Please Pray For Me

[marielapin]

....with my mother. Apparently she thinks our choice to have a baby is "not smart", and that she is happy "I guess" about a grandchild, and she "never really ever wanted to be a grandmother".

I basically got really upset last night when she told me that she did not think it was smart that I was having a baby "so soon". "Are you bored with Jared", "don't you know its a lot of responsibility?".

I'm hurt beyond words. Please pray for me but especially for her. I was going to post this in the prayer board but I wanted to know if anyone else have ever experienced something similar.

[marielapin]

To add on to this, she has told me in the past that I am wasting my brains by wanting to be a stay-at-home Mom, and that I should have given some of my brains to my sister, who could use them a lot better.

Do you guys think I'm over-reacting at all by being so upset about this?

[Paladin D]

You have every right to be upset. By the sound of it, your mother sounds ignorant and rather... a control freak (a term used in my family). If I were you, keep limited contact from her.

Control freaks try and manipulate their way into other's lives. One way of doing it, is to usually insult/downplay the person they're trying to control.

Just be very careful...

[marielapin]

My mom doesn't have much control over me physically, just over my emotions. After all, I got married a year earlier than she wanted me to in a Church that she did not approve of, and a year before that I joined the Church that she did not want me to join. But she did have plenty of things to say about what I did.

[Paladin D]

It's still control. There are two types of abuse...

- Physical abuse

and

- Emotional abuse

...my dad had a problem with emotionally abusing my mother, but things have really changed since then.

Again, it's still dangerous.

[Kilroy the Ninja]

Just hang in there sweetie... your mom's tune will change as soon as she sees that beautiful bundle in your arms - trust me.

And if it doesn't, then pity her.

This is your life - not hers. If she's "not ready" to be a grandparent then it's her problem. You are an adult and you are going to make choices that she doesn't approve of, but they are your choices to make. I'm sure she makes choices you don't approve of.

There isn't much you can do about it except tell her thank you for telling you how she feels about things and move on. She is still your mom, so keep that in mind, but try, and this is very hard, not to let her get to you.

Remember, our parents know exactly how to push our buttons - they installed them!

Cleave to your husband! This too shall pass!

[Carrie]

Oh Marielapin, this must be so difficult for you!

You have every right to be upset, but know you're not the only one who experiences these things. My cousin was married at 18 and pregnant at 19. When she told her parents the wonderful news, they turned away from her rather than share in her joy. Her father was especially angry and told her she was "wasting her life." They barely spoke to her throughout the pregnancy. They didn't understand that this was God's will (they both claim no religion). My cousin was heartbroken because she thought this was an occasion the whole family would be happy about. She prayed for them everyday.

When she went into labor, she was shocked that both her parents rushed to the hospital. Their love for her surpassed their anger. Now, they adore and are very involved with their grandchild. They even attended the baby's baptism. They still feel that she was too young, but they have accepted what God has chosen for my cousin.

Don't give up hope on your mom. She may be acting a bit selfish now, but it is possible that she will come around, even though you have differences in religion. I've never known a grandma who didn't instantly fall in love with their grandchild when they saw him or her.

Give her time to get used to the idea. Know in your heart that this is what God wants for you and Jared. Pray for her that she may see how wonderful this baby is. And keep loving her, no matter what. Love and prayer can go a long way!

Your family is my prayers!!

[Jake Huether]

marielapin,

Satan will pull out all stops to frustrate God's will in our lives. Don't worry one bit. Pray for your mother, and show her how wonderful children are, and how ready you are.

You are in my prayers.

[Katholikos]

I'm sharing my brother's story -- his grandson on whom he doted fathered a child out of wedlock just as he was graduating high school. My brother had such big plans for his grandson, but they were not to be. The young mother and father didn't marry until their daughter was almost three. My brother and sister-in-law refused to accept the child. Never held her, ignored her, wouldn't come to her birthday parties. They were punishing their grandson through the child. Then the child converted them -- she was so adorable, as all kids are, and they found her irresitible. It was around the time she first learned to say "Gammy" and "Gammpy." Now they are sooooo much in love with the child, they've forgotten their anger.

Hang on, stay in constant prayer, and remember that this too shall pass. Cling to your husband and be at peace. I predict a happy ending to this hurtful episode. Wait until Gammy sees the little one! In the meantime, try to be as forgiving as you can -- for your own peace.

JMJ Likos

P.S. This is my Protestant brother.

[marielapin]

Thanks guys for all of your wonderful replies. They mean a lot.

And Likos - the sad thing is about your story is that I feel like I'm being treated as if I'm having a baby as a teenager and out of wedlock by my Mom, where in reality I'm a 24 year old (in December) college-educated engineer who has been married for a year and a half.

