any encouragement or prayers

[Gabriela]

I think of St. Augustine, too. Cuz I used to swim in sin. I don't generally regret those now, except for the occasional pang in the form of a kind of "vision" of what I did in my imagination. Then I feel ashamed. But it goes quickly, usually. And I typically tell myself it's just the stoopid devil trying to drag me down. Cuz I know I'm forgiven. And healed.

You should read the Confessions.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you everyone for the prayers and encouraging posts!! I'm really grateful you responded.  I'm trying to think about all that... Its a new day and the same thing continues. I can't seem to 'find' Jesus and there's this impression as if He doesn't want me as before. I tried everything that brought me closer to Him before (except Sacraments cause I can't yet) but its like He's silent. I think its either because of my (current) sins which I hope to confess on Thursday, or lack of trust on my part.

Even when I don't think of those old past sins I still feel that way. He doesn't seem to respond when I seek Him.. I'm going to just keep doing what I'm supposed to do and pray, do my duties, try to get to.the Sacraments, and maybe hopefully I can visit Him later today in the church... I can't go to Adoration sadly.  this is some sort of desolation and I feel like I've been so bad that Jesus isn't responding to me now. I know He loves me but I'm not sure why nothing is taking away this emptiness within. I hope to get to Confession and Mass soon  

Edited July 14, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[vee]

When Jesus seems to be silent I like to think of the story when He is asleep in the boat during the storm, try to let Him rest and dont panic

[MarysLittleFlower]

When Jesus seems to be silent I like to think of the story when He is asleep in the boat during the storm, try to let Him rest and dont panic

Haha yes I've thought of this too before... its a beautiful thought really. The worst part is fearing like He's hiding because of my sins and me being bad. Not just the desolation but the most probable explanation of it. It does show though that we only feel Jesus there when He wants that, and we have no power to make that happen at all! Some people experience desolation to offer it for others, etc, its humbling to think that for me its more likely to just be my sins. Shows how much pride I have that I need to be taught that lesson 

 

Edited July 14, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[vee]

Jesus is the good shepherd, he seeks out the lost sheep and brings them back to the fold where they belong. He certainly doesn't hide from them no matter what they did. He came specifically to save us from ourselves from our sins never to shun us.   our ransom is His blood, He has given everything for us for Each of us as if no other person existed.   be thankful instead of thinking of shunning

[Feankie]

Jesus is ALWAYS with us, whether we recognize Him or not.  Why would Jesus not be with someone who has sinned?  Didn't he dine with tax collectors and other reprobates?  MLF, we ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God.  But the good news is the Lord said he will be with us and never forsake us.

Even if we are experiencing spiritual desolation, that does not mean Jesus has abandoned us.  He is not aways "touchy feely".  The Holy Spirit dwells within each of us....and is he not part of the Trinity?!  Another Scripture that comes immediately to mind is Be still and know that I am God.  I am with you till the end of the age. (Not in correct Biblical order, but you can see where I'm going).  No, He never leaves us nor forsakes us nor is He hiding from us, even if we have sins we think are too horrible and awful for Him to reveal Himself to us.  Just rest in the knowledge that He is with you always, at all times, in all situations.  As a SD I would encourage a directee with these feelings to visit the Blessed Sacrament, acknowledge to Him that yes, you are a sinner, but yes, He forgives ALL sins.  Let it go!!!!!  If you have not sacramentally been forgiven, then by all means do it.  Let me assure you priests have heard it all and nothing shocks or repulses them.  I will pray for you.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you! I know Jesus doesn't leave us in desolation... We just don't feel Him but He is there. But there is this trial I don't understand where you have an interior impression like as if Jesus has left. Of course He hasn't and He can allow trials if He wants... He knows why... So His Will be done! But its a very strong feeling. Since I sin a lot I thought - He's hiding because I've sinned to make me repent more - still doing this with love and to help me.. But that strange impression of Him being turned away is still there. I guess if you still felt His love it wouldn't be a trial... 

