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Private Vows in The Laity/Spirituality


BarbTherese

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My computer is acting up.  If I should suddenly go quiet, it is my computer, not me for sure. 

All I needed really is my lousy back, lunatic mind and now my computer to get in on the act....:lol4:BUT The Lord knows best, always and in all things even when a hair drops from my head.  Good enough for me.........please Lord with Our Lady's intercession help me to be patient and Peaceful even Joyful in difficult times of very little bumps along the way - and a real miracle would be for me to lay off the cigarettes and to stop dropping into fine Aussie clangers when things go wrong and picking on my cat too.

I don't know what I did clicking on this and that...no luck....finally just switched off the computer and began a bit of housework (what I can do that is) fearing I had completely finished my computer with my clicking a this and then a that, finally in desperation returning internet explorer to default..........still no luck....IE would not connect and put me on to Google....... that annoying message "The Page Could Not be Displayed" all the time.

.............now it is back!  For how long I don't know. 

Well, whatever I did with all the clicking and changing......and after a bit of a rest ye olde computer seems to be working.....and faster :drunks:

 

.............and now to lighten the mood:

An older Irish priest is driving back to Gawler and gets stopped for speeding in the Barossa Valley. The cop smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

(above changed around to give it a South Australian flavour)

 

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Here I am again at 5.30pm in Adelaide, South Australia.  Next call is to feed Buddie and Missie and then The News.  My walking stick has arrived, my pick-up tool will take a bit longer.  It is coming from Hong Kong.   I've been sitting outside under the pergola with a coffee and yes, a cigarette too.  After a pack is gone I go for 4 -7 days (or longer) without one and that is my one of my involuntary penances until I buy the next pack.........to date. It is solely my own fault that I have taken it up again on a periodic basis......absolutely.  Although I know for sure if I fossicked around I could rationalise and even justify it...falsely.

I have been wondering yet again, and I do often, why The Lord is so good to me in my muddles and puddles, my little bumps along the way.  I really do think that He just might appreciate private vows in general.  I try very hard to keep my Rule of Life and when I fail as I often do, I immediately pick myself up and plunge into the quest once more.  Private vows have cost me but the cost has been a willing one - and at times a quite difficult cost and an uphill grind pushing that proverbial barrel uphill with effort and sweat - even tears at times.  Never for a moment have I considered asking for a dispensation and hope that I never will.  I think too that He just might know too that in my muddles and puddles I can get myself into a right royal state and so He intervenes to resolve things nowadays before my bipolar condition and resultant lunatic mind assumes complete control and takes me off into the madness of psychosis once more.  My awareness is - and acutely - that so many others journey without relief nor hopes for relief.  They have far more serious and crippling problems than I ever do.  So many are really holy people and just do not realise it. 

I am sure we will be absolutely astounded with those who wear the most glorious crowns of holiness in Heaven.

Here is a poem I learnt in primary school, which nowadays speaks to me of my journey.  I learnt it off by heart in primary school simply because I loved it (and still today can recite it  from memory),  I had no idea back then of just how much it was going to speak to me in my journey in the the many years ahead...........

Godolphin Horne, Who was Cursed with the Sin of Pride, and Became a Boot-Black (By Huilaire Belloc) 
 
Prior to onset of bipolar - my parents were poor but I had a scholarship to college and was Head Prefect in my final year and very proud of my achievements with great plans for the future.  Either religious life or University to study Law and I had the grades to qualify for Law at Uni.
Godolphin Horne was Nobly Born;   
He held the Human Race in Scorn,   
And lived with all his Sisters where   
His Father lived, in Berkeley Square.   
And oh! the Lad was Deathly Proud!   
He never shook your Hand or Bowed,   
But merely smirked and nodded thus:   
How perfectly ridiculous!
Alas! That such Affected Tricks   
Should flourish in a Child of Six!
(For such was Young Godolphin's age).   
 
After onset of bipolar - the humbling process and journey begins
Just then, the Court required a Page,   
Whereat the Lord High Chamberlain   
(The Kindest and the Best of Men),   
He went good-naturedly and took   
A Perfectly Enormous Book
 
Called People Qualified to Be
Attendant on His Majesty,
 
And murmured, as he scanned the list   
(To see that no one should be missed),   
'There's William Coutts has got the Flu,   
And Billy Higgs would never do,   
And Guy de Vere is far too young,
And. . . wasn't D'Alton's Father hung?   
And as for Alexander Byng!—. . .   
 
