Arranged Marriage

[Norseman82]

Two things:

1) Continuing with what Sojourner said, not all parents can be trusted to act in their children's best interest; some are either abusive or possessive.

2) The first question that a priest will ask during the marriage rite is "Have you come here freely". In an arranged marriage, one may not be able to truly answer "Yes".

[MagiDragon]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Jul 31 2004, 03:52 PM'] 2) The first question that a priest will ask during the marriage rite is "Have you come here freely". In an arranged marriage, one may not be able to truly answer "Yes". [/quote]
yes, that's true, but i don't think that's typically the case. I think arranged marriages are a beautiful thing when the people have had a chance to become aquainted beforehand: people know right from the outset that they aren't gonna be all emotional about each other all the time. I think that can help a lot. Also, they know that commitment is the #1 priority in a marriage, not sex or the modern concept of emotional love.

it's also very symbolic of the God's love for His people: The people know they must learn to work towards love, it's not something that is a given.

Perhaps i'm wrong here. As always, i'll stand by what i wrote unless someone can convince me otherwise. (I love that quote from GK Chesterton, something about the only reason to have an open mind is to close it on something solid.)

Peace,
Joe

[qfnol31]

Wasn't Mary and Joseph's wedding arranged?

We know how that one worked out.

[Mickey's_Girl]

Okay, how can I phrase this delicately? From the female perspective, anyway, going into the wedding night without *affection* could make the wedding night activities FAR more difficult than they would otherwise be. Of course, millions of women the world over have dealt with this. But it's not something I'd wish on myself.

MG

Edited August 1, 2004 by Mickey's_Girl

[MichaelFilo]

Coming out of Baghdad where arranged marriages was ( amonsts muslims, is ) the norm, and all dating is for the direct purpose of marriage ( as it should be ), I can only say, arranged marriages are great. Christina insists that it's not love but the idea that they have to love each other that makes the love work out. Now there MAY be some basis to it, but I can't agree completly. It's a practice that has worked for a long time ( and still does ). I think going into marriage acknowledging that you have to be commited is the right way of going into it, right? No marriage based on love that doesn't change it's basis double quick will last, as love in today's terms seems to be affection ( which is why I get a bunch of looks from my buds when I tell them I love them ). Arranged marriages work and I support them, as they are usually tied to socities that appreciate and understand what marriage is for, and the sanctity of it ( as far as the Christian circle goes ). Is it better than regular dating and then marriage, probably not. There are alot of people that I'd never want go out with for one night. Arranged marriages has it's flaws, but I'd hate to think they outdue the good.

Anyways, my parents didn't have an arranged marriage so I'm not biased. My grandmother and grandfather did however, and she didn't like the idea, but they had 5 kids, and she deeply loved him after all. It was a financial marriage, but they both went in thinking commitment, they came out happy. The poor-rich marriages don't work out so well when you're using dating as a means of finding a spouse, because genearally you only date people like yourself.

Final note, Arranged marriages would never work here in the States.

God bless,

Mikey

[picchick]

I was always taught that dating was used as a purpose for finding a spouse.

What is recreational dating? What is it's purpose? (out of curiosity)

Oh and a few questions about arranged marriages, do the couples get to meet and "date" before they are married? What if they are totally repulsed about the idea? I always wondered about this.

Edited August 1, 2004 by picchick

[MichaelFilo]

[quote]I was always taught that dating was used as a purpose for finding a spouse.  [/quote]

I'd hate to consider most high school and nearly all middle school dating based on finding a spouse.

[quote] do the couples get to meet and "date" before they are married?[/quote]

Well I'd sure hope so, but it's very possible they don't. (The vows taken however allow rejecting the marriage).

[quote]  What if they are totally repulsed about the idea?  I always wondered about this.[/quote]

Repulsed about an arranged marriage, it's possible, but I'm thinking you're using the wrong point of view on it. In an arranged marriage, you aren't looking for looks, but a spouse who is caring and loving. Since arranged marriages tend to happen amongst higher classed families who have strong ties with each other, each parent knows the other family, and can take a really good guess at what the child will be like. Looks are not a repelent in countries were AM is an accepted practice. Good looks are a plus, but not so great ones possibly aren't held in a negative view. As far as being replused by the person, they can object during the marriage vows.

God Bless,

Mikey

[MagiDragon]

[quote name='qfnol31' date='Aug 1 2004, 12:59 AM'] Wasn't Mary and Joseph's wedding arranged?

We know how that one worked out. [/quote]
according to Tradition, isn't that why Joseph's staff always has the flowers?

[qfnol31]

One of these days maybe I'll understand marriage for what it truly is, trying to get each spouse to Heaven.

Until I do that, and unless I become a Priest, I'll remain single.

[MagiDragon]

[quote name='qfnol31' date='Aug 1 2004, 01:41 PM'] One of these days maybe I'll understand marriage for what it truly is, trying to get each spouse to Heaven.

Until I do that, and unless I become a Priest, I'll remain single. [/quote]
there's a great book called 'three to get married' i think it's by fulton sheen. it's worth reading!

Peace,
Joe

[J.R.D]

I dnt know thats kinda always been weired to me so i dnt really like it i gusse...... u should be able to pic ur own love u know?...... thats my opnion