Archaeology cat Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I have not yet been in that situation (because the scheduled wedding was called off). I can understand your dilemma. I don't have words of wisdom, but will pray for all involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little2add Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 the proper thing to do is to attend the wedding of your friend or family. its selfish not too and rude you should attend if you really sincere care and wish the couple well on the wedding day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Credo in Deum Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 1 minute ago, little2add said: the proper thing to do is to attend the wedding of your friend or family. its selfish not too and rude you should attend if you really sincere care and wish the couple well on the wedding day No. Your attendance is an endorsement of their union and a participation in it. If the circumstance for their wedding is sinful then you cannot endorse or participate, regardless of if it is your family or friends. It is not selfish to not attend. In fact it's the opposite. It is the abandonment of your will to do God's will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I really don't know if you sin by attending this wedding. Venial at best. You are under duress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 12 minutes ago, Peace said: I really don't know if you sin by attending this wedding. Venial at best. You are under duress. I don't think that's the rule... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 9 minutes ago, franciscanheart said: I don't think that's the rule... What commandment would he be breaking exactly? 3 hours ago, franciscanheart said: Do you not, by your attendance, participate in the wedding? If you think of it in the same way you participate in Mass, I guess I could see where one could suggest they hadn't really participated simply by being there, but usually if you're there, you're actively involved in supporting the marriage, right? So how do you justify attending or not? Hmm. If a news reporter attended to report on the wedding, would that be participation? I don't think that being there in and of itself is an endorsement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm sympathetic to Nihil's family dilemma. It must be a big deal to him or he wouldn't have posted about it. I'm also not sure that a family wedding is the best place to make a theological point. Love for family should be the guiding principle. No one is going to be impressed by a statement of faith that consists of not attending a wedding. If anything, it could give a bad impression of the Roman Catholic Church to all the non-Catholics (and non-practicing Catholics) in attendance. Whether the wedding is valid or not, if you care about the couple and don't want to make a scene at their wedding, I'd vote for laying low and saying nothing. You don't have to make grand statements about supporting the wedding, either. Just say nothing, or say that you hope they are happy and any other non-theological statements you can make without lying. I DO like the idea of only attending the reception, however. Is there ANY way you could pull this off without being blatant about it? To me at least, a wedding reception is a secular event, separate from the wedding. I assume that if the couple had held a party celebrating their marriage that was completely separate from the wedding, you would have attended. I'm really sorry you're facing this dilemma, Nihil. I'll pray for you. Unfortunately, I have years of personal experience dealing with a difficult family--including people not attending weddings of other family members on the basis of beliefs and principles. Heck, my mother-in-law didn't even attend MY wedding, even though, (on its face, at least), it was completely in line with all the Catholic rules, including Bishop permissions, etc. etc. Hang in there! <hugs> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I have attended weddings that made me uncomfortable. I've refused to participate in them. I have only refused to attend gay marriages. In all cases I've attended the receptions. If I love someone, I want to wish them well, and complicated marriages need all the help they can get. I won't attend a wedding where the marriage can never be blessed by the Church, but attend those that could possibly be blessed in the future with the couple taking care of their paperwork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McM RSCJ Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) Some questions to ponder as you decide. . . . Or you may have better questions. . . . 1. What do you hope to achieve by not going? If your answer is you hope they will understand you do not believe they will be married, then isn't it possible you have already made them aware that is your belief? If you hope to make clear you choose your belief that God does not consider them married over their belief they are indeed marrying, isn't it possible you have already made that clear to them? 2. You are praying through the intercession of St. Monica. Have you thought about having a prayerful imaginative conversation with her? You could ask her if she ruptured family ties with Augustine during those long years? Why or why not? 3. Why do you base your decision on your priest's approach? Can you come to inner freedom and peace in your decision, on the basis of the prompting of your own conscience? 