Dating during discerning?

[passionheart]

[quote name='alicemary' date='Nov 7 2005, 09:26 PM']Right on Sr. MaryMichael. I don't think there is anything wrong with CASUAL dating. You will have to deal with your sexuality sooner or later. Better you sort some things out while you are young and can build up a casual relationship or two. If a Reverend Mother tells you to enter her convent at 16 or 17 and you have never dated at all, there is a possiblility by time you are in your late 20's you will say "what did I miss"?? You can't run away from life into a convent, you must be open to all experiences. A vocation doesn't just dissapear, you ignore it.
May God guide each of you and draw you all to Him even more!
alicemary
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I have been reading the posts on the dating and I have to agree with Alice Mary and the good Sister that to date is not a bad thing as you are discerning your vocation. Now yes, there are some who just don't date and there is nothing wrong with that either. I am 43 and I haven't dated in my life.

Why? Nobody asked and believe me I tried to make some guys interested in me. I was being to wonder when I was younger what was wrong with me. It seemed that everyone I was interested in ended up in the priesthood. I felt I was wearing the cologne "Eau de seminary!! I used to say if your diocese had a vocation problem, send to me I would fill up the seminary very fast!!!

Believe me, I was very angry at God about this. So much so I went to adoration one day and said to Him that in His Master plan couldn't I have just one date in my life Well, I received my answered to that little outburst one day on the way to the bank. In my past there has been sadness that wounded me deeply and I was so hungry for any relationship that I know it would have ended up in trouble. I repented of my rudeness to the Lord and allowed Him to heal some of that pain.

No, I still didn't "get a date" but I was drawn closer to God and felt His call to me for Initimacy with Him. This has led me to take a private vow of virginity. I offered the vows kneeling at the feet of Mary, Virgins of Virgins and I know it was accepted and I have never looked at another again.

HOWEVER, Temptation was waiting because it was after I made this commitment to the Lord, guess what men starting coming around expressing their interest. It hasn't been easy telling them no without revealing my vow.

So Sr. Mary Micheal is right keep close to the Lord, tell your experiences to your sp. director and be open to where you might be led. But don't be afraid!!

[benedictaj]

[quote name='alicemary' date='Nov 8 2005, 01:26 PM']Right on Sr. MaryMichael. I don't think there is anything wrong with CASUAL dating. You will have to deal with your sexuality sooner or later. Better you sort some things out while you are young and can build up a casual relationship or two. If a Reverend Mother tells you to enter her convent at 16 or 17 and you have never dated at all, there is a possiblility by time you are in your late 20's you will say "what did I miss"?? You can't run away from life into a convent, you must be open to all experiences. A vocation doesn't just dissapear, you ignore it.
May God guide each of you and draw you all to Him even more!
alicemary
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Yes, I agree.

Personally, I find it easier not to get involved with guys in a romantic way. I haven't ever dated, and I don't plan to unless God shows me that I am not called to religious life.

But I guess it's a personal thing. I don't think dating is wrong in itself, but I think its wrong if one goes out with a boy only to leave him a few months later for the convent. If you get what I mean.......

[uruviel]

[quote name='Totus Tuus' date='Nov 6 2005, 12:20 PM']I totally agree with L_D. Those are my views.
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Exactly, that's what I would say.

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='passionheart' date='Nov 7 2005, 11:44 PM']So Sr. Mary Micheal is right keep close to the Lord, tell your experiences to your sp. director and be open to where you might be led. But don't be afraid!!
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DITTO!!!!

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

Marriage and Priesthood and Religious Life are not Polar Opposites.

You do not discern being called to Marriage just because you know you are not called to the Priesthood or Religious Life.

You do not discern Priesthood or Religious Life just because you know you are not called to Marriage.

To many people assume that they are opposites. It can lead to a lot of confusion.

If God calls me to priesthood, it is because he has made me for it. He has given me the joys, the gifts, and the strength to do the job. I would not be called simply because i lack the gifts of marriage.

Conversely if God calls me to married life, it is because he has made me for it. He has given me the joys, the gifts, and the strength to do the job. I would not be called simply because i lack the gifts for the priesthood.

So anyways. If you are to seriously discern a religious order, you need to be single. Dating, tears your heart into a million pieces, and confuses you into thinking, that love alone determines vocation. This kind of thing can put emnity between the partner and yourself over a vocation.

