A sense of hopelessness

[Tink]

[color=#660066]"Lord, I’m in the dark,
Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling.
[b]No one there, the sky is falling;[/b]

[b]Lord, I need to know.[/b]
[b]My mind is playing games again[/b]
You’re right where you have always been.

[b]Take me back to you,[/b]
[b]The place that I once knew as a little child;[/b]
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to be
In the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.

I will rest in you,
I will rest in you,
I will rest in you.

[b]Tell me I’m a fool,[/b]
[b]Tell me that you love me for the fool I am,[/b]
[b]comfort me like only you can,[/b]
[b]And tell me there’s a place[/b]
[b]Where I can feel your breath[/b]
[b]Like sweet caresses on my face again.[/b]

Take me back to you,
The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to be
In the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.

I will rest in you,
I will rest in you,
I will rest in you.[/color]
___________________________________________

Guys, I don't know why, but things have been really hard lately. I know I often say that suffering is beautiful, and I'm learning to use it as a gift, but Satan is really taking this opportunity to attack me with his greatest weapon- my own emotions. I feel so insignificant in my group of youth group friends, and so invisible to my best friend, who I have had feelings for, unbeknownst to me or him, since the day we met. I feel jealous, envious, angry at myself, unimportant, isolated, unloved, insecure. I wish I could go back to before this irresistible craving for love was instilled in my heart. Before the tears flowed so easily and so quickly, before I ruined things with the person on this earth I care most about. I know this sounds selfish and confusing, but please guys, any prayers, comments, pieces of advice would be helpful. I just need to talk to someone, and frankly Pham, you're the only ones I can turn to right now.

In Christ and Mary,
Erin

Edited February 3, 2005 by Tink

[Tink]

going to bed, I hope at least a few see this before it drops to the second page.

Night.

[jp2_rules]

i just sent you a PM.....

[Specter]

Erin. Sometimes things get tough, even with your youth group. I know that depression runs in my family and I know that I get that way sometimes. However, it's in these times that we must reach out and remember that without these times, we cannot truly appreciate the freedomd of God's gifts for us.. it's the time when we must realize that Jesus truly IS carrying us. This life is our test for the afterlife, and a crucible it is. The trick is to get through it. And with a support group like this, I'm sure you'll make it. You're extremely nice, and a great person. You have the strength to get through this with God's help.

Also, I'll have all of Antioch Grand Rapids and Antioch Muskegon pray for you

(Just found out you're from Louis' group in SB)

Edited February 3, 2005 by Specter

[JazzforJesus]

I think i know what your going through, just so you know, your not alone.
a little more than a week ago i actually did have a complete breakdown. I still dont remember what all that i did. its rough and i wish i had good advice for you to deal with this.
(you can IM me if you want to talk)
Ill just tell you the things i did. I talked to one of my closest friends online (i couldnt in person since they were 2hrs away) who i kinda knew went through the same thing and we just talk about stuff and yea. she was essential to mefeeling better.
One thing that everybody will agree upon is praying. I dont know who to pray to other than God, so thats what i do. when i pray, i have learned to do a sort of buddism idea of meditation. and i just talked to God and analyzed everything that was going on with me. I just thought about one thing and thought about what it could mean and that sort and i just did that over and over. Once i figured things out, i went out to talk to all my friends about this. and that actually made me feel better.
One of my friends came to me about some of her problems and since i was already in what i call the pit, i couldnt help her much but refered her to psalm 5. it did alot for her, so maybe it would do alot for you too.

I am actually very familiar with depression, runs in my family and i have ups and downs alot. like for me i am constently going up and down

If you want to talk more by all means IM me, both my YIM and AIM sn are posted

Edited February 3, 2005 by JazzforJesus

[Lil Red]

-_- prayers...i've been in the same cycle of hopelessness for awhile....no advice, just lots of prayers -_-

[littleflower+JMJ]

im so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way....please no matter what happens do not despair! Trust, hope and have much faith....and rely on God when you cannot do it yourself. All things are trials.....trials that are meant to bring us closer to God and we should use every opportunity........i will definitly keep you in my prayers tink.....know that your not alone....that many struggle in our daily lives....and God who hears our every cry and feels our every pain....knows and loves us very, very much...never forget that......remember nothing is bigger than God!!

and your right the pham is here for ya :group: to make you feel better :hearts: and to hear you and help you!!

you got our prayers during this very rough time!! and i really hope things get better very soon!

[Tink]

[quote name='Specter' date='Feb 3 2005, 12:59 AM'] Erin. Sometimes things get tough, even with your youth group. I know that depression runs in my family and I know that I get that way sometimes. However, it's in these times that we must reach out and remember that without these times, we cannot truly appreciate the freedomd of God's gifts for us.. it's the time when we must realize that Jesus truly IS carrying us. This life is our test for the afterlife, and a crucible it is. The trick is to get through it. And with a support group like this, I'm sure you'll make it. You're extremely nice, and a great person. You have the strength to get through this with God's help.

Also, I'll have all of Antioch Grand Rapids and Antioch Muskegon pray for you

(Just found out you're from Louis' group in SB) [/quote]
WOAH! Specter? That's pretty awesome.

And thank for everything guys, I appreciate it. Jp2, thank you very much for the PM, I'll go read it right now. Thanks for your prayers, guys.

