When does chastity become a greater challenge?

[XIX]

I'll post my thoughts later

[CatholicAndFanatical]

Id have to say its when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Not saying that being single makes it any easier because it doesnt. Just presents less of a chance to be unchase with a partner.


just my buck 2.50

[shelly_freak]

I'd have to say when you're dating...especially if you have strong feelings for them.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I don't know...I think lust can be a major problem all across the options you listed, it just manifests itself in different ways...

However, as regards age, I started getting challenged with chastity when I was...hmmm...eleven years old...

[rachael]

i have to say when you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend

[toledo_jesus]

each situation is different. when you're single it's keeping your unchaste thoughts in control. when you're dating it's keeping your unchaste thoughts in control about a specific person and about everybody else. when you're married you are fighting unchaste thoughts about cheating on your wife or husband, but also being respectful of your spouse...from what I understand marriage doesn't solve lust problems.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='toledo_jesus' date='Dec 4 2004, 05:36 PM'] each situation is different. when you're single it's keeping your unchaste thoughts in control. when you're dating it's keeping your unchaste thoughts in control about a specific person and about everybody else. when you're married you are fighting unchaste thoughts about cheating on your wife or husband, but also being respectful of your spouse...from what I understand marriage doesn't solve lust problems. [/quote]
Love is the only thing that conquers lust.

[toledo_jesus]

indeed. Word I say to you. Word.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='toledo_jesus' date='Dec 4 2004, 05:45 PM'] indeed. Word I say to you. Word. [/quote]


I struggled with lust for a few years...a lot. I finally found out that the best way to combat it isn't just to ignore the temptations, but to fight them actively through learning the truth about sex. That got me into TOTB.

I think the best way to battle the little sexually suggestive scenarios and images that Satan bombards us with isn't to ignore them, but instead, to make ourselves see the wrong in each one. Satan gives a man an immoral thought and that man should untwist it, make it a moral one, and then let it leave his head. It starts training him better to love. If Satan tried to prompt me to sin by tempting me with some selfish thought, I stop and say, "okay, no. This isn't self-giving or loving. It is lustful. What is wrong with it?" Then I analyze the thought a moment, recognize the flaw, untwist the thought, and think, "now [i]this[/i] is a thought of a moral use of sex, one which is loving and generous," and then I let it fly out of my mind.

It works well.

[FreakofFaith]

this just raises more questions

is lust wrong if one feels it for her husband? (or his wife)

[franciscanheart]

i said when youre single.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='FreakofFaith' date='Dec 4 2004, 09:41 PM'] this just raises more questions

is lust wrong if one feels it for her husband? (or his wife) [/quote]
Yes. Lust is intrinsically evil. A husband must feel love for his wife. The difference is that lust is selfish (a man wants a woman for his own pleasure) and that love is self-giving (a man wants to give himself to a woman and wants to accept her so that the two of them can be close). Lust also generally looks at the body and ignores everything else (at least for a man). Love goes to the whole person.

Marriage is not a special thing God created to allow men and women to do something sinful because they were going to do it anyway. Marriage is a thing God created so that husband and wife could grow closer to Him and could imitate Him.

[url="http://phorum.phatmass.com/index.php?showtopic=23583&view=findpost&p=413662"]Meditation on Modesty[/url]

[url="http://phorum.phatmass.com/index.php?showtopic=22554&view=findpost&p=393811"]Theology of the Body[/url]

I hope this helps.

God bless,

Micah

[traichuoi]

i would say when you are married

[Guest Aluigi]

my girlfriend makes it easier for me to be chaste. i'm votin single, and would say if your bf/gf makes it harder, you shouldn't be dating. avoid near occasions of sin.

[Benedict]

Played the single game for 22 years.

Played the lust game since I was 7 (started at 4 but didn't have reason at the time).

Married is very tough indeed, especially when one has struggled with lust in the past. When a lustful thought comes there is no longer the safeguard of being single (no boyfriend/girlfriend on hand) nor of knowing you are not married. A little thought puts you back in the right place but it remains difficult.

[BLAZEr]

[quote name='Raphael' date='Dec 4 2004, 08:48 PM'] Yes. Lust is intrinsically evil. A husband must feel love for his wife. The difference is that lust is selfish (a man wants a woman for his own pleasure) and that love is self-giving (a man wants to give himself to a woman and wants to accept her so that the two of them can be close). Lust also generally looks at the body and ignores everything else (at least for a man). Love goes to the whole person.

Marriage is not a special thing God created to allow men and women to do something sinful because they were going to do it anyway. Marriage is a thing God created so that husband and wife could grow closer to Him and could imitate Him.

