carbs, but be more generous with fats

 

Obviously there are some details on how to implement this and I can recommend some reading, but these are the two main ways people take off weight and keep it off.  You follow these and you'll find you can eat a ton and still lose weight.  Eating out does complicate things, however.  You need to be in your kitchen a lot.  Most other gimmicky diets are just arriving at a caloric deficit using one of these methods.

 

Exercise really doesn't matter much.  If anything, it can be counterproductive.  Light weight training and walking/bike riding is the most you should do.  Cardio increases hunger, making you more likely to cheat and it messes with your hormones if you are actually dieting, making fat loss harder.  

Do you have some source for this?  I wouldn't agree with everything here... Losing weight is basic math of calories in and calories out. All diets basically follow this rule but in different ways which different people find helpful.  I run, which is cardio, and I have never found it to do what you say it does and I've lost 30 pounds from my highest weight.

 

I would just be careful to promote information that follows only one path to weight loss.  Everyone enjoys different types of food and diffferent types of exercise and they have to find the right mix to create a healthy lifestyle for themselves.  Diets are really not what you want anyway... a lifestyle that supports healthful living is what the goal should be.

 

It's hard to lose weight but the difference one feels once they do is priceless.  I second the suggestion to use spark people.   

[nikita92]

Thank you ND for your information!! Isn't bread pretty much a staple in most communities?? My mother is German and she lived off of practically nothing but potatoes all through the war. Germans are also known for their yummy breads!! Both were staples in my childhood, thanks to mom! When I went on my "come and see" (with a German based community) .. Both those items were served at meal times and I love both those no-no's!! I am over weight as well (seeing how others have admitted it) and never really gave it a thought (concerning wether or not a community would give this a concern so to speak) until this topic was brought up! AnneLine, I'm with you!! Also praying for your friend!! Emma, please tell her she is not alone!! ;)

[Lilllabettt]

Yeah... for me all the rules and dos and donts of diets don't work. For some reason no matter how hard I try I always put on weight at Christmas. When that happens I get 1200 calories a day. I eat whatever or whenever, as long as I don't go over 1200 calories. Exercise can be counterproductive I guess ... although if a person is eating emotionally or out of boredom, exercise can help either of those situations. Once upon a time I was obese, but I got that wasting disease and that was the end of that. (I don't recommend that method of weight loss.)

 

AL I think the weight loss thread would be awesome.

 

Maybe when we were in the world we watched a movie when we were sad about something.  That doesn't work in the convent.  Maybe when we were in the world we called a friend when we were feeling anxious.  Again, that doesn't work in the convent.

 

 

AHHHHHHH!!! These are my 2 favorite crutches. My first year teaching I burnt down the telephone wires calling my family. And I went to the movies almost every weekend. I still talk to my folks almost every day; I still go to A LOT of movies. Reflecting on this I see that the reason these crutches work for me is they allow me to feel "connected" to the wider world. Mixing with people -- not necessarily talking to them, just being "with" them -- soothes my anxiety and improves my mood. I guess the next thing would be to think about what ways a person could appropriately experience that connectivity in religious life.

[Sister Marie]

Yeah... for me all the rules and dos and donts of diets don't work. For some reason no matter how hard I try I always put on weight at Christmas. When that happens I get 1200 calories a day. I eat whatever or whenever, as long as I don't go over 1200 calories. Exercise can be counterproductive I guess ... although if a person is eating emotionally or out of boredom, exercise can help either of those situations. Once upon a time I was obese, but I got that wasting disease and that was the end of that. (I don't recommend that method of weight loss.)

 

AL I think the weight loss thread would be amesome.

 

 

 

AHHHHHHH!!! These are my 2 favorite crutches. My first year teaching I burnt down the telephone wires calling my family. And I went to the movies almost every weekend. I still talk to my folks almost every day; I still go to A LOT of movies. Reflecting on this I see that the reason these crutches work for me is they allow me to feel "connected" to the wider world. Mixing with people -- not necessarily talking to them, just being "with" them -- soothes my anxiety and improves my mood. I guess the next thing would be to think about what ways a person could appropriately experience that connectivity in religious life.

Haha!  Teaching is such a difficult but AMAZING thing!  I am so grateful for all my friends who helped me when I began.  I hope I can help others as they begin!  

 

I think it depends on the community how much connectivity one can find with other teachers or family or friends who can help one feel secure and at peace.  In my community, we are encouraged to have friends who are sisters who can help us but I know in other communities particular friendships are looked down on.  

