Question About Contacting Orders

[Amppax]

In a case of shocking polar opposites, the vocations director for the community who I emailed this afternoon has already responded to my message!

[Sponsa-Christi]

@Amppax And I'm happy to note that in neither case were you eaten!

[Amppax]

21 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

@Amppax And I'm happy to note that in neither case were you eaten!

This is quite true. 

To continue the string of rather fortuitous occurrences, a priest from the Congregation that I emailed last night said Mass today at my parish. It was quite a surprise, though not a complete shock. I talked to him after Mass and it was a very helpful conversation. 

[Amppax]

Going to a holy hour at my diocese seminary tonight where I will probably meet some of the brothers and talk again with the priest on (the one who said Mass Sunday) from one of the orders that interest me. A little bit nervous, it feels like a quasi-discernment sort of event. I'm also going to call the vocations director for this order and try to schedule a come and see visit later this fall.  I will pray for all the discerners on VS, please pray for me! 

[Amppax]

I talked to the vocations director for one of the orders I'm considering. It was unfortunately not the most promising of conversations. 

I've had differing struggles with anxiety and depression over the last couple of years, and I knew that this could be an impediment to moving forward in discernment. That being said, I had thought that now was a good time to start doing something, either visiting or contacting different orders. I'm out of school and have for the most part been pretty healthy.

However, as the vocations director and I were about to set up a come and see visit, he said that he had a couple of questions to ask. He asked if I was taking any medications for depression or anxiety, which I responded saying that I was. He said that for their order (and implied most likely for most other orders) that taking medication for such things is probably an impediment to joining, and therefore to moving forward in discernment. 

This was very discouraging to hear, as I was hoping that I could at least start the process of looking at this and other orders. I'm still going to try and contact some of the other orders that I have discerned, but I'm not confident much will come of that at this point. Please keep praying for me, because this certainly feels like a big setback. 

*Edit: I just wanted to add, the vocations director was very kind about it. He said that he'd be praying for me and that he hoped we could talk in the future if I was in a position where I had my depression managed without medication. I'm just not sure if that is something that will be a reality for me, which makes this so discouraging.

Edited September 27, 2016 by Amppax
Added information.

[krissylou]

You (and others) may be interested in this article.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/pastors/2011/june-online-only/bipolarpriest.html

It comes from an Evangelical Protestant magazine but the author of this article is a Roman Catholic diocesean priest.

[Pax17]

Amppax, I'm sorry you had such a disappointing experience.  There have been many threads here about pursuing religious life while coping with various medical conditions and medications.  I think you'll find that prior posts emphasize it depends on the specific order and your personal circumstances.  Do not give up hope.  And keep taking your meds...:)

[Pax_et bonum]

There are definitely communities that accept people on medication for depression and anxiety, so please don't be too discouraged. 

On the other hand, you might need to wait a while longer until you can test your ability to live a healthy life without meds, then go back to discerning with communities. 

Either way, I would keep trying. Don't contact every community seeing if they accept people on meds, obviously, but don't be afraid to bring it up with a community you're attracted to. Be super honest about what's going on, and maybe you'll be able to "challenge" in a way their beliefs about depression and anxiety. And I'm beginning to believe that meds really aren't that much of a financial burden on a community. They have to send their members to doctors whether they're healthy or not, and when a professed member gets sick, it's not like they're kicked out of the community. It's about being healthy. If you can show a community that you are healthy on meds, then there really shouldn't be any problem of them accepting you. 

I'll pray for you. I know how difficult this is first hand. Pray for me too please. 

[Amppax]

Thanks, everyone. I wrote that post a couple of minutes after getting off the phone. I'm feeling much better about the situation now, in a lot of ways I think it is a good opportunity for me. In my mind, I was rushing through this process, probably too quickly. I was thinking ahead WAY too much. I let myself imagine an unrealistic timeline and then allowed myself to be really disappointed when I was gently corrected in my thinking. 

[Quasar]

I'm glad you're feeling better now. I would like to add that sometime communities are wrong about what other communities do and don't accept.  I was told by a cloistered community I contacted that they couldn't accept someone with my dietary restrictions.  She made it sound as if she had never heard of such a thing being accommodated by a community, so I gave up on discerning for a little while.  Since then, I have found that she was mistaken and I'm in conversation with a community that already has a sister with my restriction.  I think she was well-meaning, but she didn't have correct information.  I hope you have the same experience.

