Spiritual director's advice

[MarysLittleFlower]

Ok maybe we really don't disagree I'm a little confused about the last paragraph though, - if being an orthodox priest isn't enough, how do we even tell? 

[veritasluxmea]

This is kind of in-depth but just skimming it gives a good idea. FC can probably explain better. 

http://patrickmadrid.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Qualities_Spiritual_Director.pdf 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Ok! many good points there... I think my SD does fit this description - I just skimmed it. I notice it says not to put things in writing.... I have anxiety talking about some more interior things and I've written them down before and it was much clearer that way what I was saying. My SD let me do this but always gave me the letters back. I think that's fine? I mean I was allowed. And it really helped. I am sure my priest would never leave them lying around. 

[Gabriela]

A bishop does not assign just any priest to be the administrator of a parish. He does not assign just any priest to the crazy diverse, always fighting amongst themselves parish on Main Street. He does not assign just any priest to the divorce court. He does not assign just any priest to the high school.

"Being an orthodox priest" is not enough to fulfill any particular function except for being an orthodox priest. You can trust his sacraments are valid and licit.

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Dang, I tried to think of a three-part thing to put there, like a good rhetorician, but I couldn't come up with anything. All you can trust is that his sacraments are valid and licit.

The bishop is (hopefully) not a fool, so he knows that certain jobs require certain personalities, skills, education, experience, etc. A person with little capacity for empathy and compassion, or someone who is impatient with others' faults, or someone whose communication style often comes off as aggressive () would not make a very good SD. Neither would someone who, for whatever reason, gets some kind of ego boost out of controlling other people's lives, or who thinks he's right all the time and so can't accept that God leads other people, too.

I'm glad that veritas provided a good list. I hope everyone will keep that in mind when "vetting" a SD, cuz seriously, orthodoxy—even tradism—is not enough. We can all think of plenty of orthodox priests who turned out—in the media spotlight, for the whole world to see—to be not very orthodox at all. I shall not name names. You know who I'm talking about.

[Sponsa-Christi]

A few more random thoughts here:

Building a bit on what Gabriela just said...not every good priest is going to be a good spiritual director, and even an objectively good SD isn't always going to be the best fit for you. For example, some diocesan priests have unrealistic ideas about what women's religious life is actually like, or have a only a very superficial understanding of how to discern a vocation to enter a convent (though on the other hand, often I've found that religious priests can tend to have a hard time taking consecrated virginity seriously as a "real" form of consecrated life.) I've known several holy, orthodox priests whom I wouldn't hesitate to recommend to other people as SDs, but whom I personally wouldn't go to for my own spiritual direction. 

Regarding what several people mentioned about saints and "blind obedience"...someone once said that you can wind up in hell by imitating the defects of the saints! Maybe that's a bit hyperbolic, but I think there is some truth to that saying. Many of the saints who stressed blindly obeying bad SDs were very simple souls who truly might not have known any better. Those of us who are blessed to have access to more education and resources perhaps shouldn't count on the Lord to be as pleased with (or as tolerant of!) our own blind obedience to a bad SD.

Also, I recall that St. John of the Cross once wrote that the three greatest obstacles to our reaching union with God are: 1. ourselves; 2. the devil; 3. a bad SD. There is a whole huge chunk of Living Flame of Love which is basically just St. John ranting about how much damage bad SDs can do!

4 hours ago, MarysLittleFlower said:

Ok! many good points there... I think my SD does fit this description - I just skimmed it. I notice it says not to put things in writing.... I have anxiety talking about some more interior things and I've written them down before and it was much clearer that way what I was saying. My SD let me do this but always gave me the letters back. I think that's fine? I mean I was allowed. And it really helped. I am sure my priest would never leave them lying around. 

This may be an overall good handout, but it's neither canon law nor magisterial teaching! There can be prudential concerns with putting things in writing, but it's not something which the Church would actually ban. And, as you've mentioned, in some cases there can be good reasons for writing things down.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I agree bad SDs can do much damage .. And that it's important we find a good one. I guess what I mean is that if ours is good, we don't need to live in fear that he would make an error, we can just trust I've found when I start analyzing if my SD is right or not, something just feels off about that. 

