Funny scriptures

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

I'm a fan of scriptures, that when taken a out of context (ussually) are quite funny, or have funny implications. I just found a new favorite. Does anyone else have any favorites, or am I just wierd like that?

"If he does not wash or does not bathe his body, he shall have the guilt to bear." Leviticus 17:16

[argent_paladin]

When I was a Dominican, we had a guy who was great at this. We each were assigned a week to read a verse or two from scripture before dinner to the entire community. These are some of the verses he chose:

Gen. 27:11
my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man

Song of Songs 1
I am black but lovely. (paraphrased as "I am black and beautiful.")

[Totus Tuus]

That verse from the Canticle of Canticles is really beautiful if you read it in context and pretend it's not written in English : haha.


St. Paul: [i]Knowledge puffeth up...[/i]

And once during Lectio Divina I accidentally read: "Oh ye little men of faith..." Instead of "oh ye men of little faith".

[philothea]

I don't have the chapter and verse now, but that Old Testament story about the trees deciding who will be king of the trees.

We heard it at a daily mass not long ago, and my husband and I were like... .

[Old_Joe]

There was one from either Sirach, Ecclesiasties, or Proverbs and it goes something like: "It is better for a man to stand on the corner of the roof of his house than to be in a room of dangerous women."

[homeschoolmom]

1 Corintians 15:51
"We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed."

(This hung on the door of the nursery of our old church)

[Didacus]

I like that last one... LOL.

Sorry though, no contribution of my own. I'll try to find something.

[argent_paladin]

Compline reading has "Be angry, but do not sin."
but our reader said "Be hungry, but do not sin." If he didn't correct himself, we probably wouldn't have noticed, but then we started laughing.

[Extra ecclesiam nulla salus]

i don't know who says it but its an old testament prophet and he says "You have duped me o Lord!"

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Nov 22 2005, 01:25 PM']There was one from either Sirach, Ecclesiasties, or Proverbs and it goes something like:  "It is better for a man to stand on the corner of the roof of his house than to be in a room of dangerous women."
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It's proverbs, I have it highlighted in one of my Bibles. I'll look it up later

[missionseeker]

The very last verses of Jonah.

[quote]But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. [/quote]

[philothea]

[quote name='missionseeker' date='Nov 22 2005, 11:10 PM']The very last verses of Jonah.
[quote]But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well.[/quote]
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I always thought that verse was very sweet.

[HomeTeamFamily]

anytime Jesus says "amen, amen i say to you......."

i always feel like he is saying "YO STUPID...LISTEN!!!"

[missionseeker]

[quote name='philothea' date='Nov 23 2005, 12:14 AM']
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I always thought that verse was very sweet.
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If your mother reads it right it sounds very funny

[Ash Wednesday]

My brother and I used to giggle during Mass when they read Genesis 3:10 -- "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."

Or:
"A certain young man was following Jesus, wearing nothing but a linen cloth. They caught hold of him, but he left the linen cloth and ran off naked" (Mark 14:51).

A friend and I were laughing about that in college because we didn't quite understand it's significance. And we thought it was funny -- like the "holy streaker"

and John 6:43 -- "Jesus therefore answered and said unto them, Murmur not among yourselves." (His polite way of telling them to shut up)

[Dreamweaver]

Here's one I've always found to be written weird, even within the context it was written. Psalm 137

8: O daughter of Babylon, you devastator! Happy shall he be who requites you with what you have done to us!
9: Happy shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock!

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

here's somemore,

These are all Proverbs

11:22 Like a golden ring in a swine's snout is a beautiful woem with a rebellious disposition

19:13 The folloish son is ruin to his father, and the nagging wife is a persistent leak

20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, and the dignity of old men is gray hair. ( I found a gray hair the other day )

21:9 and 25:24 same verse
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a roomy house with a quarlesome woman.

26:16 The sluggard imagines himself wiser than seven men who answer with good sense.


OK, good for now, maybe more later.

Peace,
Ben

[DAF]

The passages where Jesus is just walking around and people just drop what they're doing to follow him always get a laugh out of me. Like where Jesus is walking through the crowd, and the posessed woman grabs his robe, and he just stops like "what the he...?" and turns around to tlak to her. And then he's like "who touched my robe?" Like a mobster. Haha.

Or in Acts when they heal the paralytic on the stairs, a friend and i joke about it (perhaps it is sacrilage... :dunno: ) that when the she's jumping around, she trips and falls down the staris and becomes paralyzed again, and the apostles are like "we can do it once...but i don't know about twice..."
haha

[TheOliverOrder88]

The President at our school has this verse from kings on his Signature.

Just the verse heading, not the actually verse...

He's bald and fat so its funnier.

The verse actually says something like "And the bald fat man appears out of the woods and kills the disobedient children..."

Gave me a chuckle.

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

LOL oliver