Advice

[thessalonian]

Okay so I logged on to the PC last night and my boy had his Instant Messanger logged in. There's a girl down the road he IM's. Well it popped up and she had some filthy language complete with fenhimers in her header. Also it linked to some pictures in myspace or something and she's not appropriately dressed to say the least. I was furious. I went over there to give them a piece of my mind but they weren't home. Perhaps it is better. I will be going over there today later. Anyone have any advice. I have a few things I want to say but want your input.

I had a talk with my kid about her. He says he isn't interested in her. I told him I blocked her IM and he didn't care. He went to that national youth confernence in Atlanta last week and it seems to have had a significant impact on him.

Edited November 5, 2005 by thessalonian

[Era Might]

I don't understand why you were going to go yell at them (or, at least that's how I interpret "giving a piece of my mind"). I understand why you would block them in your home. But if her parents permit her to conduct herself some way online, that's their business. Talk to them about your concerns, maybe, but yelling at them is not your place.

Oh, and I think "tr***" is a little harsh and uncharitable. Just a suggestion.

Edited November 5, 2005 by Era Might

[inDEED]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 12:55 PM']I don't understand why you're were going to go yell at them (or, at least that's how I interpret "giving a piece of my mind"). I understand why you would block them in your home. But if her parents permit her to conduct herself some way online, that's their business. Talk to them about your concerns, maybe, but yelling at them is not your place.

Oh, and I think "tr***" is a little harsh and uncharitable. Just a suggestion.
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Just a strange instance where I COMPLETELY agree with Era...

YOU'RE WAY OUTTA LINE, Thess...

[thessalonian]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 02:55 PM']I don't understand why you're were going to go yell at them (or, at least that's how I interpret "giving a piece of my mind"). I understand why you would block them in your home. But if her parents permit her to conduct herself some way online, that's their business. Talk to them about your concerns, maybe, but yelling at them is not your place.

Oh, and I think "tr***" is a little harsh and uncharitable. Just a suggestion.
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Well the fact of the matter is that I did talk to the stepdad, who was home but said it wasn't his place (they're getting divorced also) and I didnt' yell at him. So your judgement of what I was or wasn't going to do is noted to be false. But I have a word or two about how they raise their daughter who happens to be Catholic. I will of course try my best to be charitable.

[Era Might]

[quote name='thessalonian' date='Nov 5 2005, 04:02 PM']Well the fact of the matter is that I did talk to the stepdad, who was home but said it wasn't his place (they're getting divorced also)  and I didnt' yell at him.  So your judgement of what I was or wasn't going to do is noted to be false.  But I have a word or two about how they raise their daughter who happens to be Catholic.  I will of course try my best to be charitable.
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So from an Instant Message profile, you're suddenly qualified to judge how they "raise their daughter"?

I mean this with all due respect, but you should mind your own business. Worry about your own children.

[thessalonian]

[quote name='inDEED' date='Nov 5 2005, 03:01 PM']Just a strange instance where I COMPLETELY agree with Era...

YOU'RE WAY OUTTA LINE, Thess...
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Read my post above in which I responded to his. The carp she pumps in to my house on my PC is my business. Their raising their daughter to be little better than a hooker. This is not the first incident by the way.

[thessalonian]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 03:04 PM']So from an Instant Message profile, you're suddenly qualified to judge how they "raise their daughter"?

I mean this with all due respect, but you should mind your own business. Worry about your own children.
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All due respect? Who are you to talk to me like that. It's not respectful. What a pompus jerk. Get off my thread and mind your own business. I am looking after my children. And what get's pumped in to my house on my equipement is my buisness.

Edited November 5, 2005 by thessalonian

[Era Might]

[quote name='thessalonian' date='Nov 5 2005, 04:07 PM']All due respect?  Who are you to talk to me like that.  It's not respectful.  What a pompus jerk.  Get off my thread and mind your own business.
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You need to calm down. Seriously.

If your son had her on his IM without you knowing, what does that say about you? Nothing. And if someone came and decided you were an unfit parent because of it, they'd be out of line.

God bless.

Edited November 5, 2005 by Era Might

[thessalonian]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 03:08 PM']You need to calm down. Seriously.

God bless.
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What is pumped in to my house on my equipment is my business. You need to get off my thread.

[thessalonian]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 03:08 PM']You need to calm down. Seriously.

If your son had her on his IM without you knowing, what does that say about you? Nothing. And if someone came and decided you were an unfit parent because of it, they'd be out of line.

God bless.
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Look buddy. You don't have all the information. You want me to give you all the details. Their isn't enough time in my day. I ask for advice and you attack me. Her parents know.

[Era Might]

[quote name='thessalonian' date='Nov 5 2005, 04:09 PM']What is pumped in to my house on my equipment is my business.  You need to get off my thread.
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I don't need to do anything. This is a public phorum.

