smug marrieds.

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

I kinda know what its like when all your friends are either older or younger and those the same age as you just seem to be plain ol' dumb most of the time. I'm kind of a loner myself. I just recently started going to retreats and stuff on my own because no one else wants to go with me! I'm hoping on a silent retreat next week, but that will be by myself as well. My mom always tells me that I should hang out with people my age or more people... but I really don't wanna... sorry for adding my rant to your rant...

[Fides_et_Ratio]

no, by all means, rant along with me. lol.

I ought not be complaining so much, but it's been bothering me for a while, and after reflecting upon the fact that my only social interaction these past few weeks is going to be the lunch with someone who's triple my age and thinks it's "cute" to take me to lunch... things just sort of exploded and I'm not too happy with myself.

I don't mind being by myself and reading, but every priest or religious I sit down and talk to will compliment me on my intellectual thoughts and conversations... but then they ALWAYS (without fail) mention that I ought to take a break from reading and hang out with people my own age because I don't need to be in a hurry to grow up.

[Mrs. Bro. Adam]

[quote name='Fides_et_Ratio' date='Jul 11 2005, 09:57 AM']I get a lot of grief for ragging on Steubie... but FUS is BY FAR, most definitely NOT a Catholic mecca. At all. Academically, they may be great... but some of the things that take place on campus are far less than exemplary.

I wanted to go to FUS because I thought it was going to be this great Catholic place. And it is, academically (for the most part... at least enough that I wouldn't complain too much), but aside from academics there was a lot I wasn't satisfied with.

(which I why I was scared to meet Bro. Adam & Mrs. ... they'd think all I did was complain about FUS and talk non-stop because I'd had no social interaction since the last time I'd been back in Columbus! lol).
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Mrs. Bro. Adam doesn't care about stuff like that. Mrs. Bro. Adam's mission in life is to make people happy. Mrs. Bro. Adam was a little disappointed that she didn't get to meet you.


Mrs. Bro. Adam, also, is starved for non married, non work, interaction.

[photosynthesis]

i have a LOT of friends my own age. i don't have a best friend, but I do know a lot of other college students and spend a lot of time with them. They're all non-Catholics though. I get a lot of great Christian support from my Protestant friends, and they have contributed a great deal to my spiritual growth, but it's difficult because they don't quite understand my Catholic faith the way other Catholics do. My Jewish friends are awesome and I go to Shabbat dinner with them all the time... And I have a lot of secular friends who keep me on the edge They're all great people. I really love my friends. I can also say that i've grown a lot in my understanding of Apologetics, because I had to. I'm around non-catholics 24/7.

as much as I love traditional Catholic culture, and I'm very Catholic in my faith... when i'm around other catholics it's like cultureshock. I can't imagine a relationship where I don't have to defend my faith all of the time. the idea is totally foreign to me. I often feel a strong desire to be a Catholic missionary, and go to places where the Church is really small and teach the faith. And then I realize I've been lone missionary ever since I came back into the faith.

maybe this should go in my pity-party thread.

um...yeah. friends that get married. good stuff.

[Old_Joe]

I know from my own experience, that you have to put yourself out there. For awhile, it felt like that people were avoiding me or leaving me out. I hated being left out all the time. Whenever, I'd hear about a group of my friends talking about something had done such as going to see a movie, hanging out, etc. my first reaction would be, "why wasn't I invited!?!" I still struggle with these feelings every so often. Then I realized that they were leaving me out because I was leaving them out. I couldn't just wait for an invitation. otherwise, I'd be camped out by the mailbox for the rest of my life. I'd either have to ask politely if I could join, or invite people myself.

Here's your thunder back, I didn't mean to steal it. I don't know if this'll help, but you're not alone.

[photosynthesis]

I broke down at Mass yesterday... the Priest said something about being brothers and sisters in Christ... I thought to myself, "brothers and sisters? who the heck are these people? I don't even know them, and they don't know me." and i lost it. i tend to cry in church more than any other place. it's a good place to cry because the blessed sacrament is there. but still, whenever I go to church I think people think of me as "that random college girl who always cries." I don't mean to distract people from the mass, obviously, but I think it does.

people just tend to ignore it, which is better than feigned concern.

Edited July 11, 2005 by photosynthesis

[Old_Joe]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 11 2005, 11:10 AM']I broke down at Mass yesterday...  the Priest said something about being brothers and sisters in Christ...  I thought to myself, "brothers and sisters?  who the heck are these people?  I don't even know them, and they don't know me."  and i lost it.  i tend to cry in church more than any other place.  it's a good place to cry because the blessed sacrament is there.  but still, whenever I go to church I think people think of me as "that random college girl who always cries."  I don't mean to distract people from the mass, obviously, but I think it does.

people just tend to ignore it, which is better than feigned concern.
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yeah, I know what you mean. certain songs or a really good homily will do that to me sometimes, or if I've had a bad day and I go to mass in the evening, I just unwind. Sometimes, I'll even break out in giggles. I try not too. I don't mean to laugh at the liturgy or anything. I'm just so overwhelmingly happy, that I have to do something.

[Dave]

Unfortunately, this type of thing seems to happen a lot when a person's friend gains a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. An online men's magazine ( www.askmen.com ) wrote an article aimed at men whose best friends get a girlfriend. I think it can be adapted for use with women whose best friends get married.

