Why Get Married

[add]

it seams like most young couples today don't care or are afraid to commit.

 

how has birth-control damaged families and the institution of holy matrimony?

[southern california guy]

This is a good question.  I think that on a certain level birth-control has been a bit dehumanizing of women.  You make love to a woman without birth-control and you can get her pregnant and suddenly have the responsibilities of children to support.  With birth-control (including abortion) the babies and the consequences are suddenly gone.  Sex no longer has the connection between child bearing and a committed relationship -- and it is now about recreation.  She becomes an object.  The "sexual revolution".

 

At least this is my opinion.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

I don't think it's a fear to commit because of birth control, but more because of the change in society due to education. Women are going to college and university and are seeking higher degrees. Men are, to a certain extent, as well. Further education means many couples put off marriage because of rising student loans and later not being able to find jobs. People in general are just waiting longer to marry-- my parents married over 30 years ago and they were 28 and 32 respectively. 

 

Despite the evidence that marriage lowers poverty rates, many poorer women do not marry for due to the idea that the men around them are not "marriageable." They feel that the men wouldn't work, and just be an extra mouth to feed, therefore being an extra stressor. It's not so much because of birth control, but because it's better for them economically to NOT be married. 

[arfink]

I understand just from anecdotes of my grandmother that during the Great Depression people also largely put off marriage. I think the biggest thing is economic, especially considering that the largest number of divorces cite money problems as the main or one of the main reasons for divorcing.

[Lilllabettt]

the reason is that nowadays many boys do not become men until relatively late in life (30s, 40s).

 

[truthfinder]

the reason is that nowadays many boys do not become men until relatively late in life (30s, 40s).

 

By the same token, there are many girls who don't want to grow up and be responsible adults either.

[Lilllabettt]

By the same token, there are many girls who don't want to grow up and be responsible adults either.

 

that's true, but I believe by any objective measure the situation with young men is worse. If for no other reason that women have a biological clock., the ticking of which can mature them quite rapidly. But I think western culture has also infantilized men in a particular way.

[truthfinder]

that's true, but I believe by any objective measure the situation with young men is worse. If for no other reason that women have a biological clock., the ticking of which can mature them quite rapidly. But I think western culture has also infantilized men in a particular way.

I agree with you; I only wanted to make sure that this problem wasn't solely dumped on guys.

[Just a Skosh]

it seams like most young couples today don't care or are afraid to commit.

 

how has birth-control damaged families and the institution of holy matrimony?

 

Asking this question on this forum = Like throwing batting practice to Albert Pujols (he's a really really really good baseball player)...
 

[add]

Asking this question on this forum = Like throwing batting practice to Albert Pujols (he's a really really really good baseball player)...

Let's see you hit this one out of the park

[Fidei Defensor]

I think many view formal marriage as unnecessary if they're comfortable living together and don't feel compelled to make anything "official."

[southern california guy]

I think many view formal marriage as unnecessary if they're comfortable living together and don't feel compelled to make anything "official."

 

That is true.  There is no shortage of people living together.  People I have known lived together but waited -- until they were ready to have kids -- to get married.

[Jaime]

civil marriage has laid waste to marriage.  It's cheapened it so much that no one can see the values of it.  People no longer see why a vow is different than a promise.  Why a sacrament is different than a civil arrangement. 

 

Also people's view of being in love is totally selfish.  Few see being in love as being in service to someone else to honor Christ. 

[AugustineA]

Most of the reasons above seem valid. 

 

It's a slap in the face to say that guys these days are just boys who don't become men until later. Go out on a Friday night and for every short sighted drunken 25 year old man baby there's a short sighted drunken girl acting her shoe size, often expecting to get taken care of but super proud she can't cook or organize a budget. 

 

If you're expecting to find a young person who owns a university degree, mortgage, car, good credit, career opportunities, and is also a practicing Catholic interested in having babies and not only fits your bill of attraction but also finds you attractive, and clicks with your personality, yeah it's not gonna be easy. And that goes for guys and girls. 

 

 

[add]

As I look around, I see more and more young girls, in their early teens, giving away the precious gift of their virginity at younger and younger ages to less and less desirable men. Which leads me to the question of, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for nothing?".

[Basilisa Marie]

As I look around, I see more and more young girls, in their early teens, giving away the precious gift of their virginity at younger and younger ages to less and less desirable men. Which leads me to the question of, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for nothing?".

 

Because women are livestock, and men have no precious gift? I mean, just think through that line of reasoning. It basically implies that men want sex more than anything else, and that women should withhold sex in order to trap them in marriage before giving up the one thing that makes them valuable. Really I just hate that whole metaphor, but that's my own personal ax to grind. :) 

 

However, I definitely agree that the popularity of premarital sex does have an impact on marriage. People have been having premarital sex since the dawn of time, though sex really got separated from babies with the advent of modern birth control. If a couple is already having sex, that's one more thing that wouldn't change after they get married. I mean, if they're already living together, sharing finances, chores, intimacy...what's the point of throwing a really, really expensive party if nothing's going to change? 