I will cease posting here, for the sake of civility.

Again, God Bless.

edit: and no, I did not "attack" you. You asked for advice. I calmly gave some.

Edited November 5, 2005 by Era Might

[thessalonian]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 03:11 PM']I don't need to do anything. This is a public phorum.

I will cease posting here, for the sake of civility.

Again, God Bless.

edit: and no, I did not "attack" you. You asked for advice. I calmly gave some.
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Yes you did. Dont give me your pompous God bless. You don't have kids and know little about raising them.

Edited November 5, 2005 by thessalonian

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Calm down, guys. More important things than the use of the word "tramp".

[Cathurian]

Thess --

Just a question: how did you block her IM? If you just right-clicked and hit "block", added them to the block list, or clicked "block" in the IM window, the son could easily just unblock her. It was his account so nothing's stopping him from just logging in and blocking/unblocking whatever he chooses.

[blovedwolfofgod]

so, when reading the title of this thread, i totally though tramp meant

tramp ( P ) Pronunciation Key (trmp)
v. tramped, tramp·ing, tramps
v. intr.
To walk with a firm, heavy step; trudge.

To travel on foot; hike.
To wander about aimlessly.


Guess I was wrong

[Era Might]

[quote name='blovedwolfofgod' date='Nov 5 2005, 05:23 PM']so, when reading the title of this thread, i totally though tramp meant

tramp    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (trmp)
v. tramped, tramp·ing, tramps
v. intr.
To walk with a firm, heavy step; trudge.

To travel on foot; hike.
To wander about aimlessly.
Guess I was wrong
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"To the pure, all things are pure"...

[blovedwolfofgod]

[God's Errand Girl]

[quote name='Era Might' date='Nov 5 2005, 04:04 PM']I mean this with all due respect, but you should mind your own business. [b]Worry about your own children.[/b][right][snapback]779628[/snapback][/right]
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This is exactly what thesselonian [b]is[/b] doing. If thess. didn't care about the well-being of his (I'm going to assume that you are a "he" until further notice ) child, then he probably would have had no reaction when seeiing this girl's IM, and most likely would have passed it off as just "how teenagers are these days".

This girl's life becane thesselonian's business when she began appearing on his family's computer screen.

Edited November 5, 2005 by God's Errand Girl

[blovedwolfofgod]

I see it as more of an involuntary invasion. Kinda like porn popups. I dont like them, but they happen(or at least they did til I got a good popup blocker ) Ya cant go out and find the pornstars and tell them to stop what they are doing (well you can, but i dont think they'd care). We all have freedom of will and freedom of choice. It is truly one of God's greatest gifts. Pray for the girl, but understand you cannot change her. God changes hearts, men dont. But furthermore, you also cannot control what a person puts on their AIM profile. Thats at their house. You really shouldnt see it as a home invasion, for I doubt the person is doing it to deliberatly put filth in your house. The language, yes... thats not nice. But ya cant control other people. The only thing to be done is to block the incoming data. I understand you didnt yell at anyone. Thats good. I dont think you have that right. You simply can tell them the situation and ask them to deal with it.

I may not ever have had children, but I have loved people who do destructive things to themselves and affect others with it as well. I recognized I couldnt stop them. I also could not stop what they were doing from influencing affecting even a small part of my life. They were invasive, but it was unintentional invasion. That comes from all life being interconnected and all things affecting all others. To give someone a piece of your mind, well, I dont know. You are looking at it as being pumped into your household, and it sounds like you make it seem like it cant stop. Blocking the person is good, however, largely it is very temporary and a superficial cure. My best advice is to pray and not bite the heads off of PMers that respond to your thread. Talk with the parents, but understand that your actions can do nothing. You arent the police. But that an honest and charitable effort is needed and thats something you can do.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='thessalonian' date='Nov 5 2005, 02:44 PM']  Anyone have any advice. 
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Yes, one of affirmation. By taking the following steps you did right:


[quote name='thessalonian' date='Nov 5 2005, 02:44 PM']I had a talk with my kid about her.  He says he  isn't  interested in her.  I told him I blocked her IM and he didn't care.  He went to that national youth confernence in Atlanta last week and it seems to have had a significant impact on him.
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Then, to follow up, just keep a look out of the corner of your eye, so to speak, to make sure that your son does not get too involved with this girl. Also, are there other Catholic/Christian families that you know of that have sons IMing her as well? It might be helpful to casually "slip into conversation" with those families that you had to block the IMs on your home computer.

As far as confronting the parents, all I can say is: Be careful. A few reasons:

1) If the confrontation gets out of hand, it could escalate into physical violence and you or someone else could be injured or get into legal trouble.

2) From what you posted, it almost seems like the other family doesn't care. Either that, or the girl needs a good influence in her life due to her home situation falling apart. Maybe there's nothing you can do on that front except to be aware of it.