Prayers, Please! May Be Signing Out Of Vocation Station...

[Ancilla Domini]

So, as most of you know, I'm not really very active on VS. I post a lot on other parts of the phorum, but have been quiet when it comes to Vocation Station. However, as some of you know, I have been discerning a religious-vocation; in fact, it was because of VS that I joined Phatmass in the first place. In the past year, my discernment has made a complete 180º. I've gone from being so sure of my religious vocation that I was figuring out the best visit times to the Benedictines of Mary and trying to convince my mom to let me skip college and enter immediately after high-school to having second thoughts...like, serious second thoughts. At first I told myself that I was just experiencing the doubts/temptations that many discerners have, but then I started thinking, doing spiritual reading, and praying like there was no tomorrow, and I've come to be about 95% sure that I am not called to a religious vocation but to marriage. But my decision is by no means final yet, and although I am quite positive, I'm still not completely sure of myself, and I'm still trying to discern which way God is calling me to serve him.

I'd like to ask all of you, wonderful, holy people that you are, to pray to Our Lord for me that I understand what it is that He wishes me to do. After discerning the religious-life as long as I have been, this is a very hard change for me to make in my life, and of course, I want to know that I've made the right decision. "If you are what you should be, then you will set the world on fire." - Catherine of Siena

 

In Corde Matris,

 

– a very bewildered 'Cilla

[SilentJoy]

Hugs sweet 'Cilla!

[Spem in alium]

Peace to you and prayers, 'Cilla! :)

[Not A Mallard]

I hope you find your vocation!

 

Though I went a retreat this weekend and the theme was about not being afraid to do what God asks of you.  I'm fixated on marriage right now, but this post kind of scared me even after the retreat.

Edited September 29, 2014 by Not A Mallard

[brandelynmarie]

Many prayers Cilla. :pray: Wait in openness on the Lord...trusting that the journey, through winding & unknown paths, will draw you to Him if you continually seek Him. :) He loves you & will lead you to where you can be most "you". Don't rush anything. Pray & wait while you seek...sounds crazy, doesn't it? :hehe2:

[BarbTherese]

Prayers for you, 'Cilla - and yes, my hugs too.  God bless and keep discerning prayerfully - it can be a rough and long sort of path sometimes - not always, just sometimes.

 

Barb :)

[Jennifer]

Many prayers for you Cilla. I'm sure that with His help you will fin your vocation. 

God Bless you       :pray: :pray:

[Lady-Indis]

Praying for you too! :)

[Filumena]

Marriage is a vocation too so I think there is no need to stop posting in vocation station. I'm pretty sure there are married people who read and post here and singles too. Observe and maybe write down when you find something that attracts you or makes you feel happy and secure/loved/valued and then later ask yourself do these things sound realistic and do-able? If they don't, then you are not ready to make a choice yet and that is ok! 18 is an arbitrary number set by our society because of graduation. You can wait as long as you want in God's time. I'm not good at getting the mood across but I mean for this post to be kind and encouraging.

[PhuturePriest]

You should stay in Vocation Station so long as you keep propping my posts. If not, there's not really a point in you staying here. However, that applies to everyone, not just you.

 

In other serious matters, don't freak out too much. A few years ago I had an experience that made me 100% certain I wasn't called to religious life and that I was called to marriage, and I was certain of that for about a year. If you had told me I would be back to discerning ever again in any sort of substantial way, I would have said you were wrong, and that I had definitely discerned out of it. I was head over heels for a girl and I was certain we were going to get married... and now we're no longer speaking to each other and I'm having talks with religious communities and seminaries. Quite recently, I was certain I was going to enter a religious community, no question about it. And now all of the sudden due to a crazy idea I had at three in the morning, I'm suddenly in charge of creating and leading a group of Knights that swear unwavering loyalty to the Church and upholding the dignity of women. Don't try to plan your life out now or say you're 90% sure of this or that, because we just don't know. The only things you know with 100% certainty that you're not called to are hell and the priesthood. Everything else is up for grabs, really.

Edited September 30, 2014 by FuturePacker

[truthfinder]

Marriage is a vocation too so I think there is no need to stop posting in vocation station. I'm pretty sure there are married people who read and post here and singles too. Observe and maybe write down when you find something that attracts you or makes you feel happy and secure/loved/valued and then later ask yourself do these things sound realistic and do-able? If they don't, then you are not ready to make a choice yet and that is ok! 18 is an arbitrary number set by our society because of graduation. You can wait as long as you want in God's time. I'm not good at getting the mood across but I mean for this post to be kind and encouraging.

The great and powerful Dust has ruled in the past that the VS is a place for religious vocations, not marriage (use the other boards for this).  That doesn't mean that Ancilla should leave VS unless she truly wants to.  

 

Ancilla, have you actually visited any convent and spent time there? I'm not clear on that from your post.  I wouldn't outright dismiss a religious vocation until you did, unless a spiritual director has specifically told you otherwise.

