Roommates

[onathing1]

I have the solution to your room mate problems!!!


[quote]
Ways to annoy your room mates.



Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g., Your roommate: "How are you doing today?" You: "Today . . . Today . . . ?")
Continuously refer to your roommate using terms of endearment (sweetcheeks, honeybuns). Slap him/her in the face if s/he ever does the same.
Kill several people. Store the corpses underneath your roommate's bed. Call the police.
Become Forrest Gump.
Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class.
Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
Smile. All the time.
Dye all your underwear lime green.
Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why . . ." Be creative.
Shave one eyebrow.
Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka" and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
Listen to radio static.
Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
Whenever your roommate goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.
Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
Skip to the bathroom.
Collect Chia-Pets.
Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done it."
Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report.
Drink a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it regularly and frown.
Bring in potential new roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room.
Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain that "it just didn't belong."
Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."
Hire a night watchman to guard your bed while you sleep.
Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he/she knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.
Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor).
Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
Draw a chalk outline of a dead body on the floor.
Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen and yellow highlighter. Highlight page numbers and write pornographic haikus on the margins.
Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the night we . . ." and make up sex stories involving you and your roommate.
Buy a gun. Clean it every day.
Invite the Dean to sleepover.
Invite the school President to sleepover.
Invite your roommate to sleepover.
Leave little notes for your roommate in the shower.
Write letters to yourself from famous people. Mail them to yourself. Be sure your roommate picks the mail.
Intensely study the complete list of ways to annoy your roommate. Form a discussion group with other friends. Give tests.

[/quote]

[Jazz4jesus]

brilliant, i need to save that!

[blovedwolfofgod]

the potato idea is fantastic!!!

[onathing1]

[quote name='blovedwolfofgod' date='Nov 7 2005, 09:06 PM']the potato idea is fantastic!!!
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thats one of my favorite ideas.

[photosynthesis]

this is a really disgusting story...

It was my junior year in college, and my roommate Allison and I had bunk beds. She had the top bunk, I had the bottom. I had pasted holy cards, pictures and stuff on the wall by my bed, and it looked beautiful.

On the night of my 20th birthday, Allison said she felt queasy. She was lying on the top bunk, and told me to get a big bowl in case she felt like throwing up. Well, I got the bowl and I was running into the room, and I heard the sound of her throwing up... Oops, too late!!! The vomit was running all down our wall, and all over all of my pictures and holy cards, onto my bedspread. It was such a disgusting mess!!!! and I had to clean it up, because she was sick, of course. It was like, "Happy birthday! BLECCH!"

Then last summer we were living with each other, and she threw up on my bed AGAIN.

[zabbazooey]

you should have traded bunks w/her after that

[Anthony]

[quote name='Deafgeek' date='Nov 7 2005, 05:53 PM']Here's mine:

My stupid roommate was a total pig. 

He had left three-day old pizza and a half carton of melted icecream on the floor.

There's dirty cloths on the bathroom floor that are one month old (they're actually growing something).

He has three week old dishes in the sink. (I got sick of doing his dishes--he's still have some from the begining of the term.)

He left the toilette covered with his disgusting diahreha (sp?). Luckily there's two bathrooms in the quad. (That had been there for two weeks)

He has parties pretty much every other night.

He drinks all the beer in the fridge, and never replenishes.
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You probably shouldn't call your roommate stupid. I don't think it's very charitable.

Anyway, be thankful you don't have to share your room with your roommate and his girlfriend EVERY NIGHT! I did!

[Deafgeek]

[quote name='Jazz4jesus' date='Nov 7 2005, 04:13 PM']what you should do, but its quite mean so prolly do this when you are closing in on the time you dont have to put up with him, is carefully
CAREFULLY
Gather up all his clothes (layers of trashcans and dust mask filled with scented stuff) and put them on his bed

This is very mean, if you do it, i never said a thing
you dont know me i dont know you. i can deny it since people can hack into my account and say things
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Luckily I already moved out. My good roommate and I couldn't take it anymore. We're in the quad down the hall now.