Its strange but later during the day He sort of "came back" without me doing anything at all... Of course He never left in the first place! I don't know how to understand it. I feel better now though... I guess many things I just won't understand here on earth I'm sure desolation is allowed for some reason... And it does help to love Him more because then the soul seeks Him. I'll talk about this to my SD when I can.. I still need to deal with healing about my past too though. 

Edited July 14, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[BarbTherese]

Prayers that the Holy Spirit will help you.

Those things are not from God, dont dwell on them at all.  Perhaps some reading of St Ignatius and times of consolation desolation etc will help you.  Basically just ignore that junk, those thoughts, and continue doing good.  Youve been washed in confession and thats left your soul whiter than snow, dont let the devil tell you otherwise. 

Once the devil has robbed one of Peace, there is so much more disruption that ancient scourge can cause and will strive with focus to do so. 

Excellent that Vee has raised the subject of Ignatian Spirituality and Discernment. Here is a link from the Ignatian Spirituality website:

Ignatian Discernment of Spirits in a Nutshell

Valuable Articles on Various Related Subjects to Discernment

 

Haha yes I've thought of this too before... its a beautiful thought really. The worst part is fearing like He's hiding because of my sins and me being bad. Not just the desolation but the most probable explanation of it. It does show though that we only feel Jesus there when He wants that, and we have no power to make that happen at all! Some people experience desolation to offer it for others, etc, its humbling to think that for me its more likely to just be my sins. Shows how much pride I have that I need to be taught that lesson 

 

No matter what you feel, MLF, your Faith tells you that your feelings are wrong.  No matter where our feelings might be, we know that Jesus does not withdraw consolation because of past confessed sins - in fact after a Good Confession, Jesus has not only fully forgiven but fully forgotten.  Faith tells us this.

We are created feeling creatures and this is our natural state, while Faith is supernatural and transcends our nature.  It is not easy to strive to corral feelings, to be master of our feelings, by investing in Faith..........it's not easy but it can be done with Grace and Grace never fails us in good works.  It is a good work but an arduous work - a state of lack of consolation on the natural level.  It happens and quite frequently. 

Someone reminded us of Jesus asleep in the boat during a storm ........... and added something like, let Him sleep and don't panic.Nothing whatsoever to panic about Faith tells us and we know it is so - unless one's imagination runs amok.  This can happen too and rather frequently as well - and rather often.  Our imagination can be very powerful and very difficult indeed to master and keep in control - to not let it take flight.

[BarbTherese]

Thank you! I know Jesus doesn't leave us in desolation... We just don't feel Him but He is there. But there is this trial I don't understand where you have an interior impression like as if Jesus has left. Of course He hasn't and He can allow trials if He wants... He knows why... So His Will be done! But its a very strong feeling. Since I sin a lot I thought - He's hiding because I've sinned to make me repent more - still doing this with love and to help me.. But that strange impression of Him being turned away is still there. I guess if you still felt His love it wouldn't be a trial... 

Its strange but later during the day He sort of "came back" without me doing anything at all... Of course He never left in the first place! I don't know how to understand it. I feel better now though... I guess many things I just won't understand here on earth I'm sure desolation is allowed for some reason... And it does help to love Him more because then the soul seeks Him. I'll talk about this to my SD when I can.. I still need to deal with healing about my past too though. 

First, we are never going to completely conquer sin on some level - we ARE sinners.  It's all about accepting ourselves as sinners and 'sighting' that the Love and Mercy of God is far greater than any sin at all.  When I was struggling with these things, I came to a place where I would think that my lack of confidence in The Lord's Love and Mercy was no way praising and thanking Him, rather something of an insult and spiritual pride to think that my failures and sinfulness were somehow more than The Lord's Love and Mercy.  And so one moves gradually from a focus on oneself to a focus on The Lord as He Is and with Praise and Thanksgiving.  That took very little time to type - far longer indeed to effect and at times a passage of difficulty and suffering.