That's basically all I mean, lol, and also that Mary's SD doesn't sound strange to me. I think I've said all I wanted lol

[veritasluxmea]

12 hours ago, MarysLittleFlower said:

Ok! many good points there... I think my SD does fit this description - I just skimmed it. I notice it says not to put things in writing.... I have anxiety talking about some more interior things and I've written them down before and it was much clearer that way what I was saying. My SD let me do this but always gave me the letters back. I think that's fine? I mean I was allowed. And it really helped. I am sure my priest would never leave them lying around. 

Mmm ok, I'm a little confused. To be blunt, are you serious? I'm probably wrong but I think I read somewhere you're around 30? I don't read everything around here but I've seen a fair number of your posts asking similar questions with a need for clarity. It pretty much seems like at least in the few situations I've read- including the one above- someone around that age should be able to easily understand and answer that question for themselves without any confusion or anxiety. Are you actually unsure from reading one general article about whether it's totally wrong to use writing with your SD, something he is fine with and you use as a tool for face-to-face meetings?

[MarysLittleFlower]

Veritasluxmea, I have scrupulosity. That makes some reasoning about the faith difficult. To be honest I feel like I constantly have to explain myself on these forums. I've been doing something that a guide for direction says not to do. That made me wonder why they say that, because to me it doesn't seem like a bad idea to do. 

[Mary Catherine]

It's amazing to receive so many replies regarding this topic, especially from religious sisters.

In my opinion, as it reads in the Bible the priests are man of God, and they are prophets and teachers for Israel people, so I do believe that priests convey the message of God. It is said in the church's tradition that you have to trust your confessor (SD) that what he said is God's will.

This is what I learned from my Catholic faith, and I do believe the truth will not change from time to time. I am just a convert in a communist country, so I know little about my faith actually. 

Besides, my spiritual director actually have few changes of saying Latin masses, more of the time he says Novus Ordo masses. But he is holy indeed, and I do believe the graces bestowed from him by the sacrament of holy orders. And moreover, I saw clearly that the holy spirit is working on him.

Dear sisters, please correct me if I am wrong.

Dear MarysLittleFlower, I am so happy to meet you here, are you a religious sister? I am indeed very bad, and needs conversion, appreciate all sisters here, your kind prayers.  

Edited February 19, 2016 by Mary Catherine

[Gabriela]

Wait a minute. Wasn't this thread just locked?

[vee]

1 minute ago, Gabriela said:

Wait a minute. Wasn't this thread just locked?

I know right!  I jsut noticed and was going to post the same thing.  i saw beatitude lock it and now.....

[Gabriela]

@beatitude: We're confused!

If not for trolling, I think it should be locked for "debating". It's a pointless back and forth here, and it's just causing division.

[Feankie]

IMHO I think this thread should be closed.  Again, it's a circular argument with a few persons wanting the group to agree with them no matter what.. It's getting rather frustrating reading (what seems to me to be) the same rationale over and over again for justifying views on different problems. I believe it defeats the purpose/s of VS.  We are becoming entropied as we keep discussing the same things over and over.  Just my 2 cents.

[MarysLittleFlower]

1 hour ago, Mary Catherine said:

It's amazing to receive so many replies regarding this topic, especially from religious sisters.

In my opinion, as it reads in the Bible the priests are man of God, and they are prophets and teachers for Israel people, so I do believe that priests convey the message of God. It is said in the church's tradition that you have to trust your confessor (SD) that what he said is God's will.

This is what I learned from my Catholic faith, and I do believe the truth will not change from time to time. I am just a convert in a communist country, so I know little about my faith actually. 

Besides, my spiritual director actually have few changes of saying Latin masses, more of the time he says Novus Ordo masses. But he is holy indeed, and I do believe the graces bestowed from him by the sacrament of holy orders. And moreover, I saw clearly that the holy spirit is working on him.

Dear sisters, please correct me if I am wrong.

Dear MarysLittleFlower, I am so happy to meet you here, are you a religious sister? I am indeed very bad, and needs conversion, appreciate all sisters here, your kind prayers.  

Hi Mary, no I'm not a Sister, but I'm glad to meet you too, and I'm so happy you're a convert, I am too and my background is also from a communist country. God bless you

[Feankie]

IMHO I think this thread should be closed.  The argument is a circular one with a one or two people insisting they are correct ....no matter what.  We're becoming entropied and need to move on.

[beatitude]

I did lock it but then decided I should consult with another moderator first. I will re-lock it now, as debate is out of place for Vocation Station anyway.