[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Nov 7 2005, 04:54 PM']Is that really healthy? 

Deafgeek, be grateful you didn't have to deal with the police three times in one week.
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True, but we've had to deal with the RA three times in one night because of him.

[prose]

Bad roommates... I have had my share.

The worst was when I moved into an apartment with potheads. Man, they were gross. They would get all doped up and eat mayonaise and then leave the jar out, the place was ALWAYS a smelly mess. The air was always stinky with pot... Not to mention beer bottles everywhere, and the posters of naked women on the walls (keep in mind, I am a girl). And the pictures weren't JUST women, they were pornographic - if you know what I mean.

Thank goodness I wasn't there long...

[prose]

Oh, I forgot to mention the "memorabilia" they would bring home from the strippers. They thought it was sooooo funny....

[scardella]

Well, there was that one time...um, no...
Maybe...no, that wasn't funny...

So, anyway, one time I had this roommate, ok? Every once in a while, he would just rearrange the room, ok? So, one time, I rearranged the room! So, there! I thought. He just laughed...

Oh, you mean a story about a horrible roommate! I get it now! Nevermind...

Edited November 8, 2005 by scardella

[Proud2BCatholic139]

I have a roomate who was an absolute slob...she snores, leaves her clothes all over, she makes my room smell...

Who is my room mate?

My room mate is my younger sister.

Edited November 8, 2005 by Proud2BCatholic139

[Paladin D]

Reading these stories goes to show that many in my generation do not know how to clean and take care of themselves, because mommy and daddy spoiled them to death.

[Proud2BCatholic139]

No, my sister is just lazy.

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

Well, my bad roomate experience has to do with not messes and slobs but just plain ol' bad roomates. I've only had 3 total in my college experience so far. The first one was a total disaster. I tried getting along, but that required me to do things WAY out of the ordinary from me (Like wax my eyebrows... sure, they looked nice, but it wasn't worth the nearly $10 I paid for it... ). From there is got worse... I am not one to speak up often with people I don't know very well, and so was the case with this roomate. She would have friends over all the time. When I went home for the weekend, she and her buddies would go out and get drunk, and because she was the only person whose roomate wasn't around, they all crashed in our room, and I believe some slept in my bed! She also had guys sleep over often, and one guy who I went to HS with spent the night one night and they shared her bed, and she got in a hissy fit about the fact that he didn't touch her when she was talking with her friend. Later on, there was a similar problem. I came back pretty late one night after hanging out with some friends, and I walk in and I see her boyfriend and her in bed. Her boyfriend was only wearing shorts, and then later when we woke them up (oops... ) She sat up, and apparently was lacking some clothing because she held the blanket to her chest, and yelled at us. It was not fun, and not to mention we would never talk. And she did most of this after she found out that I wanted to become a nun. I am glad I got out of there after only one dreadful semester. My next roomate wasn't too bad at all, I just never saw her. My roomate now is pretty awesome though. Things got much better as I progressed through my roomates.

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='Paladin D' date='Nov 8 2005, 12:30 AM']Reading these stories goes to show that many in my generation do not know how to clean and take care of themselves, because mommy and daddy spoiled them to death.
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THAT's for sure!

[Jazz4jesus]

I am proud to say my mom taught me how to cook how to do laundry how to do dishes, how to shop and such.
She taught me to cook, I learned laundry on my own (its not hard) Dishes she always made me do so i learned well,

Thanks Mom, now i dont have to find a wife to do this for me

[zabbazooey]

[onathing1]

[quote name='Jazz4jesus' date='Nov 8 2005, 12:04 PM']I am proud to say my mom taught me how to cook how to do laundry how to do dishes, how to shop and such.
She taught me to cook, I learned laundry on my own (its not hard) Dishes she always made me do so i learned well,

Thanks Mom, now i dont have to find a wife to do this for me
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[Old_Joe]

despite all of things you went through, are you grateful for having put up with either the experience or the person or both?

Edited November 10, 2005 by Old_Joe