On my last visit my SD said to me after Confession that as we draw closer to God what are really very little and minor things become huge - not because they are huge or serious in our fallen state as sinners, rather because we are 'sighting' something of the Great Glory of God in comparison to oneself.  This experience, however, if it is genuine, does not rob one of Peace rather it situates one nearer where one really is in relationship to God and with sorrow for one's own part in that distance through sin.

Secondly, we are going to be forever in a state of conversion.  A state when we see that something in our past needs to be repented of, to correct - this is our condition spiritually and part of our journey.

Jesus is always with us and always has very good reasons, we can be very sure of that - what we cannot be sure of is the why's of His reasons.  I came to terms with that during my illness and in Peace by letting go of needing to know why.  Stuff happens and no big deal thankfully and rather often too.

Good you will be seeing your SD soon - in August, I think you said. I hope and will pray that this will restore Peace in your soul.   When Jesus said

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, do I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.

..........He does not say "will give" or "shall give" - but "give" meaning that we have it already.  It is a gift that we have and should experience.  This does not mean at all lack of any suffering or pain for He tells us "not as the world gives" - but Peace of Soul in the midst of all and anything.

God bless 

[Lilllabettt]

MLF, have you read this book? I Believe in Love

If you haven't I will send it to you. I keep extra copies around and hand them out everywhere I go. Let me know.

[MarysLittleFlower]

MLF, have you read this book? I Believe in Love

If you haven't I will send it to you. I keep extra copies around and hand them out everywhere I go. Let me know.

i have it and I do love it very much :D that's cool you give them out! I think I should re-read mine. 

Once the devil has robbed one of Peace, there is so much more disruption that ancient scourge can cause and will strive with focus to do so. 

Excellent that Vee has raised the subject of Ignatian Spirituality and Discernment. Here is a link from the Ignatian Spirituality website:

Ignatian Discernment of Spirits in a Nutshell

Valuable Articles on Various Related Subjects to Discernment

 

No matter what you feel, MLF, your Faith tells you that your feelings are wrong.  No matter where our feelings might be, we know that Jesus does not withdraw consolation because of past confessed sins - in fact after a Good Confession, Jesus has not only fully forgiven but fully forgotten.  Faith tells us this.

We are created feeling creatures and this is our natural state, while Faith is supernatural and transcends our nature.  It is not easy to strive to corral feelings, to be master of our feelings, by investing in Faith..........it's not easy but it can be done with Grace and Grace never fails us in good works.  It is a good work but an arduous work - a state of lack of consolation on the natural level.  It happens and quite frequently. 

Someone reminded us of Jesus asleep in the boat during a storm ........... and added something like, let Him sleep and don't panic.Nothing whatsoever to panic about Faith tells us and we know it is so - unless one's imagination runs amok.  This can happen too and rather frequently as well - and rather often.  Our imagination can be very powerful and very difficult indeed to master and keep in control - to not let it take flight.

i agree about imagination... And of course we should rely on the faith yes what happened to me it didn't make me despair I think but it was just a strong feeling of "absense"... Which I agree isn't real absence. But I should have had more trust for sure. It started about past sins but as it progressed I wondered if it's because of new sins. I should have trusted that God still wants me close to Him though. 

 

First, we are never going to completely conquer sin on some level - we ARE sinners.  It's all about accepting ourselves as sinners and 'sighting' that the Love and Mercy of God is far greater than any sin at all.  When I was struggling with these things, I came to a place where I would think that my lack of confidence in The Lord's Love and Mercy was no way praising and thanking Him, rather something of an insult and spiritual pride to think that my failures and sinfulness were somehow more than The Lord's Love and Mercy.  And so one moves gradually from a focus on oneself to a focus on The Lord as He Is and with Praise and Thanksgiving.  That took very little time to type - far longer indeed to effect and at times a passage of difficulty and suffering.