[franciscanheart]

I'm not sure I can give you much advice. Nothing more than anyone else has already said. So I offer you my prayers. and hugs. :group:

[Specter]

[quote name='Tink' date='Feb 3 2005, 07:04 AM'] WOAH! Specter? That's pretty awesome.

And thank for everything guys, I appreciate it. Jp2, thank you very much for the PM, I'll go read it right now. Thanks for your prayers, guys. [/quote]
Yeah, I'm kinda the co-leader of Antioch Grand Rapids, now. And I'm one of the young adult leaders at Antioch Muskegon. Antioch GR is the remains of the original Antioch group that met in Caledonia, at the founders' house. However, DJ and Janet are still very much a part. Since the leader handed over control of Antioch to my friend Julie, and she dubbed me "co-leader" we've put together a plan to make Antioch better, or at least closer to what it was when I first started going in 1998.

Anyway, if you're ever in the Grand Rapids area on a Thursday, we've got a meeting that you're welcome to come to. "Mammbo3" came to one. And if you're ever in Muskegon on a Sunday, there's a meeting at Rick Grinstead's house (he was a candidate on the first Antioch retreat ever). You're welcome at both!

[Tink]

[quote name='Specter' date='Feb 3 2005, 11:16 AM'] Yeah, I'm kinda the co-leader of Antioch Grand Rapids, now. And I'm one of the young adult leaders at Antioch Muskegon. Antioch GR is the remains of the original Antioch group that met in Caledonia, at the founders' house. However, DJ and Janet are still very much a part. Since the leader handed over control of Antioch to my friend Julie, and she dubbed me "co-leader" we've put together a plan to make Antioch better, or at least closer to what it was when I first started going in 1998.

Anyway, if you're ever in the Grand Rapids area on a Thursday, we've got a meeting that you're welcome to come to. "Mammbo3" came to one. And if you're ever in Muskegon on a Sunday, there's a meeting at Rick Grinstead's house (he was a candidate on the first Antioch retreat ever). You're welcome at both! [/quote]
heh, can do. Are you registered on WeAdore?

[Specter]

Yes I am! My name on there is Paul_grmi

GR and Muskegon also have a site: BangTheBucket.com

[Tink]

oh, I remember you. You're the guy whose posts are few, but thoughtful. I like people like you. Anyway, I'm RetroEssence13, the chick who posts a lot, and is constantly changing signatures.

I checked out your website. I like the thread about the cheerleading toss. That's nuts.

[Seven77]

God is at work here..

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I can't say much except that some beautiful thoughts have been posted already and that I suggest you try reading the Dark Night of the Soul.

[Tink]

Thanks Raph. I think I will. Quite a few people have suggested that book recently, even those who don't know how I've been feeling. I'll check it out.

[Specter]

[quote name='Tink' date='Feb 3 2005, 01:50 PM'] oh, I remember you. You're the guy whose posts are few, but thoughtful. I like people like you. Anyway, I'm RetroEssence13, the chick who posts a lot, and is constantly changing signatures.

I checked out your website. I like the thread about the cheerleading toss. That's nuts. [/quote]
Hey, yeah, I do have few but thoughtful posts there. It's mainly because I've got too many other forums to post in. I'm surprised that you do remember me.

I'm getting the Antioch Hoodie! Sometime I'm going to have to visit your Antioch.. South Bend is only a 2 hour drive south, afterall!

[Tink]

[quote name='Specter' date='Feb 3 2005, 02:28 PM'] Hey, yeah, I do have few but thoughtful posts there. It's mainly because I've got too many other forums to post in. I'm surprised that you do remember me.

I'm getting the Antioch Hoodie! Sometime I'm going to have to visit your Antioch.. South Bend is only a 2 hour drive south, afterall! [/quote]
Awesome, that'll make my day. The Antioch hoodies are really warm, I'd definitely recommend getting one.

I remember most things. Photographic, auditory, and synesthetic memory. It's hard not to remember things.

[RemnantRules]

Blessed Be God!!!

Prayers Erin.

Let me suggest one thing Adoration! If you can find a way to go to adoration and spend time with Jesus...play your guitar, talk to him, cry with him, b/c he will be there w/ you.

I wish I could play this song for you but this is my FAVORITE song. It hit me when I was sort of down alittle bit and I think the lyrics will help you.


"I'm in a tug a war
and I am struggling
I know what I want
what's the problem

My vision isn't clear
It's getting cloudy
hope is dwendeling
full of doubting.

But I run to you
through the dark and the shade
you hold my hand
you lead my way

Chorus:
Here the will
God is done
As he wills
Long as he wants (2x)

Though this temple life
is just a drop in the sea
it's hard to look past
my wants and my needs
if you showed me
my life's every step
if you revealed to me
every joy and regret

Chorus

Here the will
God has done

Chorus



I hope you like it. It has always brought me hope and strength and realize no matter how much pain here, in my life and yours God's will, will always be done first. The song is called "St. Gerard" since the words of the chorus are his. I will be praying for you and if you EVER want to talk I'm here for ya.



God Bless
Jason Gregory

[Specter]

[quote name='Tink' date='Feb 3 2005, 03:26 PM'] Awesome, that'll make my day. The Antioch hoodies are really warm, I'd definitely recommend getting one.

I remember most things. Photographic, auditory, and synesthetic memory. It's hard not to remember things. [/quote]
I sure hope that I'll have a chance sometime this spring. We're planning an Antioch retreat at the moment though, so it won't be until March at the earliest.