My Spiritual Director Is Amazing

[PhuturePriest]

Back to be a pain in another thread!  I don't feel too badly about being a pain to you FP because I know you know why I am!

 

How do you know that he's really a fantastic spiritual director other than the fact that he is giving you a letter of recommendation, a deal on a car, and a cassock?  That doesn't sound like spiritual direction to me - it sounds like a friend or a mentor helping a guy out.

 

As the fruit of this direction, are you growing closer to Christ and deeper in the spiritual life or are you getting excited about the possibility of  being a priest and like being able to talk about that with this priest?  There's nothing wrong with the latter except that, again, it isn't really spiritual direction.   Have you been challenged?  Have you brought up the hard things that have happened in your life?  If the answer to either of those is "no" I would say your opinion on your "spiritual director" is at the best, premature.  

 

Now maybe those things have happened and you just neglected to tell us about that in between the car and the cassock and maybe I'm wrong... but I'm only going by what you wrote.

 

Always playing the devil's advocate. ;)

 

Of course we talk about spiritual direction and he gives me advice. This is simply a thread about what happened specifically last Wednesday, not a recap of all the things he's ever said to me. :P

[Sister Marie]

Always playing the devil's advocate. ;)

Of course we talk about spiritual direction and he gives me advice. This is simply a thread about what happened specifically last Wednesday, not a recap of all the things he's ever said to me. :P

Always is right... Advice isn't spiritual direction either... Sorry!! Had to say it!! :). I mean he sounds like a nice guy and he's helpful to you but that's not the same as actual spiritual direction.

[PhuturePriest]

Always is right... Advice isn't spiritual direction either... Sorry!! Had to say it!! :). I mean he sounds like a nice guy and he's helpful to you but that's not the same as actual spiritual direction.

 

He directs me in my spiritual life. He helps me with my spiritual and prayer life.

[krissylou]

Glad to hear you've found someone who is helpful to you, FP.  :)

 

I've gotten settled in with an SD over the last several months and have been very grateful.

 

No sports cars though.  Can't have everything.

[AveMariaPurissima]

Always is right... Advice isn't spiritual direction either... Sorry!! Had to say it!! :). I mean he sounds like a nice guy and he's helpful to you but that's not the same as actual spiritual direction.

Honest question: what is spiritual direction, then?

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

A good Spiritual Director is better than a car. A good Spiritual who can help you get a car is awesome. 

[SilentJoy]

A good Spiritual Director is better than a car. A good Spiritual who can help you get a car is amesome. 

 

This is not just a car, but a Mustang. Do I have grounds for presuming it is red, or did I just make that part up?
 

[PhuturePriest]

This is not just a car, but a Mustang. Do I have grounds for presuming it is red, or did I just make that part up?
 

 

It's way better than red. It's bright yellow with freaking awesome black stripes. The interior is absolutely amazing, too. The seats are leather and black and yellow.

[SilentJoy]

It's way better than red. It's bright yellow with freaking amesome black stripes. The interior is absolutely amazing, too. The seats are leather and black and yellow.

I agree that this is way better than red.

[Anselm]

This is my car:

[SilentJoy]

This is my car:

 

That's nice. Now, if it was yellow with stripes, it might be REALLY cool... :smile3:
 

[PhuturePriest]

I agree that this is way better than red.

 

As my spiritual director said this morning, yellow is way better than red. It's so much more noticeable when you drive it because it's lighter.

 

However, there are some problems with how we're going to be able to pay it, so pray. :P

[SilentJoy]

[PhuturePriest]

 

That's the exact model, except the black paint is slightly different on mine.

[NotreDame]

Honest question: what is spiritual direction, then?

 

Good question.  Sr Marie, can you tackle this one for us?
 

[Sister Marie]

Good question.  Sr Marie, can you tackle this one for us?
 

 

Honestly, I can try, but its an experience I don't know one can understand until he or she has experienced it.  Right now, I can give you my own flimsy personal experience that may not be in the right words and then... if you give me some time.. I can try to gather some more formal resources.

 

So, first, the flimsy personal experience :).  Spiritual direction is about creating a space where God's actions in one's life can be examined, discerned, and acted upon.  This space is free from judgments about good or bad emotions (aka anger isn't "bad" and happy isn't "good" - both are ways that lead to understanding what God is doing in one's life).  Friends, parents, siblings, teachers, sisters, priests, and many others are able to offer advice on the spiritual life and on our own life circumstances - and that's wonderful - but advice isn't the primary aim of spiritual direction.  It's more about finding the threads of God's voice in the tapestry of our lives, challenging our self, growing in Christ, learning the way God is calling us to relate to God, and seeing our lives through the eyes of God.