Edited September 27, 2016 by Quasar

[Spem in alium]

I'm glad you're feeling better and were able to reflect. I really can relate to your situation. The best thing I've found is to be open. If God wants you to follow Him in a particular way, nothing will stop Him from bringing you there. These kinds of obstacles and challenges can be discouraging, but at the same time I think they can actually bring us closer to God and into a better knowledge of ourselves. I am praying for you 

[Kayte Postle]

I too suffer with the same issues, and take medication. When I started contacting communities it seemed like I would never find a community who could accommodate my needs. At the time of my original inquiry I was rushing things and not ready, thankfully the Lord knew. The community I am now discerning with came along later, and when the Lord knew I was ready. They, thankfully, are able to accept me. I'd just be patient. If God wants you in religious life nothing wil keep you out, and if you aren't called nothing will get you in. Christ has got your back, don't worry. =)

[Guest]

On ‎28‎/‎09‎/‎2016 at 3:55 AM, krissylou said:

You (and others) may be interested in this article.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/pastors/2011/june-online-only/bipolarpriest.html

It comes from an Evangelical Protestant magazine but the author of this article is a Roman Catholic diocesean priest.

I would have liked to read the whole article but one needs to join. Unfortunately, I am in Australia, and registration was declined due to location.  Apparently they post out their magazine.

Tried again, and was able to register ok and access the article. 

Read all the article - it is truly excellent.  Thank you for post, krissylou

[Amppax]

Coming back to this, I recently made contact with an community of the Oratory of St. Philip Neri, and am hoping to have a meeting with their vocations director soon. I will let all of you know how that goes! 

[Amppax]

On 12/7/2016 at 11:56 AM, Amppax said:

Coming back to this, I recently made contact with an community of the Oratory of St. Philip Neri, and am hoping to have a meeting with their vocations director soon. I will let all of you know how that goes! 

 

Well, I emailed him, he emailed me, I emailed back... radio silence. I think I'll try to contact Father again after the craziness of the Christmas season. Probably sometime after Jan. 1st. 

In other news, I'm now working as a youth minister. Well, technically, "Interim Assistant Director of Jr. High and High School Evangelization." Phew, say that 5 times fast. It has been an excellent way to get my feet wet in terms of apostolate and evangelization, something which my more academic studies to this point has afforded me little opportunity for. It has really been a blessing in terms of my prayer life and spiritual growth, which is obviously helpful for discernment. 

[Amppax]

A quick update on all things discernment. Well, there really isn't much to update. I'm planning on emailing the vocations director for the Oratorian community today, as a follow-up to our previous email. Will let you know where that goes. 

It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks as far as prayer and discernment go, and to that end, I wanted to ask for two things, prayer and some advice. I've found myself several times getting really excited in discernment, only to become quite discouraged soon after. An example of this is when I previously contacted an order about discerning with them and was turned away. I'm very afraid of this happening again. I know that I'm not in a position to move too far forward in discerning a vocation, but I don't know how else to go about growing spiritually at this moment. 

My hope for my upcoming meeting with the Oratorians is that I can possibly get some form of spiritual direction, which I think is more appropriate to my current state than scheduling a visit. Anyway, please keep me in your prayers. 

 

 

[Spem in alium]

2 hours ago, Amppax said:

A quick update on all things discernment. Well, there really isn't much to update. I'm planning on emailing the vocations director for the Oratorian community today, as a follow-up to our previous email. Will let you know where that goes. 

It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks as far as prayer and discernment go, and to that end, I wanted to ask for two things, prayer and some advice. I've found myself several times getting really excited in discernment, only to become quite discouraged soon after. An example of this is when I previously contacted an order about discerning with them and was turned away. I'm very afraid of this happening again. I know that I'm not in a position to move too far forward in discerning a vocation, but I don't know how else to go about growing spiritually at this moment. 

My hope for my upcoming meeting with the Oratorians is that I can possibly get some form of spiritual direction, which I think is more appropriate to my current state than scheduling a visit. Anyway, please keep me in your prayers. 

 

 

Best of luck as you contact the Oratorians. Making contact is a big step but necessary if we want to move forward in discernment.

It's very easy for me to say "don't be discouraged". Being turned away from an order you were interested would be very hard. I never had that exact experience, but have had some discouraging moments during my discernment - I think everyone does from time to time. I see it as a sign that God knows your heart and is preparing you for something even better, which will lead you to Him. This kind of thinking makes me very joyful, and maybe it will create joy in your heart too.

You are in my prayers. What kind of things are you doing to strengthen your prayer life? Do you find they are helpful?

[Amppax]

18 hours ago, Spem in alium said:

Best of luck as you contact the Oratorians. Making contact is a big step but necessary if we want to move forward in discernment.