On my last visit my SD said to me after Confession that as we draw closer to God what are really very little and minor things become huge - not because they are huge or serious in our fallen state as sinners, rather because we are 'sighting' something of the Great Glory of God in comparison to oneself.  This experience, however, if it is genuine, does not rob one of Peace rather it situates one nearer where one really is in relationship to God and with sorrow for one's own part in that distance through sin.

Secondly, we are going to be forever in a state of conversion.  A state when we see that something in our past needs to be repented of, to correct - this is our condition spiritually and part of our journey.

Jesus is always with us and always has very good reasons, we can be very sure of that - what we cannot be sure of is the why's of His reasons.  I came to terms with that during my illness and in Peace by letting go of needing to know why.  Stuff happens and no big deal thankfully and rather often too.

Good you will be seeing your SD soon - in August, I think you said. I hope and will pray that this will restore Peace in your soul.   When Jesus said

..........He does not say "will give" or "shall give" - but "give" meaning that we have it already.  It is a gift that we have and should experience.  This does not mean at all lack of any suffering or pain for He tells us "not as the world gives" - but Peace of Soul in the midst of all and anything.

God bless 

thats true this is why St Therese's little way is so good. I see what you mean about our littleness giving us peace and even joy... Because then God can be everything, and He takes care of us I think I need to grow in humility because like this time I was too upset over it. 

[AveMariaPurissima]

I second the recommendation to (re)read I Believe in Love.  It's one of the best, most helpful books I've ever had the blessing to read.

A couple months ago, when I myself was going through a period of desolation, I found this passage from I Believe in Love particularly helpful:

       And when Jesus conceals Himself during grievous interior trials such as dryness, aridity, anguish in darkness, when all the words of love, confidence, abandonment say nothing more to us, do not touch us, do not reach us anymore, what then?  What soul has not passed through these nights?

                It is then that we must push confidence to the extreme limits.  These trials are graces, because they are occasions for pure faith.  Pure love is realized in pure faith, and pure faith is realized in darkness in the same way as “strength is perfected in weakness.”  Profit, profit from these dark hours when your nature grieves, when your heart is cold, when you believe, wrongly, that Jesus is very far from you and even, perhaps, that He is turning His eyes away from you, because you see yourself to be so imperfect and wretched; profit from them to make heroic acts of faith and confidence out of pure will.  These are the most precious acts—they have immense merit because in those times they are acts of pure faith, without consolation and without sensible aid.

                That is the moment to say to Jesus, “ You may sleep in my boat; I shall not awaken You.  You are hiding Yourself, but I know well where You are hidden: You are in my heart.  I do not feel it, but I know it.  I believe in Your love for me and I believe in my love for You.”

[MarysLittleFlower]

Timed out... I was wondering something. I think this time I got upset about my sinfulness because I got afraid I can't be close to Him. This is sort of new... In the past I was just upset because it was humiliating, or later God helped me see He still loves me and its good to be little and weak with Him. Then He helped it to be a joyful thing. But I forget too easily... Now it made me upset again but for a new reason. I saw other souls who are better in my eyes and thought what if God wouldn't want me as close to Him. I mean its true I'll never be like Our Lady or all the Saints with more glory in Heaven. But I forgot that the little souls would be perfectly happy too. So how do we not think this way? How do we trust that God does want us close to Him even if one feels very sinful? I thought how God could bring good out of anything and even with my past I could then glorify His Mercy that He reached so low to me.

Edited July 15, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[BarbTherese]

MLF, it seems to me you are in a quite positive spiritual place, just finding the going rough.