The humiliation journey continues
I think I know the kind of thing,   
A Churchman, cleanly, nobly born,   
Come let us say Godolphin Horne?'  
 
But hardly had he said the word   
When Murmurs of Dissent were heard.   
The King of Iceland's Eldest Son
Said, 'Thank you! I am taking none!'   
The Aged Duchess of Athlone   
Remarked, in her sub-acid tone,   
'I doubt if He is what we need!'   
With which the Bishops all agreed;   
 
And even Lady Mary Flood
(So Kind, and oh! so really good)   
Said, 'No! He wouldn't do at all,   
He'd make us feel a lot too small.'
The Chamberlain said, ' . . . Well, well, well!   
No doubt you're right . . . One cannot tell!'
 
Final humiliation
He took his Gold and Diamond Pen   
And Scratched Godolphin out again.  
 
So now Godolphin is the Boy   
Who blacks the Boots at the Savoy.
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ST Vincent de Paul Society

Daily Reflection – July 21

Quote

 

“You know how unwilling we are to deny ourselves, how unwilling to be reproved and contradicted, how a trifling thing will make us sad, how we delight to be commended while, with a sort of natural cruelty we see blame and faults in others which we are scarcely willing to excuse.”
– St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

– Holy Spirit, come with your gift of wisdom and enlighten me that I may become so aware of the inconsistencies in my own life, there will be little time to find fault with anyone else.

 

____________________________________

........not only will one have little time to reflect on others.  The knowledge of one's own faults and failures, one's sinfulness.......("the inconsistencies in my own life")..........will make one far less inclined to point the finger at others because one insights one's own brokenness with sorrow and appeal and there meets The One Who Forgives and Hears. 

In fact, just as it is in one's own brokenness, one meets at once also Jesus who is Love and Infinite Mercy with All Embracing Understanding.......one will meet that same Jesus within the brokenness of others and from there, in solidarity, one can lead others to Him through their own inconsistencies and brokenness.

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Computer is still working ok. Whatever I did, I must have done right.  I don't seem to have lost anything at all I would want to retain.

 

The following are extracts from a text out of Eldridge Carmel by Sr Vilma Seelaus, O.C.D.  It is titled "Spirituality of Imperfection" and reflections on the theology of St Therese of Lisieux.

http://carmelitesofeldridge.org/vilma5b.html

 

Quote

 

Excerpts only: “Fortunately, she (St Therese Lisiuex) discovered early in life that neither her recorded acts of virtue, nor her burning zeal in practicing spiritual exercises, nor her profound experiences and reverential tears after communions-- not even the smile of the Virgin-- none of these help her in overcoming even the least of her faults. The more she tries, the greater and more depressing are her failures and her entanglement in scruples. During the time of her scruples, every thought and even her most commonplace actions became a source of worry and anxiety. Her extreme helplessness meant either despair or finding a new way in the struggle to balance her own weakness before the justice of God

 

………words of St Therese:…….”(be) consent to stumble, or even to fall at every step, to bear your cross feebly; love your weakness. Your soul will draw more profit from that than if, sustained by grace, you vigorously performed heroic deeds which would fill your soul with self-satisfaction and pride." (Ibid., p 331)

 

……………What directs her (Therese) on a path of integration? I think it is her love of truth which enables her to penetrate the reality of the human condition as fragile and finite, yet passionately loved by God. She can now surrender to the wedding of seeming opposites: spirituality and imperfection. She is able to embrace her imperfections as integral to her life with God. Instead of being obstacles, they become for her a meeting place with Christ who has taken her weakness upon Himself. Not only does she sustain a daring hope in the midst of darkness--where all roads for her appear equally dark -- she also comes to a remarkable shift in vision.

……………..Cure seeks change at the level of the problem. Healing is a change of perception which can only happen from (within) and it comes as gift, as grace. It is not necessarily a change in the circumstance (the problem) Rather, healing requires a change in focus away from a view that demands changing of the circumstance or that the circumstance be removed. Healing requires a change in perspective that embraces the circumstance from another inner source.14

Thérèse did just that. She could not change the dynamics of life with erratic Mother de Gonzague nor could she do away with what today we might call, her own wounded child. She changes what she can through her instructions to her novices and her letters of encouragement to her blood sisters in community, she befriends what she cannot change, including her personal limitations. It all becomes the stuff of her relationship with God grounding her in daring trust.