It's very easy for me to say "don't be discouraged". Being turned away from an order you were interested would be very hard. I never had that exact experience, but have had some discouraging moments during my discernment - I think everyone does from time to time. I see it as a sign that God knows your heart and is preparing you for something even better, which will lead you to Him. This kind of thinking makes me very joyful, and maybe it will create joy in your heart too.

You are in my prayers. What kind of things are you doing to strengthen your prayer life? Do you find they are helpful?

 

Thank you. It is good to hear "don't be discouraged." I wasn't quite turned away, just turned away right now and if certain aspects of my mental illness don't improve. It will probably mean that I won't be able to join, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. Part of the discouragement right now is that I want to move forward, but I know that I need to be patient and become healthier mentally. However, I definitely agree with viewing these supposed setbacks as graces preparing me for something better, I know from past experience that the Lord has often worked in that way in my life. So thank you for that reminder. 

Thank you for the prayers. I am trying to establish my routine of prayer again, after several years with a lot of tumult and transition. Typically, I try to center it on four things: a morning offering, daily Mass, meditation on Scripture or pre-made meditations drawn from Scripture, and an examen/examination of conscience (in addition, a weekly holy hour and confession). One thing I know is that consistent prayer has a profound effect on my mental health, though it is also something that I really struggle with when I'm in a rough patch, to the point that I find it almost impossible to pray. For now, the goal is to meditate for 15-20 minutes, and then spend ~15 minutes with the examen and journaling in the evening. That's what I'm trying to establish. Eventually, I'd like to get back to doing at least a holy half hour daily, I was in that habit in college and it was the source of some profound blessings. 

[TheresaThoma]

It can be hard to be turned away from a community. It hurts but don't let it discourage you. I'm also on medication and I have received the whole range of responses from immediate (but kind) end of the road. To "oh that is no problem, would you be interested in visiting?" The ups and downs of discernment are normal, especially at the early stages. Be patient with yourself.

Definitely focus on solidifying your prayer life. Is there someone you know who could be a prayer partner to help keep you accountable? 

[Spem in alium]

3 hours ago, Amppax said:

Thank you. It is good to hear "don't be discouraged." I wasn't quite turned away, just turned away right now and if certain aspects of my mental illness don't improve. It will probably mean that I won't be able to join, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. Part of the discouragement right now is that I want to move forward, but I know that I need to be patient and become healthier mentally. However, I definitely agree with viewing these supposed setbacks as graces preparing me for something better, I know from past experience that the Lord has often worked in that way in my life. So thank you for that reminder. 

Thank you for the prayers. I am trying to establish my routine of prayer again, after several years with a lot of tumult and transition. Typically, I try to center it on four things: a morning offering, daily Mass, meditation on Scripture or pre-made meditations drawn from Scripture, and an examen/examination of conscience (in addition, a weekly holy hour and confession). One thing I know is that consistent prayer has a profound effect on my mental health, though it is also something that I really struggle with when I'm in a rough patch, to the point that I find it almost impossible to pray. For now, the goal is to meditate for 15-20 minutes, and then spend ~15 minutes with the examen and journaling in the evening. That's what I'm trying to establish. Eventually, I'd like to get back to doing at least a holy half hour daily, I was in that habit in college and it was the source of some profound blessings. 

I'm glad there is still potential for you to join this particular order. You sound like you have fairly good self-knowledge and I think that's very beneficial in discernment. You know that you need to actively attend to your mental health rather than just sit back and wait for something to happen. That's very good. Waiting (and waiting patiently) can be very hard! I'm going through a waiting period right now, with significant decisions to be made. Although I am fairly patient, I know how hard it can be to be patient!

Regularity and routine in prayer is very useful. It helps establish a rhythm in your life where God can work, and it's good preparation for priesthood or religious life where there is often a prayer structure. It's great to hear you have fostered a consistency. Reflecting on past blessings and graces received in prayer can be helpful motivation in the times you just don't feel like praying or when it seems impossible. The best thing about it is that God knows your heart and intention to pray, and I believe He delights in that alone. 

Something I have learned is to pace myself in prayer. I am not naturally good at meditation and find myself getting very distracted...and that wasn't being helped by my decision to spend 30 minutes meditating! What helped me was establishing regular, consistent and brief moments of silent prayer. If I decided I would pray for five or ten minutes, I worked to stick to that. After two years it's still a challenge sometimes, but much easier than it was! You need to find what works for you and God. If you are really struggling to stick to 15 minutes, you can always drop it down to 5-10 for a while. The time spent in prayer isn't the most important. The most important is how we use our time.