Seems a post by superblue, MLF and I has been deleted while I was editing mine? The very strange happenings on Phatmass

 

Timed out... I was wondering something. I think this time I got upset about my sinfulness because I got afraid I can't be close to Him. This is sort of new... In the past I was just upset because it was humiliating, or later God helped me see He still loves me and its good to be little and weak with Him. Then He helped it to be a joyful thing. But I forget too easily... Now it made me upset again but for a new reason. I saw other souls who are better in my eyes and thought what if God wouldn't want me as close to Him. I mean its true I'll never be like Our Lady or all the Saints with more glory in Heaven. But I forgot that the little souls would be perfectly happy too. So how do we not think this way? How do we trust that God does want us close to Him even if one feels very sinful? I thought how God could bring good out of anything and even with my past I could then glorify His Mercy that He reached so low to me.

We pray for the Grace of trust and confidence and do our best in the meantime until and God grants us this Grace, which He surely and absolutely will if we persevere, putting no time limits on Him.

I tell The Lord that I am in the best of places, the best of all, to glorify His Mercy - because His Love and Mercy had to reach down so far to reach me and if His Love and Mercy can reach me, then it can reach anyone.  As Jesus told St Faustina that the greatest of sinners had the most right to His Mercy.

The further The Love and Mercy of Jesus must reach down, the greater it must surely be.  I used to get even more bold with Him and tell Him that He needed me - how else could He prove how Merciful He Is! (just as well He has a sense of humour).

Edited July 15, 2015 by BarbaraTherese

[MarysLittleFlower]

St Therese talked about that too :D 

Oh I think you mean the dreams and visions thread with Superblue! Maybe cause I keep posting on both and you too  

I'm glad Jesus helped me today because now there are some exterior trials. He knows what we can handle for sure! But I might not be able to get to Confession on thursday through no choice of my own and then for two weeks I won't be able to go again through no choice of my own I'm very sad and worried about this. I hate waiting but I may not have a choice. I'm very limited in how I can get around here. 

Edited July 15, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[BarbTherese]

St Therese talked about that too :D St Therese is my beloved patron saint.  Love the gal and her theology.

Oh I think you mean the dreams and visions thread with Superblue! Maybe cause I keep posting on both and you too   Yeah, you got it, my mistake again!  My son is always telling me "Mum, close some of these windows!"

I'm glad Jesus helped me today because now there are some exterior trials. He knows what we can handle for sure! In Faith, we know that He never ever sends more than we can bear - it only feels that He does.  But I might not be able to get to Confession on thursday through no choice of my own and then for two weeks I won't be able to go again through no choice of my own I'm very sad and worried about this. I hate waiting but I may not have a choice. I'm very limited in how I can get around here. Tell Jesus you are sorry - then trust and know in Faith that you are forgiven because He knows that you have formed a firm intention to go to Confession as soon as you are able.  Jesus always knows what we will do even before we do!  But in Justice, we do owe Him to express our sorrow for sin and firm intention to go to Confession asap.  It is not your choice that you are unable to go sooner.  Your sadness and worry is a trial and suffering  - because Faith tells us that should you die before Confession, you are saved as if you had been to Confession.

[MarysLittleFlower]

My understanding is that this is with perfect contrition though? I do trust though that if a person really intends to confess and is dying, they can perhaps be disposed to perfect contrition... I mean God wants to save us more than even we want to be saved and in the end its the person's "no" that puts them in hell. Hoping for perfect contrition while rejecting Confession is of course another thing. This topic is one of those things I couldnt figure out. 

[BarbTherese]

There is much in life that for absolute sureness, we need to leave it to the Loving Mercy of The Lord in trustful confidence - which The Church proclaims as infinite, or without beginning nor end, without boundaries.  Think prayerfully.   Know too that theology has many branches and is very complex asking long study to become an expert.  The Lord does not demand of us we be experts if it is impossible to complete this study nor to consult experts.    What The Church teaches might give us moral assurance one way or the other of salvation or not, no one at all can be absolutely sure of salvation nor can The Church grant this.  That is what The Church teaches - think about it prayerfully and what it implies.  In the Divine Office intercessions for example, there is rather often a prayer for the salvation of all - I don't think the Church would pray for something absolutely impossible.  Also, reflect on these words of Our Lady of Fatima, known as the Fatima Prayer "Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins and save us from the fires of Hell.  Bring all souls to Heaven, especially those who most need Your Mercy".  We pray this at the end of every decade of the Rosary.  I don't think Our Lady would ask us to pray for something absolutely impossible.  How very important indeed it is that we pray ardently for salvation for all.