 

It isn't wrong to have a mechanism to deal with stress.  It just has to be healthy and in keeping with one's profession and vocation.  i run and I have wonderful friends with whom I can talk and problem solve.  God has been very good to me!

[Graciela]

Yes, communities are very concerned about weight- perhaps moreso with overweight, but also with underweight and weird eating habits (concerns about eating disorders?).  I guess the wider society's fixation is reflected in these religious communities. That has always been true- religious communities' preferences about physical attributes change with the times.  If one looks at pictures of the foundress of the Maryknoll sisters, they will find that she was quite big. Today, she might well be refused for being too big, but her size was considered a positive attribute at the time, indicating robust good health, sturdiness and strength!

 

The sense of being under surveillance about food and weight (and almost everything else, for that matter) can be very real in formation-  I guess it is the "forming" part of formation, but not all communities have the skills and emotional maturity to do so with respect and compassion for adult women in formation.  This may be a holdover from the vocation boom days when high school aged girls or new high school grads of 17 or 18 made up the majority of the novitiate.

 

What is most sad to me is the sense of being judged negatively based on appearance by those supposedly committed to manifesting God's love in the world.  And knowing about such attitudes on the part of  a community before one enters is a great grace, rather than finding out after one enters.  So, on balance, I would prefer communities to just be upfront about their weight concerns during initial visits.

 

 

[NotreDame]

Do you have some source for this?  I wouldn't agree with everything here... Losing weight is basic math of calories in and calories out. All diets basically follow this rule but in different ways which different people find helpful.  I run, which is cardio, and I have never found it to do what you say it does and I've lost 30 pounds from my highest weight.

 

I would just be careful to promote information that follows only one path to weight loss.  Everyone enjoys different types of food and diffferent types of exercise and they have to find the right mix to create a healthy lifestyle for themselves.  Diets are really not what you want anyway... a lifestyle that supports healthful living is what the goal should be.

 

It's hard to lose weight but the difference one feels once they do is priceless.  I second the suggestion to use spark people.   

 

I never said it was the only way.   I said those are the main ways (more than one) that actually work for people. 

 

You are in your 20's, right?  As you get older the running won't be as effective and your body won't tolerate caloric deficit without more severe hormonal changes.

[Pia Jesu]

Yes, communities are very concerned about weight- perhaps moreso with overweight, but also with underweight and weird eating habits (concerns about eating disorders?).  I guess the wider society's fixation is reflected in these religious communities. That has always been true- religious communities' preferences about physical attributes change with the times.  If one looks at pictures of the foundress of the Maryknoll sisters, they will find that she was quite big. Today, she might well be refused for being too big, but her size was considered a positive attribute at the time, indicating robust good health, sturdiness and strength!

 

The sense of being under surveillance about food and weight (and almost everything else, for that matter) can be very real in formation-  I guess it is the "forming" part of formation, but not all communities have the skills and emotional maturity to do so with respect and compassion for adult women in formation.  This may be a holdover from the vocation boom days when high school aged girls or new high school grads of 17 or 18 made up the majority of the novitiate.

 

What is most sad to me is the sense of being judged negatively based on appearance by those supposedly committed to manifesting God's love in the world.  And knowing about such attitudes on the part of  a community before one enters is a great grace, rather than finding out after one enters.  So, on balance, I would prefer communities to just be upfront about their weight concerns during initial visits.

 

[Pia Jesu]

Sorry...the quote appeared a bit early!  You make some very important points, Graciela!  Not only is the wider's society view on weight reflected in religious communities--but there is a tradition of the "disciplined body" seen throughout church history.  Perhaps it is conflated with asceticism, fasting, etc., I'm not quite sure.  It may, however, be the reason we see the "beautiful young nun" image in so many vocation brochures.  It is an ideal that, from all the posts here, is difficult to attain (or sustain)!  For the overweight candidate to religious life, any unexpected negative treatment by his/her community could lead not only to disappointment but to a potentially tragic situation.  I would hope, like you said, that part of the application process would include a discussion of such issues.  I've always felt that the sign of a true vocation is the ability to function well and live the life in a responsible way.  I know many religious women who

have never let a few extra pounds stand in the way of responding to grace!