 

For example - I have been discerning a big decision for about six months.  Some of the things my spiritual director has done have been; asking me to visualize where I am with God and this decision right now, inviting me to see both the blessings and the shadow sides of the decision I've been discerning, providing me with possible outcomes and asking me how I feel and how I would react to these outcomes, discussing the fruit of the discernment regardless of the decision ("If I don't do this, I know I have learned..., If I do do this, I know...").  There are times when this discussion is painful because I have to face myself in a very honest and stark light while I look at my shortcomings, my faults, and my sinfulness and at other times it has been like a light in the darkness, the only thing that has kept me faithful on the path to God and the intense light that reveals all things.

 

My spiritual director is a trained religious sister from another congregation.  Do I agree with her point of view on everything?  No... but I don't have to.  She's like a mirror for me of how I am taking God in my life and how God is seeing me.  She points out threads in my life I could have never seen from my point of view.  She suggests things that need further prayer and attention after listening to me.  She encourages and challenges me in a way that is void of any gain on her part and she is completely impartial as to my decisions because she has no motivation to be any other way.  She rarely gives me any advice besides "pay attention to..."

 

I'm going to search through some of my things for a more formal and thorough example of spiritual direction for all of you because it is definitely both a science and an art and, in my opinion, does require training.  

[thepiaheart]

There are a few little tidbits that I want to throw out there, as things that I've learned academically, in what the Church provides about spiritual director (i.e., the earliest excerpt posted from Garrigou-Lagrange), and a very long, intense search for the right director, which resulted only after many, many "dates" with potential directors, many, many conversations with good priest & religious friends, etc.

 

1. Do not speak about spiritual direction if you aren't qualified to speak of spiritual direction--which would be almost all of us. Just because you've had a positive experience in "spiritual direction" doesn't mean (a) that what you're undergoing spiritual direction at its heart, (b) that your spiritual director is qualified for or capable of spiritual direction, and (c) that you're not, possibly, being in some way stilted or limited by that which unfolds in your spiritual direction. Here prayer is a necessity: to pray always, passionately, for the right and for a good spiritual director, as St. Teresa always prayed. And to be honest with the work of the Holy Spirit; if direction ever leaves a certain restless distaste in your heart, not the discomfort of honesty or painful changes, something in direction is sorely wrong.

 

2. There are many traditions of spiritual direction, and those traditions vary widely. A significant portion of it is a natural thing--where one's temperament lies, etc.--but it is also to a large extent a supernatural thing--the way in which God will shape a particular person, especially if that person enters religious life within a particular tradition.

 

3. The spiritual director must be very learned, experienced (there are things that are impossible to know without experience, period), and orthodox. Trust nobody else. Learning & orthodoxy are always to be judged by the Church/the Magisterium. St. Teresa prefers learning & orthodoxy before she prefers the priest's own personal experience and prayer. Ideally, he would pray deeply, too. 

 

Blessings to each of you, especially if you are looking. It's not an easy thing these days.

Edited March 26, 2014 by thepiaheart

[chrysostom]

Question:  do you ever feel it matters if you can't meet with your spiritual director face-to-face for an extended period of time (but you can call)?  Any positive/negative experiences along those lines?

[Feankie]

Okay, I guess it's time for me to chime in just a bit. Yes, I am a trained spiritual director who has taken the required coursework, done the practicum, holds a BA in theology, a MA in pastoral theology, and a D.Min.  It's difficult if I can't see my directees face to face.  All things are important for a director to take into account -body language, facial expressions, etc. I keep a lot of "tactile stuff" in my office for directees to "play with."  It's often helped someone to really open up when they are kneading a lump of clay! I've found that people can try to "bluff" their way around an issue if they can talk about it over the phone --- in person it's not so easy.  There are so many "tells".  So I recommend you see your director in person unless it's absolutely necessary for you to call instead.  Some of my friends who are S.D's never use the phone at all.I'm a bit more flexible.  I see my directees for 45 minutes to 1 hour, once or twice a month depending on their schedules.  

[thepiaheart]

Question:  do you ever feel it matters if you can't meet with your spiritual director face-to-face for an extended period of time (but you can call)?  Any positive/negative experiences along those lines?

 

I think person-to-person is critical--for exactly the reasons Francis Clare mentions. My spiritual director always, without fail, catches either onto something that I said or the way that I said it--to direct my attention to something I wasn't conscious of. That, and in our particular relationship, his paternity and tenderness have been critical to my healing--and that manifests itself in our physical presence to each other.

 

That said, we have spoken on the phone when necessary; different, but still helpful, though in a different way--sometimes I think the most helpful thing, at least immediately felt, in my spiritual direction is the love that I receive from him. I don't, however, encourage it, and I think monthly/regular direction in person is key to growth, if one is in a place where spiritual direction is necessary for or conducive to it.

Edited March 27, 2014 by thepiaheart