 

The biggest two secular reasons I see around me are that the couple has decided that they're ready to have kids, so getting married signifies that they're finally ready to "settle down" and start a family in that respect.  The second reason is that our culture is getting better and better at manufacturing this idea that a wedding is the bride's "special day" where everything is supposed to be perfect and she's the absolute center of attention. Who cares about the marriage - they've already established that nothing's changing in their lives except maybe kids, and if it doesn't work out there's divorce for that. What really matters is the wedding. 

So for people (especially women) who buy into having sex and living together before marriage, but don't buy into the big fat selfish party agenda peddled by the wedding industry, there really isn't much incentive to get married at all. I've even overheard some couples talking about getting divorced...for tax reasons. 

[Lilllabettt]

It's a slap in the face to say that guys these days are just boys who don't become men until later.

 

I know. Reality bites. But its still reality.

 

On the neuro side we know the typical male brain reaches full maturity like 10 years after the typical female brain. On the psych side we know that men occupy the new "pre-adulthood" developmental stage like 5-8 years longer than women. 

 

Too lazy at the moment to look up the research, google if you're interested.

[southern california guy]

 

The biggest two secular reasons I see around me are that the couple has decided that they're ready to have kids, so getting married signifies that they're finally ready to "settle down" and start a family in that respect.  The second reason is that our culture is getting better and better at manufacturing this idea that a wedding is the bride's "special day" where everything is supposed to be perfect and she's the absolute center of attention. Who cares about the marriage - they've already established that nothing's changing in their lives except maybe kids, and if it doesn't work out there's divorce for that. What really matters is the wedding. 

So for people (especially women) who buy into having sex and living together before marriage, but don't buy into the big fat selfish party agenda peddled by the wedding industry, there really isn't much incentive to get married at all. I've even overheard some couples talking about getting divorced...for tax reasons. 

 

I agree.  I have known people who held off getting married -- for years -- because they didn't have the money or time for the sort of grand wedding that they wanted to hold.  And I think that honestly the idea of a grand wedding was even a little overwhelming to them.

[AugustineA]

I know. Reality bites. But its still reality.

 

On the neuro side we know the typical male brain reaches full maturity like 10 years after the typical female brain. On the psych side we know that men occupy the new "pre-adulthood" developmental stage like 5-8 years longer than women. 

 

Too lazy at the moment to look up the research, google if you're interested.

 

I've participated in a masters study on the field, obviously this isn't my area of expertise, but I still have to call shenanigans. 

 

Kay M. Hymowitz coined the term pre-adulthood, and it's all sorts of problematic. The first problem is developing a theory based on the effects of cultural change, and either mixing it or ignoring biological development. To say that we "know" it is.. well.. not very scholastic. The second issue with her work, and by far the more damaging, is the subject of her survey. She seems to be targeting poor-lower middle income families with a bias towards African American families, while in the market to create stereotypes to serve her thesis. She recently noted in the wall street journal that middle class Caucasian families have increasing marital rates.

 

As for the neuro science, which we can know. The idea that we have some ideal mark of development that we can trace male and female development along is antiquated. A fully developed woman will often have much greater skill at manipulating and employing language abilities, but at 12 years old will often still have the math skills of an 8 year old boy. Just do a search for WebMD archive, how female and male brains differ. 

 

At the end of the day, none of this stuff will get you a spouse, but it's interesting. 

[Lilllabettt]

I've participated in a masters study on the field, obviously this isn't my area of expertise, but I still have to call shenanigans. 

 

Kay M. Hymowitz coined the term pre-adulthood, and it's all sorts of problematic. The first problem is developing a theory based on the effects of cultural change, and either mixing it or ignoring biological development. To say that we "know" it is.. well.. not very scholastic. The second issue with her work, and by far the more damaging, is the subject of her survey. She seems to be targeting poor-lower middle income families with a bias towards African American families, while in the market to create stereotypes to serve her thesis. She recently noted in the wall street journal that middle class Caucasian families have increasing marital rates.

 

As for the neuro science, which we can know. The idea that we have some ideal mark of development that we can trace male and female development along is antiquated. A fully developed woman will often have much greater skill at manipulating and employing language abilities, but at 12 years old will often still have the math skills of an 8 year old boy. Just do a search for WebMD archive, how female and male brains differ. 

 

At the end of the day, none of this stuff will get you a spouse, but it's interesting. 

 

***nvm

 

***edit
 

Edited March 30, 2014 by Lilllabettt