 Everything in life especially the things we like least about ourselves and our life situation become, from God's perspective, the place of divine transformation and an invitation to intimacy with God who is present to all that is human. Such is the message of Jesus. Incarnation is God present in the human story. In His risen life, Jesus retains the marks of the wounds for the disciples to touch: "Put your fingers here and see my hands." Wounds, now glorified, are integral to Christ's glorified body. Our own psychic wounds, the abuse we may have suffered, and the difficult situations we face daily are the places where glory works itself out in us. Our specific woundedness is integral to the unique image of God that each of us is. Jesus says in effect to the disciples: "Touch my wounds and know that it is I.”

Christ in glory is forever the wounded Christ.17

 

 

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Rather busy week this week and looks as if the next week might be too. 

 

At Morning Prayer the other day a line in the Psalm was encouraging :

"While out of darkness, colour breaks"

 

When I have problems and difficulties, it is a dark sort of colourless place - however, invariably without fail, at some time the problems and difficulties do pass, and then "colour breaks" returning those happier‘colourful’ aspects of life.  This seems to me to be the established rhythm of life, the ups and the downs of it all – the roller coaster of life.

 

When I am in the ‘darkness’ I can forget completely that it will pass and some kind of reminder brings it to the forefront of my mind that “all things pass, God alone suffices”.

 

With my physical problems, it means that buses are pretty much off the table.  This means that both voluntary work outside the parish and also returning to school are off the table too (these ask bus travel).  This has been decided without any effort from me rather decided by presenting circumstances.  I am not too sure about a Third Order either.  My past experience with a Third Order was not a positive experience at all.  I was only on the outset of a discernment journey when I decided it was not for me.  I did look into the Third Order interstate, but there was so much hesitation about bipolar, I withdrew. There are only two Third Order communities in Adelaide or in South Australia anywhere that I know of. We have no secular institute communities at all.  Some interstate communities have distant formation, but I am not too keen.  If I am to join a community, I would prefer to have actual contact with my community and regularly - and as an integral part of my journey.

 

My third decision was about whether to write about my journey with bipolar.  I think what has happened previously is that bits and pieces of the journey get wound into posts here and there.  I can go with that - although I have no idea where on earth this thread might be going, if anywhere at all.  This thread too just unfolds howsoever it may.

 

Thank you to any who said a prayer for me.  What seems to me to be the bipolar aspect of my thought processes when under stress at times seems to have passed.  I no longer have one subject sort of tumbling in on top of another and a scary (and near panic inducing) sort of business since it is a bipolar type of mindset.  Now I seem to be able to make logical sense of where I am and reflect on subjects/problems in a logical sort of flow, without a sense of looming panic as one subject

tumbles in on another and I start to fear a serious bipolar episode might be ahead somewhere.

 

I am very careful not to impose on myself rigid formality.  Within a certain formality, I take each day as it unfolds and God's Will with it and in my responses (positive or negative) I am unfolding too although a mysterious unfolding to me.  I am quite conscious that my personal vocation as a lay person is not strictly defined (and intrinsic to the vocation at this point) – other, that is, than the Documents on the Laity and my own rule of life.

 

Long ago, years ago, I abandoned concepts of the person I should be.  I also abandoned any concepts of that person others might think I should be.  Both are imaginary self-images.  This has led to what I experience as a greater interior freedom.  I know that The Lord is in my life and my way of life with me.  He is in it in all its messiness and unconventionality - in all my corresponding to His Will and all my failures.  He never steps out of my life for a second as He never steps out of the life of any person for a second - and as a faithful guiding, consoling and sanctifying Presence.  If I cannot feel His Presence, it is no indication that He is absent.  Even when I feel nothing, He is guiding, consoling and sanctifying and a matter of Faith. I don’t look for, nor actively desire, wondrous spiritual type consolations – there are plenty of quite ordinary occurrences that lift me and my day and are just cause for humble thanksgiving.  Like just now, my darling cat is trying to squeeze in between my back and the computer chair because it is a warm place if she could only work out how it's done!  Laughter!

