How do I get rid of my current spiritual director?

[the_rev]

Ok, so I have a Norbertine spiritual director, we'll call him Fr. Norbert, however I don't think I like him and want him to be guiding me in the spiritual life.

However there are two other norbertines I'd like and rather have for my spiritual director.

However I don't know how to tell Father Norbert that I'd rather have another spiritual director, and yet get another one within the same order.

Your help appreciated,

Eddie Looney

[Noel's angel]

i have a problem with the title of this thread. 'getting rid' of your spiritual director seems like asking what bin the plastic bottles go in. If you don't like him, why did you ask him to be your spiritual director? Just be honest with him and tell him that you would like to experience direction from other people and that you feel that you have gained all you can from your relationship with him. Or something to that effect.

[Theoketos]

They way I see it you have two options:

1) Zap him with a ray gun.

2) Be honest and upfront.

[picchick]

There is nothing wrong with saying that you need to find a different sd...You need to find a spiritual director who will help you. Hopefully he will be understanding of such.

[Extra ecclesiam nulla salus]

that would really mean. the guy's a priest just stick with it. but if you do deciede to change you have to tell him

what is the problem with him, if you don't mind me asking?

[picchick]

[quote name='Extra ecclesiam nulla salus' date='Aug 27 2005, 03:22 PM']that would really mean. the guy's a priest just stick with it. but if you do deciede to change you have to tell him

what is the problem with him, if you don't mind me asking?
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No no no. Even if he is a priest that doesn't mean that someone should stick with them. Spiritual Directors and the people they are directing have to fit together. You can't have two people who are indecisive or two people who like to talk alot. That would just not work. Spiritual Directors have to be a prayerful decision. So pray before you do anything.

[the_rev]

Our abbey has a norbertine spirituality center, so I contacted the center and requested a spiritual director, so they hooked me up with him.

I don't like him for a few reasons,

1. He's older, (sure my confessor is older) but he doesn't relate well to today's world.

2. He feels the rosary isn't essential in one's spiritual life.

3. He has a really deep voice, (not that it is bad or anything, I just find it really hard to conentrate when we speak.)

4. He became my spiritual director when I was very "young" with the abbey meaning, I was there one or two times before hand and only knew three fraters, (now only one since the other two left) and a few priests.

Now that I've gone to the abbey once a week, and stayed one week this summer there, I have eaten with several priests, and found a few that I like and would like to have on my spiritual journey.

Lastly I have a meeting sometime in Septmeber but I don't know when it is, so I think I will call and leave a voice message cancelling..

[Era Might]

It doesn't sound like there's any serious reason to change SD.

You can do whatever you want, of course. But, my suggestion is to stop looking at externals (who cares how deep his voice is?) and let God speak to you through him.

[Extra ecclesiam nulla salus]

he sounds kind of weird only the Rev really knows how and what to do about this and why.

[the_rev]

I'm going to pray a novena to St. John Vienney about this.... Anyone know of a novena to him?

[the_rev]

or maybe to St. Norbert, since I'm going to enter the norbertine community.

[blueufo7]

Here's my two cents:

Just sit down with him and have a talk that starts off like, "I've learned a lot from our relationship, but I think we need to be seeing other people..."


[url="http://www.catholicity.com/mccloskey/articles/spiritualconsultant.html"]http://www.catholicity.com/mccloskey/artic...consultant.html[/url]

in the article linked above, the author says something about how you pick a spiritual director like you pick a spouse!! so, if Fr. Norbert isn't right, break up

[Dudette]

It's not much of a problem, if I was in your situation I would just tell him "Father, I don't think you are the right person to be guiding me in my spiritual life..." etc.

Also, I hope you really have prayed a lot about this, spiritual directors are extremely important. It's not what you want, but what God wants.

[ofpheritup]

[quote name='the_rev' date='Aug 27 2005, 03:48 PM']Our abbey has a norbertine spirituality center, so I contacted the center and requested a spiritual director, so they hooked me up with him.

I don't like him for a few reasons, 

1.  He's older, (sure my confessor is older) but he doesn't relate well to today's world.

2.  He feels the rosary isn't essential in one's spiritual life.

4.  He became my spiritual director when I was very "young" with the abbey meaning, I was there one or two times before hand and only knew three fraters, (now only one since the other two left) and a few priests.

and found a few that I like and would like to have on my spiritual journey.

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I deleted number 3 BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER according to me.

#1 I agree with this one. It is important at any age. And it isn't just Spiritual Directors it applies to Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Counselors of any sort. There has to be a basic understanding of who you are. Too much time and energy gets wasted trying to explain WHO YOU ARE. There needs to be some "commonality."

#2 What I am thinking is "IT'S NOT HERESY, BUT IT'S CLOSE."
The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. Not a good thing.

#4 And so now you have "grown you are older" you have the right to move on.

And the last one (no number) Go talk to the one that you would like to be your new Spiritual Director tell him what is going on. Be honest, let him advise you.

#2 #2 #2 Nope, not good at all. Nope. Nope. I would have cut him loose for that alone. He doesn't feel the rosary is ESSENTIAL. Well if it isn't ESSENTIAL then why did Jesus send His mother down here with it?

[Extra ecclesiam nulla salus]

my spiritual director is a cool guy. Hes a jesuit. but he thinks kissing the Koran was justifiabile and that we shouldn't use the word "heretic".

[toledo_jesus]

you must pick someone you fit with.

But (and I'll preface this by saying I don't know you, and may be wrong) you might consider whether or not you are just not hearing from him what you [u]want[/u] to hear...


also, I *believe* that fully 1200 years of Christianity existed without the rosary. Mayhap the good Father is not so wrong about such an esteemed devotion being ultimately "nonessential?" this of course does not deny the validity and importance of the rosary in many Christian's lives.

[the_rev]

I've only met with him once, so maybe I shouldn't judge off of one time. I will pray a novena, and see what God wants.

[Fides_et_Ratio]

It all depends. But you shouldn't feel bad about wanting a different director, it happens. YOU are the one "in charge" so to speak of the spiritual direction. It's like a doctor-- you're picky about which doc you go to, right?

My previous SD would always tell me (when some discussions turned more into "arguments") that it was my choice to keep coming back to see him, and that I was free to choose a new director.

You pick a spiritual director, you follow his commands as long as you remain under his direction--but that doesn't mean that you have to stick with him as a director. If you don't know him all that well, you might want to give him a little bit more of a chance.

[Sixtina87]

You know i had that same porblme. i got a s.d. who is a Sister but doesnt wear the habit, I was very uncomfortable with her and I met with her that one time and never went back!!!!!!! HeHeHe!!!! I did scheduale another appointment with her but kept cancelling a week before hand!!!! very smart to me!!!!! Just confront hima dn Say that you wold like to have someone else for a change!!!!!!!!!!! there is nothing wrong with change or confronting someone!!!!!!!!!!!

[Theoketos]

[quote name='Theoketos' date='Aug 27 2005, 03:01 PM']They way I see it you have two options:

1) Zap him with a ray gun.

2) Be honest and upfront.
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