Being single, allows one to look inside oneself, to Know God exclusively. In this way, they can see WHO they are. What their gifts are. In this way, they can better realize the wonderful gift that they would give to another person, or rather to the church, or to God exclusively.

If you are dating, you are too busy looking after another person. Which can be a good thing, it is mutual. But you are going into a relationship in order to recieve, and you should be asking what you can give, no matter what you are discerning. But when discerning priesthood or religious life, you will not be able to decide, until you decide to end a relationship in order to focus on another.

SHALOM

[Guest Rick777]

I think that the discernment process should probably be done alone if you know what I mean. It's extremely difficult to do on your own(as well as extremely moving)lol,so I can't imagine how it would be if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend to think about as well. Set this time aside for Jesus and Jesus only.

[franciscanheart]

bump for stuckinamo -- thought you might like to see some old responses as well.


there are also a couple more threads about this. see them [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=46428"]here[/url] and [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=58627"]here[/url].

[stuckinamo]

merci bien!

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='Marieteresa' post='780508' date='Nov 6 2005, 06:14 PM']
I am guessing they expect you to consider religious life when your 30 or so. A friend of mine whom is in her 20's was told the same thing.
[/quote]

Whoa, what orders are those? Life is way too short for that. I've always heard that generally the ideal age for entering religious life is 18 - 25, give or take a few years, plus or minus (but also there are older vocations too, like Fr. Corapi's)

In my experience discerning a vocation has been a real engagement to Our Lord Jesus Christ. I don't miss in the slightest bit a relationship with a guy because I've already found Him.

But if God is possibly calling you to marriage, you should spent time with Him first about this, rather than discern religious life and date. In order to discern religious life, you have to have your heart totally free. It would be unfair also to the guy ..

Edited January 6, 2007 by Margaret Clare

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='Margaret Clare' post='1157688' date='Jan 6 2007, 05:36 PM']
Whoa, what orders are those? Life is way too short for that. I've always heard that generally the ideal age for entering religious life is 18 - 25, give or take a few years, plus or minus (but also there are older vocations too, like Fr. Corapi's)
[/quote] But also, there are many of us that have entered orders at this age, but then left and are still searching for the right place, although we've found Who it is we're going to marry .. Like the story of [url="http://www.amazon.com/Nazarena-American-Anchoress-Thomas-Matus/dp/0809137925/sr=8-1/qid=1167690625/ref=sr_1_1/105-7159273-7850825?ie=UTF8&s=books"]Sr. Nazarena[/url], I was posting about before. It took her a whole of [i]11 years[/i] to finally find where Christ was calling her - to be an Anchoress, which was approved and blessed by the Holy Father. But in and out of 3 monasteries in the mean time ... So each situation and person is different, not that one age is better than the next.

Edited January 7, 2007 by Margaret Clare

[daugher-of-Mary]

For me, dating was a very necessary part of discerning religious life. Only when I discovered that I am loved and saw the incredible sacrifices the young man made to prove his love did I begin to understand the spousal love of Christ. That being said, I'm not sure what God is calling me to! I think if you are uncertain, and God brings someone into your life who wants to help you grow in holiness, dating can be a very beautiful experience. I couldn't see dating if I was certain that God was calling me to religious life though. Basically, I think relationships ought to be approached with a great deal of prayer..not entered into casually. Also, boundaries are very important. The young man I've been seeing won't touch me (no hugs, no hand holding, etc.) because in his mind, I belong exclusively to Christ until and unless God directs us both to marriage. I'm so grateful! Similarly, I hold no claim on him. He is Christ's! This kind of relationship has been such a gift, because it really has given me a chance to know him as a person and as a brother in Christ.

[suuran]

This might help...Sr. Raffaella of the Apostles of the Interior Life (my spiritual director! w00t!) did a lecture on friendship and dating, which you can listen to at www.stpaulscc.org (click on audio, and you'll get a list of lectures from the sisters). She thinks that you shouldn't date unless you have discerned a call to the married life, which is every bit as real as a call to the religious life.

My opinion can be summarized as: Don't play games with a man's heart (or a woman's, for you priestly discerners out there). If there's a high likelihood of you dumping him to head off to the convent, it's just not fair to get involved with him until you've decided against being a nun and have decided that God wants you to get married.

[suuran]

It's dead, Jim. And I killed it.