Young Searcher Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I just want to share this not so important thing . I don' t know what's with me but everytime I meet a seminarian,even if he's not that good-looking, there's this tiny pinch in my heart. It's too silly but this is how I really feel. I easily got turned on to them, maybe because of their qualities they're so nice, God-fearing, smart, clean, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 So like, when I was in college there were a few girls who, ugh, had particular friendships with a few seminarians. Those seminarians didn't stay seminarians long. Sometimes we had an unkind name for those people. So sure, crushes like these can be perfectly innocent or whatever, but they're not great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Be careful about those. It is hard for you, and unfortunately a lot of seminarians like the attention more than they should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think it would be fine for an interested woman to try to pull a seminarian into the vocation of Marriage instead. You are not a priest until you are a priest. And just because one has started the process does not necessarily mean that becoming a priest is God's will. Is there anything that the Church has said about that though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think it would be fine for an interested woman to try to pull a seminarian into the vocation of Marriage instead. You are not a priest until you are a priest. And just because one has started the process does not necessarily mean that becoming a priest is God's will. Is there anything that the Church has said about that though? Vocations, especially ones that involve celibacy, are delicate things. In formation stages in particular they're mere sparks that could become a good, solid flame, or could just as easily die out...regardless of whether the 'vocation' is 'true' or not. What I mean is that it is very possible for a true vocation to be lost along the way by (amongst other things) romantic distraction. As such, formators must tread a fine line between allowing novices/seminarians enough interaction with the outside world so that they don't become total recluses, and ensuring their (potential) vocations are protected and not unnecessarily endangered. In short, no it is not fine for "an interested woman to try to pull a seminatian into the vocation of Marriage". If the vocation is not a priestly one then that will be figured out along the way simply by the course of seminary life (encompassing studies, community living and spiritual guidance). OP: attractions are fine, but like so much, must be purified before it can be fruitful*. So in that timeless phrase, my advice would be to offer it up. *stop sniggering about 'being fruitful' at the back. Yes, I mean you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think it would be fine for an interested woman to try to pull a seminarian into the vocation of Marriage instead. You are not a priest until you are a priest. And just because one has started the process does not necessarily mean that becoming a priest is God's will. Is there anything that the Church has said about that though? No, it's not fine, it usually ends badly for everyone. I've seen it happen, multiple times. In my anecdotal observation, the ones who discern out of seminary but later end up happily married aren't the same ones who discern out of seminary because he wants to date someone who's going after seminarians. I mean think about it - would people be okay with men harassing women who are postulants? I don't think so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Vocations, especially ones that involve celibacy, are delicate things. In formation stages in particular they're mere sparks that could become a good, solid flame, or could just as easily die out...regardless of whether the 'vocation' is 'true' or not. What I mean is that it is very possible for a true vocation to be lost along the way by (amongst other things) romantic distraction. As such, formators must tread a fine line between allowing novices/seminarians enough interaction with the outside world so that they don't become total recluses, and ensuring their (potential) vocations are protected and not unnecessarily endangered. In short, no it is not fine for "an interested woman to try to pull a seminatian into the vocation of Marriage". If the vocation is not a priestly one then that will be figured out along the way simply by the course of seminary life (encompassing studies, community living and spiritual guidance). OP: attractions are fine, but like so much, must be purified before it can be fruitful*. So in that timeless phrase, my advice would be to offer it up. *stop sniggering about 'being fruitful' at the back. Yes, I mean you. Yeah. I think that makes sense. You don't want to actively encourage someone to NOT pursue becoming a priest who seems to have chosen to go along that path. How about the opposite? Let's say that a young man is in a committed courtship. Is he then "hands off" as far as priests or others who might otherwise want to encourage him to pursue priesthood? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritasluxmea Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I just want to share this not so important thing . I don' t know what's with me but everytime I meet a seminarian,even if he's not that good-looking, there's this tiny pinch in my heart. It's too silly but this is how I really feel. I easily got turned on to them, maybe because of their qualities they're so nice, God-fearing, smart, clean, etc. There's nothing wrong with just feeling an attraction, welcome to being human lol. Classy men are attractive! In that situation I just dismiss it and move on which hasn't been to hard for me. If that's not an option or it becomes a problem, sever all ties and politely distance yourself immediately. No, it's really not ok to try and lure someone into marriage. He needs to pick his vocation away from your influence. He has obviously chosen to date the priesthood for the moment. He's taken. You wouldn't try and lure him away from another women, would you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julianneoflongbeach Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I experienced similar attractions to priests and family men when I was younger. Don't think I ever came across any seminarians. I discerned later it wasn't the men themselves in particular that were attracting me but the inherent goodness of their vocations and how they emulated Christ (whom I did fall in love with). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Yeah. I think that makes sense. You don't want to actively encourage someone to NOT pursue becoming a priest who seems to have chosen to go along that path. How about the opposite? Let's say that a young man is in a committed courtship. Is he then "hands off" as far as priests or others who might otherwise want to encourage him to pursue priesthood? Vocation directors don't typically try to recruit men in committed relationships. I think parish priests don't do that either. Normally, the candidate makes the first move to contact the vocation director - of his own free will. Perhaps in response to an ad, a video, an invitation, but VD's don't actively 'cut in' on the couple. And the OP has never done that - she just feels a tiny pinch in her heart. Which is cute. And it's fine to feel how you feel. But people who make decisions - to marry, to join a religious community, or to be ordained - need to decide of their own free will. In an ideal world, we'd all be independent, resilient, self-determining people who decide everything of our own free will. But a lot of people - especially younger people - are yet completely independent and self-determining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 No, it's not fine, it usually ends badly for everyone. I've seen it happen, multiple times. In my anecdotal observation, the ones who discern out of seminary but later end up happily married aren't the same ones who discern out of seminary because he wants to date someone who's going after seminarians. I mean think about it - would people be okay with men harassing women who are postulants? I don't think so. What?! I hit on nuns all the time. Where else can a man find a good Catholic woman nowadays? J/K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 So like, when I was in college there were a few girls who, ugh, had particular friendships with a few seminarians. Those seminarians didn't stay seminarians long. Sometimes we had an unkind name for those people. So sure, crushes like these can be perfectly innocent or whatever, but they're not great. Yeah, that's the reason I really dislike the Mount being used as a seminary. Of course guys have to learn how to handle seeing pretty girls and getting attention from them if they're going to be priests, but at some point seminarians are prone to think "Well, I'm not *technically* off the market yet..." whereas a priest obviously can't think along those lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Yeah, that's the reason I really dislike the Mount being used as a seminary. Of course guys have to learn how to handle seeing pretty girls and getting attention from them if they're going to be priests, but at some point seminarians are prone to think "Well, I'm not *technically* off the market yet..." whereas a priest obviously can't think along those lines. Well, the Mount only became CoEd in the seventies, and the seminary was there waaaaaaaaay before that. And if they weren't finding it in college girls they'd find a townie - there are similar problems at other places. Honestly when I was there it seemed like they do a really good job of teaching them to foster healthy relationships, with strict rules for younger pre theology students and then deacons serving as chaplains of all the sports teams (include womens!). They only share electives with women when they're much further along in their formation, and undergrads have to get special permission to take an elective at the seminary. The seminary's on the opposite end of campus from the dorms, and they mostly eat in another dining hall. The Mount forms some pretty incredible priests (as well as some average and below average ones, like all seminaries). A lot of us undergrads did have a favorite seminarian or two, though, somewhat along the lines that Young Searcher is talking about. As long as it doesn't go any farther than that, it's totally fine. Having a seminary on campus was pretty amesome. It's probably very unfeminist of me, but I have a much lower opinion of the women who turn themselves into formation issues than the sems who indulge them. It's incredibly disrespectful of someone to mess with their discernment process like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think it would be fine for an interested woman to try to pull a seminarian into the vocation of Marriage instead. You are not a priest until you are a priest. And just because one has started the process does not necessarily mean that becoming a priest is God's will. Is there anything that the Church has said about that though? Better before than after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Better before than after. Too broad a stroke for this discussion, especially as others have already nuanced things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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