Question About Contacting Orders

[Amppax]

I have a question for those of you more experienced with this sort of thing: how long is typical for an order to respond to an email? I'm beginning to work more seriously to discern my vocation, and in particular a vocation to religious life/the priesthood. There is an order which who gave a retreat I attended about a year ago. At the time, one of the priests encouraged me to visit their order for a come and see, but I was unwilling to do so at the time. However, given that I am now considering religious life, I decided that I would try to contact them again. I sent an email on July 30th, but have yet to hear back. Is this normal? How long should I wait before trying to contact them again? 

I'm trying to be patient, because I know that it will be quite some time before I would enter an order or a seminary, but I'm prone to anxiety, and I would just like to get a response. 

I'm also confused because the order's website, unlike every other order I've seen, doesn't have a vocations section. 

[truthfinder]

It's normal. I think it took two months for a community to respond. I'd give it to the end of August at least and then contact them again, maybe by phone if possible. Letters get lost, summer can be an active time of changes and possible vacations. 

[Quasar]

If you're feeling anxious about it, go ahead and contact them again.  While I don't think a two or three week delay is unusual, it's possible that your email went into the wrong folder, etc.  I agree with truthfinder... following up with a call is a good idea.

[katherineH]

Unless the community is very active using the Internet, I would say 2 weeks is average, and maybe 3 weeks if they're a community that receives many inquiries (like the Nashville Dominicans). 

[Orans]

July and August in particular may be "down time" for many active religious and communities: time for holidays and/or home visits (yes, religious are human too), annual retreats, courses, etc. Some members are probably away and those that remain won't take over their responsibilities. You may have to wait a little at least until September.

[Amppax]

Thank you for your replies everyone. That goes a long way towards easing my mind. 

I will try to call them at the beginning of September. Thank you everyone for your prayers! 

[Julie]

I've found that many religious communities are sloooooow with email (and even phone calls). Take the number of days you'd expect someone "in the world" would take to respond, turn them to weeks (adding more if it's any liturgical season besides ordinary time or if there are lot of community things like professions or retreats happening at the time). That'll give you an estimate.

Just don't worry about it. Reach out, then be patient! It gives more time to pray that the response will help you to see His will!

[Kayte Postle]

I also think the size of the community and how many inquires they receive is a factor. I'm discerning two communities. With one community that has twelve sisters, I actually text with the VD on a semi-regular basis. The other community is much larger and their replies to emails take weeks.

So have some patience. They will get back to you! Many blessings in your discernment.

[Amppax]

Well, I had planned on calling them today, but I chickened out.  I got really anxious and started talking myself out of calling. 

Part of my anxiety is, I think, reasonable. I know that I probably should be in spiritual direction to help me discern my vocation, and I am not at the moment. I don't know, though, perhaps I should have gone ahead and called. Please pray for me. 

Edited September 8, 2016 by Amppax

[Sponsa-Christi]

3 minutes ago, Amppax said:

Well, I had planned on calling them today, but I chickened out.  I got really anxious and started talking myself out of calling. 

Part of my anxiety is, I think, reasonable. I know that I probably should be in spiritual direction to help me discern my vocation, and I am not at the moment. I don't know, though, perhaps I should have gone ahead and called. Please pray for me. 

I think it's really normal to feel nervous about calling---I know I did when I was first discerning and calling religious communities.

One trick I would use to find the nerve to call would be to ask myself (and this is sort of a verbatim transcript of what I would say to myself in my head): "What's the worst that could possibly happen if I mess this call up? They're not going to EAT me!" 

I know that sounds kind of stupid written out, but it did work for me!

[andibc]

Just call, it's not too late in the day.  They aren't a 9-5 operation.  Call now before you lose heart.  Nothing negative will happen and you'll be able to move forward. 

[Quasar]

1 hour ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

"What's the worst that could possibly happen if I mess this call up? They're not going to EAT me!" 

This is great! Far from being dumb, this question reassures the lizard brain, which mistakes social anxiety or anxiety about a life choice for a real threat to survival.

 

Amppax, even if these turn out to be the meanest priests on earth, they certainly won't cannibalize you over the phone.  Call and report back.

[Antonella]

You don't have to be afraid of calling them. They will be very happy to hear that somebody is interested in their Community. And remember that they went through the same stuff as you are right know - calling an being very nervous etc. Knowing that all of them were as frightened as you are will help. It definitely helped me.

[EmilyAnn]

9 hours ago, Amppax said:

Well, I had planned on calling them today, but I chickened out.  I got really anxious and started talking myself out of calling. 

Part of my anxiety is, I think, reasonable. I know that I probably should be in spiritual direction to help me discern my vocation, and I am not at the moment. I don't know, though, perhaps I should have gone ahead and called. Please pray for me. 

If calling is a little stressful (which I understand), can you email or write to them? That's what I did when I was discerning.

[Amppax]

3 hours ago, EmilyAnn said:

If calling is a little stressful (which I understand), can you email or write to them? That's what I did when I was discerning.

I've already emailed, a little over a month ago, but haven't received a response. So I think that's another part of my anxiety; am I not being patient enough? 

[Antonella]

1 hour ago, Amppax said:

I've already emailed, a little over a month ago, but haven't received a response. So I think that's another part of my anxiety; am I not being patient enough? 

I heard that some Communities are not writing back on purpose so that they can see if the person interested will call/write back, to see if she is persistent or not. 

The first time I called a Convent the ND was busy so she said she will call back. When she called I was so nervous that I hang up on her. Horror. 

You could pray to God: Lord, if you want me to do this then give me the strength. It helped with me.

[Quasar]

The first time the VD I've been speaking with called me, and I saw her city and state pop up on my phone, I was very nervous.   Eek, a nun on the phone!  Prepare for the Last Judgement!  I went to an elementary school run by an order, so I have no excuse.  But, I answered the phone and spoke with her even though I was anxious, and it was fine.  The second conversation was even better and more natural.

Edited September 9, 2016 by Quasar

[Antonella]

Haha. Just now a nun responded to an email I sent her... in May. Too bad that promptness isn't a virtue so that people would try and work on it.

[Spem in alium]

3 hours ago, Antonella said:

Haha. Just now a nun responded to an email I sent her... in May. Too bad that promptness isn't a virtue so that people would try and work on it.

Promptness is an unwritten virtue  The same as efficiency, kindness, and the ability to make good coffee. 

@Amppax, you are in my prayer. Discernment can be a very anxious time. After I applied, I had to wait months for my application to be discussed and voted upon by the leadership council because some sisters were away. I am a fairly patient person, but it was a difficult time for me and did cause some anxiety. I can relate.

 

 

[Amppax]

Well I gave them a call. Naturally, the vocations director is out of town this weekend. Actually, given the order's apostolate, that makes a lot of sense. The person I talked to (I wasn't sure if it was another priest, or a brother, but they were definitely a member of the order), was very nice, and said that they would call me back soon. 

I also emailed another order whose charism and apostolate interest me. All in all, feeling a bit better about all of this. 

Thank you for your prayers and advice, everyone! I'll try to let you all know how things go.