Just reflect for a sec prayerfully.  If I have committed mortal sin and am very sorry and desire with all my heart to confess and to never ever commit the sin again with God's Grace......and I die before I am able to go to Confession, would God commit me to Hell for eternity?

This CA text may help you  It is not long nor difficult to understand.

and here:

http://www.ewtn.com/library/ANSWERS/PILLAR.htm

The Bible makes it clear that Christians have a moral assurance of salvation (God will be true to his word and will grant salvation to those who have faith in Christ and are obedient to him [1 John 4:19-24]), but the Bible does not teach that Christians have a guarantee of heaven. There can be no absolute assurance of salvation.

While you are sad and worried about not being able to go to Confession now - accept it all as a trial and suffering permitted by Jesus for His Reasons often so mysterious to us.  Accept your feelings of sadness and worry as your own but without indulging in them.  Rather strive to overcome these negative feelings with trust and confidence asking Jesus for The Grace of trustful confidence under all pressures and difficulties.........in your own words.........would be my advice.

The other thing for us to note morally, is that grave matter must be something very serious indeed and that some factors can mean that our responsibility in committing grave matter is lessened under SOME circumstances.  These matters are best addressed always by a priest or other Church authority or scholar on moral matters.  Moral Theology can be a regular minefield and today especially, there are so many branches of specialised theology that it might take an expert of some kind to give a truly educated response.  I am none of these........I can give a response, but not a truly educated one.

What I have done in the past, is typed out what I wanted to discuss with my SD (because I can forget easily) and send that to him in advance of my next appointment.  What can happen to me is that in speaking about my intimate spiritual life, is that I simply get a mental block and forget, cannot recall what I wanted to say  Then after my appointment, I start to recall what I had forgotten.  A letter in advance of an appointment can overcome this problem.

If, in my sorrow for sin prior to Confession, I cannot achieve perfect contrition - what can I expect from such as I, sinner that I am?

Sorry for the long-windedness in my responses!

 

[vee]

 Now it made me upset again but for a new reason. I saw other souls who are better in my eyes and thought what if God wouldn't want me as close to Him. I mean its true I'll never be like Our Lady or all the Saints with more glory in Heaven. But I forgot that the little souls would be perfectly happy too. So how do we not think this way? How do we trust that God does want us close to Him even if one feels very sinful? I thought how God could bring good out of anything and even with my past I could then glorify His Mercy that He reached so low to me.

In the ewtn homily for yesterday (july14) if Im not mistaken, father mentioned this exact thing and said its another mind game from the devil. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you everyone! I have good news to share... God is so good! :D

I was really upset over potentially not making it to Confession tomorrow.. and if I couldn't go tomorrow, then for a certain reason I wouldn't be able to go for two more weeks. I was really upset and then decided today to walk to a parish around here.. they only offer Confession on Saturday but I decided to just go and pray. On the way there, I was thinking how I should really confess and God gave me a stronger intention to go asap. I asked Him that maybe He could send a priest so I'd meet him and ask for Confession. The Mass was already over, they have a 9 AM Mass, and this was around 11:30 - 12. Anyways I walk into the church, and Fr is coming out of the sacristy! Then he came up to me and asked how I'm doing and we chatted for a bit. Then I asked him if he could hear my Confession sometime and he said - what about now? So anyway I went to Confession :D  then after I was praying and God helped me to feel better about the whole thing.. I decided to really try to trust in His goodness more. I'm planning to take some time just thinking of His love and not over analyzing other things. Thanks to everyone to wrote to me I really appreciate it!!