 

Failure and then picking oneself up and going on can be every bit as fruitful as any virtues.  To fall, pick oneself up and go on asks Faith and  confident trust.  It is what I call "God's Economy" in which absolutely nothing is wasted and useless.  Nothing is worthless in God's Economy.  The Lord makes good use of all things regardless, even when my life might seem nothing but darkness, problems and difficulties and I'm complaining, moaning and groaning - in all that messiness, He is right in it with me and making good use of it in some way (Doctrine of Divine Providence).  Because I cannot see that good, is not evidence of non-existence.  I might not be able to experience on the sense level (feelings) anything at all positive. Feelings are often the worst guide to reality there are - other than to tell me my personal position in a given reality, situation, circumstance - feelings do tell me, in part only, who I am at any given moment. 

 

The only thing that can ever separate anyone from God is mortal sin.  The sole and only thing!

 

When I am in the darkness and difficulties, I just stumble along as I can - and this is quite ok too...........and again, at those times I can see nothing whatsoever of the "ok" at all.  Only hindsight will tell me about the past with some accuracy.  When I am in the 'darkness' (problems and/or difficulties) my distinct awareness (and false) is that the difficulties of life are to remain fixed and constant.  As when life is more rewarding and 'colourful' the distinct awareness is that I shall never return to that type of darkness again.  Both are incorrect to date, and yet I invariably do see-saw between the two.  Will that ever pass? I have no idea whatsoever, nor does it matter in the slightest. 

 

The task is to do what I can, leaving the rest to God for Love and trust of Him. To walk in Faith, and whatever Faith might tell me.  To be and to do in each day prayerfully along with any successes and any failures. Success asks thanksgiving and failure asks repentance and metanoia.  I make no lasting investment in success or failures either – rather a disposition of stunned thanksgiving most often that I am still on the path somewhere or other without a need to know where. For me, sleep is a mini death as waking in the morning is a mini re-birth and completely new beginning. 

“Yesterday is history,

tomorrow is a mystery,

today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
Bil Keane

_____________________

PS: How blest are those who have a normal thinking mind and probably most often it is taken for granted and entirely understandable.  I think one needs to loose one's mind in some way to understand the gift of a normally (most common) thinking mind. Reading back over my post, it came to mind the many I know who struggle and suffer, weeping, day in and day out with mental illness and serious mental illness and constantly, no breaks whatsoever.  And largely rejected in society.  Our Lady, Mother of Mercy, please pray for them.

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During a Eucharistic Congress, a number of priests from different orders are gathered in a church for Vespers. While they are praying, a fuse blows and all the lights go out.

 

  • The Benedictines continue praying from memory, without missing a beat.
  •  The Jesuits begin to discuss whether the blown fuse means they are dispensed from the obligation to pray Vespers.
  •  The Franciscans compose a song of praise for God's gift of darkness.
  •  The Dominicans revisit their ongoing debate on light as a signification of the transmission of divine knowledge.
  •  The Carmelites fall into silence and slow, steady breathing.
  • The parish priest (and host) goes to the basement and replaces the fuse.
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26th July: Psalm week: Year: C(II). 1. Liturgical Colour: White.

Feast St Anna and St Joachim in Australia HERE
An ancient tradition, already known in the 2nd century, gives these names to the parents of the Virgin Mary. The cult of St Anna became popular in the 6th century in the East, and in the 10th century in the West, where she is the patron saint of Brittany; Joachim was added a long time later – too often the fate of fathers.
  Although the information about Mary’s parents is found in an early apocryphal writing that gives many miraculous and highly-coloured stories about the early life of the Virgin Mary, there is no reason to suppose that such a straightforward fact as her parents’ names should be wrong, since there is nothing to be gained from falsifying it. It does not occur in the Gospels simply because the most reliable evangelists (the only ones whom we have allowed into the Bible) felt they had more important things to talk about.
  But what, after all, could be more important than the parents who brought up the Virgin Mary to be the woman she was? At the moment of consenting to the Incarnation she took the most important decision ever taken by any human being, and the fact that she took it is, to a great extent, the work of her parents. The Holy Spirit gave her the strength to take the decision; but her parents’ training gave her the wisdom to choose.
  Those of us who have children must seek to bring them up to the best of our ability, to meet challenges that, like Anna and Joachim, we have no way of even imagining.
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Oh me oh my - did I take a journey into myself back there.........did I ever!

