Dating during discerning?

[Marieteresa]

Hey folks,
I am just wondering is it a good idea to date while discerning? I have heard mix views of this and was just wondering what you guys thought about it.


In Jesus, Our Blesed Mother and St. Teresa?

[Laudate_Dominum]

if you are really discerning a vocation it is best to be of one mind and heart. In my experience it is best to pursue one path until you get the answer, otherwise you'll be asking for a rollercoaster ride.

there is nothing wrong with befriending nice young men, but if you are discerning religious life it isn't right to get in a relationship with someone. Its a case of, "I'm with you [the b/f] right now, but I also want to be a nun so watch out", it would sound worse if you thought of it like this, "I'm with you, but I'm quite seriously interested in leaving you for Jimmy at some point", where Jimmy is an analogy for religious life. hehe

And its quite possible to jeopardize your vocation by dabbling in romance.

I would say the way to do it, when your ready, is to get a good spiritual director and start pursuing religious life, and see how it goes. Date God for a while and be committed. Visit an order or two, pray about it, pray about marriage, etc.. no need to rush, but if you really think you might be called that is a gift that should not be taken for granted.

[avemaria40]

yeah, i think I'm discerning, so i've sworn off boys for awhile, (not hard b/c i've never had a boyfriend, but still hard b/c i've always wanted one and i've had guys interested in me) I think i won't date till i get an answer from God on whether i might become a nun or get married b/c i dont' want to jeopordize(sp?) my vocation, or give in completely to feelings. So it would probably be wise not to date while your still discerning

prayers for ur vocation!

Edited November 6, 2005 by avemaria40

[ForHimAlone]

I would say dating is probably not a good idea, especially when seriously discerning a life of celibacy. Our hearts are so frail that we could become very easily confused if we start a relationship with someone while still discerning the religious life. Besides, discernment really is a very special time where you need to focus in on your Beloved and on Him alone and offer Him a full and undivided heart.

[Totus Tuus]

I totally agree with L_D. Those are my views.

[zabbazooey]

Exactly mine as well!

[Marieteresa]

I am just wondering what if certain religious recommend this? I have heard a few state that Iam too young that I should date and enter later. Just wondering

[zabbazooey]

you're 25 why do they say that

[Marieteresa]

[quote name='zabbazooey' date='Nov 6 2005, 06:09 PM']you're 25 why do they say that
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I am guessing they expect you to consider religious life when your 30 or so. A friend of mine whom is in her 20's was told the same thing.

[Dust's Sister]

[quote name='Marieteresa' date='Nov 6 2005, 06:14 PM']I am guessing they expect you to consider religious life when your 30 or so. A friend of mine whom is in her 20's was told the same thing.
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I'm 23 and I am still waiting on dating (If I date ever again). I dated once with a guy about a year in a half ago, and it didn't go too well. Didn't last that long at all, In fact when I was confessing about that particular thing I think is when the priest told me to go to RCIA classes, in which I am in now, and now that I'm attending the RCIA classes I feel I might be called to be a nun. I never really made dating as a big deal in my life, I could careless if I had a guy in my life, and I havn't really thought that big on being married and having kids. I'm also a very low maitnence (sp?) person.

If you feel you think you would do good being married and raising a family then you could go ahead and try dating, but if you feel you are really really really called to be in a religious life, then I would hold off on dating. Like Laudate_Dominum said, date God for a while..........I wouldn't do both at the same time, that would be really hard.

Maybe talk to someone at your Church about it, I dunno.

[passionheart]

[quote name='Marieteresa' date='Nov 6 2005, 08:05 PM']I am just wondering what if certain religious recommend this?  I have heard a few state that Iam too young that I should date and enter later.  Just wondering
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I find that interesting. By the time I was your age, I knew I wouldn't marry. I couldn't give myself to one person but I did experience intimacy in some of the relationships I had. So I knew I wanted to give myself completely at service of others.

[Dust's Sister]

[quote name='passionheart' date='Nov 6 2005, 09:21 PM']I find that interesting. By the time I was your age, I knew I wouldn't marry. I couldn't give myself to one person but I did experience intimacy in some of the relationships I had. So I knew I wanted to give myself completely at service of others.
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What age did you enter the religious life, and what are you now?

(just curious, if you don't mind me asking)

[passionheart]

[quote name='Dust's Sister' date='Nov 6 2005, 11:23 PM']What age did you enter the religious life, and what are you now?

(just curious, if you don't mind me asking)
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I haven't entered religious life.................yet. I am 43 old.

[Dust's Sister]

[quote name='passionheart' date='Nov 6 2005, 09:28 PM']I haven't entered religious life.................yet.   I am 43 old.
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cool.

[ForHimAlone]

[quote name='Marieteresa' date='Nov 6 2005, 06:14 PM']I am guessing they expect you to consider religious life when your 30 or so. A friend of mine whom is in her 20's was told the same thing.
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I'm 16, and I was told to avoid any dating relationships. The sister who gave me that advice said that dating would be a large obstacle and may easily confuse me or steer me away from the religious life. I know some sisters will want you to have dating experience, but I really don't find it necessary or beneficial. I would talk to your Spiritual Director (if you have one) and see what he says.

[Sixtina87]

i dated to hear and there, but i had a "boyfriend" whow anted to literally date me and me be his girlfriend. i wasnt really in the same place as he was with a relationship but i wasnt really happy dating during ym discernment. But i ddi go out to have fun with guys but not actually date them as boyfriedna nd girlfriend. I wouldnt recommend it, but if you feel you have to, go right ahead!!!!!!!!!!

[All For Jesus]

Yeah...I don't know that dating while discerning a vocation to the religious life is such a good idea. Like others have said, it can confuse you (and discerning a vocation is confusing enough sometimes

[zabbazooey]

believe me ... avoid it

[srmarymichael]

Okay, this is my experience.

I understand those that say that you shouldn't date. But when I was in your shoes (early 90's), I didn't even know the word "discerning". I wanted to get married and that was my goal. I was hoping that by dating the thought about becoming a Sister would go away (I was afraid -- didn't have good examples of Sisters in my childhood).

The thought didn't go away! In fact, it was confirmed! God took me where I was and kept leading me a little at a time to what He wanted and He guided me to understand [b]how awesome it is![/b]

When I found the person that I thought would've been the perfect person to marry (young orthodox Catholic man), God spoke to my heart and told me that He wanted me for Himself. I knew it as clear as day.

Maybe it's a different answer for different people (?) The best advice is to talk to your spiritual director. Keep [b]close[/b] to Jesus!!!! and He'll guide you too!

[alicemary]

Right on Sr. MaryMichael. I don't think there is anything wrong with CASUAL dating. You will have to deal with your sexuality sooner or later. Better you sort some things out while you are young and can build up a casual relationship or two. If a Reverend Mother tells you to enter her convent at 16 or 17 and you have never dated at all, there is a possiblility by time you are in your late 20's you will say "what did I miss"?? You can't run away from life into a convent, you must be open to all experiences. A vocation doesn't just dissapear, you ignore it.
May God guide each of you and draw you all to Him even more!
alicemary