[url="http://phorum.phatmass.com/index.php?showtopic=23583&view=findpost&p=413662"]Meditation on Modesty[/url]

[url="http://phorum.phatmass.com/index.php?showtopic=22554&view=findpost&p=393811"]Theology of the Body[/url]

I hope this helps.

God bless,

Micah [/quote]
You do have to realize, however, that if you have sexual feelings and fantasies for your wife and yourself, that they aren't necessarily bad . . . God help us if men and women only have sex out of some sort of duty . . .

No, in fact, the more beautiful thing is that they do have an intense physical passion for each other, but its rooted in offering oneself to the other instead of consuming the other for oneself . . . however, I would still prefer the latter in a marriage as opposed to this fear that every intimate thought and action might be an occasion of sin . . . how the heck could you live that way and be happy?

The concept of gift in marriage is rooted in the idea of vocation, that the other is GIVEN to you and that because of that, their freedom to reciprocate the feelings you have for them must be paramount to the understanding of the relationship . . .

That being said . . . ain't no shame in wanting to get it on with the hubby (or the wifey).

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='BLAZEr' date='Dec 5 2004, 04:15 PM'] You do have to realize, however, that if you have sexual feelings and fantasies for your wife and yourself, that they aren't necessarily bad . . . God help us if men and women only have sex out of some sort of duty . . .

No, in fact, the more beautiful thing is that they do have an intense physical passion for each other, but its rooted in offering oneself to the other instead of consuming the other for oneself . . . however, I would still prefer the latter in a marriage as opposed to this fear that every intimate thought and action might be an occasion of sin . . . how the heck could you live that way and be happy?

The concept of gift in marriage is rooted in the idea of vocation, that the other is GIVEN to you and that because of that, their freedom to reciprocate the feelings you have for them must be paramount to the understanding of the relationship . . .

That being said . . . ain't no shame in wanting to get it on with the hubby (or the wifey). [/quote]
Oh, BLAZEr, I agree completely. I hope I didn't come across the wrong way. Sexual desire is perfectly normal, it should just be motivated by love and not lust.

Lust desires what we can take from another and how to get it. Love offers a gift and gladly accepts what is given in return. Love does request a gift in return. For instance, I love a girl, and I pour out my love to her because I have decided to, but I also want her to pour herself back out to me in love. However, the purpose of my love is not in order to get her love back, it's to be generous with my love, with the hope that she will give her love to me in exchange. In fact, I would say that no one can accept the love of another without first giving love, because unless someone gives love, he has not made room in himself to receive love.

Men and women have sex because they want to give of themselves. It is said that to love another person, a man must first love himself. Once a man loves himself, he recognizes, not out of pride, but out of humility, that he is worth giving to another person, and he finds a person to whom he wishes to give himself. His ardent desire is that he can do that and that she gives herself in return. The desire is to give oneself and to give mutually, but never to take. To take is lust.

There is nothing wrong with sex or sexual desire. Used properly, it allows us to give ourselves purely and is a very beautiful thing. I agree that there is not only anything wrong with it, but that it is the greatest gift God has given us in order to relate to the opposite sex. We just have to use it from our generous will to give rather than our will to take.

And of course, it takes time to grow selfless. We're not perfect, none of us.

I believe we're in agreement.

[Balthazor]

I had to say that it is most hard when you are with a boyfriend or girlfriend just from my personal experiences.
But then I also have to say that my response was based largely on my experiences dating. I did not date the most holy of males, and in the end I caved on many of the morals that I held dear. I wonder if it would have turned out better if I would have dated someone who was more committed to being chaste and also not all of the guys I have dated have been Catholic or even religious.

Now I have just resigned myself to no boyfriend at all, you know what the bible says.

If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed than with two hands to go into Gehenna, into the unquenchable fire.
And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life crippled than with two feet to be thrown into Gehenna.

And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. Better for you to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into Gehenna,
where 'their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.'

In my case a boyfriend was causing me to sin.....so I cut him off. I now have no boyfriend, I also have much less sin. This may not work or be advisable to many people, but for me it worked.

[Balthazor]

BUMP

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='Balthazor' date='Dec 5 2004, 08:39 PM'] I had to say that it is most hard when you are with a boyfriend or girlfriend just from my personal experiences.
But then I also have to say that my response was based largely on my experiences dating. I did not date the most holy of males, and in the end I caved on many of the morals that I held dear. I wonder if it would have turned out better if I would have dated someone who was more committed to being chaste and also not all of the guys I have dated have been Catholic or even religious. [/quote]
There are lots of good men out there, I promise. Have you read [u]ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband[/u] by Stephen Wood?