[marielapin]

On a good note, I did go to the doctor yesterday (this was before the terrible phone call) and I got to see a very active 11 week old baby. In fact, the baby was so active that they had to do a sonagram to take its heart beat. It wasn't holding still, so the doppler machine couldn't pick up anything!

[Azriel]

On a good note, I did go to the doctor yesterday (this was before the terrible phone call) and I got to see a very active 11 week old baby.  In fact, the baby was so active that they had to do a sonagram to take its heart beat.  It wasn't holding still, so the doppler machine couldn't pick up anything!

This is wonderful news. :wub:

On the topic, of your Mom, it sounds like she is projecting her fears about growing older on to you. Maybe she's feeling out of sorts because to her being a gramma means old.

That doesn't make it right, but may lend to understanding. I experienced the same sort of weirdness (not from my mom, but others) because I'm 32 and having my first child.

I have a feeling just like Kilroy and Likos, that once she sees the lil one in your arms, she'll have a change of heart.

If she doesn't, than I truly pity her. All that unconditional love gone to waste.

For the sake of your peace of mind, hang on to the picture of our Lord's mother, with her babe in her arms. Hold on to that serenity. It'll get crazy soon enough.

[littleflower+JMJ]

im praying for you marielpin!

a baby is a blessing and comes into our lives to help us to open up more, and to give and to love more...this might be what your mother needs to realize the beauty and gift of children.

dont worry! God can and does change hearts!! and a new born grandbaby might just do the trick! :D

+JMJ

God bless!

:D :D

[littleflower+JMJ]

On a good note, I did go to the doctor yesterday (this was before the terrible phone call) and I got to see a very active 11 week old baby.  In fact, the baby was so active that they had to do a sonagram to take its heart beat.  It wasn't holding still, so the doppler machine couldn't pick up anything!

how exciting!!

oh how cool it must be to be a mother!!

:wub: :wub: :wub:

[jmjtina]

marielapin, you are in our Prayers!!!!!!

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

[Birgitta Noel]

:( Sigh, the whole thing makes me sad Marielapin. Unite yourself to the heart of Mary, imagine what people said about her and Joseph!

You and your mom will be in my prayers. And yes, I agree that she'll come around!

In the meantime be good to yourself! And enjoy this joy that God has placed within you, literally!

God bless, Birgitta

[IcePrincessKRS]

You and your mother are in my prayers Lauren.

Like Kilroy, Likos, and Az, I am positive that your mother will come around. Until she does know that you have a whole phamily that is thoroughly excited for you and praying for you all.

***HUGS***

[Anna]

marielapin,

God has given you a treasure, the greatest treasure, in fact, because nothing else we acquire on earth will accompany us to eternity...but our children will, Lord willing!!!

A very holy priest used to often remind me of that. I think that he noticed the affluence of others around me and feared that I would be remorseful, but I wasn't. I knew he was right. As a mom, I knew where my treasures were.

When we announced our expectancy of our third child, my mother in law exclaimed, "Oh no, Not again!"

After that, I never afforded her the opportunity to make a remark like that to me again. She would learn of my subsequent pregnancies through the grapevine and rumor mill of our little town.

Finally, when we learned that we were expecting twins (babies ten and eleven) my husband paid his parents a visit. "Mom, Dad," he began, "I have something to tell you, and I'm very happy. So, if you can't say something good, please don't say anything at all. Anna and I are expecting twins!!!"

They said nothing at all.

Once his family (prots) suggested that he leave me, as I was "irresponsible." I think they meant regarding the use of artificial birth control. Both of his other siblings are divorced. One is remarried, with two children and two stepchildren. The other is living in sin and has a 25 year old son from his first marriage and a 2 year old son out of wedlock with his live-in girlfriend.....and I'm "irresponsible!"

It's just a matter of perspective, and your mom isn't looking at the world nor at your situation from a Catholic point of view.

Also, you've done the best possible thing with your brain. You've used God's gift of reason and intellect to seek and find His Truth. If your sister hasn't properly developed her own brain, yours would surely be wasted on her!!! :D God is charge. He is All Wise, All Knowing. Why, He even knows more than your mom! Don't let her words penetrate your heart. Keep on the full (maternity-size) armor of God.

Have no fear, bunny foo, you are on the right path.

(P.S. I'm 44, and will happily adopt a phatmass grandbaby, in addition to my own two biological granddaughters!)

Pax Christi. <><

[foundsheep]

Make sure you stay away from stress and worry. That baby and your husband are the most important thing right now. I know its hard and I had to do it but you definately have to devolop the I dont care what others think attitude. Youve been blessed, and those who dont want to share in the blessing should stand on the sidelines at least until your pregnancy is done.

[cmotherofpirl]

Oh sweetie I am so happy for you. Another phatmass baby!

Your mother missed out on the greatest role a woman can have - the creation of life and a new child of God.

Pity her and move on.

You have chosen the better part and that will make all the difference.