 

Tomorrow, 29th July 2017, is the Memorial of St. Martha.   St Martha lived in Bethany, a small village just outside of Jerusalem in the time of Jesus (Martha is the sister of Mary and Lazarus).  Martha, Mary and Lazarus were close friends of Jesus.

 Tomorrow is a special day here in Bethany.

 

Until November 2016, I am down on funds. I took an advance on my age pension for the wedding and am repaying it at $70 per fortnight.  Also my water bill was double that of last year (3 units here sharing the one meter) – I am repaying the excess at $15 per fortnight, meaning my pension all in all is reduced fortnightly by $85……and a decided struggle.  But I have cleared up all debts except for the $85 fortnightly until November this year.  I am also going to Mass weekly by taxi further reducing 'available' funds.  About the only place I can cut down is food purchases (and maybe with a bit of robbing Pete to pay Paul, maybe a pack of cigs if I get 'lucky') .  Deo Gratius in all things.  Alleluia Amen!

 

It has been a sort of on the go type week this week.  A couple of days ago, the ambulance people rang me around 10pm.  My next door neighbour (76yrs and not in good health at all) rang as she had pressed her emergency button.  Every so often her breathing is relatively obstructed (she has had a laryngectomy) and she needs to go into hospital to have it cleared.  She also has diabetes, blood pressure and heart problems -  and needs rather regularly to call on ambulance services.

 

Today, Thursday 28th July, I had a hairdressing appointment with my niece and then lunch with my brother after.  Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I had visitors.

 

Saw my GP on Monday. 25th July 2016, about my back.  Short of it all is that providing the pain does not increase over the next two weeks but starts to settle down (which it has from when it first happened) there is no need for concern nor any X-ray.  Just keep using the walking stick for distances (such as the shops) and use the pickup stick rather than bending down to pick up off the floor. If the pain should persist or worsen, then she will look into what is going on via X-ray.  Fortunately, she is not in favour at all of X-rays nor anti-biotics either unless really necessary.  My instincts are that the problem has really lessened since I first did it and today seemed even a bit better again in that I was able to get dressed about an hour after rising when my limbs have limbered up sufficiently.

 

Finally, finally........... and finally again, I have worked out how to get the new outlook.com calendar interface to send me email reminders..........much too much time spent on trying to work it out....being a dummy on computer matters.  But I got there! Deo Gratius.

 

As soon as I think I might be able to do so, I will visit my niece who has had the very serious back operation inserting some sort of an electrical type unit (forgot the name) into her epidural space to relieve extreme pain and it has worked, but the risk of her body rejecting it remains, also there is some infection in the surgical incision area or exterior wound itself.  Visiting her will mean three hours travelling there and back and take four bus trips there and back; meanwhile, I am staying in touch with her via phone.  Bus trips are not a good idea for me, but the only way I can reach her feasibly.

 

Also, my aunty (my dec’d mother’s best friend really) has a serious heart condition and is too frail for surgery.  This is another visit I would like to make as soon as I can - and a reminder to ring her again.  Some bus trips, I feel, just might be unavoidable and I am hoping, since they will not be on a regular basis, I won’t have any problems, or only minor one’s I will be able to handle ok with the walking stick.  The worst part about buses is they both stop and start so abruptly and sometimes I am standing. I am hoping the walking stick might alert the driver I am none too steady on my feet and of course, I will mention it when getting on the bus.  The other problem is stepping from the bus onto the pavement, but I think the walking stick might help there too. 

 

See what unfolds over the next few weeks and certainly the walking stick does make things easier insofar as walking is concerned – whether it will help on a bus remains to be seen as yet.

 

I buy a lottery ticket every so often and if I won, I would buy a car.  Since I have never won, I figure I accept I am not meant to have a car.

 

My son (foster) called earlier on Monday and then after took me to my GP. We did a really big pantry shop in the morning and that should mean that until he calls again in about a month (he lives quite a way from me) I shouldn’t have to carry anything heavy in my trolley, if I do need to go to the shops.