[BarbTherese]

Surely to goodness, those who are unsure of their vocation and discerning and considering marriage and also religious life should be able to post into this vocation forum and discuss both vocations.  If such discerners are hurried and shushed away to other forums, it would be most discouraging and even problematic to my way of thought.  Although the mighty dUst makes the rules, I know......not me.  I have never understood, must confess, why the vocations forum is named thus but then confined to only discussion on religious life and the priesthood.  Where would this leave those discerning for one?

[BarbTherese]

A spiritual director is an excellent suggestion indeed, 'Cilla - and I am hoping that you have one! Prayers for you continue. 

[Ancilla Domini]

Thanks so much for the prayers, everyone! I've not completely turned down the possibility that God might be calling me to the religious life, but I'm pretty positive that my life is going in this direction. But thank you for the prayers, as I will need them either way this pans out. :)

 

Ancilla, have you actually visited any convent and spent time there? I'm not clear on that from your post.  I wouldn't outright dismiss a religious vocation until you did, unless a spiritual director has specifically told you otherwise.

 

I have not visited any convents that I am interested in, yet, although I have volunteered a number of times at various convents. I still feel I'd like to visit to actually experience the life, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm not going to completely abandon the religious-life, though, until I visit a convent (the Benedictines of Mary) ; I'm sure of that.

 

A spiritual director is an excellent suggestion indeed, 'Cilla - and I am hoping that you have one! Prayers for you continue. 

 

I do not have a spiritual directer, Barbara. I would love to have one, and I know it would be very helpful to me, but it hasn't happened yet. :pray:

[BarbTherese]

'Cilla - you can always contact the Vocations Director in your diocesan offices and have a talk with her (it is usually a nun for women, priest for the men).  Most diocesan offices too I think have a list of spiritual directors - just ring the diocese and ask if they do and to send the list out to you.  From there you can ring them (it is usually their name and title if they have one, plus their telephone number) - and do be aware that lay people now are sometimes trained in spiritual direction and can make great directors.  If you should get this list, don't feel that you are committed to the first one you contact.........ok to shop around on the list! :)

Sometimes too religious orders of priests and brothers or nuns and sisters sometimes undertake spiritual direction.  Simply ring and ask if they do.

 

God's richest blessing on your discernment......stay in the discerning journey despite the hiccups and twists and turns if they come along, won't you (which I feel that you will!).  Prayer for you will continue from me and I am sure other members too.

 

God bless....hugs.....Barb :)

[BarbTherese]

The other thing is that remember with religious life, discerning and the discerning journey continues through aspirancy, postulancy and then the noviciate up to Final Vows.  You are not committed at all the moment you knock on their door and ask about them, even if you decide to do a live-in.  It is all part of discerning and the discerning journey.  With marriage it is probably courtship and then the engagement.

Nuns and religious sisters are very happy people most often, delightful people..........and they are not on their knees 24x7, not even in monastic contemplative life.  Ok to ask all the questions you have of religious and their way of life and they are usually very happy to respond........and before any sort of considering, even a live-in for a few weeks to get a taste of the life.

I am hoping that you will be able to find a spiritual director and very soon and this will be an intention of mine for you.  This, I think, is the best way to start out or continue on a discerning journey and perhaps most especially if one is unsure or even somewhat unsure about which road and direction to take.  The important thing re vocation and where one is being called is to remember that all roads lead to God.

 

I did read somewhere or other that very often it is the one who is convinced they have a religious vocation that prove not to have one (not always mind you!) and those that are very shaky and unsure initially are the ones who seem to stay.

Edited October 1, 2014 by BarbaraTherese

[Poverelli]

Praying for your intention!

[Ancilla Domini]

I wrote to Sister Scholastica of the Benedictines of Mary, (the order I am/was interested in) telling her about everything that was going on with me and asking if I could still visit, to be sure, and she said (among other things, of course) that she was afraid that she couldn't let me come and visit unless I am quite sure of my calling to the religious life, since they have very limited space. :unsure: So, I'm not exactly sure what to do...there aren't any other convents that I've really interested in, and I know that if I'm to be sure whether I am or am not called somewhere, I need to visit. But visiting any convent other than the Benedictines is not going to help me in that respect...soo.... :unsure: Thoughts?

 

In Corde Matris,

 

– Cilla

[puellapaschalis]

Go visit.

 

Here's my reasoning: you're attracted enough to OSB life (which of course is the best order there is but don't tell the Carmelites here that) that you got in touch with her. So there's that.

 

As to timing: offer Christ, before anyone or anything else, the wholeness and entirety of your heart and devotion and life. If He would rather you do something else, He will make that clear. But give Him first "refusal" (not that He ever would, but you understand the concept I'm getting at I hope).

[totustuus20]

Perhaps something to try would be going to a general vocations retreat to try to determine whether or not you have a vocation to the religious life before visiting with a specific order? The only trouble would be that usually these retreats are sponsored by specific orders and tend to be for people who are discerning with a specific order. I am sure there is something though. If you can't find one of those, obviously turn to prayer, the sacraments and spiritual direction (though you should do those whether or not you go to a retreat). Spend some quiet time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and just wait. He will make the answer known, in His timing.