Guys MUST apply here....

[jmjtina]

This actually came from Cmom WAYYYY back. I wasn't digging up that old thread, so I just cut and pasted. :

Okay guys, here's the application you must fill out to date anyone on phatmass.

good luck.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME ____ __________ DATE OF BIRTH ________

2. HEIGHT ____________ WEIGHT ________ I.Q __ ___ G.P.A.__ __

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______ ________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _____ ________ CITY/STATE ____ ___ ZIP _____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?______ ________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _______________

8. Do you own a van? __ __ A truck with oversized tires? __ __ A waterbed? __ ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_____ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ ________________ _______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____.__________

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ____________ ______________________

12. Church you attend _________ How often do you attend ____ _______

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___ ____

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___________

c) A woman's place is in the ________ _______________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____ ______

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _____ _______

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______ ________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

[cmotherofpirl]

I created an altered version somewhere to date my sons

[jmjtina]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Aug 29 2005, 08:22 PM']I created an altered version somewhere to date my sons
[right][snapback]704518[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]


POST POST POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Christie_M]

I think I should print this for my parents! lol jk

Edited August 30, 2005 by Christie_M

[jmjtina]

Paladin D filled one out!!!!

It was HALRIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love that kid!!!!!!!!!!!

but he may want to update it.......

[Anastasia13]

Do you have it around to post?

[jmjtina]

Dallas can dig it up if he wants to. I'll ask him.

I don't know if he wants to remember it.

[Sojourner]

<<--------NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS

[Anastasia13]

Who is Dallas?

[annabelle87]

that's good

[Philippe]

thats so awesome... i kinda want them to give me that cause i think i would pass pretty easily

[jmjtina]

[quote name='Light and Truth' date='Aug 29 2005, 08:30 PM']Who is Dallas?
[right][snapback]704531[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

sorry.

it's Paladin D. :

[lifeteenchick527]

[quote name='Philippe' date='Aug 29 2005, 07:39 PM']thats so awesome... i kinda want them to give me that cause i think i would pass pretty easily
[right][snapback]704546[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]


rofl philippe.... u probably would...thats the scary thing : lol jkjk
...
anyone who wants to go out with philippe...u mite want to talk to me first : jkjk philippe just messin with u :

God Bless
LTC

[the_rev]

1. NAME __Eddie Lee_____ DATE OF BIRTH __5/10/89___

2. HEIGHT ____5;5"________ WEIGHT __139.7 _____ I.Q __168___ G.P.A.__ 4.203__

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _N/Z___ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____ ____I'm licesense that's all that matters I almost had a perfect score, five points off on parrallel park___

4. BOY SCOUT RANK______Cub scout__________

5. HOME ADDRESS _PO Box (need to pay my bill first)
_______ CITY/STATE _Green Bay, WI___ ___ ZIP __54300___

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?____yes__ ________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _______________

8. Do you own a van? _no/car_ __ A truck with oversized tires? _no_ __ A waterbed? __no ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo___no__ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? I'm never late, I'm always early or on time. I don't think I've ever been late for anything.

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? That I can't touch your daughter, duh!

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? Stay pure and chaste.

12. Church you attend __St. Norbert Abbey_______ How often do you attend __weekly/daily__ (Future Frater)

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? whenever possible

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is my heart

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my my cranial___________

c) A woman's place is in the ____kitchen duh!______________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _money___ ______

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ___personality______

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ___Priest______

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Eddie Lee, Signature ( That means your name, moron)

[franciscanheart]

okay boys. we know youre out there. fill them out!

[popestpiusx]

I would fail on the tattoo question. But since I am married with two kids and one on the way I guess that does not matter much now.

I think I would include a question about firearm proficiency as well.

[CD2008]

im soooo gunna make one of these for my younger sisters!
i have two of them lol

-Chris

[phatcatholic]

i aint skerrrrred

1. NAME: Nicholas Joseph Hardesty_____DATE OF BIRTH: 5-14-80

2. HEIGHT: 6'0"_____WEIGHT: 135_____ I.Q: I don't know, but I speculate that it is two standard deviations from the mean_____ G.P.A.: High School: 3.5, Undergrad: 3.76, Grad: 3.9

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # and DRIVERS LICENSE #: I'll pm you

4. BOY SCOUT RANK: Webelos (highest cub scout rank, I participated when i was a young lad)

5. HOME ADDRESS: I'll pm you _____CITY/STATE: Louisville, KY_____ZIP: 40207

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? Yes

7. Number of years your parents have been married: 27

8. Do you own a van? No_____A truck with oversized tires? No_____ A waterbed? No_____ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? No

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? Not being precisely on time

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? It means envisioning that our Blessed Mother is with us whenever I am with her.

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? See answer to #10

12. Church you attend: Holy Spirit parish_____How often do you attend: Weekly

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? Whenever you like

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is: my brain.

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: skull

c) A woman's place is in the: deepest recesses of my heart

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: my insecurities

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her: talents? aspirations? (do i still have to slither away? )

seriously tho, it is her warmth, how open she is to having my company.

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? a teacher, counselor, and theologian

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Nicholas Joseph Hardesty_____Signature ( That means your name, moron)

[Laudate_Dominum]

*nods*

Amen phatcatholic. *continues nodding*

[infinitelord1]

1. NAME ____ __________ mattthewDATE OF BIRTH ________1983

2. HEIGHT ____________ WEIGHT ________ I.Q __ ___121 G.P.A.__ 84/100__

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______ ________________cant remember

5. HOME ADDRESS _____ ________ CITY/STATE ____ ___ ZIP _____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?______ ________ If No., EXPLAIN yes___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _______________9

8. Do you own a van? __ __ A truck with oversized tires? __ __ A waterbed? __ ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_____ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )91 oldsmobile cutlass

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ ________________ 5 min_______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____.__________dont touch her in a sexual way

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ____________ ______________________you should be thinking with the bigger head

12. Church you attend _________ How often do you attend ____ _______st. anthony's/ sometimes

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ________when they were both in the state of texas

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___ ____my middle finger...........joke.........prolly my head.

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___________my bone that protects my oversized brain

c) A woman's place is in the ________ _______________kitchen/home

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____ ______occupation

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _____ _______i am not necassarily attracted to females.........lol............probably her face and personallity.

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________ a father who questions his daughters dates.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______ ________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)



does it really matter how tall, strong, or how heavy these candidates are?
would you use my social security number if i were to post it?