[OnlySunshine]

I remember when I was living at a convent as a "live-in" experience which was supposed to last 6 weeks but only lasted 3 days.  There were many reasons for the experience ending so soon but one that stands out in my mind, apart from anxiety, was the fact that the Superior was very critical of my eating habits.  A few months before, I had been to the doctor and was told I really needed to lose weight.  I started taking Alli and wasn't able to eat very fatty foods because of the problem of excreting excess fat at really inconvenient times (rather embarrassing!).  When I was accepted for the live-in, I didn't even take the meals into account because I had no experience living at a convent aside from visiting at retreats.  When I got there, my nerves were frazzled with the stress of caring for the children and working/living in a new environment away from family and friends so I was unable to eat which is quite common with social anxiety.  I kept thinking it would pass in a day or so, but each meal was the same - I'd take a few bites so I wasn't rude but I could not finish the meal.  Ultimately, much food went to waste which I was upset about but I chalked it up and hoped the Sisters would be lenient since I was new.  The 2nd day I was there, the Superior asked to talk to me in private and asked why I wasn't eating and if I had ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder.  I think 2 days was much too soon to be so critical of someone's eating habits.  I told her I was nervous and I was also taking a diet supplement that suppressed my appetite (I continued the Alli because I didn't think it would be a problem).  She was upset with me because I didn't ask for permission to use the supplement and told me that the Sisters are required to eat what is put in front of them because food is measured out since the Sisters work all day with no breaks for snacks so she didn't want anyone going hungry.  I apologized and promised to try to eat more.  However, the anxiety increased after that discussion because I felt like I was letting the Superior down and it was nervewracking.  The 3rd day, I asked to leave because I felt I was under tremendous pressure in many different ways.  The order was just not a good fit and I felt the Superior was demanding too much of me too soon - especially since I had not entered and was only there for a live-in.  To ask permission about a supplement when you are still a layperson seems absurd to me as I was just doing as my doctor had ordered me to.  In my defense, she had not explained the meals beforehand so I had no idea what was expected of me.  Very frustrating!  :(

Edited January 20, 2014 by MaterMisericordiae

[ChristinaTherese]

Christina, please don't think that I judge anyone who compliments me or other sisters. I know they mean it from a place of goodness even though it makes me personally uncomfortable. I just wanted to share from my perspective how it feels to have so much attention placed on looks as a young sister. I think it is especially difficult when you are in an active ministry and people make assumptions based on looks quite often that negate professional ability or capability of ministry. Sometimes it is more difficult to minister when you are viewed primarily by the physical aspects. Again, it depends on the situation and I just wanted to share how it sometimes makes me feel.

Oh, I totally understand your reasons. (And whether or not I have good reasons, I kind of hate being complimented on my appearance. It might depend though. But how does one respond to compliments anyway? No, I'm not grateful. I would sometimes like to take to saying "Praise God!" in reply.) I just wanted to state what I know I would be thinking, as another side of the coin. But I'm a strange girl who's never put much stock in physical appearances, so my comments probably don't apply to other, actually normal, people. (By the way, does that do anything like explaining myself, or is it just confusing?)

[Antigonos]

I'd like to make two points:

1) anyone who ingests more calories than they expend will put on weight, and vice versa, irrespective of the diet they are on. Simply aking a half portion of everything is often all that is needed. All foods are needed for healthy living, but usually not quite as much as we'd like to eat.

2) The problem of communities is obviously not universal. There's a phormer phatmasser who just took her temporary vows who is not the thinnest person I've ever seen, and she seems to be doing just fine! Keep thinking positively!

[Freedom]

Being fat is not just based on outside appearance, it is a health issue.  If her SD and the religious community says that she needs to lose some weight, then she probably does.  If she's obese because she's a glutton, that isn't good.  If she is big because she has a thyroid problem, that too isn't good.

 

I've seen fat Sisters in different religious communities, but they were professed.  Not sure how they could become overweight since they're supposed to fast...

[SilentJoy]

Update: Nothing I do can diminish the hurt my new friend felt when she was told she was too obese to enter either of the 2 orders she was seriously considering.

 

It must be so difficult to receive this kind of blow. If she is still open to considering either of these communities in the future, however, they might see weight loss as a good sign of a vocation, of obedience and determination.

 

I met a nun who belonged to a penitential Order; initially, her superiors were concerned about her weight and food intake because, to them, she seemed very small, and they wanted to be sure she didn't get any smaller. They were very cautious about allowing her to participate in the community fast. Although she didn't say so, I imagine this was very difficult too.

[emma8201986]

Thanks again for all the kind thoughts and helpful suggestions. I am taking this slow with Mary - I want her to succeed and feel better about herself. I will help her work on her weight with changing her eating and exercise habits but it has to be a two way street. If she truly has a vocation, she will want to get herself healthy enough so that she can pass a physical - we're not talking about just a few pound. I will keep you posted and will encourage Mary to post here as well.

Em