Also, he was unable to fix my shredder (I stupidly put plastic through it and jammed it and it is now totally kaput) but he and his wife bought me a new one.  And a better one than the original!  Later that night, putting some paperwork through in the hours-old new shredder, I put through a window faced envelope that had a plastic window.  The new shredder is jammed too!  .:idontknow:

 

Both my sons and their wives are great company as well as help whenever needed -  but it is "great company" that shoots to the top of the list.  My brothers are always there if I need them too and always good company.  I am very conscious, however, my brothers and wives have their own lives with married sons and daughtesr........and now grandchildren.

 

Just had a look at next week and certainly at this point a better week than this.  If I use me noggin, I just might plan better next week than what has unfolded this week.  There is always "X The Unknown Factor" in most any situation, including planning a week. :) 

 

Deo Gratius Alleluia Amen.

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ST MARTHA

Feastday Friday, 29th July 2016

 

Jesus loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus." This unique statement in John's gospel tells us of the special relationship Jesus had with Martha, her sister, and her brother.

Apparently Jesus was a frequent guest at Martha's home in Bethany, a small village two miles from Jerusalem. We read of three visits in Luke 10:38-42, John 11:1-53, and John 12:1-9.

Many of us find it easy to identify with Martha in the story Luke tells. Martha welcomes Jesus and his disciples into her home and immediately goes to work to serve them.

Hospitality is paramount in the Middle East and Martha believed in its importance. Imagine her frustration when her sister Mary ignores the rule of hospitality and Martha's work in order to sit and listen to Jesus. Instead of speaking to her sister, she asks Jesus to intervene.

Jesus' response is not unkind, which gives us an idea of his affection for her. He observes that Martha is worried about many things that distract her from really being present to him. He reminds her that there is only one thing that is truly important -- listening to him. And that is what Mary has done.

In Martha we see ourselves -- worried and distracted by all we have to do in the world and forgetting to spend time with Jesus. It is, however, comforting to note that Jesus loved her just the same.

The next visit shows how well Martha learned this lesson. She is grieving the death of her brother with a house full of mourners when she hears that Jesus has just come to the area. She gets up immediately and leaves the guests, leaves her mourning, and goes to meet him.

Her conversation with Jesus shows her faith and courage. In this dialogue she states clearly without doubt that she believes in Jesus' power, in the resurrection, and most of all that Jesus is the Son of God.

Jesus tells her that he is the resurrection and the life and then goes on to raise her brother from the dead. Our final picture of Martha in Scripture is the one that sums up who she was.

Jesus has returned to Bethany some time later to share a meal with his good friends. In this home were three extraordinary people. We hear how brother Lazarus caused a stir when was brought back to life.

We hear how Mary causes a commotion at dinner by annointing Jesus with expensive perfume. But all we hear about Martha is the simple statement: "Martha served." She isn't in the spotlight, she doesn't do showy things, she doesn't receive spectacular miracles. She simply serves Jesus.

We know nothing more about Martha and what happened to her later. According to a totally untrustworthy legend Martha accompanied Mary to evangelize France after Pentecost.

But wouldn't it be wonderful if the most important thing that could be said about us is "They served"?

Martha is the patron saint of servants and cooks.

In Her Footsteps

Dorothy Day said: "If everyone were holy and handsome, it would be easy to see Christ in everyone. But it was not Christ's way for himself. Ask honestly what you would do when a beggar asked at your house for food. (My comment: Jesus on The Cross was to human appearances neither holy nor handsome)
Would you give it on an old cracked plate, thinking that was good enough? Do you think that Martha and Mary thought that the old and chipped dish was good enough for their guest?
It is not a duty to help Christ -- it is a privilege." In what ways do you serve Christ others grudgingly or sparingly? How can you serve them the way Martha served Christ, putting her whole self into it?

Prayer

Saint Martha, pray for us that we might serve Jesus better.
Help us to overcome our distractions and worries to listen to his words and be present to him this day.
Amen.

 

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When visitors call by (and those I might meet for some reason) I do not consciously evangelise.  Rather my prayer and trust is in The Holy Spirit to provide time, place and words.  As simple as that!  And, indeed, He does provide time, place and the words.  I just chat along with the other on a very ordinary everyday type of level - but every now and then in the course of conversation and without any sort of effort on my part nor reflection, I might make a reply that can surprise even me.  Sometimes with that reply, the other will pause before continuing.  The sower goes out to plant his seeds.