Anyway, you have to stand up for yourself. She may not realize or intend to ignore you, but her disregard for you is inexcusable. She needs to realize she hasn't exactly been dividing her time evenly. In trying to win back your friend's time, keep these 5 tips in mind:

1. Opting for a direct confrontation is not the best way to proceed. You're likely to explode, say things you may regret, and she may interpret your opinions as an attack on her husband (which may or may not be true; it's a moot point) or jealousy.

Instead, if you know the husband well or if he's a friend of yours too, you should consider speaking to him. Mention to him that you miss your friend a lot. Besides, I think women like their husbands to get in good with their girlfriends because it can only strengthen their friendships. But whatever you do, DON'T say or do anything that would make your friend wrongly suspect her husband is cheating on her with you.

2. Cut the husband some slack. This is crucial. You must not direct your anger and hostility toward him. The fact remains that he's an innocent party in all of this (unless he goes out of his way to exclude you, but that's usually just in your head).

3. Work as a team. Having the husband as your ally is beneficial because together, you can help your friend see that she does have a life outside of merely being a wife. Try to give subtle clues that would suggest to her that she's this close to losing you, while having the husband reinforce this when you're not around.

4. Don't aim too high. Remember, you're not looking for miracles; just a little respect and maybe even a girls' nite out every now and then, which you'll get if your friend really cares the way you think she does.

5. If you're still unsuccessful, there are other tactics/tantrums you can carry out, but by this point, she has likely made up her mind.

You have now reached the end of your rope. When all is said and done, you have either succeeded in getting your friend to see the light or just severed an already unstable relationship. If the latter occurs, walk away.
Your friend has elected to forgo a relationship between sisters in favor of a marital relationship, and you, in turn, must retain what little pride you have left and close the book on this ungrateful person.

But chances are, you'll get the last laugh, for what she doesn't know now -- but will someday -- is that while a husband is a wonderful thing, a spouse can never take the place of a normal friendship. In other words, it's a "both/and" situation, not an "either/or."

[Fides_et_Ratio]

[quote name='Mrs. Bro. Adam' date='Jul 11 2005, 11:08 AM']Mrs. Bro. Adam doesn't  care about stuff like that.  Mrs. Bro. Adam's mission in life is to make people happy.  Mrs. Bro. Adam was a little disappointed that she didn't get to meet you.
Mrs. Bro. Adam, also, is starved for non married, non work, interaction.
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Fides promises to let you guys know when I'm back to visit some friends.




I'll try talking to my friend when I see her again. Other than that, I'm going to try not to worry about it and focus on attending more Catholic-y sorts of things.

[Jaime]

Wow I breezed through this thread and I didn't catch anyone stating the obvious.

[b]Overall, married people prefer hanging out with married people. [/b]


It totally and completely smells of elderberries. And it makes no sense whatsoever. But it is more often true than not.

And the critical thing is, it has absolutely nothing to do with the single person left behind. So please don't take it too personally.

And yes it really smells of elderberries!

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='Jul 11 2005, 05:17 PM']Wow I breezed through this thread and I didn't catch anyone stating the obvious. 

[b]Overall, married people prefer hanging out with married people. [/b]
It totally and completely smells of elderberries.  And it makes no sense whatsoever.  But it is more often true than not. 

And the critical thing is, it has absolutely nothing to do with the single person left behind.  So please don't take it too personally. 

And yes it really smells of elderberries!
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Probably true for most, but actually I usually perfer to hang out with my unmarried friends. I guess thats because I only have a couple married friends, but even when I hang out with them I prefer it to be "just the girls" (and our kids if necessary). It just gives kind of a nice break. When you're with married people usually all they want to talk about is being married, which, kinda gets old. I mean, I LIVE it (and I love it), I don't need for it to be the only topic of conversation as well. (I'm also a major homebody so that is probably another factor...)

[homeschoolmom]

Let's just say that when people change stations in life, they have to adjust their friendships.

For example. We lived for a while in Milwaukee when our oldest was a toddler. We had some friends (a married/childless couple) who lived there. Every once in a while they'd call and ask if we wanted to go see a movie that night. Um, well... no, because, you see, you're the only people we know here and we have this toddler person that we are resposible for and well... How about bringing over a movie and we can order a pizza? That usually worked, but it took them a while to catch on to the fact that we weren't just that free and easy anymore.

Okay, that's totally off topic.

[Mrs. Bro. Adam]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='Jul 11 2005, 04:17 PM']Wow I breezed through this thread and I didn't catch anyone stating the obvious. 

[b]Overall, married people prefer hanging out with married people. [/b]
It totally and completely smells of elderberries.  And it makes no sense whatsoever.  But it is more often true than not. 

And the critical thing is, it has absolutely nothing to do with the single person left behind.  So please don't take it too personally. 

And yes it really smells of elderberries!
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As Katie stated, not entirely true.

[Mrs. Bro. Adam]

[quote name='Fides_et_Ratio' date='Jul 11 2005, 04:07 PM']

Fides promises to let you guys know when I'm back to visit some friends.
I'll try talking to my friend when I see her again. Other than that, I'm going to try not to worry about it and focus on attending more Catholic-y sorts of things.
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