4. Finally, if you think God wants you to do this, what image or understanding of God are you invoking? And how can you know that God has not, in his unconditional love and providential care for each of them, brought them into one another's lives as pure gift? Edited June 16, 2016 by McM RSCJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 2 minutes ago, CatherineM said: I have attended weddings that made me uncomfortable. I've refused to participate in them. I have only refused to attend gay marriages. In all cases I've attended the receptions. If I love someone, I want to wish them well, and complicated marriages need all the help they can get. I won't attend a wedding where the marriage can never be blessed by the Church, but attend those that could possibly be blessed in the future with the couple taking care of their paperwork. This seems like a good, reasonable response that shows your love for the couple being married, but doesn't compromise your beliefs in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 5 minutes ago, Peace said: What commandment would he be breaking exactly? Hmm. If a news reporter attended to report on the wedding, would that be participation? I don't think that being there in and of itself is an endorsement. That's a good point Peace. A case can be made that attending a wedding is not necessarily an endorsement. Is there any official teaching (like, document level) on this? Fr Z provides the following advice (in part) QUAERITUR: What is our goal in approaching these difficult wedding situations? We want to stand up for the truth, proclaim the beauty of the Catholic position, remain firm in our own faith, and avoid causing scandal. We want the bride and the groom, if Catholic, to see their wedding as a means of their own sanctification. We want those who are lapsed from the faith to return to a regular practice of it, and those who are outside of the Church to enter Her loving embrace. We want to keep our families and friends close and supportive of each other. We want to avoid tensions and stress and rather enjoy the time of the wedding as a graced time of happiness and love. That’s a pretty tall order. We need to honestly ask ourselves some questions: What would it mean if I attended this wedding? What would people think (especially and primarily my children, my spouse, my close family, the bride and groom)? What would avoiding this wedding mean? What would people think/conclude? Will my actions (attending or avoiding) help to draw anyone closer to Jesus Christ? If the marriage situation is less-than ideal, is it something that can be later fixed (e.g., a baptized Catholic couple marrying outside the Church, but who later could have their marriage sanated, versus a same-sex couple who’s “marriage” can never be recognized as such)? linky http://wdtprs.com/blog/2015/07/ask-father-can-i-attend-this-invalid-wedding/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) Just now, Credo in Deum said: No. Your attendance is an endorsement of their union and a participation in it. If the circumstance for their wedding is sinful then you cannot endorse or participate, regardless of if it is your family or friends. It is not selfish to not attend. In fact it's the opposite. It is the abandonment of your will to do God's will. Edited June 16, 2016 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponsa-Christi Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) I'm just going to point out that first of all, there is no hard-and-fast rule about Catholics attending weddings that are known to be invalid. Each specific case has unique nuances that need to be taken into account, and the decision requires an honest but individual examination of conscience. However, when you attend a wedding--or even just a wedding reception--it's understood that you're doing so in celebration of something. And the question is, what exactly is it that you (as in, "you" in general, not just the OP) celebrating when you attend a known-to-be-invalid wedding? In a "best-case" scenario, if a Catholic is merely marrying in a non-Catholic ceremony without a dispensation, then you're celebrating co-habitation, which is essentially fornication. If you're attending the wedding "just to wish the couple well," what are you wishing them well in? It's like saying: "Congratulations on your commitment to live in a public state of mortal sin." With a second civil marriage after divorce, the situation is even worse---attending the wedding is "wishing someone well" as they commence upon a life of public adultery. I'm being very blunt and direct here for the sake of clarity. Obviously, if you were explaining this to upset family members, you would absolutely want to do so in the kindest and gentlest way possible. But I do believe that refusing to attending a known-to-be-invalid wedding can be a loving act even towards the couple themselves. It's showing that you respect their human dignity enough to acknowledge their moral agency (i.e., that you acknowledge they're more than animals following their instincts, but are instead rational beings with the capability of choosing virtue); and it's also a way of caring for their eternal salvation. If someone is intent on committing a mortal sin, we generally can't stop them. But we CAN refuse to congratulate them as they do it. Edited June 16, 2016 by Sponsa-Christi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 It's a grave sin only mortal if all 3 conditions are met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Good posts here, and I will respond in depth this evening. I am at work and on my phone, so this is the extent of my engagement at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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