Probably one of the remarkable things that have happened to me was when I was a teenager.  Our next door neighbour asked Mum where it was I went so early most mornings on my bike (I would ride to weekday Mass).  Mum told her where I was going (convent of The Daughters of Charity chapel) and where it was located.  Quite a long time later our next door neighbour and husband with their five children were baptised into The Church.........she told Mum that it was my early morning rides to Mass that had first sparked her interest in Catholicism.

Everywhere in the interior and exterior of Bethany are statues (exterior and interior) and also pictures (interior) that indicate quite clearly that I am Catholic.  And everything has a story if I am asked - a meaning.  My best pal (Carmelite nun), when she attended my Home Mass to renew life private vows, hit the nail on the head without the slightest hint from me "You have decorated Bethany for others".  It was the first time she had been in Bethany.  But then we had been good pals for over 40 years and she knew me pretty well............at times.........too well! :brutebeast:

Why do I write these things.........planting, planting all the time ..........and never considering, pausing nor looking back for results.

Edited by BarbaraTherese
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10 hours ago, BarbaraTherese said:

When visitors call by (and those I might meet for some reason) I do not consciously evangelise

The above is not to state that there is not a time and a place - and the words - to overtly evangelise.  It is to pray to be sensitive to The Holy Spirit always and then to trust confidently that the prayer is answered, accepting whatever that answer might be as the action of The Lord's Superior Wisdom.  Feelings might lag well behind, but always possible to make a firm act in the will of loving acceptance.

"Come Holy Spirit fill the hearts of Your faithful and enkindle in us the Fire of Your Divine Love. Then send forth Your Spirit and You will be created and You will renew the face of the earth."

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Just cruising along at the moment taking this one day at a time bit by little bit only.  A bit of a victory tonight in that I have not had anxiety attacks - close to it, but not quite getting there.  Deo Gratius.  I don't know really what is going on, it might be nothing and it might be something.  I have been asked to submit some documentation to a government authority and insofar as I am aware I have not done anything wrong - other than a minor matter of the procedure to follow.  But until the authority receives the documentation and advises accordingly I am up in the air really.

My 'demons' usually haunt me not at noonday, but in the night time as much as I do love the nights.  When I have some sort of problem it is at night that my imagination runs riot and I can find it difficult to login to logic once more.  Last night I needed to take emergency medication to curb off an anxiety attack.  Tonight I managed without it and am tonight quite at Peace since I know that I have done nothing wrong that I am aware of anyway.  I also managed today not to buy cigarettes as much as I wanted to do so.

Prayer and trust is my backstop and I am resigned if all goes pear shaped re the government authority that I have done nothing wrong whatsoever and therein I am at Peace, knowing that if the authority is not happy with me it will be nothing that I have not deserved if not this time, then plenty of times in the past where I have indeed been in the wrong somehow but nothing surfaced (nothing however to do with any government authority).  I am reminded of what St Teresa of Avila said when others say negative things about her.  She said she then always gives thanks to God that they do not know ALL about her.  St Teresa may not have had a government authority breathing fire down her neck, but her concept works under all conditions, not only in the enclosed cloister.......with a bit of imagination that is.........and I am not lacking in THAT department.  I like to think it is what Thomas Merton wrote about i.e. CREATIVE imagination.:popcorn2:

I did put a very brief request for prayer into the Prayer Forum yesterday I think it was. 

Other than that and some work for St Vinnies, I am looking at the University of the Third Age as a potential that would not involve bus travel.  Some courses are online and very cheap and this would be something to occupy my time constructively.  But my hands are tied financially until November this year........and tied very tightly.  Other than that, I am hoping that I can look into a senior citizens club relatively close to me.  I do feel strongly that my aspirations are being watered down quite considerably - but then where aspirations may aspire, is not of necessity what reality will reveal.  Trust.   Sooner or later something will come up I know because I keep storming Heaven and we had that Gospel recently and the Parable of The Unjust Judge where persistence in Faith and prayer, without discouragement, will win the day.

What does keep me smiling when things seem to be amiss is the times I have read that remaining single for the sake of The Kingdom is the "easy way out". :lol4:

When thing are going wrong for me, another 'spiritual trick' of mine is to say to myself "Keep working on it, kid, until you start laughing".  Laughter can be a distinct by product of Joy.

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