Pliny Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 There is a priest at our parish who after Mass or other events always gravitates to talking with a particular small family or one of the members of that family. And I have noticed that if I'm talking with that family or a member of that family, if he shows up, he usually dismisses me in some way and ends up talking with them himself. Besides the fact that I find this irritating and sometimes a little hurtful (which I suppose is my problem and I'll have to find a way to conquer my sensitivity), is this correct behavior for a priest? The ironic thing is one day he told me that he is not there to "make friends" and I asked him who he talks to when he needs friends and he said "other priests."
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 It'a about time someone noticed it. Any idea where it came from? You have to be old to know from where it originated. (Or at least was popularized).
CatholicCid Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Priests are people too. Should they play favorites? No, of course not. Can they have friends within the parish? Yes, of course. It's also possible that the reason he talks to these people is for ministerial purposes.
Sister Marie Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 The above are all correct answers. From the point of view of a religious, if I feel a friendship or connection forming with a family I try to keep it very general until I leave that assignment because you don't want anyone to think you have favorites. After I am changed I feel free to continue the friendship more specifically if the person or family continues contact. It shouldn't ever be a friendship that excludes others though. Having friends is part of good human development. Priests and sisters need to have friends too; friends who are sisters or brothers and friends who are married or single.
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 This very priest told me that he wasn't at our parish to make friends and that it was crossing some kind of boundary to do so. Yet he not only has a couple of friends that he seems to cling to, and vice versa, but when together, they seem to be shutting everyone out, or maybe I'm taking that too personally. I just know there have been numerous times that when I was having conversations with these people, that when the priest came along, he some how managed to get rid of me and be alone with them. The reason for my post was to know whether there are any norms or rules that apply to religious and priests regarding friendships and associations with parishioners.
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 are you asking whether we think you are being envious at some level?
Mary+Immaculate<3 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 "The disciple whom Jesus loved" was John. Jesus had certain followers closer to him than others (Peter, James, John).
oremus1 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 "The disciple whom Jesus loved" was John. Jesus had certain followers closer to him than others (Peter, James, John). was it because he loved them the most, or because they loved Him the most, and gave up everythign to follow Him?
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Who was the the "disciple whom Jesus loved" and who was the author of those words?
oremus1 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Who was the the "disciple whom Jesus loved" and who was the author of those words? In your case I think it is inappropriate that you are feeling pain or emotional sensitivity, or even jealousy if the priest is spending more time with others. if you are a girl, I would suggest you have an attraction to the priest on some level beyond that which is normal. if he wants to spend time with a particular family, what business is it of yours? if it is leading to his neglect of his pastoral duties then it is a problem. but if it that you want to spend more time with him, I suggest you spend time with some friends, go out more, etc then you will not feel so bad
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 In your case I think it is inappropriate that you are feeling pain or emotional sensitivity, or even jealousy if the priest is spending more time with others. if you are a girl, I would suggest you have an attraction to the priest on some level beyond that which is normal. if he wants to spend time with a particular family, what business is it of yours? if it is leading to his neglect of his pastoral duties then it is a problem. but if it that you want to spend more time with him, I suggest you spend time with some friends, go out more, etc then you will not feel so bad You quoted my question but did not answer it. I'm not a girl, I'm not gay, and I don't give a rat's pattoot about attention from the priest.
oremus1 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 You quoted my question but did not answer it. I'm not a girl, I'm not gay, and I don't give a rat's pattoot about attention from the priest. so why do you seem jealous when he gives attention to the family instead of you? why do you seem to be looking for rules to prohibit him from having friends in the parish? if you are not jealous, then what is the point in this thread? he is doing a great and sacred work, let him be!
Oremoose Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Who was the the "disciple whom Jesus loved" and who was the author of those words? It is from John's Gospel. And it is traditionally seen as John's way of talking about himself without using his name.
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 It's a great and sacred work for a priest to be in a clique? That's not how I see it.
blazeingstar Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 It would be sad if the priest didn't have friends. I invite the associate pastor of my parish to my house for dinner every other month or so along with a few other friends. You know what's kind of ironic? I actually am NOT friends with the retired priest in residence and the pastor, so I don't invite them. (one is INSANELY liberal, the other one is just a bit boring). I know this same priest (and others) have said that they "can't" go over to parishioner's houses. They are in an order and that dictates things. For instance, if it was just me (single female) he couldn't come, or even me and my friend or me and my fiancee', however he can come if its 3+ people besides him. My guess is that he probably was busy or saw some kind of red flag that made him behave in a way that would discourage you from being a friend. That, or the family is not really his friends but he is being kind while they press him to talk. Or maybe he has learned that he can make friends. There are a million reasons.
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 It is from John's Gospel. And it is traditionally seen as John's way of talking about himself without using his name. So John was telling us that Jesus loved him best of all? Could a sacred writer have some prejudice? Or was there a deeper meaning?
Basilisa Marie Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Is it correct? I don't know. It's certainly normal. There's always a certain kind of "in crowd" at churches, and it usually revolves around the priest. Some families make a big deal out of having the parish priest be an important person in their lives, and enjoy being close to him. They're the ones that usually initiate it. Are you close enough with that family that you could ask them about it? Even just a simple "hey you guys seem to be pretty close with Fr. Whatshisname."
Pliny Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 My guess is that he probably was busy or saw some kind of red flag that made him behave in a way that would discourage you from being a friend. That, or the family is not really his friends but he is being kind while they press him to talk. Or maybe he has learned that he can make friends. There are a million reasons. I have tried to explain this situation, but I think it will not be possible, though I'll try again. I am not yet good friends with this family, but I am on friendly terms with them. I'm hoping some day we can be friends. Several times it has happened that the priest has show up during our conversations and found a way to chase me away, leaving him in my place. But maybe that's normal? Doesn't seem so to me, but I think it's too complex a situation to discuss on a board. I don't know what the "red flag" could be. Isn't it possible that sometimes priests can be jerks?
Basilisa Marie Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I have tried to explain this situation, but I think it will not be possible, though I'll try again. I am not yet good friends with this family, but I am on friendly terms with them. I'm hoping some day we can be friends. Several times it has happened that the priest has show up during our conversations and found a way to chase me away, leaving him in my place. But maybe that's normal? Doesn't seem so to me, but I think it's too complex a situation to discuss on a board. I don't know what the "red flag" could be. Isn't it possible that sometimes priests can be jerks? Yeah, it's possible priests can be jerks. But how does he chase you away? Does he literally ask you to leave?
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